Near Death Experiences...What do they Mean?

My daughters and a handful of friends have been raving about the book, “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo.  Without giving the entire story line away, it’s a three year old’s account of three minutes in Heaven.  Remembering Matt Lauer’s interview of the Burpo Family in March of this year added to the intrigue, so I brought it to the beach this week.  In complete transparency, there were four small theological points in the book that gave me pause.  I’ve written those down and will research scripture later – I may be “off” in my thinking, but want to go straight to the Word to find out. Even with my “gut checks” there is more than enough information that, if accurately recorded, points to a child’s amazing opportunity to gain contemporary heavenly insight.  The Burpo’s faith and the faith of many in their small town seem to have gotten a huge boost – understandably so.

After turning the final page of “Heaven is for Real” – my mind took me on a journey back to the accident which almost took my life just before turning 15.  Nowadays, I don’t often think of that day and the months/years of medical procedures and corresponding recovery.  However, certain anniversaries, metal detectors and random physical aches that come out of nowhere will on occasion, remind me.  (http://tawnda.blogspot.com/2010/06/broken-bones-scars-and-ugly-blue-pintos.html)

In the days that followed my accident, I shared with my parents what I perceived as my own “out of body” or “near death” experience.  It sounds strange to say, and it's even more peculiar to put in writing.  I can still clearly see myself in an emergency room, laying on a gurney and being worked on by a team of medical professionals.  I don’t recall what they said – or exactly what they were doing, but the image of hurried attention is burned in my mind.  The next thing I remember is  “KNOWING” that I was expected to die (but never being told.) Following that was a short stream of people coming to my side, crying and while I don’t recall specific words, they were saying goodbye.  If memory is accurate, it was during this time that my Dad never left my side; specifically he stood at or behind my head.  In the midst of the “visits” from immediate family, friends and my Uncle Jerry – Dad never stopped being “my dad.”  He pulled the white sheet up higher on my neck – if he could’ve, I’m sure he would have quickly fashioned a turtleneck for me out of another sheet.  He was always uber conservative minded when it came to how his oldest daughter should dress.  (Not that there was an actual issue at that time of my life!)  At 15 – I was extremely conservative-minded and ultra-modest, and overall rather geeky.  Nothing in me wanted to test fashion boundaries until at least a year and a half later.

In the account above, the same one shared with my parents 28 years ago – I never saw a “white light”.  With vivid recall, I can still “see” myself from up above – positioned in the left, far corner of the room facing the entrance.   However, there is nothing in my mind that even vaguely suggests the presence of God, Jesus, Angels, or family members who had gone before me.  Sometimes I hear those stories and it just further perplexes me.  Maybe at the time there was some other “being” present and I didn’t hold on to that.  Then again, who really knows what happens during those times our bodies are on the cusp of leaving this world? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was my experience. 

In the past, I’ve shared this information with only a select few.  Often, if you share something of a supernatural nature, people will just look at you like you’ve been smoking crack.  Of course, there are those who attempt to “explain” it away – making MY very real experience conform to a small box they are comfortable with.  My dad neither validated nor discounted my recollection, but did affirm the events, the setup/appearance of the room, staff, equipment, etc.  My mother was quick to point out that I must have been consciously paying attention to my surroundings via a light fixture positioned above me.  When I vehemently disputed that theory, blame was placed on the drugs administered in the days that followed.  NOTE:  No drugs were given to me in the ER due to the nature and suspected severity of internal/head  injuries. Even in the days that followed – I was taken to surgical rooms for procedures on my face and head – minus anesthesia.  (Gradually, I was able to have shots around my eyes, nose and mouth – a light “local”.  Those shots were likely worse than the pain they were intended to mask.)

My thoughts this morning also took me to my grandmother’s hospital room last September.  Fortunately, I had received a call from a cousin alerting me to the severity of her health; otherwise I’d not have known her condition was so grim.  Bill and I were able to make the drive to Copper Hill, TN to see Nannie one final time.  The sight of her was amazing to behold.  It was hard not to cry when seeing my 5’10” quick-witted, sharp-as-a-tack grandmother lying so frail – weakened physically and mentally.  She literally looked like a smaller, weakened version of herself.    On the most recent visit, a few months beforehand – her once bright mind was clearly not that anymore.  She still had moments of clarity and a sense of humor.  Physically, you’d never know anything was wrong with her.  The September visit proved shocking.  

Nannie was so frail that it was difficult for her to get liquid from a straw held to her mouth.  As I sat facing her on the bed – she kept looking over my shoulder, smiling.  Sometimes her tiny body would even come up off the bed and her outstretched arms would reach toward “something” over my shoulder.  In these moments she sometimes seemed to have a childlike, anticipatory expression.  She was smiling widely with excitement and uttering words I couldn’t really understand.  As we hugged her for the last time, and made our way back home – I couldn’t stop thinking about and wondering what or who it was she was “seeing” with such excitement.  Whatever the case, her apparent delight was and is a comfort.

So, these events are great mysteries to me, falling under the heading:  “things we’ll not understand as long as we are living.”   Too many others – Christian and otherwise, have shared similar stories to the ones above.  I’ve asked a Christian doctor his perspective and he concurs that there is “something” and he has seen it many times when a patient’s life is approaching an end.  With his medical education, and decades of serving in ministry and in the medical profession - he doesn’t have the answers.  I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that this “phenomenon” continues to perplex me as well.

In closing, the image of my Dad standing by me in what was to have been my final hour is now a strange gift. In the midst of emotional chaos, he was still protective of my dignity.   I knew then and know now that he loved me, his daughter, as a dad should.  Unusual circumstances today mean that I’m not able to often see or hear from him. These odd but real memories are now reassuring to my “daughter’s heart.”  Perhaps, if nothing greater – this unexplainable experience serves today as a sweet reminder; confirmation God knew in advance, would mean the world to me now.   

It doesn't matter that I ever fully understand the events of that day...

LFS: A non-professional, but highly experienced and Passionate Perspective

43 years, two months, and 1 day ago – a brand new little girl was driven home by her equally new parents.  Her proud daddy quickly opened the passenger door, taking the baby from her mother’s arms. He carried her inside.  Minutes later, “Mother” realized that her husband wasn’t coming out to aid his newly non-pregnant wife's exit from the car.  He was inside the house, ecstatic and proudly rocking his baby girl.  Based on the number of times this story has been shared over the years, along with the commentary and recounts of grandmothers and extended family on both sides; the innocent baby’s LFS in the eyes of her mother, was sealed.   “LFS” you wonder?

In recent weeks, the Today show on NBC highlighted a story from “Time Magazine”:  “Favoritism, why Mom likes you or one of your Siblings Best.”  The acronym LFS = “Least Favored Status”, was since added to my vocabulary.  The catalyst for media attention was a single chapter taken from a recent book by Jeffrey Kluger, “The Sibling Effect: What the bonds among Brothers and Sisters Reveal about Us.” 

Back to the baby girl from paragraph 1:  Two siblings were added to the family and the LFS grew more obvious to all.  The innocent little girl grew up much like a contemporary Cinderella, but in her family of origin; not with a wicked evil stepmother/sisters, as in the Disney version.  She was largely responsible for any cleaning that was actually performed.  She was too often held accountable for the care of her younger siblings.  If one of the younger ones was blatantly disobedient – fault fell upon the LFS.  She was disciplined, often to extreme.  One instance quickly comes to mind:  the LF daughter – along with the MF daughter and MF son were being cared for overnight by a much older babysitter.  The always rebellious, MF little sister obtained scissors and cut her bangs to the scalp.  When “Mother” came home the next day – the oldest, LF – received a physical and verbal beating for an infraction she had no part in.  No one else suffered a consequence.    So, that was her lot in life.  Punishment, retribution, “child labor” and irrational responsibility for the actions of others fell upon this little girl.  It’s no wonder that she pursued every opportunity to spend time with friends, relatives, and a literal escape via extracurricular activities.

Fast forward two decades:  “Cinderella” marries her Prince Charming and they raise a family of their own.  Plagued by memories of her ill-fated family position, she goes to great extremes to ensure her children never experience the pain or perception of LFS.  At Christmas, she continues to make sure each of her children have the same number of packages to open – and that the same amount of money is spent on each child collectively.  Over the children’s academic careers –she rotates her “room mom duties” – taking turns as room parent, team mom, troop mom, etc.  for all three children until the last reached high school.  As with all of us – life experience greatly influenced her style of parenting.  

While it makes sense that some children are easier for parents to “get along with”; require less “redirection”; excel academically; possess similar interests/preferences as a parent.”  It is, in my humble and experienced position – ABUSIVE, to pick and elevate a favorite among the rest.   While it’s ridiculous to treat all children IDENTICALLY, it’s not at all ridiculous to expect a level of fairness.   Children are unique beings, complete with individual gifts and challenges.

When I see children discounted for any reason, it gets under my skin in an incredible way.  There is currently a commercial for ATT U-verse that quite simply annoys the heck out of me.  I know it feeds the minds of other children across the country that are watching and are either A) the presumed favorite or B) the presumed least favorite.  Obviously, the family is portrayed by actors - but it still "bothers me".  (Poor Kyle!)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-cKpTMGd1g

Let’s face it – some of us may have a child that drains us emotionally, physically, financially, etc.  But we cannot let that child ever live under the impression that he/she is of less significance than the others.   Some of us may have a child who is extremely compliant, loving and easy.  We must be just as diligent in making them know that their easy demeanor does not in any way equate to elevated parental preference. 

Furthermore, from personal experience, I’ve seen how the often “favored” grow into adults with an entitlement mindset. It seems many are less likely to successfully manage life apart from extensive family or government "involvement."  So, yes I was the only child of my mother, required to buy her own first car, but I’ve also achieved a level of “grown up independence” I may not have attained otherwise. 

Modern Day Application from Cinderella’s personal experience: 

• Don’t “excuse” every bad choice/behavior a child makes  - attributing it to a “physical limitation”, temperament, or other factor far beyond their control.   
• If one child/grandchild is “more challenging” than others; less similar to yourself; from a birth parent you care/know little about :  go the extra mile to make that child feel just as significant as the rest.
• If one child/grandchild evokes your sympathy for any reason – don’t teach that child that rules and expectations don’t apply to him/her.  In the long run, you’re not really "loving" that child but setting them up for a hard and disappointing future.
• Don’t single out any child/grandchild, etc. as “the special one” – in the long run, you may lose theirs (and others’) respect, while also teaching the “one” how to effectively manipulate.  You may impair relationships between siblings, cousins – and may even cause marital/family division.   There are serious, long-term consequences. 
• Along this same point:  please don't make it a habit to give special "gifts" to one child - repeatedly, and especially in front of the others.  Sometimes, it may be practical or meaningful to give a certain gift to a particular child - but certainly not repeatedly.  Don't "slip" the same child a $20, $50, $100.... spend $50 on one's birthday, but consider $30 too much for the next.  It seems so obviously wrong to behave this way - yet it happens!
• In this day of social media, if you’re a plugged in parent or grandparent – you may want to give consideration to the messages you’re sending by: A)  replying/commenting/"liking"/retweeting only one (or a select few) of the children in your family.  Believe it or not – those “seemingly insignificant” keystrokes can highlight personal bias. B) If you have an inordinate number of pictures of one child framed/catalogued/displayed on your refrigerator or nowadays rotating in your electronic photo frame – it may be an indicator that you've ignited feelings of rejection or inadequacy in one or more child.

Perhaps many parents/grandparents unintentionally fall into this pattern.  Most people don’t set out to hurt the hearts of the innocent. However, once the guard has been dropped and the “golden child” in the family established, it’s a painful cycle - hard to reverse and often leading to generational consequences.

My position today is not one of a “victim” – but one of a “victor.”  I’m healed, recovered and have forgiven my offender.  I’m not, however, unaffected. To withhold any benefit at all to others I love so dearly would be criminal in my estimation.  To sit back and watch as others do the same – is no different than enabling any other type of abuser. Being given children to love is one of life’s greatest blessings and “The greater the blessing - the greater the responsibility.”     
My children are now adults.  We have one grandchild.  Right now, we can give him our undivided attention, making him feel like he’s the ONLY one - because, right now HE IS THE ONLY ONE.  When we are fortunate to welcome other grandchildren to our family, we will do all we can to make each of them know what it means to be loved and cherished by “Mimi & Pop”.  

C/T

I’m not a licensed Psychologist or Certified Family Counselor – but several more qualified than I have spoken out on this reality.  A small sampling of expert commentary; findings from a recent Anderson Cooper survey; and link to the “Time” article are below:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-favorite-child/201107/risks-growing-adored-0

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-favorite-child/201104/when-favoritism-becomes-abuse

http://healthland.time.com/2011/09/22/favoritism-why-mom-likes-you-or-one-of-your-siblings-best/ 

http://www.time.com/time/video/player/0,32068,1174910082001_2094342,00.html

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/09/26/7972504-moms-and-dads-fess-up-to-having-favorites

God shows no favoritism. It's in the Bible, Acts 10:34, NKJV. "Then Peter opened his mouth and said: 'In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality.'" Romans 2:11, NKJV says, "For there is no partiality with God."

Why does God condemn favoritism? Because it reveals a destructive double standard. It's in the Bible, Malachi 2:9, TLB. "Therefore, I have made you contemptible in the eyes of all the people; for you have not obeyed Me, but you let your favorites break the law without rebuke."

Favoritism devalues people for whom Christ died and indicates an ignorance of God's values. It's in the Bible, James 2:1-4, TLB. "Dear brothers, how can you claim that you belong to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, if you show favoritism…

It is dangerous and unwise to show favoritism in a family. It's in the Bible, Genesis 37:3-4, TLB. "Now as it happened, Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other children, because Joseph was born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob gave him a special gift—a brightly colored coat. His brothers of course noticed their father's partiality, and consequently hated Joseph; they couldn't say a kind word to him."

With Gratitude, an Overdue Follow Up

So, the month of August was a month focused on Gratitude.  Every day, I made it a point to dwell on the many gifts, big and small - rather than to allow my mind and my heart to focus on the difficulties.   It's by no accident that this was the month God laid it upon my heart to do this.   As August began, I had no inkling that surgery was in my immediate future. 

For some, surgery is "no big deal" - for me, an IV or a  simple blood draw is traumatic.  (Due largely in part, to: http://tawnda.blogspot.com/2010/06/broken-bones-scars-and-ugly-blue-pintos.html )  August proved to be a worthwhile experiment in contentment for this "Needle-phobe"!  There was a supernatural peace that accompanied me throughout the entire process.  My gratitude was electronically documented through August 20th.  Then came my "birthday weekend" with celebratory lunches and dinners and a surprise "family karaoke" extravaganza.  Following the weekend of great fun, came a few days of preoperative testing, nesting and preparing for "downtime" - both at home, and in the office.   

Many non-blogged blessings came to mind during the week of surgery. Some while still lucid - but most while in a drug-induced fog,. Random thoughts are scribbled on assorted notepads, journals and post-it notes.  It's funny though, even though I could not (should not) have been posting anything online during those days on painkillers, something in me remembered to jot down the "positives".  There were a couple of conversations with friends/family - in person, on the phone, and online that I have ZERO recollection of.  Apparently, the "liquid percocet" impacted me more greatly than one would anticpate. 

Before surgery, I have vague recollections of very meaningful people coming into the pre-op area: CWL, Sally, Sue, and Bob - and through it all, WGH.  I can't begin to tell you what was discussed in the hours preceeding surgery, other than one brief conversation about a very specific scripture. Honestly, I've no clue now which passage it was, but at the time - it was of great comfort. 

In spite of the "pre-op fog" - I do recall looking up every time someone came near, thinking it would be one of two very different family members that my heart desperately hoped to see.  Both knew of the procedure and potential outcomes - and neither came.  The "little girl" inside of me felt momentarily abandoned, but I didn't let those momentary feelings overtake my grateful position.  Still, my post-its from the hospital listed so many significant "gifts", i.e., a husband and daughter who kept me company around the clock; many interested callers, and an abundance of prayers offered for every aspect of the thyroid surgery.  Of course, I jotted down a thankfulness for drugs, jello, tea, broth and rubber soled slippers (drug induced gratitude, for sure.) 

After getting home on the day following surgery, a humbling showering of love from so many "authentic friends" and a few family members - started.  That outpouring continued for more than a solid month - longer than my actual medical leave.  More than 40 visitors came with food, flowers, DVDs, magazines, and coloring books (I still love to color), and rides to medical appointments.   We were well-fed and so well loved! This "season" was another incredible illustration of God's magnificent provision. 

In spite of those initial, pre-operative "disappointed little girl" moments, He has blessed me beyond imagination with a circle of people who love me.  Sometimes, in my opinion - we have to experience a bit of a deficit, in order to best appreciate the "bounty".  This circle of people literally became the "Hands and Feet" and lavished us with care and concern. How could I be anything less than grateful?   When an emotional wound momentarily tempted to bring me down - all I had to do was look at my overstocked refrigerator, or my fireplace mantle - COVERED with cards and flowers.  I am so undeservedly BLESSED.

Last week, on the final surgical follow-up, my doctor said, "You couldn't ASK for your incision to heal any better than it is."  He was quite pleased and indicated that  he simply couldn't take credit for the remarkable progress.  He suggested that it must be "good genes."  (I can assure you, that is not the case.)  I know otherwise - and believe fully in the power of prayer. 

So, to all of you who brought food, movies, magazines, coloring books, smoothies and flowers; to you who visited, called, texted, or kept me company; to those of you who sent cards from across the country - and most of all - to those of you who prayed - THANK YOU.  God has used you in a mighty way!

With a humble and grateful heart (and now minus a problematic thyroid),
I thank you and love you for how you have loved me...

T

Romans 12:10, Philippians 4:8

Pilgrims

We know not in advance, the persons or experiences that will meet us each day.  None are immune to anxiety-inducing phone calls, or news that will bring them to their knees.  These moments are guaranteed to be part of our Earthly existence.  We start each day unaware of how it will end, whether with the greatest of joy or in overwhelming sorrow.  Each day is in essence, a foreign land.  Since Webster defines a “pilgrim” as one who journeys in foreign lands - we are all pilgrims of sorts. 

As we journey through life, there are people who will join us – some only for a season, and others for most, if not all of the trek.  When I consider the persons who have been on the journey with me – it’s clear that many would not have been considered choice traveling companions had it been my decision.  Sometimes we get to choose the persons accompanying us – but oftentimes, it’s apparent that seemingly rogue wayfarers were actually placed on our path for a reason.   It’s amazing that God can use even the negative actions and attitudes of others to make us better, stronger, more resilient and at the same time more compassionate – especially to others who experience a too familiar pain. Also surprising in retrospect, are the journeyers who have been placed on my personal path – that again, I wouldn’t have “selected” – but have become beacons of light in the dark and stormy times.  Sometimes we simply must trust that “good” is coming from our situation – even if we are unable to see it.  Nothing is wasted in God’s economy.

There are many that I chose to accompany me on this thing called “life”.  Point: It pays to marry the right person – because they’ll be an encourager/supporter through it all, wherever the road takes you.  Conversely, if you pick the wrong spouse – they often find a way to stick around too.  (Not in a supportive, encouraging way – but similar to splinters, boulders, reptiles and broken glass on your barefoot path!)  Even so, there are lessons to be learned about others and lessons we learn about ourselves that may and most likely will - surprise us.

I've learned to be cautious of disregarding the trekkers whose pilgrimage intersects with mine.  Life is far more intricate than we can comprehend and I personally believe few things happen by accident.  A person you may casually encounter tomorrow may turn out to be a future best friend, spouse, mentor, etc.  Then again, you may have “a word” of encouragement or simple kindness that may be just what a random traveler needs to hear. 

 In the rearview mirror, it’s in those times that I was most struggling with the stuff of life – that some of the most phenomenal people have lifted me in prayer, raised my spirits, helped me, hugged and at times admonished me.  Some challenged me to take the “high road”, strengthening my walk and enabling me to better enjoy and appreciate the respites.  Thankfully, God orchestrated the people in my life - if left to my own devices, I'd have more of a mess than what He's allowed.

Last night, WGH and I had the opportunity to preview “The Way” – starring Martin Sheen.  Admittedly, and unfortunately, several movies that fall into the Spiritual genre are a bit cheesy, causing the message to get lost and making Christian filmmakers the subject of mockery.   “The Way” is not one of those movies.  Without giving away too much of the plot, a grief-stricken doctor sets out on the journey of a lifetime.  He embarks on The Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James), a roughly 500 mile journey on foot,  beginning in France.  The journey culminates at the tomb of St. James, in Santiago de Compostela, Spain.  Before last night, I’d never heard of this pilgrimage, but am now quite intrigued. 

There were several inferences throughout the 2 hour movie that really struck me.  Not foremost, I was reminded that people often solicit help in an area of their lives they don’t have to feel embarrassed about, when in reality – the area in which they long for help and healing is completely different.   It’s a reminder to listen with my heart - not just my ears.  The plot reminded me again that people/situations aren’t always what they seem.  That goes both ways, of course – I’ve desired relationships with people based on what was initially perceived, then reality kicked in and made me change my mind.  Others, more slowly embraced, have turned out to be the most wonderful of friends.  Lastly, everyone has “issues” – and everyone I know longs for deeper meaning in their life “wherever they are” on the spiritual continuum.  Granted, some approach this longing with completely baffling methodology.  

The cast was very "real" and the movie very "human". There are moments that bring a tear, and ones that make you laugh.  Watching the film, and paying close attention to the travelers who joined the main character along the Camino – led to reflection on those who have joined my travels.  Like the main character – I’d not have chosen some of my “traveling companions”, but in retrospect, it’s obvious that they have added value to this crazy, unpredictable journey!  As the movie tag line says, “Life is too big to walk it alone.”  (I’ll add:  some of my co-pilgrims have made the pilgrimage thus far, anything but dull.)

TLH

NOTE:  following the movie, Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez joined the audience for a time of Q&A.  Admittedly, I was blown away by their humility and by the transparent manner in which they both shared of their own spiritual pilgrimages.   EE actually shared that Hollywood now makes a lot of “crap” and he and his dad both know it – because they’ve both been in it!  He expressed a desire to create more meaningful films going forward, stating  that he no longer wants to “kill people” .   EE also referred to himself as a “work in progress” and highlighted some of his own spiritual struggles.   MS was asked about the message he’d like people to take with them after seeing “The Way”.  He shared that while the main character’s pilgrimage took place on the Camino, our individual spiritual journeys take place wherever we are, and one doesn’t have to book travel to Europe in order to experience God, because God dwells within us.  Well said, Martin.

This father/son team has my respect for producing a counter-culture film with such an inspiring message.

An image taken from   http://theway-themovie.com

An Ode to Thyroidina

Oh, you cantankerous little gland. For two plus decades you served your purpose so very swell-

Perhaps you were taken for granted, a plight your host has known often and  well.

 Whilst our third decennial neared, you rebelled, attacked, making me your poached –

Bringing countless health issues, and on youthful vitality, savagely encroached!

You made raven tresses fall with tears on my pillow, and with haste, depleted once fresh vigor –

You incited mood swings and fatigue. You caused undesirable “parts” to grow bigger!

 Oh, but with dreaded needles and hours of waiting, came the words: “Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis”-

No big deal, it runs in Dad’s family…with thyroid hormones, I’ll BEAT THIS!

Life moved on, the levels watched; as necessary, Synthroid dosages adjusted-

Another ten years passed, all seemed better…and in the Endocrinologist, I simply trusted. 

In the oddest of timing, again you asserted your wild, unyielding rebellion-

Reawakening issues with overall health - you mean little, destructive, half –ounced,  HELLION! 

With renewed determination, you again declared war on me, your innocent host-

Thyroid Cancer suspected; Surgery ordered - and radiated iodine, secondary, at most.

 Oh, Thyroidina –  but who has the last laugh?

I? Recounting your terror, while in a relaxed, reclined, and recuperative position? –

You?  With that hideous moniker?  In a jar - In the office of a well-paid physician?

 Hah! Victory is mine-

No longer will you burden me with ailments hard defined!

 I’m beginning afresh, with turtle necks and 60s inspired scarves-

A lifetime of Synthroid and Cytomel, and a “soon-to-be delicate” scar.

 Thyroidina, my newly defeated nemesis, your remaining days, will BE ...

 Benign, in a jar – no longer able to torment ME!

 TLH

 

Day 2 - Post Op at Northside Hospital.... Still very swollen and very drugged!
But...on the road to full recovery!

TGP: Day 20

Day 20

Saturday, August 20th, 2011

 

So many reasons to be grateful today!  It began with a seven mile walk with "Christian Runners". Closely walking with Cyndy and Caroline afforded great conversation, as always.  While not a "morning person", it does feel great to get outside and get the walking out of the way before all other Saturday festivities begin.   

Today, Bill and Britt planned and executed a "family birthday dinner" - a small, intimate gathering.  It was perfect!  (Especially, since I had no responsibilities in the preparation!)  Bill and Britt spoiled me by allowing the opportunity to knock a few things off of my "to do" list.  Meanwhile, they did the grocery shopping, table setting, cooking, etc.  The "free time" in and of itself, was a wonderful gift! 

Lily and Bella had a shower today, I wasn't sure it would be well-received, but they didn't seem to mind so much!  (One task off my list!)  The other thing I definitely wanted to accomplish was the purchase of new pjs/gowns for the hospital and recovery at home.... Given the expected location of the incision, it's necessary to get tops that button down the front as opposed to pulling over the head.  My PJ mission started and stopped at TJ Maxx - 7 pairs of cute, "company friendly" pjs, with buttons.  Of course, 2 pairs of  matching slippers and a new journal were critical additions to the cart.  It is important to properly "accessorize" regardless of where you are or how you feel!


Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to follow through on tasks.  Moreso, I'm grateful for the family that surrounded our kitchen table this evening.  In a world where so many go hungry, my tummy is full.  In a world where many are lonely, I am surrounded by loving family and friends.  In a world where people don't know where they'll sleep tonight, I am blessed beyond measure. 

"Day 1" of my 43rd birthday celebration was an absolute delightful day!

TGP: Day 19

Day 19

Friday, August 19th, 2011

Another busy day today!  Whenever you know in advance that you're going to be "out of the loop" for a bit - there is so much preparation, both in the office and at home.  Phew!  I think the upcoming three weeks of rest and recuperation will be of double benefit.

William was able to get an early flight home this evening, providing time for a date night that would've been impossible otherwise.  Date nights have always been important to us - and no doubt, date nights help us stay emotionally connected, while simply enjoying each other's company, and maintaining the friendship that was core to our foundation.  We know too many married couples who neglect "dating". Too many focus on careers and children and at some point start taking their "best friend" for granted, causing that most important relationship to falter.

In my HUMBLE opinion - date nights are crucial to a happy marriage. Dates don't have to be expensive...but do need to be intentional and fun. When the children were small - "dates" were no less important than they are now.  In fact, I think date nights led to a happier, better connected "us"  which ultimately benefitted our three babies and made us better parents.

We both desire quality "downtime" together - whether sitting on the deck on Sunday evenings, movie nights in the den, or weekend getaways. When life at times seems overwhelming, date nights help put everything in perspective. Date nights sharpen us as a couple, elicit laughter and "good tears" , while building new memories and reflecting on cherished old ones. 

While totally undeserved, I'm grateful for my husband - for the way he takes care of me, and in the ways he's intentional about creating special moments for us to share.  He's very caring and he is protective.  While I'm at peace with next week's surgery, it's obvious after tonight, that he's greatly concerned.  Having another care so deeply for you is indescribably amazing, comforting and trustbuilding.  He is my biggest fan and my forever best friend....and I am his.

We are two imperfect people,

still growing, but growing  together.

For my wonderful Husband,

my very best friend -

I have and will always be grateful... 

He loves me well. 

So much more than I deserve.

TGP: Day 18

Day 18

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

Yesterday afternoon I met with the surgeon for additional testing and to review risks and benefits associated with a thyroidectomy.  Surgery is less than a week out.  I feel well-informed on all aspects of the upcoming procedure and all things thyroid-related.  I'm grateful for the information that's been so easily accessible.  As a friend who recently went through Breast Cancer said, "information is our friend."   There is something calming and empowering about "knowing/understanding" conditions, options, surgical reviews, etc. 

What was initially expected to be a right lobectomy - is now going to be a Total Thyroidectomy. At first that seemed a bit intimidating, but the surgeon helped me to see the many reasons that total removal is the better, safer option overall.   It's amazing too, that so many people encountered lately have gone through thyroid surgery of some type. It seems fairly common - and most indicate a very favorable outcome after healing is completed.  

I'm grateful for the information so easily attained and for the myriad of people who've offered encouragement through sharing their individual experiences.  There is an absolute plethora of websites and support groups dedicated to "all things thyroid."  YAY!  I'm embracing the "knowledge is power" stance.... but leaning more heavily on prayer, mine and others. 

As the days and the medical appointments accumulate, I find myself seriously thankful for the phenomenal  attention available.   In the US, we are all blessed to have access to sophisticated medical care.  In other parts of the world, medical attention is severely lacking.  People suffer greatly and even die from what we would consider minor ailments.   How can we not be grateful for the stellar resources available?

 

TGP: Day 17

Day 17

Wednesday, August 17th

First on my mind this morning, were thoughts about the movie "The Help".  Having seen it just last night, with a group of friends - it's fresh on my mind.  It's hard to imagine living in a world where people were treated as insignificant, solely because of the color of their skin.  Racism is one of those things that has bewildered me for as long as I recall. 

I have many black friends whom I love dearly and trust implicitly.  Some are mentors, some peers.  Like most of my friends - they are incredible, Godly, fun, trustworthy - "salt of the earth".  It sickens me to think that just a few decades ago, they would've been alienated because of a darker complexion. 

Born in the second half of 1968 - I never experienced segregation and racial bias firsthand. If I witnessed it as a small child, I was oblivious.  It wasn't until just a few years ago, that I learned the elementary school I attended as a child had been an exclusively "black" school until a year or two before I was enrolled in first grade.  (Kimball Bridge Elementary School in Alpharetta... no longer there.)

While there are still "closed minded" people who choose to assign values and expectations based on superficial factors - their number seems to be dwindling.  I look forward to a day when there is no remaining prejudice whatsoever -  whether bias against a certain color, national origin, religious affiliation, etc. 

Visiting the MLK Center, learning about the racial tensions of the 60s through books and movies, hearing stories from "older generations"  - I am extremely grateful that we live in a world today, where color does not limit one's options. 

I'll also go out on a limb and say that while I'm NOT a fan of President Obama - I'm grateful that our nation did not allow color to prohibit his presidential victory. On that note,  I was  not a fan of President Clinton either.... BUT realize that in both cases, we are called to respect the position these men hold, regardless of their policies and political positions.  (Romans 13:1-7)

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During my freshman year at NGC, my roommate, Bethany - turned me on to "new wave" and among the groups we listened to most often was Depeche Mode.  Their song "People are People" was a thought-provoking favorite.  (I attempted to load the music video below)

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¹Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. ²Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. ³For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, ⁴for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. ⁵Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. ⁶For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. ⁷ Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.  (Romans 13:1-7)

TGP: Day 16

Day 16

Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

 A "typical" Sunday Morning at FBC -
where it all comes together. (from the mezzanine)

I'm grateful that years ago, Larry G. made the decision to offer me a part-time position on the FBC staff. That position evolved over the years, allowing the flexibility to be home with the kids when they were small - and continually changing in a manner consistent with changing family dynamics. Now, with all the children grown, it's a full time role. Few have the privilege of serving alongside such warm and wonderful friends on a daily basis.  Not only were my children raised at FBC - but it's where I've grown up in many ways, as well.

This week will be spent in ardent preparation for medical leave...the last thing I want to do is to leave friends and extended family in a bind, or overburdened. Besides, leaving things in optimum order will clear my mind and allow me to better enjoy all the jello, broth, smoothies, movies and books that are in my immediate future! 

Today, five of my closest friends/pastors gathered around and prayed over me, for the upcoming surgery, my family, the doctor, healing, etc. Since this is a typical occurence on the "second floor", the significance of that sweet time of prayer, could easily be overlooked.  If my office was within a secular company, the odds of that impromptu time of intercession would be minimal to nil. 

 

I'm grateful for the many friends at FBC... for the mentors, my "adopted family", the daily laughter, the occasional heartfelt tears, encouragement and accountability, frequent hugs, prayer - all vital to our authentic community.  We are all very "real" with each other - and it's incredibly refreshing and free to be "who you are" without reservation.

From the beginning, I've never once referred to my role as "work".  To be a part of such an amazing group of people, fulfilling God's mission and call, is an incredible, incredible GIFT. For this ministry and for all the people involved, past and present, I will be eternally grateful. 

Staff Retreat 2005

Many of my closest friends and mentors are in these photos...and while some of the faces have changed over the years, the ones that left are no less dear. They have all left an indelible mark.

Staff Retreat 2009

  

TGP: Day 15

Day 15

Monday, August 15th, 2011

Well, it's quite ironic that this "gratitude journey" began 15 days ago - and there was absolutely no INKLING of what this month would bring.  Focusing on the multiple  gifts within each day has undoubtedly helped improve perspective.  I was reminded too, that God inhabits the praises of His people.  Given the peace experienced thus far, there is no doubt that it's from Him.  Thankfully, I've got many friends and family members who are praying and encouraging me through this little "interruption." 

Don't confuse my outlook with a disingenuous "Pollyanna" attitude. Trust me - if there is ANYONE who would go to great extremes to avoid needle biopsies, blood work and hospitals - it would be ME!  To be clear, I don't "fear" needles/blood/hospitals, etc. I simply possess an incredible aversion to these things, stemming from an insane amount of medical trauma in the teen years - experiences that few could come close to comprehending.  On the other hand, I'm grateful to have "top notch" medical care available.  It's necessary and to avoid care due to psychological scars would be foolish and far more costly in the long run. 

Well, today brought a couple of little "out of the norm" blessings:

•  Meeting with an insurance representative today made me thankful for electing the supplemental cancer policy last year.  (Just in case my result is in that "30%"...)
• Since I've been training for and excited about participating in the Susan G Komen 3-Day "Walk for the Cure" in October,  it was a bit disappointing to learn I'm now ineligible due to surgery.  However, I'm grateful to friends and family who contributed over $1000 for this worthy cause.  That's ultimately what it's all about.   2012's SGK3D will be here before we know it and I'll be enthusiastically "saving the tatas".
• WGH and I took his parents to a Gwinnett Braves game tonight, which proved to be an enjoyable and relaxing end to the day...  Right now, my pillow awaits...I'm grateful in advance for the sleep I will encounter within the next 10 minutes!

TGP: Day 14

Day 14

Sunday, August 14th, 2011

We arrived home late last night, fully exhausted - so this morning, I started the day out, grateful for a full, uninterrupted night of sleep.  Having had recent issues with insomnia - good sleep is cause for gratitude!  TRUST ME!

It was great to have my Pastor (also my "boss") back in the pulpit today.  Sitting between my baby girl and my wonderful hubby.... was also something that I cannot take for granted.  On the other side of Britt was her "man" , along with his sweet mom and sister... I love it!

We had a very meaningful time of worship and an incredible message on Hell...why would that be cause for thanks?  UH - because I'm very glad I'll not be spending eternity there! I'm BEYOND grateful God made a way for us to spend eternity in Heaven rather than facing eternal judgment - tormented and isolated. 

This evening was capped off with dinner at our dear friends' house - when I say "friends", it grossly undervalues the love we have for them.  They are an extension of our family - theirs is a house where all of my kids feel at home, and theirs are equally comfortable in ours.  The best times we have are typically around the kitchen or dining room table - almost always involving food of some type and perhaps even a glass or two of wine.  We literally can sit and talk about "real life stuff" - which we all have dealt with much.  Just as easily, we can sit and laugh hysterically.  Tonight, a scrumptious dinner (that I didn't have to prepare) with great friends, a little wine, our children, and daughter's boyfriend - who feels equally welcome and at ease - was EXACTLY the perfect ending to a slightly challenging week. 

I'm grateful for such dear friends - the kind that truly know all of your "stuff" and love you in spite.  The kind of friends who will go out of their way for you on a moment's notice. The kind of friends that you can be comfortable around in sweats, a ponytail and no makeup...the kind of friends that your children think of as "second parents"....the kind of friends that you have no reservations about giving access to your security codes, garage door codes, extra keys, etc.  The kind of friends you can cry with just as easily as you laugh with.  I can't imagine life without them - and am very grateful that I'll not have to. These are the friends we'll have til death.  I'm immensely grateful that God caused our lives to intersect many years ago - during an otherwise "unmemorable" season of Little League baseball.  How blessed we are!  (Love you guys...)

Our "Extended Family" - We are so BLESSED by these amazing friends!

TGP: Day 13

Day 13

Saturday, August 13th, 2011

Today was the "Celebration of Life" for Aunt Jodie.  She would have been very honored by the turnout, the tributes, and the incredible amount of love shown not just for her - but for the ones she left behind. 

It seems that Jodie was very consistent with her humorous commentary, her wide smile and boisterous laughter - as these were qualities referenced throughout the Memorial Service and in side bar conversations throughout today's events. How wonderful to have such a "positive" disposition - and to have "positively" affected all those around her.  I'm grateful that her children and grandchildren have memories of her which instantly bring a smile to their face.  This was a gift to her family, that she probably didn't realize she was giving.  Priceless indeed.

Today, at the service, we all found out Aunt Jodie's favorite scripture:

⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philipians 4:8

Aunt Jodie clearly lived out Philipians 4:8 -  her outlook showed in her demeanor, enhanced relationships, and brought joy and encouragement to all she encountered.  I'm reminded again that none of us want to be around a chronic complainer...the person who's glass remains "half empty" on the best of days...the person who compains incessantly about traffic, the economy, the house, their clothes, the car, the weather, the grass, their kids, what's on tv, wait times at restaurants, etc.  Instead of being "Debbie Downers" - they should be "Joyful Jodies". 

I'm grateful for Aunt Jodie's example ....  her life wasn't the easiest, her life wasn't perfect by any means, and her life was not absent of struggles - yet her joyful attitude is what everyone recalls when she comes to mind.   "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  AMEN!

(A passage quite fitting for the "The Gratitude Project!)

TGP: Day 12

TGP: Day 12

Friday, August 12th, 2011

Twelve days ago, when I decided to journal some of the many reasons for gratitude - there was no inkling of the challenges that would be faced in this month.  This week alone: I found out my much-loved Dad had major surgery, remaining in the hospital for a week (sadly, finding out two weeks after his release); The undesired biopsy report came back; surgery was scheduled; Aunt Jodie unexpectedly left this Earth.  Just this morning, a friend contacted me, requesting prayer for her 15 year old daughter.  She ran away earlier this week and obviously, my friend is distraught. It's been a difficult week - and in spite of the news received - each day has come with many reasons for a grateful heart...some large - some small. 

It's been a very long day. Like every day of this eventful week - today has been full of reasons to be thankful:

• obviously, safe, enjoyable travel - never taken for granted.
• four hours of "margin" in the car was enjoyable - plenty of time for thinking, praying for my sweet friend and her daughter, and for singing at the top of my lungs (with no critics!)
• since my phone charger stopped working today, I stopped by the front desk to see if they had any that had been left behind - otherwise, I'd be buying one because one cannot go for days with a dead cell phone.  Fortunately, the desk clerk pulled one out that fit my phone - no trip to T-Mobile was necessary!
• There was a brief "15 minute" meeting and hug in a Shoney's parking lot. Another of my "Marine Mom" friends lives in Nashville so we were able to connect briefly - share a few words, hug and snap a couple of pictures.  "Lisa" is a sweetheart and one of many special ladies I've connected with and bonded online - since Tyler joined the USMC. It's always a really cool thing to actually "see" face to face my online friends.  Her hugs and sweet words were truly gifts.
• After seeing Lisa for a few minutes, I met my hubby at the Nashville Airport.  While waiting for him to approach the car, it was a bit like our "early days".  He's even better looking now than when "we" began and he's truly my best friend.  Seeing him walking across the parking lot - in my direction, I felt like an excited schoolgirl who was seeing the "man of her dreams" during a locker break. It's especially amazing to be reconnected with him after a long, news-filled, week.  (Not everyone feels this way about their husband, so these feelings - and this man, are an unbelievable gift!)
• After visitation at the funeral home, eight of us went to dinner - we sat and talked for a long time.  Hearing several "family legends" for the first time (for most of us) and reflecting on Jodie's wit, and lively spirit - smiles and laughs were frequent.  Thanks to Aunt Anne and Uncle Tommy - my cheeks are still a bit sore from laughing so hard...I hate that a loss is the cause for this gathering, but am appreciative of moments like this in the midst of it all. 
• After a long day, getting back to the hotel room - I'm thankful for the impulse purchase at Kroger this morning.  The bag of Dove Milk Chocolates on the nightstand was a welcome sight.  I opened one - the wrapper read "Create a Happy Place."  How appropriate for this 31 day endeavor.  Happiness, contentment, gratitude are possible every day...it's not an actual "place", but it's an "attitude of gratitude" we can foster by focusing on life's little gifts. 
• Who am I kidding?  I had a second chocolate - the wrapper on it read "Think of something that makes you smile."  Hmmm....there's a theme here.  (Wow - this wasn't an impulse purchase of milk chocolate, it must have been the leading of the Holy Spirit!)
• Well, I'm going to sleep next to my best friend after a long day...with a smile on my face - because I've just reviewed and recalled today's many gifts. 
• Okay, okay.... the third one read, "Break the Mold".   (I'll have to think about that!)

My "Marine Mom" friend, Lisa....a very sweet, beautiful and PETITE woman -
 at 5'9" I felt like a giant next to her - thus the "squat"!  It was SOOO good to see her in person!