Being on a church staff exposes one to frequent, DAILY reminders of the greatness of our God. Members of the congregation, along with people across the country who have heard a sermon on the radio or online - will call in or send emails to let us know how their lives have been transformed through the Power of the Holy Spirit. Very often, I am moved to tears by the testimonies shared. Life is messy - yet we see beauty for ashes.
Sometimes, we are too quick to "credit" Satan with turmoil or challenges faced. It's true that the Enemy does attack us. Spiritual warfare is very real - but my first thought is usually that God is doing "something" in the midst of whatever trial is faced. Usually, I think of these challenging times as an "opportunity for growth" in the life of a daughter - seen and understood only by a Loving Father. Most of the time.
Last week, my husband, two daughters and our grandblessing were excitedly driving to Camp LeJeune to welcome my son back from a seven month deployment to Afghanistan. It had been an emotional seven months, (lots of opportunity for growth in this Mom's heart!) The anticipation of his arrival, coupled with my younger daughter's graduation from high school, and compounded by the shrill screams of a 17 month old, unhappy about 8 1/2 hours in the car...made for a long, emotionally draining day. But - nothing could rob this Mom of the joy of knowing her son was out of harm's way. Nor could be robbed, the warm relief of the "welcome home hug" that would replace the memory of the "goodbye hug" I replayed in my mind every day for seven months.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.....could minimize the joy. Or could it? I began to have doubts. After all, this day wasn't about me - and I didn't want it to become that. While the thought of seeing my young marine come off the bus and give me the promised, very special, "second hug" (second only to my soon to be, daughter-in-law) this day was about welcoming back heroes, one of them just happened to be my son. My primary objective was to make him feel loved, honored, welcomed and least of all - pressured, conflicted, and crowded. He had been away from the comforts of home, far from those he loves, and he had seen very difficult days in the time away. This was his day.
Thank God - he is safe. My husband and I were overwhelmed with emotion when we received the phone call from the FRO (family readiness officer) - that the plane had landed at a nearby airbase. Just knowing he was on the ground was overwhelming relief. After recovering from "happy tears" and a lengthy embrace with my husband, my thoughts again went to Tyler. The question in my mind: "what did he feel like the moment the plane touched down?" As the options ran through my mind, the tears again started flowing - what an emotional day this was!
Many back home were aware of this monumental day for our family - and many were praying for all aspects. Interestingly, our staff had spent considerable time talking about spiritual warfare in the days leading up to Homecoming. Ephesians 6:10-20, was fresh on my mind and a couple of close friends had encouraged me to pray through this specifically in conjunction with the Homecoming. (We should pray through this every day.)
Hubby and I also knew that we would face one of the two most evil people we've ever known and dealt with. With her presence, comes volatile potential. Our primary concern was that nothing interfere with or hinder Tyler's re-entry. Based on history, and the manipulation that led up to this very day - we prayed specifically that she'd not take from his joy. We've prayed this kind of prayer for all of our kids too many times to count - it's one thing to mess with me, but I cannot face well, the thought of another harming my children in any way. (Even now that they are all "adults".)
Back to logistics: hubby, both daughters and 17 month old grandblessing left the hotel not long after checking in and drove toward the "Homecoming Site". Emotions were high. Traffic was backed up. There was an accident, and a car fire and hundreds of other cars with families preparing to welcome back their Marine. We were listening to music and we were singing and having fun - all eager to see the "Man of the Day". Something prompted me to stop singing and start praying again... it was another text from a friend at church saying "Ephesians 6:10-20". So, I closed my eyes and was going through the "Armor of God." My eyes were closed, but abruptly opened when our car lunged forward in an intersection, after stopping at a light. I was trying to figure out what was going on as my husband indicated a loss of all power, including steering...and we drifted off the shoulder of the road as he struggled to turn the wheel away from an embankment.
With total transparency, I confess that I was giving Satan "credit" (again, not usually my modus operandi.) Sadly, my thought was "okay, you are really throwing darts at us today!" Seriously???? I was just praying against you and your forces - and you mess with our car???? Today - of all days!!! This is really BOLD. Fine.... I'll pray some more. As hubby got the car to start, and as it sputtered - I prayed that we would get to the Homecoming site in time to be there for the big moment. If we had to call for a tow truck following that long-awaited hug, then so be it. Just get us there God... PLEASE. We turned off the radio and I read Ephesians 6:10-20 aloud.
So...we sputtered and stalled and we arrived on base. Phew! We were in "position" a few hours before we saw the smile we all know and love so dearly. After the festivities concluded, the car started. Our son, his soon to be Bride, and her parents, drove in front of us as a precaution. With a few more "sputters" along the way, we made it to to our destination (our son's first home, away from us - besides the barracks.) We all enjoyed a couple of hours of just being together - and capped it off with BBQ in the wee hours of morning!
After closing our eyes for just a couple of hours of rest, my husband got up and left for the local dealership. He wanted to ensure the car issues would not interfere with the family day that was before us. He was there as they opened. After an hour or so, he called to tell me the issue. "You're not going to believe this! They found an acorn in our air intake." This may as well have been spoken in Aramaic, because my knowledge of cars is limited....VERY limited!
However, I totally understand what my husband said next, "The mechanic said we must have had someone watching over us." The acorn should have blocked the necessary oxygen-rich, fresh air from getting to the motor, easily resulting in a seized engine...in bumper to bumper traffic or at highway speeds. duh. We know who was watching over us...even though, (GULP) I allowed my mind to go in the opposite direction.
So, another reminder of God's protective hand.... of the way He works in our lives, in the details, even in auto mechanics. Prayerfully, this illustration will come to mind the next time I sense things are going awry. It may actually mean He's got me in the palm of His all powerful Hand, protecting and moving me to where I need to be.
Often, God sends us through seasons of "refining" - and it's nothing to do with Satan. Sometimes, the mucky stuff we walk through is nothing more than consequences for bad choices. Then, there are times, when we initially perceive that God has taken His hand off of us for a "moment" and that we are under attack - when later we realize, "We were actually cupped in His Hand." We've all had seemingly "unanswered prayers" but it's not necessarily that they're unanswered, but answered differently than we had hoped - but with outcomes far better than we had imagined." Sometimes, it may just be a short-term issue like with our acorn. The situation may go on for months or even years....we need to pray, listen for Him in the midst of it, and look for ways to to glorify Him as a result.
Metaphorically, we've all had "acorns in our air intake". How comforting to know He watches out for us even when the "acorn" wasn't even a perceived threat!
T.
"O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love." (Psalm 59:17)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
"Snapshots"
In just a few short hours, I'll click the final "pre-awake, last day of the school year " photo.....EVER. All three of my children have been routinely subjected to pre-dawn flashes of light as they slumber, just prior to the sounding of morning alarms and/or wake-up calls. These photos have occurred most consistently on the mornings of birthdays, Christmas, and the first and last days of each school year. Needless to say, we have amassed quite a collection of nocturnal photos! While my children, at times "pretended" to be annoyed by a mom with a penchant toward capturing their "Kodak Moments"... they LOVE it. My heart was recently blessed when my oldest shared that she has started the same photo practices with my grandson.
Undoubtedly, I'm not the first to photo-document most every event (and many "non-events") in the lives of my children...but this tradition wasn't one that either my husband or I were exposed to prior to implementing it with our own family. It sounds a bit corny...but looking back over the years - it's fun to see the changing faces, the changing morning backdrops (from Firetrucks, to 101 Dalmations, to Sports themes, solids, plaids, and the final requested "more manly" bedding) The girls have ranged from Minnie Mouse and Tweety Bird to more sophisticated toile prints (and many in between!) The impending final photo in this 'series' has led to contemplation about the value of photographs.
We've all heard that a picture is worth a 1000 words... I firmly believe 1000 words is a conservative estimate. Quite truthfully, the subject matter of your photos likely reveals a lot more than one might initially consider - priorities and preferences become apparent. Your "favorites" are as public as your "viewing audience." While it's true that "all children are different and therefore must be treated differently" - that's no excuse for blatant favoritism. I will go to great lengths to ensure my children and grandchildren will all be made to feel loved and valued. It's ridiculously irresponsible and hurtful to have 100s of photos of one or more child on display - compared to 0-3 of others. "Different children/Different treatment" implies a different methods of communicating, interacting, etc. In no way, is devaluing one or more child acceptable. They'd all like to see the snapshots of themselves at grandma/grandpas, etc. ...to know that they were well thought of, loved, and cherished - a meaningful member of the family. Differences in personalities and circumstances don't negate value...poor behavior shouldn't warrant preferential treatment, these practices lead to serious dysfunction-based on tons of personal experience. (A matter near to my heart for as long as can be recalled.) Seriously, some would do well to reread the story of Joseph and his brothers. There are plenty of biblical warnings about playing favorites with children. Consider snapshots carefully.... just because no one brings an issue to your attention, don't assume a lack of harm.
Portraits are typically "planned"....and are oftentimes given as gifts to family members or enclosed with annual Christmas cards. Over the years, we have predetermined acceptable "color schemes", clothing styles, patterns, backdrops, etc. We've done this: in professional studios, on the beach, in our living room, backyard, parks, etc. The intent is always to put the very best image (pun intended) in front of the people we know. This is certainly not to discount the value of family portraits - I'm a huge fan. However, when I peruse the thousands of pictures we've taken of our family of five - "portraits" don't elicit emotional responses quite like candid snapshots do.
Yesterday, we were blessed to welcome my son back to the US after a seven month deployment to Afghanistan. Our immediate family had a total of six cameras covering his long-anticipated homecoming. We were not alone. There were many just like us - huddled together in anticipation of the buses' arrival, eagerly waiting/listening/watching for the first sign of the young men we have loved as a son, brother, fiancée, husband or father. Most of the multitude were family in every sense of the word - having done "life" together for as long as could be remembered. However, there was a population of "photo opp seekers". (More than just a few.)
It has become increasingly apparent that this seemingly superficial demographic thrives on showing up at major milestones of those they want to be "credited" or "associated" with. (My experience dates back decades - and has only been reinforced and amplified as I've seen it play out a second generation.)
People with this shallow, self-serving motivation may have captured some of the same images as those of us who have been family for the long haul - but that's not what ultimately matters. Unless you've been an active, involved, positive influencer in a growing child's life - you're not likely to have experienced, and thus retained, the precious "day to day" images. Those moments instrumental in the shaping of a child to an adult - not the resulting ceremonies and celebrations.
The family snapshots we hold very dear contain just about anything imaginable.."daddy pulling teeth", photos of homework sessions, parallel parking, makeovers, folding laundry, preparing family dinners together (menu to cleanup), building a pergola, mowing the lawn, hanging out in the house with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, cousins, etc. The day we bought the boat, the day we sold the boat, the first ride on the boat, the last ride on the boat, swimming lessons, Brownie meetings, school field trips, trips to McDonald's. Soccer practice, tennis practice, barbie cars, wagons, chore days, fireworks, movie nights in the den, going to the doctor for checkups. These are days when there wasn't a "party" or a banner adorned with congratulatory affirmations - they were just moments from our family's "life". Each day mattered - whether we knowingly blew it as parents, or felt as though we masterfully navigated a difficult situation. We all grew in the process.
Unlike the foxholes many of us have been in for years, waging a fierce parental battle for character, integrity, responsibility, etc. - the Graduations and Homecomings are "easy". Celebrations are fun, joy-filled moments where all should collectively honor and celebrate those who have demonstrated outstanding character, excellence, perseverance, heroism, achievement, etc. (Similarly, celebrating and supporting marriages, births, etc.) Showing up at an event of this nature is: (as with Geico) "so easy a Caveman (or woman) can do it!"
On the subject of celebrating our children's achievements....a bunny trail: while we may have been integral in the development of the person they are today - they have been born with a free will. The milestones and acknowledgments celebrated are theirs - and theirs alone. Sometimes, we as parents tend to "accept credit" for our adult children's positive outcomes. (I've been guilty of this)
Just as we shouldn't accept credit for the positive outcomes - we must resist owning their poor decisions. (guilty of this one too!) We raise our children into adults, "launching arrows into the world - not boomerangs" (Dennis Rainey). When they leave the nest, taking on adult roles - they are solely accountable for their decisions. Like the rest of us...they will reap as they have sown. (Resist the urge to get in God's way by rescuing them, thus enabling destructive patterns - another hard concept.)
For a few years, naiveté led to my thinking that the teens/early 20s were to be the EASIEST from a parental perspective. How wrong my thinking was on that! We have pictorial histories of each child - and as they continue on their individual journeys - DH and I will love, encourage, pray for and yes...we'll probably goof up and give "unsolicited advice" - it's a journey that we're all on. It is, however, much fun and tremendously encouraging to look back at the three little lives God temporarily entrusted to us - to see where our parenting began and to know that as imperfect parents, HE alone has filled in some of our gaps and blessed our family immensely. I look forward to continued snapshots....best when they aren't "posing" for the camera - but are actively doing life.
My "baby" is graduating tonight! I look forward to celebrating and honoring her - not just because she is graduating from high school, but for doing so with integrity, with excellence, and while exhibiting Godly character - being a light in a dark world.
Congratulations Britt! "Well done".
More to come on this general topic. Right now, it's time to ensure camera batteries are charged and ready for the final "last day of school, morning snapshot!"
Undoubtedly, I'm not the first to photo-document most every event (and many "non-events") in the lives of my children...but this tradition wasn't one that either my husband or I were exposed to prior to implementing it with our own family. It sounds a bit corny...but looking back over the years - it's fun to see the changing faces, the changing morning backdrops (from Firetrucks, to 101 Dalmations, to Sports themes, solids, plaids, and the final requested "more manly" bedding) The girls have ranged from Minnie Mouse and Tweety Bird to more sophisticated toile prints (and many in between!) The impending final photo in this 'series' has led to contemplation about the value of photographs.
We've all heard that a picture is worth a 1000 words... I firmly believe 1000 words is a conservative estimate. Quite truthfully, the subject matter of your photos likely reveals a lot more than one might initially consider - priorities and preferences become apparent. Your "favorites" are as public as your "viewing audience." While it's true that "all children are different and therefore must be treated differently" - that's no excuse for blatant favoritism. I will go to great lengths to ensure my children and grandchildren will all be made to feel loved and valued. It's ridiculously irresponsible and hurtful to have 100s of photos of one or more child on display - compared to 0-3 of others. "Different children/Different treatment" implies a different methods of communicating, interacting, etc. In no way, is devaluing one or more child acceptable. They'd all like to see the snapshots of themselves at grandma/grandpas, etc. ...to know that they were well thought of, loved, and cherished - a meaningful member of the family. Differences in personalities and circumstances don't negate value...poor behavior shouldn't warrant preferential treatment, these practices lead to serious dysfunction-based on tons of personal experience. (A matter near to my heart for as long as can be recalled.) Seriously, some would do well to reread the story of Joseph and his brothers. There are plenty of biblical warnings about playing favorites with children. Consider snapshots carefully.... just because no one brings an issue to your attention, don't assume a lack of harm.
Portraits are typically "planned"....and are oftentimes given as gifts to family members or enclosed with annual Christmas cards. Over the years, we have predetermined acceptable "color schemes", clothing styles, patterns, backdrops, etc. We've done this: in professional studios, on the beach, in our living room, backyard, parks, etc. The intent is always to put the very best image (pun intended) in front of the people we know. This is certainly not to discount the value of family portraits - I'm a huge fan. However, when I peruse the thousands of pictures we've taken of our family of five - "portraits" don't elicit emotional responses quite like candid snapshots do.
Yesterday, we were blessed to welcome my son back to the US after a seven month deployment to Afghanistan. Our immediate family had a total of six cameras covering his long-anticipated homecoming. We were not alone. There were many just like us - huddled together in anticipation of the buses' arrival, eagerly waiting/listening/watching for the first sign of the young men we have loved as a son, brother, fiancée, husband or father. Most of the multitude were family in every sense of the word - having done "life" together for as long as could be remembered. However, there was a population of "photo opp seekers". (More than just a few.)
It has become increasingly apparent that this seemingly superficial demographic thrives on showing up at major milestones of those they want to be "credited" or "associated" with. (My experience dates back decades - and has only been reinforced and amplified as I've seen it play out a second generation.)
People with this shallow, self-serving motivation may have captured some of the same images as those of us who have been family for the long haul - but that's not what ultimately matters. Unless you've been an active, involved, positive influencer in a growing child's life - you're not likely to have experienced, and thus retained, the precious "day to day" images. Those moments instrumental in the shaping of a child to an adult - not the resulting ceremonies and celebrations.
The family snapshots we hold very dear contain just about anything imaginable.."daddy pulling teeth", photos of homework sessions, parallel parking, makeovers, folding laundry, preparing family dinners together (menu to cleanup), building a pergola, mowing the lawn, hanging out in the house with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, cousins, etc. The day we bought the boat, the day we sold the boat, the first ride on the boat, the last ride on the boat, swimming lessons, Brownie meetings, school field trips, trips to McDonald's. Soccer practice, tennis practice, barbie cars, wagons, chore days, fireworks, movie nights in the den, going to the doctor for checkups. These are days when there wasn't a "party" or a banner adorned with congratulatory affirmations - they were just moments from our family's "life". Each day mattered - whether we knowingly blew it as parents, or felt as though we masterfully navigated a difficult situation. We all grew in the process.
Unlike the foxholes many of us have been in for years, waging a fierce parental battle for character, integrity, responsibility, etc. - the Graduations and Homecomings are "easy". Celebrations are fun, joy-filled moments where all should collectively honor and celebrate those who have demonstrated outstanding character, excellence, perseverance, heroism, achievement, etc. (Similarly, celebrating and supporting marriages, births, etc.) Showing up at an event of this nature is: (as with Geico) "so easy a Caveman (or woman) can do it!"
On the subject of celebrating our children's achievements....a bunny trail: while we may have been integral in the development of the person they are today - they have been born with a free will. The milestones and acknowledgments celebrated are theirs - and theirs alone. Sometimes, we as parents tend to "accept credit" for our adult children's positive outcomes. (I've been guilty of this)
Just as we shouldn't accept credit for the positive outcomes - we must resist owning their poor decisions. (guilty of this one too!) We raise our children into adults, "launching arrows into the world - not boomerangs" (Dennis Rainey). When they leave the nest, taking on adult roles - they are solely accountable for their decisions. Like the rest of us...they will reap as they have sown. (Resist the urge to get in God's way by rescuing them, thus enabling destructive patterns - another hard concept.)
For a few years, naiveté led to my thinking that the teens/early 20s were to be the EASIEST from a parental perspective. How wrong my thinking was on that! We have pictorial histories of each child - and as they continue on their individual journeys - DH and I will love, encourage, pray for and yes...we'll probably goof up and give "unsolicited advice" - it's a journey that we're all on. It is, however, much fun and tremendously encouraging to look back at the three little lives God temporarily entrusted to us - to see where our parenting began and to know that as imperfect parents, HE alone has filled in some of our gaps and blessed our family immensely. I look forward to continued snapshots....best when they aren't "posing" for the camera - but are actively doing life.
My "baby" is graduating tonight! I look forward to celebrating and honoring her - not just because she is graduating from high school, but for doing so with integrity, with excellence, and while exhibiting Godly character - being a light in a dark world.
Congratulations Britt! "Well done".
More to come on this general topic. Right now, it's time to ensure camera batteries are charged and ready for the final "last day of school, morning snapshot!"
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Simple Woman's Daybook # 5
FOR TODAY...
Outside my window...I've enjoyed watching a bluejay fly in and out of the birdhouse - several times a day.
I can hear... the news is on, but barely audible.
I am thinking...the coming week will be one we'll always remember/My "Mom Pride" is at an all time high - can't wait to see Tyler step off the bus at LeJeune - can't wait to see Britt walk across the stage and accept her diploma - so looking forward to having Rach & Bryce with us (Love hearing his sweet little voice "non-stop" chatter!)
I am thankful... my children know I was there to help with homework K-12 (not just show up for graduation), Take care of them when they were sick (even the 3am cleanups), hold their hands while getting stitches, shots, etc., teach them about faith (not undermine and trivialize it), provide guard rails for the teen years (instead of encouraging lying, cheating, promiscuity, and general deviation from family values), that I will always have the memories of daily carpool, late night baseball games, girl scout camps, potty training, family vacations, field trips, room mom duties, tennis lessons, 10pm "outings" for Jane Austen books/movies/poster board, etc. (due the following morning), for the memories of college orientations, moving daughters in to dorms, late night talks about love and life, special birthday traditions, the opportunity to take my son to the Recruiter's office the rainy afternoon he left for Parris Island/the hugs we shared after boot camp graduation, the days, laughs, and hugs we all shared leading to deployment, the angel still sleeping downstairs - who in many ways - saved my life, chorus concerts, violin lessons, batting lessons, trips to Disney, to the beach, Six Flags, White Water, Stone Mountain, messy rooms, chicken pox, trick-or-treating, teaching them to drive, falling from trees, American Girl Dolls, the closeness enjoyed with all 3, the opportunity to comfort my oldest while in labor, the Wednesday "chore days", to see them fall in and out of love, mono, beanie babies, "pretty, pretty princess", "Guess Who", Four-Square in the street, the "time out chair", the struggles, the ups, the downs, the good days and the hard ones...they were all worth it. The words "Mom/Mommy/Momma" are a blessing to my soul, for they are out of love and not obligation. Being a mom has been the hardest and simultaneously most rewarding and enjoyable "job" I've ever held - one that I'd gladly do again. I'm forever THANKFUL for this lifelong journey....every aspect of it!
From the kitchen...still undecided - maybe tacos tonight.
I am wearing...gym shorts and a Marine Mom t-shirt.
I am creating... photo albums , scrapbooks...(always), rehearsal dinner place cards, graduation party invitations, a "bucket list" for the house, etc.
I am going... to a staff meeting in less than 2 hours (time to get moving!)
I am reading...many things. My reading stack consists of 5 books, several magazines and countless articles on spiritual matters, etc.
I am hoping...for an unhindered week of celebration with all my children - and hubby.
I am praying...that Britt will enjoy the coming week of graduation activity, that Tyler will easily and healthily transition into life back in the states, and that Bryce will do well on the 8 hour drive.
Around the house, it's time for me to start pulling Tyler's clothes from his bedroom, packing them for his first "home" of his own.
I am creating... photo albums , scrapbooks...(always), rehearsal dinner place cards, graduation party invitations, a "bucket list" for the house, etc.
I am going... to a staff meeting in less than 2 hours (time to get moving!)
I am reading...many things. My reading stack consists of 5 books, several magazines and countless articles on spiritual matters, etc.
I am hoping...for an unhindered week of celebration with all my children - and hubby.
I am praying...that Britt will enjoy the coming week of graduation activity, that Tyler will easily and healthily transition into life back in the states, and that Bryce will do well on the 8 hour drive.
Around the house, it's time for me to start pulling Tyler's clothes from his bedroom, packing them for his first "home" of his own.
One of my favorite things is...enjoying watching my third and final child leave the driveway each morning...waving to her until she looks back at me...not sure why I do it, but always have (they probably never realized that as I wave to them as they leave each morning, that I'm asking God to watch over them as they drive to school.)
A few plans for the rest of the week... car appointment this morning, new a/c installation in the house (just in time for 90 degree temps), B's final exams, preparation for R's visit home, T's homecoming at LeJeune, B's high school graduation, planning the graduation party, shopping for a dress for the wedding (again), oh yes, and cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. etc. etc.
Here is picture for thought I am sharing… this was taken of Britt & Creighton on Saturday - her senior prom...doesn't seem possible that she's this grown up!
To join in and participate with your own daybook, please check out the hostess site at http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/
WE
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Simple Woman's Daybook #4
FOR TODAY...
Outside my window... it's a bright, sunny day and the back yard is really coming alive with color. The back yard is also one of my favorite places on Earth....all seasons.
I can hear... silence right now, aside from the tapping of the keyboard.
I am thinking...my list of "action items" for the next 2 weeks, will require very intentional planning - and lots of prayer!
I am thankful... Britt has a plan for next fall, for another early morning wake-up call from Afghanistan today, and an unexpected call in my office earlier this week....especially thankful that Tyler will soon be stateside. Looking forward to having all 3 of my children home, at the same time - it doesn't occur nearly as often as we'd all like.
From the kitchen...since I'm heading back to FBC shortly, and because no one is home this evening until after they've had dinner - NOTHING. (but, hey "no dishes")
I am wearing...white capris & "Roswell Day of Hope" tee-shirt. (As a staff, we went to the Roswell, National Day of Prayer Service, so many of us wore our tee shirts.)
I am creating... photo albums , scrapbooks...(always), rehearsal dinner place cards, graduation party invitations, a "bucket list" for the house, etc.
I am going... to Britt's "Prom Picture Party" on Saturday....can't wait to see her - she's a natural beauty. She's going to look absolutely gorgeous and way too grown up, but I'm excited for her.
I am reading...many things. My reading stack consists of 5 books, several magazines and countless articles on spiritual matters, etc.
I am hoping...for a burst of energy to get me through tonight/tomorrow. (Also hopeful of some windfall of time in the immediate future which will enable completion of several household/organizational projects.)
I am praying...for reality to come to light, for deceitful schemes to be exposed, and true repentance to occur, for eyes to be wide open, for protection of those most dear to me.
Around the house, we have a few projects I am hopeful of completing before graduation, homecoming & wedding events hosted here.
I am creating... photo albums , scrapbooks...(always), rehearsal dinner place cards, graduation party invitations, a "bucket list" for the house, etc.
I am going... to Britt's "Prom Picture Party" on Saturday....can't wait to see her - she's a natural beauty. She's going to look absolutely gorgeous and way too grown up, but I'm excited for her.
I am reading...many things. My reading stack consists of 5 books, several magazines and countless articles on spiritual matters, etc.
I am hoping...for a burst of energy to get me through tonight/tomorrow. (Also hopeful of some windfall of time in the immediate future which will enable completion of several household/organizational projects.)
I am praying...for reality to come to light, for deceitful schemes to be exposed, and true repentance to occur, for eyes to be wide open, for protection of those most dear to me.
Around the house, we have a few projects I am hopeful of completing before graduation, homecoming & wedding events hosted here.
One of my favorite things is...singing 80s music in the car and while cleaning the house.
A few plans for the rest of the week... ministry stuff tonight/tomorrow, prom hair and nail appointments, mailing graduation announcements, shopping for a dress for the wedding (again), oh yes, and cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. etc. etc.
Here is picture for thought I am sharing… this was taken a few weeks ago in Michigan....can't believe "my baby" is going to be over 800 miles from home in just a few short months. (We were checking out a restaurant near campus.) I had no concept of how quickly time escapes us...until now. We should embrace every moment of every day, strive to live in peace with everyone, ask God to show us the people and situations we should avoid, thank Him for the ones we don't (even the hard ones...they are there for a reason.) In all things, look for a reason to be grateful. T
To join in and participate with your own daybook, please check out the hostess site at http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
When you DON'T care enough "to send the very best..".
Mother's Day is just four days away. As with most holidays, we tend to reflect on meaning. This is one "Hallmark Holiday" that has always tripped me up a bit, and left me filling somewhat conflicted...until now. It's very difficult to find just the "right" card with the right sentiment for some "mothers". My guess is that using white-out, or simply striking through the mushy stuff on most Mother's Day cards isn't advisable. The blatant deletion would cause more issue than "no card at all."
Last year, amidst my quest - the perfect card met my stare ...it was short, simple, and didn't go on about how wonderfully the recipient "raised, nurtured and loved ". There was no mention of "an increasing appreciation with age", etc. In fact, I'd venture to say that more thought went into the purchase of that particular card than most. Thankfully, this perfect card was found at the Dollar Store....and better yet, it was ONLY 50 cents - a BARGAIN!
As is customary, I signed my name and mailed the card. There - I found a way to "honor" her. Phew! A few days later, we learned that the recipient of that carefully thought out card, didn't think it came from me and the question was raised to my husband... "So, who actually signed the card? That wasn't Tawnda's handwriting." (Seriously, this made me laugh!) Well, much has changed since last year - God has brought much to light. The torment of shopping for the non-mushy card has been replaced with a newfound peace.
For too many years, a particular verse plagued me: Exodus 20:12"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
Hmmm... it took a long time to figure out that "Honoring" a parent, doesn't necessarily imply maintaining an ongoing, interactive relationship. Gee, if only this lightbulb had gone off for me years ago, our family could have been spared much unnecessary card shopping at Hallmark (or Dollar Tree), drama, angst and mind games around holidays, school events, family milestones, etc. It turns out I subjected my husband and children to challenging scenarios that could have easily and justifiably, been avoided.
Like all of "us", relationships are uniquely woven, wrought with history, complex nuances, dysfunctional tendencies, unmet expectations, and personality challenges. In my opinion, there is not a "one size fits all" answer to this issue of honoring a parent - especially, in a difficult relationship.
Honoring may look like one or more of the "suggestions" below. This is not an exhaustive list and there's probably no end to the combinations applicable to specific relationships:
As demonstrated over and over, if we give unpleasant situations, circumstances, relationships, etc. over to God, He can and will use the "yucky stuff" in a beautiful way. We may not always see it with our own eyes or even in our lifetime - but it's an incredible gift when we do get to see how He orchestrates those difficulties into a beautiful tapestry - uniquely ours....but on display for all to see and for Him to be further glorified.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's now crystal clear that He was preparing me for an assignment of sorts... and while I don't see the "whole picture", enough has been made visible that it encourages me for what may come next. (More on that later) We all don't have the best relationships with our birth parents. There are vast differences between a "Mother" listed on a birth certificate and a "mommy" in the heart of a child. It takes little effort to become a "mother" and it takes a lifetime of effort, sacrifice, love, tenderness, pain, selflessness, energy, multi-tasking and never-ending concern and prayer to be a MOM.
As I've repeated before, "giving birth to a baby makes you a mom, the same way that standing in the garage makes you a car." (thankfully, I've experienced being a mom from pregnancy forward and I've experienced being a non-bio mom too. There is no shame in raising and loving children who don't have your DNA.)
Happy Mom's Day....
T
Last year, amidst my quest - the perfect card met my stare ...it was short, simple, and didn't go on about how wonderfully the recipient "raised, nurtured and loved ". There was no mention of "an increasing appreciation with age", etc. In fact, I'd venture to say that more thought went into the purchase of that particular card than most. Thankfully, this perfect card was found at the Dollar Store....and better yet, it was ONLY 50 cents - a BARGAIN!
As is customary, I signed my name and mailed the card. There - I found a way to "honor" her. Phew! A few days later, we learned that the recipient of that carefully thought out card, didn't think it came from me and the question was raised to my husband... "So, who actually signed the card? That wasn't Tawnda's handwriting." (Seriously, this made me laugh!) Well, much has changed since last year - God has brought much to light. The torment of shopping for the non-mushy card has been replaced with a newfound peace.
For too many years, a particular verse plagued me: Exodus 20:12"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
Hmmm... it took a long time to figure out that "Honoring" a parent, doesn't necessarily imply maintaining an ongoing, interactive relationship. Gee, if only this lightbulb had gone off for me years ago, our family could have been spared much unnecessary card shopping at Hallmark (or Dollar Tree), drama, angst and mind games around holidays, school events, family milestones, etc. It turns out I subjected my husband and children to challenging scenarios that could have easily and justifiably, been avoided.
Like all of "us", relationships are uniquely woven, wrought with history, complex nuances, dysfunctional tendencies, unmet expectations, and personality challenges. In my opinion, there is not a "one size fits all" answer to this issue of honoring a parent - especially, in a difficult relationship.
Honoring may look like one or more of the "suggestions" below. This is not an exhaustive list and there's probably no end to the combinations applicable to specific relationships:
- Forgiveness - (Eph 4:32) mandated by scripture over and over again. Forgiving someone only requires action from the "injured party" and does not imply restoration - that takes both parties. Forgiveness is freeing for the offended. (in this case, the adult child.) It doesn't mean you pretend something "never happened." That's denial.
- You can honor your parents by the way you live your life (they may have no clue how you live your life...but it doesn't matter. God sees it all.)
- Taking care of parents in their old age - or when injured/sick, etc. (not for everyone)
- You can write a letter/tribute thanking a parent for anything positive they may have done...a dear friend of mine has shared that years ago, she wrote a note thanking her mother for making the decision to give birth to her and not abort.
- If being in the presence of one or both parents causes strife without fail, one way to honor them is to avoid that situation. (that was a freeing thought for me - and literally brought peace, joy and laughter back to our more recent family gatherings.)
- Sending a card or meaningful gift (but one dear friend and mentor has cautioned against continuing to place pearls before swine. Matt 7:6)
- There are additional ways.... (I may add more later!)
One other thought on this matter: We are all to honor our parents BUT sometimes "parents" remove themselves from a position of honor. Many hours have been spent talking with 3 pastors, well-grounded in God's word and with great wisdom from many decades of life and ministry.
I wish I had a better understanding on this subject years ago. Because of my application of the scripture, much was endured that could have been avoided. It seems to me, that "honoring parents", "submission to husbands", and "forgiveness" are three biblical concepts very often misunderstood and misapplied. (Unfortunately, also used as manipulation.)
As demonstrated over and over, if we give unpleasant situations, circumstances, relationships, etc. over to God, He can and will use the "yucky stuff" in a beautiful way. We may not always see it with our own eyes or even in our lifetime - but it's an incredible gift when we do get to see how He orchestrates those difficulties into a beautiful tapestry - uniquely ours....but on display for all to see and for Him to be further glorified.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's now crystal clear that He was preparing me for an assignment of sorts... and while I don't see the "whole picture", enough has been made visible that it encourages me for what may come next. (More on that later) We all don't have the best relationships with our birth parents. There are vast differences between a "Mother" listed on a birth certificate and a "mommy" in the heart of a child. It takes little effort to become a "mother" and it takes a lifetime of effort, sacrifice, love, tenderness, pain, selflessness, energy, multi-tasking and never-ending concern and prayer to be a MOM.
As I've repeated before, "giving birth to a baby makes you a mom, the same way that standing in the garage makes you a car." (thankfully, I've experienced being a mom from pregnancy forward and I've experienced being a non-bio mom too. There is no shame in raising and loving children who don't have your DNA.)
Happy Mom's Day....
T
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Mary or Martha?
So, we all know who the reigning "Queen of Hospitality" is these days - the infamous Martha Stewart. Not having been invited to her home, it's impossible to fully assess her ability to make her guests feel at ease. Based on what has been presented, my guess is she's quite the hostess. I'm completely envious of her ability to create an inviting dinner table, a myriad of floral designs, crafts, and culinary delights that are... at a minimum - appealing to the eye.
As someone who thoroughly enjoys entertaining, I sometimes covet "Martha's aesthetic abilities". The last few years though, I've begun to carefully consider another "Martha" when it comes to matters of hosting guests in my home. Like today's "Martha", her like-named counterpart many, many years ago was very interested in preparing the perfect spread - so much so that she neglected her guest. She was highly irritated with her sister who wasn't helping with meal preparations. Her sister, "Mary" was on to something though - with her priorities in order, she sat at the feet of their special guest, enjoying irreplaceable and incomparable fellowship.
How often do we do the very same thing today? We place tremendous expectations on ourselves when it comes to hosting an event in our home. Some even engage in an unspoken competition with friends in an attempt to outdo peers in matters of decor and culinary prowess. Some hostesses go to great expense to put on a delightful, color coordinated, PRESENTATION.... but all the while, miss the point of hospitality. Some are just merely "entertaining."
"Hospitality" defined: the relationship between a guest and a host, or the act or practice of being hospitable. that is, the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers. "Hospitality" can also mean generously providing care and kindness to whoever is in need. (Wikipedia)
Not that I have anything against color coordinated tableware, neatly pressed cloth napkins, floating candles and floral arrangements - they are simply irrelevant to the hospitable treatment of others we welcome into our homes. Don't get me wrong, these are all facets of hosting that bring me great joy. It's apparent though, that in some cases, the better option is to order takeout, bring out sturdy paper plates, pour a glass of wine and join guests on the deck "al fresca". Which would you prefer - "Casual dinner on the deck" with a happy, relaxed hostess or being neglected, made to feel uncomfortable, intrusive and "in the way." Who really cares if veggies are symmetrically cut and artistically displayed if there is no relationship building, interaction, conversation or laughter? If your table is beautifully set, but your guests leave your home feeling they were an impediment to a beautiful display, then maybe it's time to rethink your hospitality strategy.
My closest friends, my dear husband, and all three children would know I'm being hypocritical if I didn't acknowledge my struggle for perfection in this arena. All too often, they have each had their early morning slumber interrupted by my "clanging" of pots and pans. (More often to my off-key singing while cooking/preparing. Apparently, my voice is louder with ipod earphones in!) Oh well....
The point is - the most important components of any event in our home - are the people involved, the ones visiting AND the five who call this place home. My heart's desire is that the person(s) being honored (birthday, graduation, homecoming, etc.) and the guests who are part of the festivities leave here feeling like they mattered. They were noticed, appreciated, loved and welcomed.
In recent years, my "personal rule" has been to have all cleaning/decorating/setup completed in time for a bubble bath and a cocktail before the doorbell rings... that way, guests are less likely to encounter a frazzled hostess, with misplaced priorities. Now, they're more likely to encounter a hostess who is barely dried from the bubble bath! (and maybe the artichoke dip is still in the oven another 5 minutes...."who really cares"!)
This past weekend - Britt, and my mother-in-law, Sue and I attended a shower for my dear future daughter-in-law, at the home of "Mrs. Sweet". Admittedly, "Mrs. Sweet" married the perfect man - because she now lives up to her married name in a very real and tangible way. She is a "modern day Mary" - making it a point to look into the eyes, and warmly welcome each of her honored guests. She communicated love to each person in her home.
The theme for the shower was "joy" - and our gracious hostess and her lovely daughter talked of the joy we have accessible to us - regardless of circumstances, anchored to the hope we have in Christ. We all left "Mrs. Sweet's home" on Saturday, feeling like honored guests - in a truly Christ-centered home. I cannot tell you how much the afternoon meant to me, as a guest and as Mom of the groom.
My husband, daughter and I were extended a special invitation this past November. We had the distinct pleasure of accompanying our dearest friends in the world, to San Francisco for their "Family Thanksgiving." It was to be the first that our son was away from home, deployed to Afghanistan. The thought of being home without he and our eldest daughter (her 2nd time away) was a bit too much. We graciously and excitedly accepted the invitation to California. It was a Thanksgiving we'll always remember - one of our favorite and most meaningful holidays EVER! Our host and hostess, Tom and Pat, were the epitome of hospitable - making everyone feel at home, taking the time to invest in each person, by caring and attentiveness. There were roughly 40 people gathered around the extended "L Shape" table which consumed their dining room entirely and jutted into their formal living room. It was wall-to-wall table, friends and family, food and lots of meaningful chatter, seasoned with copious amounts of laughter (especially, with Aunt Suz and Joey around!) The love displayed to family and friends was astonishing - I want to make people who come to our home feel that same way. So, Tom and Pat are also "Modern Day Marys" (although, Tom would probably not want that referenced publicly.)
A couple of times, my glance caught them beaming with joy as they were embracing a particular moment. Thanksgiving wasn't about pilgrims and Indians, Plymouth Rock or football, or even turkey and dressing. It was about celebrating and enjoying God's provision: A closely knit family, many years of marriage (60), a home they have called theirs for 40 or more years, health and longevity, and lots of merriment throughout their years.
Aren't they the cutest couple? Isn't the joy of having nearly 40 people in their dining room obvious?
As someone who thoroughly enjoys entertaining, I sometimes covet "Martha's aesthetic abilities". The last few years though, I've begun to carefully consider another "Martha" when it comes to matters of hosting guests in my home. Like today's "Martha", her like-named counterpart many, many years ago was very interested in preparing the perfect spread - so much so that she neglected her guest. She was highly irritated with her sister who wasn't helping with meal preparations. Her sister, "Mary" was on to something though - with her priorities in order, she sat at the feet of their special guest, enjoying irreplaceable and incomparable fellowship.
How often do we do the very same thing today? We place tremendous expectations on ourselves when it comes to hosting an event in our home. Some even engage in an unspoken competition with friends in an attempt to outdo peers in matters of decor and culinary prowess. Some hostesses go to great expense to put on a delightful, color coordinated, PRESENTATION.... but all the while, miss the point of hospitality. Some are just merely "entertaining."
"Hospitality" defined: the relationship between a guest and a host, or the act or practice of being hospitable. that is, the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers. "Hospitality" can also mean generously providing care and kindness to whoever is in need. (Wikipedia)
Not that I have anything against color coordinated tableware, neatly pressed cloth napkins, floating candles and floral arrangements - they are simply irrelevant to the hospitable treatment of others we welcome into our homes. Don't get me wrong, these are all facets of hosting that bring me great joy. It's apparent though, that in some cases, the better option is to order takeout, bring out sturdy paper plates, pour a glass of wine and join guests on the deck "al fresca". Which would you prefer - "Casual dinner on the deck" with a happy, relaxed hostess or being neglected, made to feel uncomfortable, intrusive and "in the way." Who really cares if veggies are symmetrically cut and artistically displayed if there is no relationship building, interaction, conversation or laughter? If your table is beautifully set, but your guests leave your home feeling they were an impediment to a beautiful display, then maybe it's time to rethink your hospitality strategy.
My closest friends, my dear husband, and all three children would know I'm being hypocritical if I didn't acknowledge my struggle for perfection in this arena. All too often, they have each had their early morning slumber interrupted by my "clanging" of pots and pans. (More often to my off-key singing while cooking/preparing. Apparently, my voice is louder with ipod earphones in!) Oh well....
The point is - the most important components of any event in our home - are the people involved, the ones visiting AND the five who call this place home. My heart's desire is that the person(s) being honored (birthday, graduation, homecoming, etc.) and the guests who are part of the festivities leave here feeling like they mattered. They were noticed, appreciated, loved and welcomed.
In recent years, my "personal rule" has been to have all cleaning/decorating/setup completed in time for a bubble bath and a cocktail before the doorbell rings... that way, guests are less likely to encounter a frazzled hostess, with misplaced priorities. Now, they're more likely to encounter a hostess who is barely dried from the bubble bath! (and maybe the artichoke dip is still in the oven another 5 minutes...."who really cares"!)
This past weekend - Britt, and my mother-in-law, Sue and I attended a shower for my dear future daughter-in-law, at the home of "Mrs. Sweet". Admittedly, "Mrs. Sweet" married the perfect man - because she now lives up to her married name in a very real and tangible way. She is a "modern day Mary" - making it a point to look into the eyes, and warmly welcome each of her honored guests. She communicated love to each person in her home.
The theme for the shower was "joy" - and our gracious hostess and her lovely daughter talked of the joy we have accessible to us - regardless of circumstances, anchored to the hope we have in Christ. We all left "Mrs. Sweet's home" on Saturday, feeling like honored guests - in a truly Christ-centered home. I cannot tell you how much the afternoon meant to me, as a guest and as Mom of the groom.
My husband, daughter and I were extended a special invitation this past November. We had the distinct pleasure of accompanying our dearest friends in the world, to San Francisco for their "Family Thanksgiving." It was to be the first that our son was away from home, deployed to Afghanistan. The thought of being home without he and our eldest daughter (her 2nd time away) was a bit too much. We graciously and excitedly accepted the invitation to California. It was a Thanksgiving we'll always remember - one of our favorite and most meaningful holidays EVER! Our host and hostess, Tom and Pat, were the epitome of hospitable - making everyone feel at home, taking the time to invest in each person, by caring and attentiveness. There were roughly 40 people gathered around the extended "L Shape" table which consumed their dining room entirely and jutted into their formal living room. It was wall-to-wall table, friends and family, food and lots of meaningful chatter, seasoned with copious amounts of laughter (especially, with Aunt Suz and Joey around!) The love displayed to family and friends was astonishing - I want to make people who come to our home feel that same way. So, Tom and Pat are also "Modern Day Marys" (although, Tom would probably not want that referenced publicly.)
A couple of times, my glance caught them beaming with joy as they were embracing a particular moment. Thanksgiving wasn't about pilgrims and Indians, Plymouth Rock or football, or even turkey and dressing. It was about celebrating and enjoying God's provision: A closely knit family, many years of marriage (60), a home they have called theirs for 40 or more years, health and longevity, and lots of merriment throughout their years.
Aren't they the cutest couple? Isn't the joy of having nearly 40 people in their dining room obvious?
(*Before your next big event, read the story of Mary and Martha in the Book of Luke...it'll make you think.) Truthfully, I want to be a Mary - with a minor in Martha-ing. What about you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)