"O'Christmas Tree, O'Christmas Tree - a strange and beautiful reminder art Thee!"



A Reminder of Christmas in DC last year    
 with my 6'3' "baby boy"

I cry easily – as I told a friend last week, “it’s a curse.”  Full of grace, she insisted that I’ve been blessed with “rich emotions.”  Unpacking Christmas decorations last week brought on             waterworks aka “rich emotions” in a tremendous way.  On more than one occasion, it was audible, ugly sobbing.  Memories of Christmases past (good and bad) flooded my mind.  Recollections of family members long gone, and the knowledge that this Christmas is going to be very different than any other, sunk in deeply. Furthermore, with my baby girl getting married next fall, there is yet another layer of sentimentality surrounding this Christmas.

I decorate multiple trees  – a different theme on each.  The tree in the sunroom is the least appealing aesthetically, with its eclectic array of mismatched ornaments.  However, in ways that truly matter, its beauty far exceeds the others and reaches down into my “rich emotions” in ways that surprise even me. 

Following are a few observations about this particular Christmas tree (and correlating reminders to this crazy thing called “life.”)

San Fran - 2009 -
Thanksgiving with the Zs!

I’m sitting in the sunroom, feet propped on a wicker table, laptop and iced tea in reach.  As I study the subject of this post – I notice several “souvenirs.”  From here I can easily see a Hawaiian Santa from Maui, a Golden Gate Bridge medallion from Thanksgiving in San Fran a few years ago, a lobster ornament from Boston, a handmade bauble from Germany, a number of White House ornaments from Christmas in DC,  one from Israel and I know there’s an Eiffel Tower from Paris barely out of view, maybe next to the “Blue Suede Shoes” from Nashville. These and others are sweet reminders of moments and places I’ve enjoyed – blessings in the midst of the greater drama-filled adventure.  For too long, I used to feel strangely guilty if I enjoyed something.  That’s clearly distorted thinking and thankfully, I’m over it.  Life is fleeting – so no matter what troubles abound, I try to maintain an attitude of contentment, gratitude and enjoyment.  Visible reminders help. 




Handmade  with a special message
 from a longtime cherished friend, Kathryn.

A gift from Rach's small group leader -
 a sweetheart & servant spirit!

There are items from 
friends who accompanied me along the journey for a season – some longer than others.  What a gift it is to think back to people I’ve known over the years.  So many of them invested in me – and in my family.  Some made the journey more enjoyable, more colorful, more interesting and rich. 

 The ornaments  coming to mind now, are reminders of treasured friends.  I’ve such an appreciation for “real people” (not the pretentious ones who appear perfect on Facebook; nor those who adopt a victim mentality laced with an attitude of entitlement; and especially not those given to lofty, self-righteousness, acting as judge and jury.)  We are all messed-up … I have a special fondness for the ones who aren't compelled to pretend otherwise.

a gift from Karen L.

LOVE THIS: Britt's popsicle cross with
"JESOS" loves me... so precious a reality,
and so precious a misspelled word.

 Speaking of imperfections:  Upon close examination of a few trinkets hanging on the tree, fractures and flaws would be visible.  Over the years, several have fallen, or dropped.  In some cases, they were pieced back together with glue.  Others are carefully propped between neighboring branches or ornaments.  They are flawed, but as much a part of the tree as the ornaments without defects. Like the imperfect people we all are, they’re still of value – in fact, they have an interesting history and even add a bit of character and interest to the outcome.  I love that as flawed people, God still adores us…He uses us, and He accomplishes great things in and through our lives – in spite of “us.”   

 

another sweet reminder of
Rachael's youth...

A handful of ornaments adorn the boughs of this 12’ tree – that I wouldn’t necessarily “choose”, but they are mine to keep.  Some were given to me, though for various reasons, I’d never select them.  There are also ornaments tucked inconspicuously throughout – that are “mine” but wouldn’t be had I exercised better discernment.  They are a consequence to a momentary lapse of judgment.  (An ebay purchase of “vintage ornaments” gone wrong.)  Similarly, in life, we are dealt challenges we’d never choose to navigate.  Often, unexpected beauty results from those.  Also, as with a foolish ebay purchase, when we act without discernment – the consequences are ours to bear… but they are with us. Sometimes, in retrospect, you realize the consequences were a gift – not an easy gift to unwrap, but valuable in the long run.

 

Love this Hallmark ornament
from the year Britt was born.
(the chain is broken - so it's
propped and not discarded!).

Amid the hodgepodge, are several of my favorite, very cherished ornaments, “First Christmas Together”, “Baby’s First Christmas”,  “First Year in our New Home”, etc.  These ornaments celebrated and marked new beginnings over the last two decades.   New beginnings, in most cases, are exciting and full of hope and promise – even if the “unknown” appears overwhelming.  Sometimes, a necessary course correction takes you on a completely different and unexpected route where the questions and uncertainties far surpass the numbing comfort of the mundane.   Historically, after traversing a new path, seldom would I have turned back if the option were even available.  Every new beginning is an end to something else.  Scary.  Exciting. Unknown. Life is truly an adventure of epic proportion.



 A cornucopia of sports themed ornaments hangs from the branches.  Several baseball ornaments remind me of the years of sitting on bleachers, perpetual “team mom” duties, and the very best friends! (Friendships that would far outlast Tyler’s baseball career.)  We have soccer and tennis ornaments – bringing to mind lots of time in the car together as we’d drive from one part of metro Atlanta to the next, carefully navigating game and practice schedules much like an air traffic controller (me with absolutely no sense of direction, but always singing at the top of my lungs – with great little backup singers.)

Add caption

Without question, my very favorite ornaments are the ones made by the tiny hands of Rachael, Tyler and Britt. The assorted snowmen, angels, crosses, reindeer, etc. remind me of a season of life I enjoyed immensely.  It was several years of sweet innocence, slurred “Rs”, hugs and homework, one on one time with each, bedtime stories, words like “mazageen” and the phrase “I lushz you mommy.”   It was a season of first day of school cupcakes, baking cookies, trips to the park, to the pool, to the pediatrician’s office.  It was a season of chore lists, beanie babies, swimming lessons, tamagotchis, ballet, target classes, Anastasia, Gertrude, sports, coloring, nightmares, losing teeth, firsts of all kinds -  x3.   It was the only time of life I could get by with buying matching outfits for my babies at Easter and Christmas.  It was a time in which so many prayers were answered.  I loved being a mom to little ones. It was my favorite role – ever! I’m forever grateful for those memories… 

 
 
There are other ornaments not represented in this post, but the gist is this.  It takes many decorations to complete the sunroom tree.  In this case: broken, beautiful, ugly, fun, sentimental, undesirable, and some reminiscent of great blessings.  There are bittersweet reminders of friends and family no longer around.  Many are fragile; some are falling apart after many years of wear and tear (where DOES the gold macaroni go in the off season?)  Some ornaments are quirky, others are classic and will never go out of style.  Several are as unique and wonderfully rare as the many beautiful and broken friends that gave them to me over the years. 

Look closely, between Priscilla the Pig & Snoopy the
Red Baron, you'll see Bella the Calico  (always near.)

The sunroom ornaments individually wouldn’t be spectacular to most.  However, when they are all hanging on their respective branches from mid-November until December 26^th, together they make a beautiful visual.  Even more spectacular is at the end of the day, when night comes and darkness is all around, at the appointed time – the lights come on.  Fractured, propped, unattractive ornaments are still there, but they are eclipsed by the light that illuminates the tree from floor to ceiling.

Similarly, the light of Christ shines, washing out flaws and inadequacies.  The “mess” is still there, but the Light of Christ shines so much greater, diminishing our flaws and making us more beautiful to a watching world.  The Light of Christ brings  order to chaos, beauty from ashes, hope to the hopeless, and makes a mess into a masterpiece at the appointed time. 

 


I heard a line in sermon a few months ago that has stayed with me:  "our lives are a record of God’s repeated provision."  As I wrap this post up, I can tell you that as silly as it may seem, the tree 4 feet away is much the same to me right now.

 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should show forth the praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

(1 Peter 2:9)

Taking Hope to all the Dry & Weary Souls...

 Dear Family and Friends,

Today marks the 6^th day of my “processing” a Pilgrimage through the Holy Land.  While moving past jet lag, I’ve spent considerable time reflecting on what it meant to walk in the same places that Jesus once walked, and to lay eyes on the very places He once looked upon during his 33 years of life on Earth.  To say the journey was profoundly impactful is a gross understatement.

Repeatedly, I heard from others who had visited the Holy Land, that after returning to the states, scripture would come alive like never before.  Those sojourners were so right.  The experience has added another dimension to my study of God’s Word – one of literal sight, with colors, sounds and sensations punctuating each passage in my mind.  What didn’t occur to me until yesterday’s 11 o’clock service is that praise and worship songs are even more meaningful than before.  As we sang the familiar song, “Alive” – I couldn’t get through the chorus without getting choked up, tears of praise flowing down my cheeks. 




Marge and me - standing in front of the Garden Tomb
(Completely unlike the depictions in art galleries)


  "It may get loud - The grave is empty now - It may get wild - His love is like no other!

I saw it with my own 2 eyes. I walked inside the actual tomb! The grave IS empty! I knew it before, but I now know it differently.

Speaking of “getting wild” - in recent months, God has left me with no doubt that I’m to go and make Him known in Germany and in Trinidad – both are return visits. I went to Trinidad the summer of 2012 – the first of many “way out of my comfort zone” experiences He called me to in the last 24 months.  My second international mission trip was last July – street evangelism in Cologne, Germany. 

While not overseas, since initiation last spring into Prison ministry, I’ve served in 8 different correctional facilities.  The Lord has opened my eyes through the men and women I’ve encountered behind bars, and in foreign lands.  We aren’t that different –somehow this came as a shock. We all have seasons in the desert… we are all fallen people with assorted flesh-driven desires… we all need hope and healing from something…We all need a Savior.

In the fall, I had the privilege of joining several other ladies who authored “Standing Up in a Fallen World” – a study on the lives of Elijah and Elisha.  Contributing written material for the study was easy to say “yes” to, but I also accepted the opportunity to teach one of the 12 weeks.  Much of this study seemed to center on Spiritual Warfare – not an accident, but something I’ve become intimately familiar with.

There was a moment while on the tour bus last week, entering the area of the Dead Sea, when our Guide said “You are in the desert.”  The seemingly innocuous statement pierced my heart and as often happens, tears filled the corners of my eyes as I tried to “keep it together.”  I said to God in the quiet of my heart, “these people around me have no idea…I’ve been in the desert far too long. I'm ready to be OUT of the desert!”  

The 7 Staff Members on Last Week's Pilgrimage
(incidentally, 6 of the people I most treasure on Earth!)

Fast forward a few days later – back in Atlanta, a new and dear friend said something to me about the way God has been keeping my mind on Holy things … and with 2 imminent mission trips, He’s going to keep my focus on Him and His healing power as I prepare to share with others. Another friend the same day (unaware of my "stuff") spoke words of unknowing encouragement when she pointed out that God sometimes brings us to the desert to get us alone, to show us things we need to know, alert us to great things He has for us and to simply draw us nearer to Him…she pointed out that the desert is actually a great place to be.
Ultimately, last week’s journey through the Holy Land was supernatural refreshment, giving me an increased passion for Christ and for those in need of Him.  There were moments I was reminded of my own human frailty and seriously flawed way of thinking.  I was humbled that a wretch like me could trace the historical steps of our savior in person.  Oh, how critical it is to continually press in to the Lord! My prayer for personal revival and for healing was answered. Now it’s time for me to take joy, take heart and take hope to other dry and weary souls.

On June 11, I’ll board a flight for Germany along with 6 other FBCers for the purpose of bringing the gospel to the people of Cologne.  Last year, we encountered “difficult soil” but seeds were sown.  In some circumstances, hearts were pricked and lives forever changed…but there is so much still to be done in a city with a population of over 1 million and less than 1% professing Christians. 

3 weeks after returning from Cologne, I’ll board a flight for Trinidad along with 5 other ladies from FBC.  We will minister to local women through a weekend conference.  Our team will be responsible for every aspect of the event.  Personally, I’ve been asked to teach one of the sessions centered on “Hope in Trying Times.”   When the conference theme fell on my ears, I knew again that this is no accident.  “Hope in Trying Times” is a prominent, recurring theme of this Pilgrim's journey.

With 2 fast approaching mission trips, I am trusting God to provide through friends and family the necessary financial and prayer support.  Both trips amount to $4K (air fare, lodging, and ministry supplies)  and I have a goal of raising all funds prior to June 7^th.  Any financial contributions will be a blessing and are tax deductible.   If you feel led to contribute, you may give online through Fellowship’s Paypal account now, indicating "Holley/Missions" as the donation purpose. 

 The Paypal "button" is about mid-page at the following link:     http://fellowshiproswell.org/about/generosity/online-giving/

 If you prefer to mail a check, make it payable to FBC and attach a note indicating: “Missions-Holley”

Fellowship Bible Church/Tawnda Holley

480 W. Crossville Road

Roswell, GA 30075

Robin, Kathy and Me... 3 of the 7 Tuesday Night Saints
(by the Sea of Galilee)

Please indicate in a comment or via email to t@fellowshiproswell.org  your interest in joining my prayer support team.  You’ll receive team updates leading up to departure as well as any updates possible while “on the ground.”  The enemy is never happy when the hope of Christ is shared with others… opposition is expected, but our God is greater and He hears the prayers of our intercessors!

Thank you so much for your consideration and your prayers as I, along with my teammates prepare for these God-sized adventures. Upon returning, I look forward to sharing all that our
great God does in and through our teams in Cologne and Trinidad.

Many Blessings,
Tawnda
Psalm 84:5-6

The Butterfly Effect

The Caterpillar: The single focus of the caterpillar is simply eating. As this tiny creature consumes available nutrition, it grows like crazy - simultaneously storing valuable nourishment for later use.   After the exponential growth of the caterpillar is complete, it becomes a Chrysalis (lesser appealing is the alternate label: “pupa”.)  This stage of development varies with species and can last a few weeks to a few years. Onlookers may think nothing extraordinary is taking place within the silk wrapped cocoon – yet on the inside there is an amazing transformation underway.  The Chrysalis is becoming a beautiful masterpiece –  a butterfly….

2013 was hard. It was unexpectedly, one of the most difficult of my years thus far; not because of a single catastrophic event, but a myriad of hardships. If given the “fantasy” opportunity of skipping an entire year, my initial inclination would be to move straight from 2012 to 2014. 

Health concerns came and went. The threat of corporate layoffs loomed like unrelenting fog right outside the window – almost touchable.  The most difficult shockwaves involved relationships – and not just one or two. Friends held dear became judge and jury.  It was a year of betrayals, deceit, and pervasive manipulation. Adult children continued to keep me on the brink of obsessive worry.  New emotional wounds were inflicted and former ones ripped open like flesh torn violently in battle.  2013 was plagued with a whole host of personal trials too private and too painful to spell out on a blog.  If the year were personified, she’d be called nothing less than a ruthless Bitch.

Akin to the Chrysalis, most had no idea of what was taking place in my “cocoon.”  Sure, a handful of trusted confidantes knew the difficulties faced.  Fewer still were aware of the gory details. Tremendous emotional and spiritual wrestling were underway.  In the midst of it all, one can easily lose sight of the end goal...and in the process miss the blessings in the pain. 

2013 brought abundant cause for thanksgiving. 

 highlights:

• My son’s continued success and recognition for his leadership and achievement in the USMC.

• My baby girl’s baptism…and her longtime goal of becoming a nurse much closer to reality. 

• Unexpected encounters with God over 4 different days of sharing the gospel with women and men in prison.  (These days were life changing on many levels and involve too many stories for one post, but I’ll never forget the faces, the stories, and the undeniable God moments)
• The opportunity to contribute written material to a women’s Bible Study (fittingly, much about spiritual warfare)
• Obedience:  after running from God for too long. With an unnatural fear of public speaking, I found myself onstage, twice in one day – teaching.  No longer will fear cripple me.  That was liberating (and yes, still frightening, just not paralyzing!)
• At the end of 2013, I was able to hold Camden, the newest addition to our family… what an amazing gift to cradle a new life in one’s arms.
• A “chance” encounter in a park in Cologne, Germany with “Michael” – a heroin addict covered in bloody lesions…. And like “the year 2013” – at first glance, I wanted to turn away and run.  However, with a second look through  refocused eyes – my heart softened.   His was another precious life that  intersected mine for a divine purpose.  (Praying I’ll see him again when I return in June.)
• While a few friendships dimmed, several rose to the top and now shine more brightly than before… I am truly blessed:  to be part of a staff family that I love greatly; to be the junior member of the “Tuesday night Saints” – a group of Godly, wise and hilarious women whom I trust implicitly; to have longtime friendships tested and strengthened through the stuff of life, through prison ministry, and through overseas mission trips. 
• Counting the blessings, I cannot overlook a newly heightened appreciation of laughter and fun.  In spite of last year being tough at times, I honestly believe I laughed more than in any other year. 

Being a total movie buff, I'm especially drawn to films that evoke a wide range of emotion within two short hours.  2013, evoked every emotion easily imagined – varying from the lowest, lingering, exhaustive lows – to the most incredible, mountaintop highs.  God showed off in a big way… He carried me through.  His presence was more apparent and more of a comfort and source of otherwise unexplainable peace than ever before. 
He continues to author this journey and I’ve got the best seat in the House. 2014 is already looking like a great sequel…full of love and heartbreak, delight and sadness, excitement and dread, laughter and tears, confusion and clarity, battle of the will, battle of the flesh, comedy and drama.  It's action packed!

Looking back at 2013 with renewed perspective, the gifts far eclipsed the losses. For now, I’m content where I am – dancing through the storms of life and wrestling my way out of the cocoon.

t.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.  ~Author Unknown

 

One Life at a Time: Koln - in pictures

"One Life at a Time" - set to music chosen for specific reasons I'll elaborate on later. For now, here's a hint of the "fragrance" of Cologne. God Stories and Insights to come...

"Blood"

Tragedy marked the beginning of the summer I turned 15.  I was walking along the road, following all Pedestrian laws.  Out of nowhere – a car struck me from behind and catapulted me 150 feet. My body landed against a tree, dangerously near death. Injuries occurred literally from head to toe.  The worst wounds involved my head, right arm and back.  Traumatic blood loss led to shock and the expectation that this would be my last day on earth.  At the hospital, my family said their goodbyes.  Obviously, that didn’t turn out to be my last day on Earth – but it came close and serves as an ever present reminder that we don’t know when our last day will come. 

After surviving those first critical hours, attention was directed to the mangled mess that was my body.  My head was sliced wide open necessitating a partial crew-cut.  My right eye was bloody and swollen.  Horrid lacerations and significant bruising existed all over. X-rays revealed a broken back, and my parents were told I’d never walk again.  My knees and ankles were injured – in fact there was no area of my body that completely escaped harm.  The most grotesque disfigurement of all was to my right arm. 

The collision between the car and my body commenced an airborne thrashing compounded by a street sign, a giant wooden cable spool and finally, a tree. My arm was twisted and crushed in unimaginable ways.  The bone between the shoulder and elbow was shattered.  Jagged pieces penetrated the skin in a zigzagged pattern, practically amputating just above the elbow. My arm was a bloody mess – and the initial plan was simply to complete the process of amputation.  Gratefully, another doctor was called in and he began a process that took years, multiple casts, hours of surgery and an incredible amount of physical therapy.  (Gratefully, I say – because I still have a right arm and 95% + range of motion.)

Surgery lasted over 5 hours.  Since damage was extensive and much of the original humerus remained at the accident scene, bone from my right hip was grafted into the arm and encased by 4” of titanium. The recovery was long – but the doctor assured me that it was IMPOSSIBLE for the right humerus to be broken again – IMPOSSIBLE. The ultimate and irreversible healing of my ugly, mangled arm amazingly parallels another irreversible healing in me. 

Like my arm, I was once a huge mess - mangled, and badly wounded through years of abuse and rejection.  That time in life was further complicated by consequences to my poor choices.   There was a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with the things of this world, but nothing ever satisfied – and those failed attempts left me increasingly despondent.  There were times that I simply wanted to die – to leave this world.  That embarrasses me now, because I am so grateful for each day….even the difficult ones.

Not growing up in the church, I was exposed to Jesus through various friends and extended family.  The summer I turned 12, I accepted Jesus as my Savior.  Like my right arm would later serve to illustrate – the promise of an eternity in Heaven could not be broken.  My salvation was sealed at the moment of that decision.   However, it wasn’t until years later that I was able to know the joy and peace that comes from fully surrendering one’s life to Jesus Christ.   While I knew beyond any doubt that I was a Christian, the concept of daily dying to self and living for Him remained foreign. Unfortunately too, the ways of the world still proved enticing. 

My walk with Jesus had been on my terms – when convenient.  In my early 20s and pregnant with a daughter – I came face to face with my need for His guidance and protection more than ever.  Being fearful of repeating destructive patterns, and having no idea what a Godly mother looked like – I pressed into Him like never before.  Jesus heard my heartfelt, though not eloquent prayers.  Those prayers were and continue to be answered in ways bigger and better than I could have imagined.  Finally, I “got it” – my relationship with Jesus Christ wasn’t ONLY about a future in Heaven.  My relationship with my Lord and Savior is a daily surrender.

Years after the accident, I discovered a medical arm band from the hospital – with my name, dates, etc. – and the words:  Blood Recipient.  Somehow, I’d missed the fact that a random person’s blood donation had spared my life. Because of that selfless gift, I was given additional time on Earth, more opportunity to “get things right” and further occasion to share the love of Jesus with others. This serves as another AMAZING illustration: As the life-giving liquid that courses through our veins, blood symbolizes life.  In the Bible, the blood of Jesus serves as a symbol not of His death, but of His life poured out for us. 

Consider this:  I’ll never know the identity of the person whose blood donation saved my life.  However, I know the name of the One whose blood has reconciled me to God and has sealed my future in Heaven forever.  His name is Jesus.  He walks with me.  He comforts and protects me.  He hears and answers my prayers.  He leads me and is the model for how I am to love others.  He knows me intimately and He wants me to know Him the same way.

It’s humbling that a total stranger gave me the gift of his/her blood.  However, it is AMAZING and awe-inspiring that Jesus, son of God shed His blood for me.  He knows EVERYTHING about me – and it’s not all pretty, yet He loves me.  There is power in His blood.  In His blood I found healing; eradication of my sin; forgiveness and hope for all eternity. The blood of Jesus has the power to change the inner man… I am living proof.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

 

~  ~  ~

It’s not by chance that you are learning my story.  There is no such thing as coincidence or luck. Have you received a divine blood transfusion?  Are YOU ready?

“Morality may keep you out of jail, but it takes the blood of Jesus Christ to keep you out of Hell.” (Charles Spurgeon)

 

The Fragrance of Cologne

It’s a well-known fact that sensory responses trigger recall.  The most prevalent catalysts for me are smells.  There are a few random, yet distinct scents that remind me of childhood.  In the most peculiar way, the faint hint of cigarette or pipe smoke; or the aroma of fresh baked cookies takes me back to my favorite place as a child - my grandparents’ home in Ohio. In contrast, my Grandparents’ home in North Carolina had an aroma comparable to The Cracker Barrel. The wood stove in the family room marked the air distinctly year-round. Of course, any time I stayed at their house, the smell of coffee, bacon & made-from-scratch biscuits met me at (early) morning. These are all great memories! 

There are also odors that bring to mind less-than-favorable recollections.  For reasons I’ll not elaborate, I simply detest cinnamon.  (How ironic since it’s one of the more popular candle/air freshening scents year-round, but especially at Christmas!) Our noses get little credit, yet they have the amazing capacity to bring to mind people, places and events from our emotional and experiential archives. 

As a teenager - I was an ardent fan of Giorgio. Nowadays - I'm strictly a Vera Wang girl. Hopefully, if anyone has come to associate "Vera" with my physical presence, it will be a positive connection - if at all reminiscent of me in the future.  While commercial fragrances may seem trivial - as Christians, we don the eternally life changing, sweet aroma of Christ. I hope and pray that those who encounter and subsequently remember me - will associate the memory with that of  a follower of Jesus: A memory marked by supernatural peace on display - especially in the midst of storms;   of unconditional  love - for all people; of unusual  generosity; transparent authenticity,  and beauty beyond what human eyes can behold.  I pray it will never be recollections of hypocrisy, hatred or haughtiness - what an unimaginable disgrace to the name of Jesus!

 This summer, I have been given the opportunity to act as a "Perfumer" – dispensing the "sweet aroma of Christ" in Cologne, Germany.  How fitting the name of this city!  Our team is one of six, called  to influence the "fragrance" of this city through street evangelism, discipleship, church planting and by supporting the ministry efforts of missionary families already on the ground.

 

Cologne, not unlike the US, has been marred by the stench of greed, lust and hatred.  Vastly different though - Cologne has a Christian population of less than 1%, with a growing Islamic population.  The people of Cologne are in dire need of a new fragrance....one that will linger pleasantly, drawing others toward truth, freedom and eternal salvation.

This will be my second mission trip overseas and I could not be more excited! Often, I hear from family and friends that they don't "get" the need for overseas travel when there are so many physical, financial and spiritual needs right here at home. If you are of like mind - I can see how you might think similarly, especially, if unfamiliar with the implications of Acts 1:8:

 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Fellowship takes Biblical mandates very seriously.  We are a church extensively involved in our local community and with our church family (our Jerusalem).  We are actively engaged in ministering to the Metro and Downtown areas of Atlanta (our Judea) – and throughout the USA (our Samaria.) In recent weeks alone - I've been personally involved in serving   over 1100 of the under-resourced in our local community through "Roswell Day of Hope.” The joyful privilege of ministering to local widows on multiple occasions has been one I’ve come to embrace.  Lastly, on Mother’s Day weekend, for the first time I went behind prison walls to share the hope of Christ with incarcerated women in Georgia’s largest all-female correctional facility.  

Acts 1:8 does not stipulate that each person must travel “to the ends of the earth”.  However, as members of the Body of Christ, we are called to participate in sharing the gospel with the entire world in some way.  You have an opportunity to do so through financial support and most importantly through your prayer coverage.  Please join us in taking the transforming hope of Jesus Christ abroad!  Our team of 6 must quickly raise approximately $18,000 to cover the costs of flights, lodging, food and supplies.  Would you please consider supporting us with a one-time financial gift?  You may contribute financially as the Lord enables you, in one of two ways:

 1.       Via paypal:  http://fellowshiproswell.org/about/generosity/online-giving/   (designate Cologne 6/Tawnda)

2.       Send a check, payable to Fellowship Bible Church,  to:

     

Fellowship Bible Church

ATTN: Cologne 6/Tawnda

480 West Crossville Road

Roswell GA 30075

 

(Fellowship will send an end of year statement for tax purposes)

 If you would like to receive team updates leading up to our July 19^th departure, as well as daily updates during our time in Cologne, please indicate so in the comment section.  (You can submit your email address for team updates to:  t@fellowshiproswell.org)

Thank you for prayerfully considering coming alongside of Team 6 as we embark on this God-Sized adventure!  Your support through prayer, finances or both – is a tremendous blessing and an encouragement!  

Grace and Peace,

Tawnda 

 

 ^“ For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing” (2 Corinthians 2:15)

 “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:2)

Behind the Walls: My Experience in Prison (names and details of inmates changed)

One week ago today, I had the experience of going to prison.  Prison was never high on my list of “must see places” but in recent years – Sunday morning conversations with a sweet couple at church left me feeling otherwise.  For whatever reason, opportunities in the recent past came and went – and I was unavailable.  A few months ago, this same dear couple told me about the chance to meet face to face with Georgia inmates in an all-female facility – the weekend of Mother’s Day.  Almost in an instant, I knew God was saying, “NOW IS THE TIME.”  I completed the necessary paperwork, paid the registration fee and added May 11^th to the calendar. 

The first person with whom I shared a truly meaningful encounter was *Jessica.  When I asked if she wanted to sit down next to me in the pavilion – she looked cynical, and surprised.  I scooted over and patted the bench to my left for her to sit.  She quickly said, “Wow – am I allowed to sit next to you?”  At first, I was a bit uncomfortable thinking she perceived me as snobby (a frequently misapplied label to those of us who lay low and tend to be reserved.)  Everything about this moment was outside of my comfort zone, but we continued to chat.  When I asked for her name, she replied with her last name.  When pressed again, she said, “you want my first name? no one calls me by my first name – not since I got here in January.”   She gave me her name and then followed up with “wow, I’m used to being treated like a sub-human.”  

“Jessica” and I continued to chat at length about her family life, about her children, where she grew up, how she feels like a total worthless reject, and how she perceives her future.  As she filled in life details – I realized we aren’t so different.  We have experienced similar hurts and eerily parallel family struggles, but with far different outcomes.  She talked about recently trying to take her life behind bars -  that pierced my heart and flooded my eyes with tears for the first of many times.  Honestly, I have no idea what she did that led her to prison, but she’s a young mom who is now apart from her children.  This sweet, beautiful young woman shared how she is worth nothing now that she is behind bars and she elaborated on how she perceives God views  her –  suggesting that He has even written her off.  She grew up with a performance based faith and didn’t grasp the gift of salvation through Jesus alone. Gratefully, she prayed at the end of our conversation to receive Jesus as her Lord and Savior, and she signed up for a prison based Bible Study/discipleship group. Jessica didn’t tell me about the crime that led to her incarceration and I didn’t ask.  I could look up her offense online, but I don’t want to know.  The truth of the matter is we are all just one poor decision away from being where “Jessica” is now.  Even more significantly, whatever infraction(s) in her past, the slate has now been wiped clean and she will spend eternity in Heaven. For now, I encouraged her to share her new faith with her son when she gets the next phone call….and beyond.

“Amanda” was another young woman with a profoundly moving story.  She had grown up in an affluent home – always in church, leading worship, with parents in church leadership, and an adult sibling now serving as a pastor.  Scripture isn’t and never was foreign to her. Songs of praise and worship are well emblazoned in her mind.  She even told me about her young child singing some of the same songs for her on “video visits”.  “Amanda” knew all the right answers from the beginning – but as she told me the course she took, she made it clear that she had deviated from what she knew to be “the way” and through exotic dancing, drugs, and other related crimes, she now finds herself behind bars.  She’s another mom separated from her three children who are being raised by other family members. 

As our visit continued, she shared painful experiences from her past – and as in the case of “Jessica” – we have wounds in common.  Furthermore, in talking we discovered a Christian couple that we both know.  This is a couple who, in her words - treated her like a daughter, had been loving and supportive and tried to help her get her act together.  What are the chances of such a meeting taking place we both thought?  Again, tears streaming….down her cheek and mine.  This was most definitely a God-ordained meeting, and far from “chance.”  At her request, I shared with our mutual “friends” that through the Celebrate Recovery program in prison – she had gotten over her hurts and addictions.  She has given her life to the Lord and is a completely new person…while she had the knowledge necessary to walk in freedom before, she lacked a true relationship with Jesus Christ – the ONLY way we can experience eternity in Heaven. 

Ironically, it took “Amanda” being behind bars to experience true and lasting freedom.  As we wrapped up, it was clear that her prison time, a consequence to numerous bad choices, was wildly and powerfully redeemed by God.  He had used the time behind bars as a way to protect her and even her children from the continued downward spiral into crime and victimization.  Through her prison sentence, she is now able to positively impact others behind bars for the Kingdom of God.  She is looking forward to being out in a matter of months – back with her children.  She has a job lined up and she plans to share her story of redemption with others, giving God the glory.  In a strange way, she is grateful for the khaki jumpsuit and constant monitoring….otherwise; her story would have likely ended far more tragically. She has a hope for the future – where hope once was void.  

One week after the fact, I’m still in complete awe over the entire prison experience.    “Jessica” and “Amanda” are just two of the many women whose lives God allowed to intersect with mine.  In talking with all these ladies, I exited the prison gates Saturday evening realizing that those of us on the outside aren’t necessarily so different than those on the inside.  As I had shared a few times throughout the day, it’s also apparent that many of us are imprisoned by bars and razor wire that others can’t see, but we know the reality daily.  We may not be wearing khaki jumpsuits with names and numbers on the breast pocket – but many of us are in bondage to abusive parents, spouses or extended family.  Some of us are imprisoned by bitterness and an unwillingness to forgive.  Others of us are enslaved to pornography, drugs, alcohol, the “American dream”, the need for approval, etc.  Some of us are held captive by long-held secrets.   In short, I got to know several women behind the bars of Georgia’s largest all-women correctional facility that know and experience “true and lasting freedom”   while I have friends, neighbors and family members who are in bondage – but freely roaming.   

To go a step further, before we give our lives to the Lord, we are all in bondage of another kind:  Pride within us – causing us to think we “don’t need a savior”.  We are reluctant to surrender control of our lives to the Holy Spirit….what would be the fun of that???  We are so focused on ourselves, our needs, desires, preferences, comfort, and our delight – that we don’t want to relinquish the power to choose and act on “what feels good”.    Some of us have salvation, yet don’t experience the freedom that is fully available to us through making Jesus the Lord of our lives:  freedom from strongholds, freedom from ourselves….and freedom from eternal Hell are so accessible! (Matthew 1:18-25; Matthew 9-9:13 & 11:28; John 14:5-14 & 16:5-15)

I’ll close with a story about an older inmate seated across the table from me in the common area of her “dorm”.  “Estelle” – weathered and worn from years of drug abuse shared much of her story.  She started out by telling me that she needed drugs in order to do anything, in fact: “to have sex, to watch a movie, to cook a meal – anything she did started with using her drug of choice.”   She went on to tell me about her husband, who is also incarcerated.  She told me about her children and grandchildren…and she shared her plans once she is released.  Having been in prison for quite some time, she has missed out on many comforts that most of us take for granted.  She has missed out on sleeping next to her husband nightly and she has missed the grandchildren’s games, awards ceremonies and birthdays.   She says to me, “Honey, God is sooooooo Good!”   She continued, “There are days that I wake up here and I DO NOT want to get out of bed and face the day, but I have learned to pray before letting my feet hit the floor.  I ask God for guidance and direction …and every day HE guides me and leads me.  Jesus walks with me.  God is sooooo good!  I have HIV and I could be dead – I feel really good.  There is an end to this sentence in sight and I will be with my family again.  He has given me great friends in here (pointing to the lady to my left) and He is with me.  My sentence could have been worse than it was…. And you know what?  There isn’t a thing on my rap sheet that I’m not guilty of.  I deserve WORSE…. While serving time, I have spent so much time in His word, so much time in prayer.  He is with me like never before!”

After hearing “Estelle” go on about the goodness of God, I shook my head in agreement.  Now, “Estelle” you know what I heard you say? You said that before you were locked up, you used drugs to start your day, to start every task, even to watch a movie – now I hear you say, that before you get up in the morning, you start it all with Him!  She smiled that big smile again and said, “God is sooooo good to me.”  I responded by telling her that some people would think it’s quite odd that an elderly woman can sit in prison and praise God for His goodness….but I totally get it.  (Side note: This woman, in spite of everything - had the most joyful and magnetic smile - so properly punctuating her praise!)

Last summer I went to Trinidad expecting God to use me to minister to the hearts of ladies there, instead I came back feeling that God had used all of them to touch MY heart and life.  Admittedly, prison has been the same way.  “God is sooooo good!”   The next opportunity to go to prison with Bill Glass Ministries is this fall….Rest assured, I’ll be going back!

To Him be the glory.

 

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On Your 23rd Birthday..... "Notice"

When you were a little tyke, with white blonde hair and the same magnetic smile you wear today,
I took notice.  
It wasn't hard to see that the little boy who came into my life so unexpectedly was an incredible gift from God.  Memories of those first days when you called me “mommy” – well,  my heart took notice of the innocent life before me.  Months later when Dad and I married – we noticed that God showed favor on our family in the many events that brought us all together….but at the same time I couldn’t help but notice that He had made it so easy to be your mom.
When you started kindergarten with your sweet smile and loving disposition – the teachers noticed  that you were an asset to their classroom.  Later on, when a few learning struggles came to light – your teachers consistently noticed  that you TRIED….you TRIED….and YOU TRIED so hard to succeed.  They longed for your academic success not for themselves – but for the sweet little boy they took notice of, with the white blonde hair, a sweet innocent smile and an infectious laugh… and “R’s that sounded like sweet little W’s”. 

When you became the worlds’ most informed and adept stat keeper of all things sports, WE ALL NOTICED!  You were the most passionate fan of Javy “the- H-is-silent” Lopez (inside family joke) and I must confess, for that I thank you!  Do you realize that it’s all because of YOU that we have the best friends in the world???  Have you ever taken time to notice that without your little league career, we’d have never met the Zs?  I’ve noticed.  They are an extension of our own family…..and  I’ve noticed it’s because of YOU, the longtime #5 (before becoming the longtime #17).  You’ve heard the expression, “The Lord works in Mysterious Ways?”  - well, the expression becomes less “expression” and more reality the longer we live and stop to “take notice”  of how HE – the author and perfector of our Faith works in the minute little details,  causing everything to come together beautifully - as only the Creator of the Universe can do.  I’ve noticed this….increasingly and often because of lessons taught in and through YOU and the paths you have courageously chosen.

Our immediate family took frequent notice of a favorite recurring memory of you as a little guy; but our friends may not realize that YOU from an early age were the catalyst for peace and harmony in the “mini-van days”.   With dad on business trips, the 4 of us could be found driving up and down East Cobb roads from practice to practice to practice (with 3 athletes, and me – the one and only driver!)  Whatever the day had been, it typically culminated with one of your sisters wanting to change the radio station.  Their desire was always lovingly countered by my one and only son, lovingly saying, “Girls, Mom works very hard to take care of us when Dad is on the road… let’s let her listen to HER favorite music.”  (That recollection brings an automatic smile….and explains why you all know the lyrics to many, many 80s tunes!)

So, you have always been “others-oriented”: Selfless, humble, forgiving and servant-minded.  Maybe you haven’t noticed until this moment, but these are traits that Christ personified and exemplified.  Maybe it’s time you really take notice:  So much comes to you inherently – I can’t help but think it’s an extra measure of grace.  Look at it as “extra equipping” for something special in this lifetime.  (Don’t think I’m delusional – Christ would not use traditional USMC “vocabulary.” ) 

Most begin the adventure of living with humility and a forgiving nature being the hardest attitudes to embrace.  You however?   I’ve noticed – there’s no spirit of bitterness. When others  have ripped you apart verbally; physically or in writing….you’ve found it in yourself to be tender and forgiving when standing  face-to-face in the presence of an adversary.  When others have alienated and manipulated  you for a lifetime – you still found yourself in a stance of forgiveness - but one with reasonable, and appropriate boundaries.  (I wish I had been more like YOU in this regard.)  Unfortunately, I experienced the same hurts over and over because boundaries were established late. Worse than my own pain was the dysfunction and pain I allowed to pervade my own sweet family, because in my weakness - I never said “ENOUGH.”   

As you face the future, consider your gifts.  How very fitting is your “life verse.”  Think of it daily as you see your tattooed shoulder blade…  Remember where you’ve been and never forget the many circumstances from which God has delivered you...not JUST the combat zone, but relationships, family wounds, and circumstances under which some would have relented.  He has a plan for your life and He has given you a courageous heart…one that doesn’t back down because of peer or societal pressure; one that allows you to love and live with unyielding laughter and joy.  

In your 23 years of living – you’ve experienced trials and triumphs that many of us “civilians” will never know nor completely grasp.  Yet – you must notice and feel an incredible level of responsibility to carry on in a manner worthy of honor and in tribute to friends and comrades lost.  You have led some on the battlefield and you’ve led others in moments of desperation-fueled prayer.  Now, in this great country’s capital – you are in a position of great honor, one that reveres the lives of our fallen;  a position that pays homage to our country’s history;  and a position that brings reverence, encouragement and  hope for the future of this great nation. You are a 23 year old veteran of the United States Marine Corps.  Honey - your leaders, your trainers, peers and subordinates:  I promise you that THEY HAVE NOTICED some of the same traits on display in your life now – that have been apparent since at least age 4.

 

You, my son – are indeed TRULY special.  Dad and I definitely took notice from your earliest years.  Your sisters noticed. Teachers, coaches, friends, bus drivers, George the FedEx guy, random friends you’d acquire on family vacations and of course,  extended family – most could not help but notice.  It wasn’t that “Dress Blues” earned  in 2008 completed you and made you noteworthy… dress blues, to most of us just seem a natural cloak for one such as yourself, worthy of respect and honor.

Make wise choices my son.  Take notice of how you have been loved until now…. And rest assured, you will be loved forever, and I’m confident– far more greatly than you've ever truly realized.  Open your eyes fully - and "take notice."

Joshua 1:9 - Joshua 1:9

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

 Happy Birthday, My sweet Baby Boy... No mother could love a son more than you are loved!