Irrelevance of Biology

In December of 1990, when I learned that the miracle of a new life was growing inside my womb, I was overcome with excitement! That excitement was then tainted with angst – a fear of repeating a horrible cycle of neglect and abuse. The thought of impending motherhood drove me to praying “for real” – for the first time in my life. At night, I would lie in bed, with my hands over my abdomen and quietly, but passionately plead with God for a myriad of outcomes. I had not been educated on ‘how to pray’, in fact – I had very little “Christian education” at that point. My requests were made known for a baby girl, then more specifically, a “healthy baby girl”…then a somewhat guilty response after awhile, “Okay God. I’m sorry I specified girl…please forgive me for being so picky. Just give me a healthy baby.” God was asked for a child who would grow up and be a “good Christian” when being a “good Christian” wasn’t even clear to me. Requests were raised for a child who would grow up and be the kind of kid I wished that I had been. Increasingly frequent, high priority requests were submitted...requests that my child NEVER live a day on this earth without being secure in the fact that he/she was greatly loved.

Desperately longing to be the very thing I felt robbed of, I begged God to make me a good mom. Ridiculously, and it’s almost with embarassment that this is admitted now: I prayed some times for a little girl who would look and act much like me, but with blue eyes. In retrospect, it’s easy to ascertain the shallow depth of my prayers. “Blue eyes?” How important was that – really? However, these prayers were with a pure heart at the time – and a longing to be a Godly mom to a precious child that for some incomprehensible reason, God was entrusting to ME, of all people!

Fast forward 18-19 years: I know a lot more. But, with the knowledge obtained,it seems to me some of those prayers in my early 20s were pleasing to His ears. They were innocent “conversations with my Heavenly Father”. In my naievete, looking back – this was indeed the absolute beginning of a closer walk with Him. Have I been close to perfect since? Regrettably, no – not even in the ballpark. I am a follower of Jesus….and a work in progress.

This is probably longer than a blog posting should be – but I cannot close here. The pregnancy I referenced above was my only pregnancy and it led to the birth of my daughter Britt. (nicknamed my "Angel”…perhaps I’ll explain that some other time.) Ironically, she is my youngest child. The incredible blessing of raising three children with my husband has been an incredible gift from God. There was a time when I was angry with God because I was not the recipient of maternal love in my youth – but now I see that as preparation for the task HE had before me. The relationships shared with all of my ‘cherubs’ exceeds the biological connection experienced with my own “egg donor” 10,000 times. My children heard me say with integrity and deep personal conviction that "biology isn't everything." The question from me to them over the years has been repeatedly, “Do you know every day of your life how much I love you”? Every time the answer has been a resounding ‘yes’. Do they really comprehend the depths of my love for them? Probably not - but they comprehend that they are loved. Wanted. Cherished. What could be more meaningful as a Mom, than knowing your kids are secure in your love for them…in spite of being the disciplinarian, task master, driving instructor, tutor, medic, and guard rails for their youth?

Many people in my life have either been adopted or have adopted. There are women and men that I know who dearly love and cherish their children with the kind of love that only a mom or dad can offer, however, they were not present at the birth. I am one of those women and feel PASSIONATELY that shared DNA is highly over-rated. This is not to diminish those blood relations that have manifested into full-fledged family in every sense of the word. But I simply want the world (and some close minded indivduals) to know that you don’t have to carry a child to love him/her with all your heart. God blessed me with both kinds of kids…if given the chance, I'd not change a thing. I am blessed.

More next time…. I could write a novel on this topic. By the way, while my youngest was on a mission trip to Brazil last spring, the Holy Spirit brought to mind some of those pre-natal prayers...and He showed me that He answered them - quite favorably. (She even has blue eyes!) Perhaps that was to help build my faith....and perhaps even the faith of others. He's like that "ya know?"

Working up to it....

Oddly, I’ve been stumped on ‘blog topics’ for the last few weeks. At the encouragement of my dear sister-in-law, one of my closest friends – I started this blog. “Said blog” has remained stagnant since its inception. Interestingly, I love writing….it’s cathartic. Unfortunately, I’m also one of those people who lives too often inside of my own head. (If you are reading this…there’s a pretty good chance that we’ve had a conversation you know nothing about! ) Needless to say, there’s a lot of informational overload, unspoken dialogue and foregone conclusions (as well as foregone confusions) that will now be in print. Perhaps, this practice will lead to more sleep-filled nights, and fewer nights of mind aerobics and handheld 20 Qs (on silent.) First up I think: Biology…. That will likely encompass many ‘blog entries’. Stay tuned…. Or tune out – the choice is yours. : )

Me? Blogging? Really?

As someone who spends a tremendous amount of time living inside of my head - I've often found that writing is cathartic...soothing....and quite enoyable, for myself. However, I struggle with the thought of someone else reading my musings. They may soon figure out that I'm more 'messed up than a football bat'...or a potential reader may start wondering if Peachford is in my near future. Either way... I'm transparent, but usually not neon. Think about it.

Next thought that pops into my brain - what could I possibly have to say that would be (a) insightful (b) entertaining or even (c) tolerable? Time will be spent contemplating subject matter. In recent months, I actually created a blog on another site, however, that blog is desolate, empty and uninspired. I'll do better....

PS: BSH - You got me involved in that little thing called 'FaceBook' and look what that has evolved into. I LOVE IT!

Looking for inspiration....
tah-tah