A Mistake?

With Congressman Weiner dominating the media this week – I’ve been reminded of an earlier observation from years of living in a world full of fallible people, myself not excluded.  A psychologist I am not, but it does seem logical that one can often gauge the compunction of an offender by the way an “apology” is phrased.  Let’s use Weiner/Clinton/Schwarzenegger/Woods as examples.  All have had the embarrassment of widely publicized sexual offenses - no need to expand on details.  We, the public, have heard them each confess to “making a mistake (or in some cases – “mistakes.”)  Did they really make a mistake?  I don’t see it that way.  These men made intentional choices - decisions to commit acts which would knowingly harm their wives and children, while bringing widespread and long lasting humiliation to all involved. 

Like each of my friends, I’ve been wronged by many people.  The ones who have elicited the most pain, interestingly enough, have at times said those same words to me.  “I made a mistake/we made mistakes.”   I tend to think these persons are less remorseful and more or less just “busted”. 

Which person would you believe is truly repentant – the one who says:  “I am so sorry that I made the decision to (fill in the blank) , knowing that my actions would cause you pain.”  OR: “I made a mistake – can’t we just get past it?”  I’d rather have someone “own” their action than to blow it off as a   “mistake”.  A mistake is turning left at the traffic light instead of turning right.  A mistake is unknowingly calling someone by the wrong name. A mistake is adding numbers in your head incorrectly.  “A poor choice” or “selfish decision” more accurately describes the behaviors referenced in this post.  

Assigning the label “mistake” to a choice to repeatedly abuse/neglect a child or a spouse – is hugely inaccurate;  Making the choice to leave one’s spouse/children to indulge selfish desires is not a mistake.  It’s a bold pronouncement of self-centeredness – it’s a value statement;  Years spent stealing, lying, and manipulating others - are not years that were laden with “mistakes”.  They were years of life in which numerous poor, unethical, immoral decisions were acted upon.

Think about it – when someone willfully hurts you - do you want them to attribute it to a careless blunder or claim it for what it actually is?  On the flipside, we cannot authentically repent of our hurtful, willful acts against others without claiming ownership of our actions and the consequences they bring.  Be truly “sorry” for hurting another person - don’t just be “sorry” you were caught or exposed.

It’s especially hard for me – with my personality, to admit being wrong.  However, owning our “stuff” will likely make us more compassionate when others fall from grace.  We’ll also have more credibility with family and friends.   Humble, remorseful ownership of our negative actions will probably make us more approachable.  Let’s face it – nobody’s perfect. It’s actually refreshing and freeing when we and others ADMIT our failings, rather than hide behind the guise of a “mistake.”

t

Ezekiel 18:30-31

Oprah? Really?

Along with millions of other viewers, I watched the final episodes of Oprah last week. It seemed like the obvious thing to do since I’ve watched “Oprah” regularly for most of my adult life. Besides, this was to be television history! However, while watching star-studded Day 1 of the Farewell Show, I became “unsettled.” This was idolatry to the nth degree.


No one can take away from the fact that Oprah has done amazing things to benefit children and adults in the US and in Africa. She has elevated awareness of many diseases which plague our country. She has been a voice for abuse victims. Clearly, she had donated more money to non-profit organizations than many will make in a lifetime. BUT….she is just HUMAN. The way that some viewers are going on and on about her impending absence from daytime TV – well, it’s as if they look at her like she is Jesus.


Speaking of Jesus, I was surprised to hear His name mentioned on the very final show. I don’t know where she “stands” with Jesus. Some of her shows and books she’s recommended lead me to think she’s far, far away from Him – but I cannot say for sure. No one can truly know the heart of another, but God. My “discomfort” during the final episodes was not a result of Oprah herself, but stemmed from the obvious vacuum in our culture.


For instance, a young girl spoke out in the first half of the finale. She indicated that she’d watched Oprah with her mother for some time…but that her mother died and she knew for certain that her mom would WANT her to continue watching Oprah. Really? I’m saddened for the little girl. When I die, I pray the legacy that I leave for my daughters is far more meaningful and lasting than shared tv time. Dakota Fanning also spoke up around this same time, backed by several young girls who all purported to be “Oprah Babies.” Gag me.


There have been reports of women going into depression over this change in afternoon tv. Some have said they feel “hopeless” and don’t know what they’re going to do without her.” I heard a viewer on a news program say that she was distraught and that “no one could ever replace Oprah”. Well, there is someone who can fill the void, heal their pain, and do so, so, so much more than Oprah could possibly attain in her lifetime. Here are just a couple of quick comparisons…


She launched careers of: Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Nate Berkus, Rachael Ray and Suze Orman.
HE launched the careers of countless fishers of men; and even made possible a blissful retirement when we leave this world.


She gave audience members refrigerators, sweaters, spanks, Kindles and even cars from time to time.
HE gave mankind His life…in exchange for all sin, HE gave us access to The Father, and HE lavishes His people with Love.


“The Oprah Effect” – turns little known names into well known names.
“The Jesus Effect” – turns sinners into Saints.


She recommended a total of 65 books via the “Oprah Book Club”…including “The Secret”, “A New Earth” and “Discover the Power within You.”
HE recommends 66. They are full of wisdom, insight, beauty, comfort, justice. They contain answers for life.


Her Nicknames include: “O”; “The Queen of Daytime”; “The Queen of Media”
HIS Nicknames include: “Alpha and Omega”; “King of Kings”; “Bread of Life”; “Counselor”; “Mediator”; “The Good Shepherd”; “Deliverer”; “The Lamb of God”; “Light of the World”….and many, many others.


She exposed, discussed and sometimes downplayed certain sins, while speaking our harshly against others.
HE is grieved by any and all sin; views the actions of a murderer no differently than those of a thief; has made total forgiveness possible for all sinners


She has been available at 4pm, Mon-Fri, for 25 years. (But now we also have her email address!)
HE is available 24/7 – without commercial interruption and no storms can knock out the signal either…in fact, that’s when He’s most loud and clear.



Doesn’t it seem sad that a Human is being worshipped in a manner more fitting of a Savior? That was the reason for my discomfort last week. Clearly, many have credited O with miracles. They have learned to look upon her for guidance and some sense of “comfort.” It’s my hope that many of these distraught individuals will now begin to seek the One, true Counselor.


Wouldn’t it be great if our society placed more emphasis on the “King of Kings” than on the “Queen of Daytime”? Wouldn’t it be great if for just one day – Christian celebrities showed up at an arena to share their encounters with Jesus? And the non-celebrities from all over the world, would speak out about and celebrate the incredible miracles they have witnessed firsthand? Wouldn’t this be a better place to live? Wouldn’t there be less despair? Fewer placing false hope in the temporal – and real, lasting hope in the eternal?


Oprah’s last words on her very final episode were, “To God be the Glory”. I hope her final sentiment starts ringing true for all who viewed television history.