The 23rd Day of The August Gratitude Journal

A day of simple joys,

A visit from a friend with the perfect birthday gift....spreading the celebration out another day...

Home cooked dinner with the family,  A new chicken recipe - well received...

Kisses from kittens….snuggling  with the kittens make me smile (the most adored felines ever - Lily and Bella)

Hugs from my baby girl, Laughs and dishwashing help from her and her beau, reminded of how he  has done far more to “help” in the kitchen and around the house, than all other significant others of the siblings COMBINED  - what a treasure!

A quiet evening at home, with no outside commitments?  The perfect ending to the day!

Goodnight! (It’s funny how recalling the “good” almost made me forget the morning migraine – further benefit to focusing on the blessings!)

August 22nd - Birthday Blessings!

Wednesday August 22^nd….

This has been a year of growth.  One perhaps birthed in August of 2011 with the first “Gratitude Project”.  It’s been a year where quiet evenings at home have won out over being “constantly on the go.”  It’s been a year that the simple joys of sitting on my deck, in the sunroom or on the swing, have grown more meaningful.  There is great peace and contentment in sitting still, reflecting and listening to creation.  This has been a year of increased contentment – regardless of trials, household repairs and occasional drama.  It’s been a year, where the recollection of simple and profound joys is far more prominent than temporary setbacks, disappointments and hurts.  Life is not perfect – but it is much better than most realize!

The year of growth culminated today with an office full of gifts and cards, a fireplace full of gifts and cards, phone calls, lunch with a dear, dear friend, lots of birthday hugs, simple, low-key dinner, chocolate ganache, a dirty martini with extra blue cheese olives and my favorite – “family game time!”  (It seems that I’m the only person around that appreciates board games!)  Oh well – it was a great day – just what I had hoped for.  Birthdays are especially fantastic for those of us who have the love languages of "gifts" and “words of affirmation.”   I’ve been overly indulged today!





Today was an around-the-clock reminder of the many special people God has surrounded me with. I am the recipient of much love and affection.  Gratitude fills my heart!

 And, as always – I’m not embarrassed to mention my age, I’m just grateful for each day here...and refuse to be a woman to proud to admit the years she's been given.

44 is off to a most fabulous beginning....
 

 

Blue Stars - My Baby Girl - Friends (18th-21st)

Saturday August 18^th…..

Today, I’m reminded of how profoundly blessed I am to be a part of Blue Star Mothers of America.  Not only is the Atlanta Chapter full of phenomenal, caring women – but we are all united by a common bond. The bond we share is one that few “outsiders “ would understand – that of being a military mom.  All branches of service are represented. Most of us have known the agony of deployments; the frustration of mailing care packages overseas; and the anxiety induced images that sometimes plague our slumber.  We know firsthand the heightened attentiveness to news reports of roadside bombings, helicopter crashes, and wounded or lost local heroes. We understand how satellite phone calls at 3am can be the highlight of any given week. We know the incredible pride we have for our children’s sacrificial decision to join and we know the incredible concern we have upon news of deployments. 

Out of a group of 30, 7 of us lunched together today!

Lifelong friendships are often born in the midst of shared experience.  The support, encouragement, service to others, and camaraderie is an amazing gift.  Our monthly meeting was this morning, followed by lunch at a local restaurant.  Seven of us were able to attend – and it was a great time of getting to know each other even a little better.  It’s such a privilige to expand on our commonalities while learning more about our families, outlooks and interests.   

I’m so honored to be a part of this group that cares for each other individually, while also proactively supporting America’s military troops, our vets, and their families.

Sunday August 19^th…..

Migraines aren’t exactly cause for gratitude….however, since most of my day was spent lying down.  I’m grateful it occurred on a Sunday and not a day that was full of activity.  WGH took great care of me, making dinner and cleaning the kitchen afterward.  Given the pain in my head and the drowsiness from the meds, this is all I've got for today. 

If my profound gratitude for my comfy bed has yet to be expressed, let it be known now!  

 "Early to bed" for this  still grateful girl!

Monday August 20^th…..

Another Monday/Tuesday off this week – I’m grateful for the time to devote to errands, household projects and yes, sleeping late!  Last night’s pain meds caused me to sleep soundly through the night which is a huge blessing!

Today included a Bridal Shower Planning Session over lunch with my sister-in-law.  If not for being off today, we wouldn’t have been able to get together.  First on my list:  purchase, create and mail the invitations. 

Yes, again - I’m grateful for these August “free days”!  

Tuesday August 21^st……

Thinking about the many ways I’ve been blessed over the past 21 days – reminds me I should never have room to complain, not even for a millisecond!  My cup truly does runneth over.  This monthlong “gratitude exercise” in 2012 (not unlike 2011) is a great way to remain focused on things above ;  silver linings and just a ridiculously fabulous life!    Is everything perfect?  Absolutely not.  However, there are blessings every day, of all sizes, shapes, and modes – we just have to have our eyes wide open in order to see them.  God IS so good!
 

A moment of silliness before leaving...

This morning commenced my baby girl's Junior Year in College.  I was up early to make her breakfast and to snap the annual "first day photos".  It's surreal that my little angel is so grown up.  The fact that God chose me to be her mom has been a wildly phenomenal blessing that I'm reminded of each and every day.  It's hard to let discouragement invade my spirit when I see her still innocent, baby-blue eyes and her tender spirit shining through a beautiful exterior.  Superficial disappointments disappear and I'm reminded of the most incredible blessing of motherhood.  Not only motherhood in general - but I've got precious relationships with all three of my "babies."     Having no relationship with my own mother, makes the relationships with all three "now adult" children even more meaningful, and never to be taken for granted.

This day brought the possibility of an impromptu lunch with a lifelong friend.  Tonight, a simple but enjoyable  taco salad with the family satisfied a longstanding Mexican craving. It's been a delightful day of simple things....of simple things often overlooked, but those that bring true joy and pleasure to life!

This, my last day of being 43, brought the above reasons and many more – for sincere thanks.

Mark Zuckerburg & Angela (fka Angie) - Friday, August 17th

Perhaps it's only within my earshot and viewing, but many seem to assign blame for extra-marital affairs and momentary indescretions on Social Media, specifically Facebook. At risk of sounding insensitive, I have to laugh. Affairs and indescretions of any nature aren't the "fault" of Mark Zuckerburg and his brilliant invention. These willful choices remain attributable only to the the individual(s) involved. It seems another passive way for people and especially those with a "victim mindset" to place the burden of blame on the shoulder of another.

In the years, preceding FaceBook, did you ever heard anyone blame Alexander Graham Bell for the downfall of a marriage? Surely, there were phone calls made between consenting adults. What about people who've driven to hotels or flown across the country to meet a forbidden lover? Are we to blame the Wright Brothers for inventing the plane? Henry Ford for inventing the early Model-T? Personally, I don't see a difference. Sure - modern advancements, make communication between people and groups much more accessible. The information, tone and communicated intentions fall solely on the ones tapping out their words on a keyboard.

On the contrary, I have found social media - and specifically, Facebook to be a tremendous benefit and vehicle to build and maintain healthy relationships. I's a modern convenience and method of communicating for which I'm very grateful. In just a few keystrokes, and at a convenient time of my choosing - I can catch up on a few friends; check out my kids' pages; send a quick note to my aunt; and see updates on situations for which counsel and prayer have been requested. One friend keeps me entertained with her cat pictures and apprised of my "other daughter's" school progress. Another friend keeps me laughing with the silly cartoons. Some online friends simply inspire me. 

FB is an easy way to quickly let someone know they're thought of.  As with our tongue, we can "speak life" or we can "tear down".  The words we "speak", whether verbally, sign language, email, blogpost, tweet or FB status - are extensions of our "tongue" and  therefore the same biblical wisdom should apply.  (Our tongue, tweets, and posts are no different than the pen in the hand of a ready writer....and therefore exist as expressions of our beliefs, priorities and level or lack of character.)

On a very personal level, Facebook has been for me:

• A way to stay more closely connected with out of town family and friends - especially, seeing pictures of events and celebrations that may have only been described in words before. It's extremely cool to see my cousins and their children online regularly, when we may only see each other once or twice per year otherwise.
• A manner to support and be supported in the role of "marine mom" and "military mom"in general.... I've engaged with many parents who have heard the words, "Mom, I'm joining the Marines" or "Mom, I leave for Afghanistan in three months". These are life experiences that weigh heavily on the hearts and minds of those of us who have raised sons and daughters who choose to serve our country as adults. I wouldn't trade my son's decision - in fact, I admire him for his commitment. However, it's been such an encouragement and a gift to connect virtually with others who feel the same pride in tandem with unmistakable concern. To build friendships online and subsequently meet your friends in person is incredible! While I've been able to meet several online friends while on vacations or as they passed through Atlanta - there are many that I've not encountered face-to-face, YET.
• An easy, non-threatening and convenient avenue to reconnect with classmates from K-12 and college. Several of us have gotten together for lunch or dinner on numerous occasions and a few of my former childhood friends have been over to my house and met my family. It's great fun to see how people you knew as children and teens turned out in their 30s and 40s.
• Sadly, but gratefully still - FB has enabled me to learn when old and new friends were dealing with terminal illness; and when others' families have been hit with their own shocking loss. Because of our online connections, many have met or reunited at the funerals of old friends. We were able to honor and celebrate the memory of one life lost - along with supporting and consoling the family they left grieving.
• Most recently, I've realized that FB is an easy way to stay connected to many new friends made in Trinidad. Intentions are to return to that special place where God intersected a special chapter in my life's story with the lives of so many amazing women and teens. In the meantime, it's great to pull out my ipad and see a note or post from a new friend...over two-thousand miles away!

Speaking of social media and amazing encounters in Trinidad: while sitting on the top bunk far from home, hungry and tired after a long day of ministry in energy-zapping heat and humidity, I logged on to FB. There, in response to an "update" I posted earlier were the words:

"Amazing! We are coming to Trinidad on the 13th and am so blessed by your posts!"

These words would have been an encouragement from anyone, but I was pleasantly surprised since they were the words of a girl I went to Elementary and High School with. (Unbeknownst to me, we were also at the same college for a short time.) Anyway, I hadn't thought of or seen her since our highschool graduation, more than twenty years ago. Also, "funny" we didn't really hang out in school. We knew each other, but weren't in the same social circles. Funnier still, neither she nor I even realized we were "FB Friends" until she noticed Trinidad updates on her newsfeed and I saw her comments in response. After an initial exchange, we shared a few notes. I felt prompted to offer a meeting so we could further discuss what she could expect in Trinidad, based on my experiences there just days before hers would commence.

Imagine my surprise, when at Starbucks, we realized that on an island with almost 1900 square miles she was heading to the exact same city in Trinidad.  Imagine the mutual shock when we discovered her group would be partnering with the same little church I had just left a few days earlier? We were completely dumbfounded by the realization she would be staying in the EXACT home that my team stayed in. (With the same couple out of a population of over 1,200,000 people?) The amazement continued as we learned that she and her family would be traveling with a team from my church and with someone I consider a great friend? Wow - what are the odds? The "odds" can only be described as God-sized.

While Angela and her team were ministering to the children of Trinidad, I was thrilled to see her words and pictures online.  Her posts, along with team updates from our mutual friend served as encouragements and reminders of a place and people forever to be remembered.  What a blessing to see some of the same smiling faces with my long ago classmate, a week after I was there in their midst, crying and laughing and doing life with them.    
Yesterday, we had lunch again. This is becoming a delightful habit!  Our conversation over chicken salad drifted toward childhood recollections, mutual friends and similarities we never knew existed. The perfect timing and the meaningful nature of this new friendship has been an amazing gift in a short time.

When I think back to schooldays, I remember thinking Angela was one of the "lucky ones" - with external beauty, a desirable neighborhood, widespread acceptance and popularity...you know, the things that "matter most" in adolescence. During those years, I struggled greatly with my awkward appearance, and the looming cloud of anonymity -marked with bouts of geekdom. Talking yesterday, I realize those years perceived as wildly different presented similar challenges for us both. Neither of us - nor most girls we knew then, escaped seasons of agonizing over many common hangups, challenges, temptations and self ascribed inadequacies. How sadly conventional it was and is for young girls to feel like fish out of water....when the common goal is to blend in. How refreshing it is now, to have authentic, transparent dialogue and a few laughs, with no adolescent pressure to appear as perfect. How wonderful to have shared beliefs, passions and meaningful experience as adults. As a grown woman, I can honestly say - I'm happier than ever, being the "Me" that I am now - flawed, conflicted and admittedly, still a work in progress.

Today, Angela is still a gorgeous redhead...in fact, she has grown more lovely with time. She has a tender heart and an obvious love and devotion for her husband and daughters. Because her love of Christ is core to her being - she radiates compassion, humility and kindess. This new friendship, originated online and ignited by shared experience, is another of the many ways in which God has blessed me lately. The perfect timing and the meaningful nature of our discussions has been an amazing gift.

In this monthlong endeavor of journaling daily causes for gratitude - I would be remiss to not mention my long ago classmate, and brand new friend. As the newfound friendships established two thousand miles away so quickly became dear, so has she. 

Music makes this "Girl Happy" - August 16th

While I was certainly not gifted with musical talent,  I've always been a music lover. "80s; Pop; Country (some); Contemporary Christian; Jazz; Gospel;  Classical - I listen to it all, anything but Bluegrass!  Today, being the 35th anniversary of Elvis's death - I'm still a fan of his.  He had an incredible voice - one that I somehow learned to appreciate at an early age (given that he died when I was only eight years old.)  Elvis's public legacy consists of many successful concert tours, an incredible library of music, black and white imagery of his earlier, controversial "moves"and an assortment of movies - none academy award winners, but entertaining nonetheless.  We recently had an Elvis movie night:  Brittany, Becky, Kimmie, Creighton and myself...  I am pretty confident it was the first time 3 of the 5 ever laid their eyes on "Girl Happy" or any other EP film. His legacy has now been shared with another generation in my household!

Anyway, in journaling reasons I'm grateful today, I am reminded of the power of music.  The way a certain song can cause a lost memory to return; the way some songs bring an immediate smile and how some just whisper "it's time to chill,  grab a bubble bath, glass of wine, and candlelight".  Nothing gets me cleaning or cooking more quickly and effectively than some well-timed Prince, Robert Palmer, Cher, CeCe Winans, Katy Perry or Tim McGraw flowing through my earbuds, especially early in the morning.  Some melodies help me focus, some help me to relax and let go.  They all make me want to dance!

I'm grateful for music, and for those who compose, perform, record and play it.  Most of all, I'm thankful for the ability to hear it!

Last Ounce of Courage (August 15th)

Wednesday August, 15th

Yesterday, I attended an advanced screening of “The Last Ounce of Courage”. It’s a film produced by Veritas – with emphasis on Faith, Family and Freedom. Admittedly, not all films in this genre are the most “stimulating”. Their budgets don’t typically allow for big name actors nor for mind-blowing pyrotechnics. However, the story and the meaning were highly impactful. I didn’t see a dry eye around me. 

One scene toward the end was particularly hard to watch – but it greatly illustrated the price paid for the freedoms we enjoy as Americans. These are freedoms we too often take for granted. I am so grateful we live in a country where we are free to share our opinions; free to share our beliefs; free to dance; free to choose our vocation; elected officials; where to live and how to spend our money. I pray that these freedoms are not ever compromised – but little by little, our freedoms seem to be in increased jeopardy. 

God, please help us to recognize what an amazing gift we have here in the United States of America. Thank you too, for the countless men and women who gave their lives for this country. Let us not lose reverence, care and concern for their families left behind. May we always remember – and never forget, that Freedom is far from free and never let us fail to recall the debt we have to those who gave all.

While the film - and my point, is one of a patriotic nature, I cannot overlook the freedom we have as followers of Jesus. Those freedoms we enjoy as Americans, are hugely significant – but not eternal. The forgiveness available to us, the peace accessible, and the promise of eternity in Heaven are ours. These liberties came with a great price – one that changed history, and divided time - and one that will change our future forever.

Time is fleeting. I’m grateful I came into this understanding before my last breath. For those family and friends who have done the same, I am so grateful. Long after we leave this planet, we will be together. God, please don’t let my other loved ones close their eyes today for the last time - without having accepted Jesus into their hearts. For the ones who still doubt, help them over the threshold into Salvation. 

May others see through my life and others – that you love us all and can use us in your greater plans, regardless of where we came from; our "pedigree"; foolish choices and our own inadequacies. I pray that onlookers will see it’s not about “rules” and being “against” causes and positions. Our faith has gotten a bad name in some circles – unfortunately, justifiable. Break those spirits of condemnation for we are not the ones who are to condemn. Help others to see joy, fun,laughter, and care and compassion in action, as integral components of the Christian life. Help doubters to see us as loving people and not ones who ostracize – we aren’t all like that. Unfortunately, many of the ones who are just seem to have louder voices and greater platforms.

Thank you for making the way for us available…..but these words of thanks seem so insignificant for One who would die for me. May my life and my attitude praise You all my days and bring glory to your name.

Ample Causes for Gratitude....12th thru 14th

Sunday, August 12^th

 A meaningful moment today occurred during the break between first and second hours – a couple of friends prayed with and for me….and specifically for Aunt B and the tragic circumstances that befell her a few days ago.  (It’s a genuine gift to be surrounded by people who care.)

Tonight was my favorite night of the Olympics…. The Closing Ceremonies...a return to normal programming.  (On top of that, I enjoyed the 80s flashbacks!)

This was a quiet day, with church….reading….writing…..resting….and William cooking (as is customary for Sundays.)    It’s an easy day to say, “I’ve no complaints”  – but on the most difficult of days, will my response be the same?  (A Work in Progress….as always)  I’m grateful for every moment of this day – may that be my heart on the days when the phone rings or the doorbell chimes – with difficult news on the other side.  May this be my attitude and response when my body aches; angry words fall on these sensitive ears; heartbreak comes and when well-intended plans go amok?  May I always say, “It is well.” 

Monday, August 13^th

With today and tomorrow wildly unexpectedly free in absence of Bryce and of office hours – I intend to maximize these moments with “must do” items for the month of August.  Thank you for the window of unobstructed opportunity to achieve these items which will free my mind and relieve pressure, later this month! 

Off to the Emissions inspection station and tag office I went – 2012 inspections and tag renewals are now complete for all cars in our household….and not “last minute”.  My oil has been changed, and tires rotated.  In the midst of errands – were rare weekday moments of relaxation, phone calls with family and a few frivolous chapters of a Nicholas Sparks novel.  Little joys, and necessary accomplishments.  Thank you for this time…I’m reminded too, of the incredible opportunity I had when the children were small for the days like these…not typical  in today’s world .  It was a privilege to stay home with my babies – to keep them out of daycare, and to easily and freely complete necessary tasks for our family.   Today I was reminded of how much I enjoyed the role of stay-at-home Mom.  That was a significant gift.

Tuesday, August 14^th

A few more chapters of “A Safe Haven” were enjoyed while waiting to be called to the renewal counter at the DMV.  I actually had expectations of finishing the book; starting another and journaling several pages on my own, given the horror stories of late.  The heightened documentation requirements which went into effect on July 1^st have spawned a series of local news stories, and countless personal testimonies – all negative.  Gratefully, my experience went smoothly and timely.  Having all of my documentation in order – I was in and out of the local office in less than an hour.  It’s all about preparation!   Another errand completed – and it will be five years before this one hits my annual “to do list”.  Phew!  It feels great to get those things off the list and out of my mind!

Another cause for gratitude today?  I had a significant balance remaining in my FSA.  After the last few years of health issues – going through the pre-tax dollars in record time, I had a remarkable surplus remaining this year.  Understanding that any funds remaining in the account as of August 31^st would be forfeited, I was able to purchase 4 new pairs of prescription glasses.  It was fabulous to pick out fun “spare glasses” but the bigger cause for praise is a healthier year – one without cat scans, biopsies, MRIs and surgery.  Bigtime gratitude on this point!  (And I can’t wait to pick up my new red progressive lenses….way more fashionable than my current black ones!) 

Days 9, 10 and 11 of August....Still Grateful!

Today, Thursday August 9^th…

The day started a little glum as I was SOOO looking forward to having our little “grandblessing” with us for the next few days.  Not only was I eagerly anticipating his arrival this morning, but a medical appointment, a meeting, and 2 vacation days were “reconfigured” in his honor.  His arrival today was also one of many factors that went in to the decision NOT to join WGH in Wisconsin to aid Aunt B.

Feelings of sadness, followed by frustration brought to mind a discussion I had with a loved one whose propensity is toward “the cantankerous”.  With that recollection, came conviction. Oftentimes it seems, when we complain it’s because we feel that “our” rights; preferences; schedules, plans, etc. have been infringed upon. 

Rather than taking the victim stance, I’m looking forward to knocking out a few “must-do-in-August” tasks.  I’m certainly not insinuating we should freely run over other people in anticipation of a “by” – the Golden Rule still applies.  But, what’s done is done.  Complaining doesn’t change outcomes.    That silver lining, those hidden blessings are there….we just keep our eyes open to them! J

On another note, William is on his way home tonight…. Can’t wait to see him and thank him again for the way he has stepped up.  He’s amazing – and my eyes don’t even have to be open in order to see the incredible blessing he is to me and to our entire family! It’s crystal clear!  

Today, Friday August 10^th…

So, when I woke up this morning…. WGH was lying next to me.  (Thank you God, for safe travels – and all those delays were probably part of the whole “safety plan”!) 

We are in for a much needed night at home…. Lowkey, catching up and rest for all!  Thank you…and Goodnight!

Today, Saturday August 11^th ….

The first thing that comes to mind when this day rolls around each year is my grandmother.  Without looking at last year’s “August Reasons for Gratitude” I’m confident she was high on the list - this day, one year ago.  As time without her here on Earth increases, so does the realization of her tremendous impact.   When I think of Bryce (and the ones to come) she is the model I long to emulate.  Nannie lived 500 miles from me, in Kettering, Ohio – yet, our relationship was much closer than any “grandmother –granddaughter pairing”  I’ve known.    She was the epitome of the traditional grandma, mixed with abundant   laughter; faith; perseverance; wisdom that many likely disregarded and generosity that too many probably manipulated.   

Whenever I wear navy today, a gentle smile spreads across my face.  It’s almost an “unannounced tribute”.  She wore navy often.  She would likely be flattered and giggle - as she did in the face of many silly “inside jokes”. 

The most horrific thing she did to my knowledge was getting me hooked on one of her “stories”:  Days of our Lives.  It was back in the day when Bo and Hope were engaged and I was immediately sucked in!   It’s funny to me that she ever followed that show.  Somehow, I suspect she’d be glad that I kicked that habit many years ago.  (Although, if I ever “land” on an episode while channel surfing today, it’s apparent that some of the same characters from the 80s are stuck in the most eccentric plots imaginable!)  I’m guessing, she’d have kicked that guilty pleasure by now herself! 

She baked cookies, decorated her quaint little home for Christmas in a manner that is still fresh in memory.  She giggled a lot; was a great listener and an amazing encourager.  Nannie made phone calls, wrote letters, and sent little care-packages from time to time. She prayed a lot. She was the local “Avon lady”.  As a little girl who adored “girly” things, I always thought it was ultra-cool to have a grandmother in the “cosmetics industry.”  (She kept me supplied with teeny, pale lipstick samples that were about the length of my fingernail.)  Of course, I had all the collectible animal decanters too.  (It’s one of those things that few would understand now – unless, they had a similarly chic “Avon Lady” grandma!)

 Nannie was an incredible all-around woman; a loving, devoted and persevering wife; a model grandmother (apart from that little “Days of our Lives” indiscretion); and one of the most influential people in my life.  In contrast, she gave me my first Bible – a large Children’s Bible that I’d love to have today.  Even if I never lay my hands on the pages again, the impact and the memory can’t be undone.

I miss her as much today as I did the day she left us.  However, I’m grateful for the closeness shared.  The fact that I still miss her – is cause for thanks.  I hope that 20 years after I’m gone, there will be a few that miss me.  Hopefully, I will have made a fraction of her impact on my babies …and on theirs.

Thank you, God – for allowing Mary Eunice Young to bring my dad and his three siblings into this world. That step was crucial in her becoming the absolute best grandma one could have.  She was a special, strong, but yet tender woman.  How privileged I was to have had her for 20 plus years….and her prayers and memories with me still.     

Exhausted and Grateful on Wednesday, the 8th of August

With the events of yesterday on top of the emotional news received on Monday - I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.  But...How can I be the one to complain?  I simply cannot and will not embrace an attitude of negativity or complaint.  The level of hurt that exists within my own heart over recent days demands nothing less than a decision to convert pain into compassion and action for the ones most affected with sudden loss.  The family of a  27 year old man with presumed decades before him; and the family and close friends of a 71 year old man, active and healthy with no signs of slowing down. 

Days and weeks like this serve as reminders  to embrace the mornings we do open our eyes and to give thanks for the countless blessings that we too often take for granted. 

As I wind down this day - exhausted, my heart is grateful for the days the Lord has given me...and for whatever days remain.  There were a few times when He clearly kept me around for reasons yet known - but for reasons I pray will be fulfilled through obedience and increased intimacy with Him.

My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for William's willingness to go to Wisconsin and "be there" for Aunt Brenda, for difficult tasks, conversations, decisions, and a lot of driving.  They both have to be physically exhausted beyond what my body feels at present, again - no room for me to complain, but I'm reminded to pray for supernatural energy, peace and mercies along the way.

Lastly, and while it may sound insignificant.  I'm very grateful for my home - a respite and place of peace and comfortable familiarity.  At the risk of sounding trite - our bed is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in (the mattress is over eight years old - and I don't care what those mattress commercials say about the "8 year rule"!) 

Life brings days like these - days where we'd opt to rewind and change direction and outcomes if given that ability. That opportunity will never be ours. No matter what happens, no matter what disappointments befall us; without regard to our own plans and expectations - our days are limited and we don't have the foresight to know the time and day of our final breath. These weeks should be viewed as wake up calls, still an opportunity of sorts for a "fresh start".  We have the ability to be fully engaged and aware; reminded of our own mortality; the need for well documented and communicated final plans; our need to forgive and be forgiven; to make amends; and to live genreously and without regrets.  It's an invitation to start each day anew, with intentions of praise and obedience to the One who holds it all, Owns it all, and controls the calendar days remaining and the clock ticking on our Earthly existence.  There is no time to waste.  This profound reminder is in itself, a gift.  It's a re-realization pregnant with implication and cannot be ignored. 

With the challenges of the last few days, the greatest joy and contentment largely come in the form of intangible blessings like love of family and friends, time and opportunity.  Still, the little things right now are appreciated more greatly too.  Goodnight from a tired and grateful heart.

A Tragedy on Tuesday, August 7th

“Tawnda, its Aunt Brenda... I'm in Wisconsin with Chuck and he just fell off a bicycle.  He's unconscious. The paramedics are working on him and an ambulance is on the way. Please pray. Please get everyone you can to pray. I'll call you later.” (This was the moment today I knew something was terribly wrong, yet still remaining optimistic of a positive outcome.)

 moments later: an almost identical voice mail from Aunt Brenda.

 moments later: A voice mail from my Dad asking if I had talked to Aunt Brenda (his baby sister.). He had received a call from her cell phone but she wasn't on the line. He could hear emergency personnel in the background and was able to catch her providing my name and contact information to the deputy on the scene. He was understandably concerned that she was injured somehow - not knowing the circumstances of the call.

Immediately, having missed all three calls back to back, I dialed my Aunt’s number and there was no answer on her end.  As she had requested, I quickly sent out a prayer request to the church staff and our elder board, providing the limited information available.  Using my office line, I dialed Dad on “speaker” leaving both hands free to dial Aunt Brenda and to search online for available resources in the area she was calling from.  After another unsuccessful attempt to make contact, with my dad listening - I replayed the two voice mails from Aunt Brenda so he would know all that had been shared. 

From that point on, the timeline is muddled. I know at one point she expressed a continued plea for prayer.  She was still at the accident scene and paramedics were working on her friend in the back of the ambulance. Shortly thereafter, through heartbreak and tears, she said that Chuck, her longtime friend and a man she almost married at one point - was gone. If immediate memory is correct, this was the most helpless moment of my lifetime to date.   

The beginning of a longtime precious relationship. 
(I'm the smaller one)

To understand the enormity of the situation, one needs to understand that Aunt Brenda is not the “average” aunt.  She and I have long had a special bond.  Growing up, I was often compared to her by numerous relatives, even by my grandmother – an expert on both subjects! In adulthood, while there have been unique paths and traits, our similarities and common interests have continued to be numerous.  Family and friends long observed our likeness in appearance (which is an encouragement – she still acts and looks years younger than her actual age)  In fact, many have said, I look more like her daughter than a niece, some  even said "sister".  I embrace those assessments as great compliments.  She is the baby sister of my Dad – and they have always been close.  I was my Dad’s first child…and we too, were always very close.   

 
Over the years, family drama and unhealthy dynamics reared uncontrollably, and as a result – communication between much of the family ceased.  The situation goes back for decades and is too complicated and too convoluted to articulate in a few short words.  Dysfunction in the family is much like the weeds that seem to flourish in seasons of drought.  Kudzu, Poison Ivy, Dandelions and wild onions prosper when left to run their course, unhindered.  In the case of the vine varietals, they billow over stone walls and fences, almost appearing intended there.  Meanwhile, those undesirables rob nutrients from the roots of planned, desired flora. The powder blue hydrangeas, bubblegum pink roses and once thriving azaleas wither with leaves turning yellow.  The weeds, insidious by nature – begin to dominate and the beauty of the landscape is subsequently diminished.   

This horticultural illustration seems an almost perfect comparison to  a family plagued with issues long ignored.  As weeds thrive and beauty in our garden fades; so does the weed of dysfunction long ignored and uncorrected yield a harvest of life-sucking, beauty robbing, bitter saplings with self-serving root systems. 

This metaphor may seem like a stretch to some, but in our family with all kinds of “flora” – and more than it's share of "weeds",  My Aunt B stands high above the landscape, resilient, stronger than she looks and beautiful.  Bear with me as I connect the thoughts:

According to the UGA Horticulture Department: Southern magnolia, Magnolia grandiflora, is an aristocratic tree. It grows well throughout Georgia, is widely adaptable to a variety of soils and has few pest problems. With glossy evergreen foliage and large white fragrant blossoms, it truly is one of the most beautiful and durable native trees for our Southern landscapes.

(fragant: as in 2 Corinthians 2:15 "For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing")

Other resources specify that they are heat, sun and shade resistant. Magnolias can withstand significant pest infestation and they tolerate disease better than most.  I shared a few thoughts awhile back about a little magnolia that grew in our backyard.  It amazed me initially by mere survival – and more significantly, its increased ability to thrive in a less than desirable environment, probably similar to many of us!)    
http://tawnda.blogspot.com/#!/2011/05/backyard-applications-to-life-2-steel.html)

A more recent photo of us...
I'm no longer the smaller one.

Aunt Brenda is likened to the strength, beauty and reslience of the Magnolia.  Not just ornamental beauty, but like the Magnolia, she serves as a barrier against outsiders and a shade from the sun, an earthly refuge of sorts.  In her vocation as a Christian Counselor, she comforts others, shields and helps mend their family relationships, fractured self images, marriages and fragile hearts.  As a follower of Jesus, no doubt she prays for her counselees as well as those in her sphere of influence.  Aunt Brenda has often prayed for and consoled me through challenges that would shock the masses. There has been no shortage of pain and heartache….as is the case with most everyone I know.  But, there has been no shortage of comfort and prayer along this journey – and much of that has come through my very, very special aunt.  We are close.  I am greatly blessed to have her in my life.  

More than anything this evening, I wanted to be near her so I could provide a fraction of the comfort and companionship she has lavished on her niece. It’s so heartbreaking not to have that option tonight.  I hear her crying and immediately, I cry too.  The sound of her despair  is a weighty burden. 

After numerous short phone updates with Aunt B, with my Dad and with WGH – we have a plan.  After factoring in logistical capability, sense of direction, travel prowess and sheer availability, coupled with an impending visit from Bryce – we decided it’s best for my husband to hop on the next available flight.  

So, as I conclude this entry, we are preparing for bed with a 3:30am morning alarm set.  There are legitimate, undeniable reasons for grief, heartache, great concern, and a sense of helplessness.  A life was lost today, without any warning and in the midst of an anticipated vacation.  In the loss of human life – the ones left behind bear the loss.  Without faith, and without a future hope, I don’t know how some cope.  To my knowledge, all involved have that future hope.  Time will eventually ease the pain and surely in the future, decades of joy-filled memories will provide loving comfort and bring a smile to the faces of those who remain. A promise of a future reunion will make those cherished memories even sweeter.

My heart is conflicted – I want to go and be with Aunt Brenda, to hug her tight and to let her cry on my shoulder for as long as she needs.  However, when emotion is removed from the decisionmaking process, there is no question that WGH is definitely the better suited helper this time.  (There are many logistics that I have no idea how to navigate; Chuck's personal belongings, his hotel room, his car, a lengthy drive to his home in Chicago, a meeting with his family and another drive from Chicago on to Columbus, Ohio) 

 At this point, and even in the midst of tragedy… I'm reminded of many causes for gratitude:

• For my Aunt – and the closeness we share.
• For her friend Chuck, that his death was quick and without suffering; that he was in the midst of riding a bike in a beautiful park in Northern Wisconsin with a longtime dear friend… one that he turned back to check on with a smile not long before.
• For the memories created over a forty year friendship - and the comfort they will bring
• For "Kathleen" - a random lady who came upon the scene and has remained with Aunt Brenda throughout this ordeal, helping her to locate the car.  Since Chuck was driving, Aunt Brenda had no recollection of its whereabouts. 
• For the kindness of the police department in "Fish Creek, Wisconsin" - I am grateful for the kindness and generosity they have shown to her in this crisis.
• For the numerous friends who immediately prayed today - within minutes.  My guess is those prayers were at least somehow answered in the form of Kathleen and the "Fish Creek Sheriff's office"
• For the phone calls with my Dad today….although, it was a tragic situation that led to multiple conversations – it’s a gift to hear his voice on the phone.
• Today has been a blazoned reminder of the value of family, friends and time.  None are guaranteed, but still some some family, friends and time remain at this point along life's journey.  I’m indebted to the Creator for each.

No Longer Bound....The Sixth of August 2012

What a drastic change from yesterday….  Difficult news fell on my ears.  A longtime “family friend” lost his 27 year old son last week. In fact, I was told by a third party that the death was labeled suicide.  Immediately, my mood fell to shock and sadness.  The word “suicide” made it even harder to absorb. (Before I say more, let it be known I later learned this was not suicide.)

While I had been enjoying DC with my precious son last week, a sweet family here at home felt the sting of death beneath their roof.  While we were watching my son march in his first NCO parade by the National Marine Memorial, this dear family was saying goodbye to their precious son.  Roughly 450 people gathered in honor, respect and support of a family faced with losing their middle child.  His was a life that was vibrant, and more than ever - full of promise, peace with God, and peace with family and friends. This good looking guy always had a smile on his face and was quite charming.   (I’m pretty confident that at least one of my daughters had a crush on him in recent years. )

This dad is sincerely one of the nicest guys we’ve ever encountered – always friendly, encouraging, very humble….and being a former Military Man himself, he’s extremely supportive of our Marine Son.  We’ve frequented his restaurant at least once a week for breakfast (and more often twice or more), since my son was in elementary school.   He literally saw my kids grow up.  In recent years, he’s supported the ministry of FBC in various ways – although, he has never been on our campus.  He’s truly a gem – and his wife is a sweet, demure compliment to her husband and to their three boys.

To this day, I remember the first time I saw my dad really, really cry – and will never forget it.  Having seen my husband in tears, my son in tears and male friends who have wept openly in my presence, I honestly believe it’s one of the hardest things to witness.  Men, conditioned to be “strong” are often reluctant to let the emotions take over.  As a sentimental woman, I sob regularly. Commercials make me cry.  Homeless people on the sidewalk elicit tears.  Animals lying stiff on the side of the road make me weep.  I can’t help it – it’s really how God wired me.  In contrast, and while my tears are genuine - there is something powerful and inspiring,  about the tears of a grown man.  

This evening, I pulled into the driveway not knowing what to expect.  I saw the silhouette of the Dad sitting in the driver’s seat of his truck.  Exiting my car and collecting the floral arrangement and cards, I started walking toward the family home.  He opened the door and stepped out of his truck after detecting movement in the rearview mirror.  As he sobbed, and clenched his heart - I couldn’t control the tears gushing down my face. This always jovial guy, stood weeping – and profoundly hurting.  An inadequate, basket case with tear stained cheeks and a vase of white flowers stood before him…what on Earth could I say to him or to his Bride, to ease their pain?  NOTHING. 

~~~~~

With this news looming overhead today, it’s admittedly been a bit harder to feel “grateful” …My burden for this couple and their remaining children is heavy. To me and my husband, outsiders of sorts – it’s heartbreaking.  I can’t begin to fathom the loss and the pain they are experiencing in the deepest recesses of their being. 

As God promises, there are already details in the midst of tragedy, to which this family is clinging to for comfort, peace and yes – I suppose even a morsel of gratitude. (How can any of us complain about trivial things when we see families experiencing true heartache?) 

Without disclosing the personal details…

• First, this was not an intentional act….Their son was happier and more optimistic about the future than ever.  There were multiple indicators of his plans for the coming days, months and years -  including an active social life, volunteer commitments and familial intentions  
• A year ago, their son was in a difficult place spiritually and emotionally… but he experienced a personal revival in the last several months – a different man on the 27^th of July, than a year ago
• Twelve months ago, the family wouldn’t have been able to face his loss with the hope they have now…
• The dad indicated he and his bride are closer than ever…and their love is greater than before
• They witnessed positives and strengths in both of their remaining sons…made obvious in these difficult circumstances
• The dad indicated he and his sweet wife have been warmly embraced by countless friends and family in the days that have followed the beginning of “their nightmare”
• The chapel at the funeral home was filled beyond capacity with caring supporters - so much so there had to be an "overflow"

These are just a few points shared in brief conversation…. While they are cause for thanks - I’m surmising, causes for gratitude must fade in and out of focus….but am prayerful for the family, that with  time comes increased comfort, peace and long lingering grateful hearts.

 Personally, from the outside looking in….

I’m grateful…

• For the closeness of their family of origin (not all are so fortunate)
• For the love and support of the local community
• For the growing intimacy with each other and the Lord (I pray the trajectory never changes)
• For the  special memories made over twenty-seven years…. (better to have had those years than not)
• For the promise of a future reunion…. (one day….for all eternity)
• For the fact their middle son is no longer bound to the pain, heartbreak and temptations of this world…. (an opportunity available to each of us)
• And that the moment of his unanticipated final breath – he was bound for the presence of Jesus for all eternity… (a promise we can all take to heart….literally)

Through tears, my heart is yet grateful - on this solemn sixth day of August.