"Life"

It was a warm, gorgeous spring day – the kind that made teenage girls open the sunroof, turn the volume up and let the wind freely style their hair.  Vibrant color burst throughout the landscape in front of the office building.  Once inside and on the third floor, the waiting area was perfectly decorated – warm and inviting.  It was what you’d expect in an affluent Atlanta office, even at our young ages.  We were greeted by an attractive, pleasant woman and given paperwork to complete.   There was nothing strange, threatening or controversial up to this point.  Surely, the movies made this process seem worse than reality.  Surely.

We were soon called back to a tiny room, not “clinical” in appearance, but a continuation of the lovely waiting room décor.   My friend changed into the standard exam garb, and was made “comfortable” on the exam table.  A sedative was administered before the doctor and nurse both left the room for a short while.  With just the two of us present, I asked my sweet friend if she was okay – and again asked her if she still felt this was the solution she was struggling to find in the midst of her personal storm.  She verbalized complete assurance in that moment.  Being a loyal friend, there for both physical and emotional support, I did not challenge her decision. 

The doctor and nurse returned.  They told me where to sit so to best fulfill my duty as loyal comrade and hand holder.    A short explanation of the next few minutes was given as my then groggy friend nodded in dazed agreement.  Moments later, I witnessed one of the most horrific and saddest events of my entire life.  My eyes were full of tears that day, and as a result – several days since.

The indescribable sounds, smells and sights resulting from choices made twenty-five years ago are still clearly perceptible in my mind at this moment.  Then, it seemed I was dutifully and loyally serving my friend.  Now, I regret that my attempts to help her find other life-giving alternatives were weak.   A young life was cut tragically short that day.  The baby’s mother, my dear friend suffered unbearable guilt, depression and self-destructive behavior for more than a decade.  My viewpoint was forever changed.

~     ~     ~

Four years after that pivotal day, my then-husband and I found out that a baby was on the way.  There has never been a more profound change within me as a woman – than when those words fell upon my ears, and subsequently experienced the sensation of a growing, vibrant life within my abdomen.  Nothing could prepare me for the sense of awesome responsibility, nor the amazing unconditional love that I quickly felt.  Nothing, nothing, nothing – has taught me more about God’s love for His children, than becoming a first-time mom.  

You know the story – the baby born to me is the only child ever carried.  For medical reasons since discovered, the fact I was ever pregnant at all is pretty miraculous.  I’m grateful beyond measure that God had two other children in mind for me – children born to another, but loved beyond what certain doubters can comprehend.  

~     ~     ~

In retrospect, at the age of 18 - I would’ve fallen into the “pro-choice” demographic.  However, that spring day, against the backdrop of new life outside – my mind and my heart were forever changed in the darkness that was in the exam room.  With years, I’ve grown more passionate about this issue.  Today, I in no way support voluntary termination of any pregnancy.  (This is my personal stance - not that of any particular group, religious or political affiliation.)

Surely, my social circle over the years is probably not much different than yours.  I’ve been blown away by the number of people who, like my young friend, made the same decision and like my friend, found themselves in a prison of agony and isolation – fearful of telling others because of the shame they felt.  These women came from relatively conservative backgrounds; none are prostitutes, exotic dancers, etc.   They are Baptist, Jewish, Methodist, Agnostic and Catholic.   We met in high school, college, the corporate world and even at church. 

They share consistent themes: deep regret over naïve/short-sighted choices; daydreams about the child they didn’t get to know; guilt leading to depression - especially around anticipated birthdays and milestones.  The stories known to me are all very similar with one exception.  A couple in their 30s asked my OPINION on this matter because a pregnancy came at an “inconvenient” time.  Despite my “opinion” and in spite of the two children already birthed– they ended a life.  (That situation is still especially hard for me to comprehend, and I honestly don’t know how they are handling it a few years later.)  

Our culture is more than a bit, irrational.  We hear arguments that “Jane Doe” isn’t old enough; mature enough; capable enough; educated enough, etc. to RAISE a child.  However, these same descriptors make “Jane” unlikely to understand the long term consequences of the alternate decision.  “Jane” at 19 doesn’t have an understanding of the many women, desperately longing to be moms. She likely won’t, until she is older and has friends facing infertility.  “Jane “ isn’t mature enough to foresee the guilt she will experience for years to come – including quiet moments between her and a baby she gives birth to when she’s in her late twenties or thirties, or confessing this season of life to a future spouse.   “Jane” probably doesn’t understand that she is able to give an incredible blessing to a desiring couple, an outcome she can later experience joy over, rather than sorrow. 

~     ~     ~

I’m no expert on this (or any) topic, but have walked through the aftermath of abortion with friends and their situations were affirmed by others who’ve openly shared their journeys.  Thankfully, healing is possible.  Forgiveness must happen – ironically, it’s often hardest to forgive ourselves.  I’m a huge proponent of counseling – whether through church, an EAP, etc.  In fact, counseling is underutilized in my “sphere of influence”.  (I think we’d all benefit from some time in “the chair”) 

Every one of us has a story.  Whether yours is similar to the one described above, or your personal “plot” is radically different - pursue victory.  As long as we are breathing, we have the ability to change and the capacity to positively impact others.  Perhaps by sharing your experience, with honest perspective – you can steer another individual away from detriment. God can use ANYTHING to His glory. 

"My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing to You,
And my soul, which You have redeemed.
My tongue also shall talk of Your righteousness all the day long." Psalm 71:23

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth bas a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness..." Romans 3:23-25


   

¹³ For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  (Psalm 139:13-15)

Progressive Lenses

Five years ago, I had a routine vision screening.  My eyes were perfect – no problems at all.  The optometrist told me that I could fly a plane - if doing so was in my plans.  After that stellar report, I probably didn’t give my “eye health” a second thought, taking for granted my seemingly infallible optical ability.    It’s funny how things change right before us (literally)  – yet, almost undetectably. 

In Mid-2011, I noticed the need to hold Lean Cuisine packages further from my face in order to clearly read the microwave instructions.  A few months later, in fall of 2011, my eyes literally started “hurting” and most afternoons, after hours on my laptop – I would experience a ridiculous headache.  In late November, weird “halos” and dots began invading my view.  That’s when I became more than a bit frightened (brain tumors coming to mind) and called a local, well-respected Optometrist on our medical plan. He saw me that afternoon and I was SHOCKED to learn that in just five short years, my perfect vision had diminished remarkably.  Not only am “near sighted” – I am “far sighted” as well.  So, at the age of 43 and 3 months –  my very first pair of glasses were carefully selected.  They aren’t bifocals like my Dad or grandparents had, with the blatant, definitive line through the middle.  My lenses are “progressive” – like me.  (In the open- minded sense and/or the "hopefully" progressing in life sense.)  There are no distinct lines, but an increased ability to: see far away through the top third; work on a laptop for hours at a time through the mid-section; and view up close, the tiny cooking instructions on my frozen entrée – in the bottom third. 

My eyes didn’t “go bad” overnight.  There were increasingly significant warning signs along the way that I disregarded.  It wasn’t until I thought a large tumor could be growing in my head that I actually acknowledged and addressed the underlying cause. 

When the glasses were first put on, I thought they made my eyes worse.  For the first several days – I was literally nauseated and often dizzy.  It actually seemed the doctor had made a mistaken diagnosis, so I did what most of us do - Googled it.  Apparently, mine was a normal reaction. 

After a few weeks, there was no nausea or dizziness.  I adapted to walking up and down stairs and off curbs.  It wasn’t long before the realization set in that the HORRIBLE headaches were completely gone.  My eyes, with correction, were better than ever!

A few months later, I can easily see a correlation between declining optic health and my own, overall “human condition.”  There have long been “little signs” pointing to areas of concern in my life: challenging or unattended relationships; habits and tendencies that I ought to address:  i.e.,  my insane passion for sleep between the hours of 5 and 8am; the urge to pour a glass of wine after a stressful day or an encounter with someone who I swear has been put on this Earth to TEST me; the tendency to get sucked into meaningless tv – turning into two hours of couch potato-ism.  My faults are many -my attributes seem few.

Admittedly, the areas of weakness listed above have brought about conviction from time to time.  However, like the signs with my eyes that were long ignored – I can no longer allow these areas of my life to remain unchecked and unresolved.  (Nor will I wait until a “Cancerous tumor” is perceived – or diagnosed.)

I attended the Memorial Service of a longtime friend and classmate yesterday.  Milton’s class of 86 is still quite young, yet she was the third to die in roughly a year.  Her loss was completely without warning.  Sadly, she leaves behind a 5 year old daughter and a much-loved husband of 8 years.  As I think about Angela, I can’t help but wonder what she would’ve done differently the last days, weeks, and months of her life had she known her remaining days were so few?   

At my age, we tend to go about our routines with the assumption of time. The truth of the matter, a truth that I’ve long known cognitively, but find hard to accept deep down…. Is that there is no guarantee of tomorrow.  From this day forward, I plan to address those areas of life that give me pause for concern.  Maybe after proper diagnosis and “correction”, relief of longstanding headaches and perception issues will come.

A couple of you that I know and love well  are dealing with “areas” of short -sightedness.  Some share one or more of mine; others refuse to acknowledge truth about certain family members – thus enabling them to continue destructive patterns , hurting themselves and others in the process. Friends of mine are in relationships that shouldn’t exist -  they seem to “know” but ignore that fact. Some want to take the seemingly easy way out, while others find a way to displace blame for the problems they face.  Then again, I have friends who want to stay on the periphery of God’s radar.  When convenient, they see God as Santa Claus – giving Him their list of “wants” but ignoring Him altogether when the “wants” are few or temporarily satisfied.  No matter what, my friends in these scenarios, are dealing with unnecessary headaches AND heartaches. 

We should address our symptoms, especially the recurring ones – with the appropriate person or entity.  The applicable  "diagnosis" and the necessary prescription will surely bring relief.  Sure, as was the case for a few short weeks –  prescribed treatment made me a bit uncomfortable, and quite literally – nauseated.  However, I now know it’s because my vision was being corrected.  It was, in retrospect, a short adjustment period. The halos and spots invading my vision have disappeared and clarity since is restored.  How foolish of me to wait so long before facing the issues that were growing increasingly apparent.  It could’ve been me that closed my eyes for the last time  in recent days.  Sadly, it would've been with words unsaid, habits unbroken, and relationships left unattended. 

The areas that I need to address are crystal clear to me. What would you address if you knew this was the last week of your life? 

Newsflash:  it might be.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”  (James 4:14)

Pride could've prevented me from glasses,
as I didn't want to look "older".  It was a bit of a
struggle.  Now the question is:  What is pride
 getting in the way of in other areas of life?

Cross references:

1. James 4:14 : Ps. 102:3; [Job 7:7]
Are there phone calls to make?  Moments to be shared?

Forgiveness to extend?  Friendships to restore?

Habits to break? Complaining less and praising more?

Life U - 2011

I love learning - anything!  Every day provides opportunity to grow in knowledge.  2011 provided 365 days of "Life University".  At 42, some things "clicked" for the first time, and a few earlier lessons are now understood with greater clarity than before.  The goal now is application of the most important takeaways...while avoiding the less signficant "pitfalls" as well.

What did 2011 teach me about...

Adult Children?  I was incredibly naive in my 20s and 30s.  At
the time, it seemed that my remaining years on Earth would forever be spent tutoring, redirecting, cleaning, cooking, mediating, shuttling (In a mini van!), planning sleepovers, birthday extravaganzas and end of season parties for three very active children.  Those times were often physically and emotionally draining. God, please forgive me for thinking it was going to be a cakewalk when they all reached adulthood!  The daily demands are less on me, but the emotional demands are more taxing than ever.  You watch as your "children" make major life altering decisions regarding: Marriage/dating, children, education, career choices, lifestyles and so forth.  Their grown up decisions are clearly going to have a more significant impact on them than some of the silly, short-sighted choices of youth. It's been hard to let my babies go, harder than I ever imagined.  It's especially hard when you suspect a decision will lead to difficulty or pain.  When they were all little ones, my heart would break when their hearts were broken.  That hasn't changed. I may not get to speak into their lives as much now, but love them just the same.  It's hurtful when you see that lessons you taught them as little ones have been disregarded and you fear what it will take to get them back on track at times. The best (and sometimes only) way to support them now is through prayer. Of course, you love them no matter what.  In 2012, and beyond, my precious, grown up children will be prayed for - and as they add spouses, babies, etc. - they too will be in prayer.

I recommend "The Power of Praying for your Adult Children" by Stormie O'Martian.  It is a powerful little book. I was fortunate to go through this with a group of "Marine Moms".  We all had children in the USMC, either deployed or preparing for deployment.  Most of us had other children as well, some doing incredibly well (they still need prayer!) and others really struggling with addictions and other destructive habits and relationships. This book was a Godsend.

Balance: My firstborn and/or functioning "only" personality make excellence a priority.  On the other hand, balance is a descriptor I'd like to apply to my life. The two can and should go hand in hand. It's impossible to do EVERYTHING with excellence, if doing too much... so 2012 is the year I will limit the task list and expand time spent enjoying the things of life for which I have passion. For both my physical and emotional health - the word "NO" will be more frequently spoken in response to requests and invitations. My calendar will not become overbooked with activity. There will be more margin than ever before. There will be increased opportunity for de-stressing and enjoying the hobbies I've put on the back burner.  Most of all, there will be increased time engaging with friends and family. My overall health will benefit.  Speaking of health...

My Health?  Too often, I've taken it for granted.  I started out 2011 with a serious case of pneumonia, in bed and miserable for weeks.  It took months to get "back to normal".  Laying around and doing nothing may sometimes sound appealing - but it was depressing.  2011 was the "sickest" year of my adult life and I care not to repeat it!  First off, ample sleep, exercise and a healthier diet will be routine.  (Not over the top though, I will still enjoy my favorite unhealthy foods, including chocolates in my desk drawer - just not as often!)  The aforementioned "balance" will also have a positive impact.

Forgiveness?  Forgiveness has taken center stage this year. In years past, I thought I really had mastered this. (Will I ever really master anything though?)   The freedom experienced by the forgiveness of others' transgressions is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.  It's a gift we can obviously give others - and they don't even have to ask for it.   There have been too many faces  on my "radar" of people who harbor resentment.  Their bitterness shows in their countenance and in their physical aging.  There is no point in holding on to the details of every infraction ever committed against us.  I'm definitely not insinuating that we should "forgive, forget and reengage".  It's irresponsible to put ourselves or our children/family in a spot vulnerable to the same mistreatment by the same people - especially those with long-established patterns of hurtful behavior.  (I'm not talking about any one person here - but a handful - from various facets of life.) 

Gems from an expert author on forgivess at the bottom of this page: http://tawnda.blogspot.com/2011/04/spring-cleaning.html


Hurt Feelings?  When I was a child, my sense was that as we grew to adults, we'd have our feelings hurt less.  That was clearly blinded thinking. Girls were the worst, they could make a comment about my "unpopular long hair" or my clothes, my soft voice, my name, etc.  I was so different from many of them, but the thing my little heart desired was to be just like them. (My crazy pre-pubescent thinking!)   With hurt feelings - I would simply want to disappear, or sneak away and cry.  Fast forward to 2011, my feelings were still sometimes hurt, but probably most often by the actions of people I care about.  Sometimes, they may not have realized how their shortsightedness affected me.  Other times, it was obvious.  In 2012, perhaps I'll find a way to creatively address those situations as they arise. One of my much-loved children profoundly hurt my heart this past year - we never discussed it.  Perhaps that was as much a disservice on my part.  It was an opportunity missed.  No matter who it is that causes hurt - forgiveness is key. 

Friendships?  2011 made me fully aware of the blessing of friends.  I'm not talking about "surface friends" but the ones who stand by you, sacrifice for you and care for you in the times of need.  (i.e., medical - post op, etc.)  God has blessed me with tons of friends.  Like everyone, among those "friends" are the ones who come around when: they'll benefit; they need something; they have a free Friday night and no better offers.  Then again, I've got amazing true friends who, with nothing to gain -  cared for me while I was sick; fed my family during recovery; ran errands on my behalf; called; wrote; visited; prayed - and I wasn't exactly fun to be around.  They didn't benefit - they just showed up.  Admittedly, there was a handful of friends that really loved on and supported me in a way that surprised me.  I was humbled. Aside from "post-op" care, I've been loved, admonished, counseled, encouraged, challenged and greatly entertained by some of the most amazing people on Earth!  In 2012, I will grow and foster these significant relationships while hopefully, becoming a better friend myself.  (God, help my eyes and ears to be open to the needs of others so that opportunities to be the Hands and Feet of Jesus, are not missed!  Help me to better value all the friends you've so graciously given me!)


Life at home?  (still so much to learn!)

• 2 kittens are a great way to fill an "almost empty" nest!
• One should never paint the interior of one's house between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  (Never again!)
• Game nights with the children are even better now than in the days of "Hi Ho Cherry O", "Pretty Pretty Princess", "Chutes and Ladders", etc. It's a great way to start dialogue - admittedly, better for building relationships than watching movies together (just explain the rules of "catch phrase" so you will avoid physical injury!)  
• Social Media can actually lead to meaningful relationships - I used to discount this, wondering how so many online affairs could arise.  However, 2011 has given me rich, meaningful, online friendships with Marine Moms across the country.  We have shared with each other, gone through Bible Studies together, prayed for and loved each other.  Additionally, in 2010 - FB afforded the opportunity to meaningfully reconnect with old friends from school. 
• Some people are just grumpy.  I continue to find ways to deal with them - but have determined they're not usually open to change.  
• People Magazine: one of my guilty pleasures, is an incredible prayer tool.  (For some reason, I never considered praying for celebrities until Dr. Bill Brown from Cedarville University shared his message on The Christian Worldview and mentioned his celebrity prayer list.  Inspiring!)
• With regard to a clean house:  no one can ever clean it to my high standards - but I'll never turn down help!   
• Also with regard to a Clean house: It has been confirmed that on the absolute messiest day of the year (post Christmas chaos with construction project underway) you will likely look up to see 12-15 people congregating in your kitchen.  It's okay.

How has The Word of God Changed? It hasn't! God's Word is infallible.  It is the inspired Word of our Creator and Perfector of our faith.   It was the same yesterday as it is today.  In some ways, with continued study - the words become more alive, more meaningful and understandable. When you know and understand the power of the Word, you want everyone you know to be an ardent student.  You strongly desire that scripture be planted on the hearts of family and friends so they may apply Biblical principles to their own lives - enjoying fuller, more meaningful years. My 2011 "list" pales greatly aside the Words of the Utmost Authority.  

Life is short - I want to make it count. When I'm gone, my family and friends will know my beliefs, my thoughts, and even my abundant shortcomings. My hope is that something in my crazy mixed-up life story will aid them in theirs.

When they question the Word of God - when they hear the gospel and shrug their shoulders in disbelief - I hope they will sense me whispering, "are you sure? What if I'm right? What if you are wrong?"

As I type this last sentence, it's increasingly evident that the most important objective for me in 2012 is this: to make the work of His Hands in my life, obvious to all I encounter.

Happy New Year - may you be blessed with love, joy, and a peace that surpasses ALL understanding in the next 12 months!