As said before, I should never cease to be amazed by the wondrous and unexpected ways the Lord sometimes speaks to my heart. In fact, just this past week - He's actually been opening my eyes to some areas requiring modification...and He's been speaking to me in my "OCD"!
My innate tendency is to "clean and organize". Granted, there are days when, if you looked in my closets, cabinets or office - you'd be surprised to hear that. I crave order and get excited about organization tools and tricks. However, given the busyness of life, priorities and seemingly waning energy - my home may sometimes be found in a state of disarray - rest assured, if that's the case, you'll find me in the same condition.
One of my greatest organizational triumphs in recent months was consolidating 375 dvds into one large binder. The DVDs are catalogued in a corresponding spreadsheet, along with film ratings, genre, cast/content notes and the page number on which the movie may be found. With all humility, I must admit - it's fairly genius! :) When the family wants to watch a specific movie - it's exciting to know the precise location - and to avoid a multi-room search.
Beyond my "wiring" - this gorgeous Atlanta weather has inspired a couple of big organization/simplification endeavors. The frustrating part is that you deal with a temporary "bigger-than-before-MESS" midway through the process. In this week's endeavors, my closest friends - both at home and at the office, have been shredders and scanners. Scanning is AMAZING - and is helping to rid life of piles of unnecessary paper. It's one of the greatest technological advances from the perspective of an organization freak!
In the progression of decluttering files and desk drawers - I came across two interesting and revealing folders. One was a "CYA" folder containing documents from more than a decade ago. Another was a "Just in case something bigger comes of this" folder - containing emails, letters, and my own handwritten, detailed notes documenting grievances with a couple of family members...and with a supposed friend. My thinking was that I may need "proof" to back up legal arguments some day, or to prove someone wrong in their hasty and non-discerning judgments and assessments. Maybe my sweet husband is on to something when he tells me "you've always got to be right."
First and foremost, I have forgiven all the people involved and never want to embody a bitter spirit toward them or anyone. There is no desire for revenge - no wish for vigilante justice, no wish for harm of any kind to come their way. Bottom line, we are all accountable for our actions and attitudes - managing our own is a "full time job"...we can't realistically expect to direct the behaviors of others!
Forgiveness doesn't assume restoration of relationship but it definitely frees the injured party...it took me a long time to "get that". It's interesting though, while not dwelling on past infractions - things happen that can pull back a scab you didn't know existed, leading to serious self examination and sometimes the whole process of forgiveness again. That's what happened today....
While flipping through the contents of multiple files, some of the harsh words and reminders of past actions, came into view. Beforehand, those recollections were far from mind...and definitely, far from my heart. Holding on to the "evidence" only served as an impromptu reminder and a catalyst to tears streaming down my face...tears that didn't exist moments prior.
The Holy Spirit convicted me of my own "judgment", and my need to be "right" in the eyes of man. Those documents only served as a painful reminder to me. The offenders didn't even know the data existed. Surely, Satan would prefer that those folders, toxic only to myself, remain in my drawer for his future merriment. They are now confetti. Even though the transgressions spoken of were not at all on my mind before this afternoon, after shredding them - I somehow felt "lighter." Spring Cleaning feels good - on so many levels!
As the 2011 "Spring Cleaning" continues in my home and at the office... it will continue in my personal walk with Him, as well. What other thoughts and patterns do I need to purge? What else needs to be removed from my life and "given away" in order to make room for peace and for true, lasting beauty?
Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; (Luke 6:35-37)
______________________________________________
"The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change."
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey."
"We do not forgive because we are supposed to; we forgive when we are ready to be healed."
"Waiting for someone to repent before we forgive is to surrender our future to the person who wronged us."
"When we forgive, we walk in stride with the forgiving God."
(taken from "The Art of Forgiving" by Lewis B. Smedes)
No comments:
Post a Comment