Rock "ME" like a Hurricane? (I think not)

Maybe it’s because I had cable turned back on at my new house last night and was able to catch up on the significance of Irma.  Perhaps it was the mere mention of the Scorpion’s song “Rock you like a Hurricane” today that has left me thinking about the storms we face in life.  We all face them – it’s how we prepare, and stay grounded in what we know to be true of ourselves and our circumstances, that determines their impact on us.

For me, it seems life has brought about many super-sized storms from an early age.  From those, I’ve learned to be – and that I am indeed…a survivor. The fact that I enjoy the little things of life more now than ever is not shocking to me at all.  It’s been an interesting journey – and at this juncture,  I want to enjoy life to the fullest, knowing there have been too many times I didn’t choose that option.

In earlier days, I more easily allowed varying "winds" to blow me around because I was too caught up in what society thought I should be; therefore, forgetting who I was at the core.  Self-awareness comes with time and experience – through victories and defeat.  Truthfully, the failures have revealed far more than the successes.  With each outcome though – a deeper understanding and acceptance of the “me” I am today has ensued.

No longer will I acquiesce to the pressures of our culture.  There was a time when all I wanted to do was to fit in.  With a unique name that I despised early on – I immediately stood out.  Because of my longing to be one face in many, blending in to the backdrop … I sometimes became a bit of a chameleon. (I loathe that about the prior versions of me.)  Now, I simply refuse to let other influences have that much control.  Living that way can be a miserable existence – trust someone who tried that approach far longer than I care to admit.

While working with a Life Coach a few years ago, an incredibly thought-provoking question was posed:  She said, “Who were you before the World told you that you should be?”  Whoa.... "deep."  From an early age we have family, teachers, counselors, friends, politicians, classmates, magazines, and celebrities telling us “who” we should be, what kind of girl, mom, wife, employee, etc.   One would think that as the years pass, the “world” would relent and cease telling us who/what/how we should live our lives.  I’m here to tell you - Unfortunately, the world STILL tries to tell me who/what/how I should be today.  (okay “world” – back off… right?)

For instance, some of the silliness “the world” has said to me in recent years:

·         After a certain age, you should ….

o   Not wear your hair long – it should “always be above your shoulders”

o   Not hang out with friends who are younger than you (shouldn’t it be more about who you “connect” with on a level that is not just familial, not just biological – but whom you actually connect with meaningfully and enjoy?)  

o   Not wear a Wonder Woman Costume (it’s my favorite outfit… have you not seen the awesome red platform boots???)

o   Not dress this way or that… (I’ll dress the way I feel on any given day –some days it’s a business suit and heels – and others it’s  shorts, a sweatshirt and baseball cap… and of course, on occasion -  red platform boots)

o   Not stay out late (I’m a night owl)

o   Not go home too early (some of my best nights are quiet nights at home... "Go figure." )

·         When hanging with certain groups, it’s more like:

o   You shouldn’t  spend money on XYZ (but DO spend your hard-earned cash on this other XYZ) – I’m not trying to please the masses – I’ll spend where I find the most bang for my buck (regardless of popular opinion)

o   Not blog (Oh, so what I might say may be convicting?  Might be incriminating? Hmm… those are your issues – not mine.)

o   Don’t hang out with your gay friends?  (Um… I love my gay friends – just as much as my straight ones, some even more.   I also don’t have to worry that they are my friends because of “ulterior motives”)    

o   On the subject of male friendships– “if you hang out with guys all the time, people will think you’re sleeping with them.”  Really?  Could it not just be that they tend to be a bit less dramatic/more authentic than their female counterparts?  Whether longtime straight or gay male friends,  conversation is real – not cloaked in deception, not competitive… it’s just honest.  I know that I am not alone in this mindset as the closest female friends I have share this same perspective.  

o   Don’t hang out with your “churchy friends”  - well, I’ve learned firsthand that  “men of the cloth” and the "guys sitting in the pews" aren’t above the rest.  In fact, a pious attitude coupled with debaucherously driven actions is so highly disappointing. I’d rather hang out with someone who knows he’s a sinner, admits he’s a sinner – and who doesn’t have to work harder at image management than any other objective in life.  DISCLAIMER:  Several “priestly” men have truly been closer than a brother… in the most innocent, truly “Christ like”, of ways – this point is not a blanket statement about all guys in church this Sunday!

o   You can't say that on social media, in a Bible study, in a lunch discussion, etc.  Don't let people know your life is challenging ... they  might think it's about ME (more than 1 has said this ludicrous thing... and share the fact that they are far more concerned about their own images than any one person's well being - or their own integrity!)

o   You should be married/you should be dating/you should be single (Let me decide…and by the way, this topic is fodder for many a blogpost!)  Dating in your 40s… not for the faint of heart! 

Back to the “rock you like a hurricane” analogy…Did you know that today marks the anniversary of what has been recorded as one of the  deadliest days (and by some estimates, THE deadliest)  in our history?  War? Disease?  Famine?  No – ironically, it was a hurricane.  It struck Galveston, TX in 1900.  Obviously, back then, technology had not been developed to predict nor communicate the impending storm. Citizens were not ordered   to evacuate their homes and head for safety.  No one was checking in on FB.  Jim Cantori nor Al Roker were yet to be broadcasting  updates of the impending threat to everyone's peace and well-being.  Because entire communities had no advance notice, they were left with no time to adequately prepare and/or escape doom.  Their lives were met with – and several sadly ended with, the storm of a lifetime.

It’s not an earth-shattering epiphany.  In life,  all of us encounter storms.  Some, more than others.  Tonight, sitting on my balcony – quite content to be home after an early, post-work dinner…  reflections on the storms endured thus far and the storms yet to come, flood my thoughts.  Through the ones to date – I’ve learned who I am on a deeper level than if life had been "smooth sailing."  I am a survivor – a strong female, more content with the “me”  today than the “me” of yesterdays.

In preparation for strong winds of conflict  to make landfall, not only do I remember who I am, utilizing the knowledge gained from the  of the past, but setting aside extraneous annoyances - some  once disguised as a safe harbor but  now clearly revealed as otherwise.   Bracing for impact, placing my mind back on what truly matters, leaning on HE who can be trusted - I am prepared to make it through whatever storms may befall me.  There will be many – and with each, knowledge and understanding will increase as to better prepare myself and those I love most, for the next. 

Sometimes, when discouragement threatens to darken my personal forecast, I decide to stand taller and more firmly - reminding myself of the depths which have now usurped the shallow places within.  I am grounded again.   When the winds of life are posing a threat – I hunker down, pushing away the thoughts of inadequacy that once consumed a youthful mind and body. That younger physique would be nice to have back, but I don’t want to go back to that young person i was on the inside.  Today, when waves come crashing, i'm better equipped than before -  to not just survive – but to emerge better than before.

Life is a journey – one in which we 

should always be learning.  If the learning stops… so do we. We aren’t to be carbon copies of our neighbors. We are complex, multi-faceted individuals.  Every one of us possesses strengths.  Everyone also has areas in which we can and should improve.  It's not desirable to look or act like everyone else, or especially, like the airbrushed versions of celebs. If only I had understood this sooner ... but then again, this conviction would likely not be as strong today. 

A storm is coming. Onward! Go…endure that storm, get up, stand tall, move forward. (Red Platform Boots and lassos are bonus accessories for riding those crazy waves!)

Second song reference for this post:  add it to your playilist, turn it up and sing it loudly, the chorus is pretty spot on when your peace or wellbeing is threatened.  If others tear you down and try to tell you who you are…Know thyself and stay grounded in the you that you worked hard to become thus far!

.  Bitch

Meredith Brooks

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Songwriters: Meredith Anne Brooks, Shelly M Peiken

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group

For non-commercial use only.

Data from: LyricFind