Guess who's coming to dinner???

Before hitting “publish” I’ve decided to add this “preliminary note”:  To those friends with imperfect criminal background checks -  you are in no way being condemned in the “dinner scenario” below…to be completely forthcoming, none of my "ex-con friends" are guilty of the crimes referenced.  If you know me well at all – you know I’m pretty real, sometimes perceived as too honest, sometimes a bit controversial (I no longer care), and you know that if we are friends – I’ve got your back. I’m compassionate, feel deeply, cry easily, and am a loving loyal friend.   You also know that if you turn on me, hurting me or anyone else I love – I can and will forgive you, but there’s not much room these days for toxic or hurtful relationships… life is too short and I've spent far too much of it enmeshed in unhealthy relationships of all kinds.) 

We can break bread, share a bottle of wine, and enjoy healthy debate, appreciating each other’s perspectives and finding laughter and optimally, increased compassion in the process.  Mindsets on “hot topics” may change after appropriate, friendly discourse. Then again, mindsets may remain unaltered.  Differing positions shouldn't automatically lead to loss of respect and affinity.  How boring life would be if we were all clones.  (Yet another blogpost for another day.)  _____________________________________________________________________

2015 has been a year full of controversial headlines, and I’ve gotten caught in the crossfire expressing and defending personal convictions and sometimes taking a stand for friends on highly debated matters like the Confederate Flag, Same Sex Marriage, gun rights, and yes - my recent up close adventure with matters surrounding divorce.  Why stop now? Some of my favorite people on Earth are speaking loudly - from both sides of the fence.  Truthfully, I'm surprised by some - but wonder if the situation is looked at through a more personal grid, would there still be such an argument? 

Following are a few background points that largely shape my thinking… on these and most matters:

I am: 

...first and foremost - an imperfect human.  I don't "like" being wrong - but admittedly, it happens. (There - I said it, my children SHOULD be thrilled!)

… a Christian, a mother of three adult children that I had the immeasurable privilege and responsibility of raising;  one of my three is a United States Marine – twice deployed, and currently serving in DC.  

….a patriot – I love this country and count it a great blessing that of all the places I could’ve been born – I was born here.  My life has not been an easy one, but some of my worst days pale in comparison to the best days seen by people in other regions of the world.

I am:

...fortunate to personally have known a few Muslims as “friends.” Two summers ago I met a dear young lady  in Germany, who is by far the kindest soul I met in Europe – she happened to be a Muslim.  That didn’t stop us from enjoying  meals, Turkish tea, laughs, and great meaningful conversation.  We’ve stayed in touch –  and she would be a welcome guest in my home today. Before her, a gentleman working on a construction project at my house just happened to also be Muslim.  He moved from contractor to friend when he and his wife accepted my invitation to attend church and we got to know each other personally. He was a gentle giant, and over time, opened his heart to the teachings of the Bible.  Finally, one of the most significant people in my life as a teenager was Dr. Hasan – a surgeon key to my still amazingly miraculous recovery from a horrific accident. He was definitely one of the most compassionate, likable, humorous - and of course, competent doctors I've been cared for.  After a many years-long doctor/patient relationship, I have nothing but respect and gratitude for this man.  My life is absolutely better today because he was a crucial co-leader of my medical team – and a great encourager throughout the long road to recovery. (He also let me pick the radio station in the operating room on days I was having outpatient procedures….BONUS!)  So, yes – a couple of Muslim friends have intersected and impacted this crazy life journey for the better. This is my firsthand experience. 

…of the belief that all Muslims are definitely NOT evil, and the few I’ve known personally are completely the opposite.  However, we are waking up daily to the sad reality that horrific, malevolent extremists, often broadly and misleadingly identified as “Muslims” - are actively targeting and terrorizing people around the globe .  (“Muslim” does not equal terrorist/Muslims belonging to ISIS? indeed a threat.)

…NOT of the belief that all Christians are generally good, I’ll go ahead and throw that out there. My perspective is balanced - and it's been weathered by many trials, and years in full time ministry. There are some Christians i know that would NOT be welcome in my home. It’s also a fact that we were all born with a sinful nature, and that the very reason we need a redeemer is that not one of us is capable of living out a perfect life…  Some would like you to believe otherwise.  So, I don’t blindly ascribe loyalty or trust to those who profess my same faith, and in the same manner, I will not assign blame to an entire religion.  (Another blog post for another day – maybe a month’s worth.)

So, who might be invited to dinner? Muslim friends are welcome in my home.  My Christian, Jewish, Hindu and Atheist friends are welcome... as are my straight, gay, bisexual, rich, poor, military, civilian, law enforcement, firefighter, ex-cons, pastors, tattoo artists, bartenders,  bikers, Northern, Southern, 3 piece suit or camo wearing,  drinking, and non-drinking, black, white, Indian, FRIENDS.  If I call you friend, it means I know you - AND you are trusted in my home...in spite of cultural or religious "differences of opinion."  Not only would it be comfortable, it would be enjoyable to have you gathered around my table for a meal and conversation. If you’re at my table, you’re not a perceived threat to my children, pets, home – or me.  As a protective mom of three kids, and to the best of my ability, I worked hard to maintain a home environment that was a place of peace, and stability for my children.  For you to be at the dining room table, you would have essentially been "vetted" over time.  What kind of mom would I be if I invited a group over with heavily rumored ties to violent gangs?  (Could be true/Could not be true?)  Do I flippantly dismiss  those statements not doing any research of my own?  Do I extend invitations knowing that there was no way for me to properly ascertain the character of the person i'm considering?  Do I disregard common sense measures because of a short window of time between the invitation and actual dinner party?

What if I invited a group of recently released pedophiles to dinner and game night "in the spirit of Christian hospitality" -  having total access to my kids, my home and me - being foolishly vulnerable and without possessing real knowledge of them or their individual circumstances, heart change, or history of “incident free living”? What if I welcomed them in to my house as an act of hospitable good will, made them comfortable, fed them, clothed them and gave them the keys to my house?  What if I then smiled and waved to my barely known house guests as I kissed my kids goodbye and walked out the front door for a weekend trip?  The house guests may be sincerely grateful for an easy “second chance” – thankful that I blindly trusted them with those I love most, the innocent children that God entrusted to my care.  Conversely, I could walk out my door after welcoming this group “in God’s name” – and one or more may turn on me and my family bringing unspeakable harm.  That blame would lie largely on me for not being my kids' protector. As a parent, my loyalty is first to my own family.  I’m all about humanitarian effort, but not at a risk of  harm or loss to those in my loving charge.   

My question is this:  “How can we blindly let refugees infiltrate our borders – NOT KNOWING if they are a threat?  Clearly, not all refugees are evil – and I hate that there are innocent people being negatively profiled by the reputation and published planned attacks of some of their not-so-innocent family members, and social connections.

As a Christian/American/Mom, I firmly believe “family” is our first priority and our most significant mission field… Many are speaking of our country’s Christian foundation as justification for irresponsibly ushering potential danger into our borders. The funny thing is, I can’t think of anyone I actually know –  that would willingly put the family they love and are responsible for at potential great risk. We ought to be providing security for our own families first and foremost. To infiltrate our homes with unnecessary, potentially great threat does not seem prudent…. Would our president blindly welcome a group of refugees into the White House to hang out at dinner and spend time alone with his girls as he retreats to another wing?  OF COURSE NOT!   Would you invite a group of 10-20 strangers in to your home, to basically share life with you and your family with no limitations, and full access to all that is yours? Probably not.  What if you had heard repeatedly of threats against your family by this same group of people?  Would you give them a wal-mart gift card, feed them, strengthen  and equip them to carry out their evil mission?  

At the risk of sounding harsh and uncaring, I've always been a very protective "mama bear" - and would  not let anyone come into MY HOME, giving them keys, security codes, and all access to my house and family, without first knowing who they truly are and what motivates them to be here.   This seems all too simple.  (But as I indicated, I'm capable of being wrong and therefore welcome healthy dialogue.)   

In my humble opinion, our government  seems like an irresponsible parent - more concerned with winning a popularity contest with people "outside of the family," than stepping up to the role of leader and protector of our great nation. 

I'm really perplexed.  Am I missing something? Why are we still having this conversation?

t. 

If you’ve not read what Ben Carson had to say on the matter, check this out:

http://time.com/4116014/paris-attacks-ben-carson/?xid=time_socialflow_facebook

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Tim 5:8 ESV)

"O'Christmas Tree, O'Christmas Tree - a strange and beautiful reminder art Thee!"



A Reminder of Christmas in DC last year    
 with my 6'3' "baby boy"

I cry easily – as I told a friend last week, “it’s a curse.”  Full of grace, she insisted that I’ve been blessed with “rich emotions.”  Unpacking Christmas decorations last week brought on             waterworks aka “rich emotions” in a tremendous way.  On more than one occasion, it was audible, ugly sobbing.  Memories of Christmases past (good and bad) flooded my mind.  Recollections of family members long gone, and the knowledge that this Christmas is going to be very different than any other, sunk in deeply. Furthermore, with my baby girl getting married next fall, there is yet another layer of sentimentality surrounding this Christmas.

I decorate multiple trees  – a different theme on each.  The tree in the sunroom is the least appealing aesthetically, with its eclectic array of mismatched ornaments.  However, in ways that truly matter, its beauty far exceeds the others and reaches down into my “rich emotions” in ways that surprise even me. 

Following are a few observations about this particular Christmas tree (and correlating reminders to this crazy thing called “life.”)

San Fran - 2009 -
Thanksgiving with the Zs!

I’m sitting in the sunroom, feet propped on a wicker table, laptop and iced tea in reach.  As I study the subject of this post – I notice several “souvenirs.”  From here I can easily see a Hawaiian Santa from Maui, a Golden Gate Bridge medallion from Thanksgiving in San Fran a few years ago, a lobster ornament from Boston, a handmade bauble from Germany, a number of White House ornaments from Christmas in DC,  one from Israel and I know there’s an Eiffel Tower from Paris barely out of view, maybe next to the “Blue Suede Shoes” from Nashville. These and others are sweet reminders of moments and places I’ve enjoyed – blessings in the midst of the greater drama-filled adventure.  For too long, I used to feel strangely guilty if I enjoyed something.  That’s clearly distorted thinking and thankfully, I’m over it.  Life is fleeting – so no matter what troubles abound, I try to maintain an attitude of contentment, gratitude and enjoyment.  Visible reminders help. 




Handmade  with a special message
 from a longtime cherished friend, Kathryn.

A gift from Rach's small group leader -
 a sweetheart & servant spirit!

There are items from 
friends who accompanied me along the journey for a season – some longer than others.  What a gift it is to think back to people I’ve known over the years.  So many of them invested in me – and in my family.  Some made the journey more enjoyable, more colorful, more interesting and rich. 

 The ornaments  coming to mind now, are reminders of treasured friends.  I’ve such an appreciation for “real people” (not the pretentious ones who appear perfect on Facebook; nor those who adopt a victim mentality laced with an attitude of entitlement; and especially not those given to lofty, self-righteousness, acting as judge and jury.)  We are all messed-up … I have a special fondness for the ones who aren't compelled to pretend otherwise.

a gift from Karen L.

LOVE THIS: Britt's popsicle cross with
"JESOS" loves me... so precious a reality,
and so precious a misspelled word.

 Speaking of imperfections:  Upon close examination of a few trinkets hanging on the tree, fractures and flaws would be visible.  Over the years, several have fallen, or dropped.  In some cases, they were pieced back together with glue.  Others are carefully propped between neighboring branches or ornaments.  They are flawed, but as much a part of the tree as the ornaments without defects. Like the imperfect people we all are, they’re still of value – in fact, they have an interesting history and even add a bit of character and interest to the outcome.  I love that as flawed people, God still adores us…He uses us, and He accomplishes great things in and through our lives – in spite of “us.”   

 

another sweet reminder of
Rachael's youth...

A handful of ornaments adorn the boughs of this 12’ tree – that I wouldn’t necessarily “choose”, but they are mine to keep.  Some were given to me, though for various reasons, I’d never select them.  There are also ornaments tucked inconspicuously throughout – that are “mine” but wouldn’t be had I exercised better discernment.  They are a consequence to a momentary lapse of judgment.  (An ebay purchase of “vintage ornaments” gone wrong.)  Similarly, in life, we are dealt challenges we’d never choose to navigate.  Often, unexpected beauty results from those.  Also, as with a foolish ebay purchase, when we act without discernment – the consequences are ours to bear… but they are with us. Sometimes, in retrospect, you realize the consequences were a gift – not an easy gift to unwrap, but valuable in the long run.

 

Love this Hallmark ornament
from the year Britt was born.
(the chain is broken - so it's
propped and not discarded!).

Amid the hodgepodge, are several of my favorite, very cherished ornaments, “First Christmas Together”, “Baby’s First Christmas”,  “First Year in our New Home”, etc.  These ornaments celebrated and marked new beginnings over the last two decades.   New beginnings, in most cases, are exciting and full of hope and promise – even if the “unknown” appears overwhelming.  Sometimes, a necessary course correction takes you on a completely different and unexpected route where the questions and uncertainties far surpass the numbing comfort of the mundane.   Historically, after traversing a new path, seldom would I have turned back if the option were even available.  Every new beginning is an end to something else.  Scary.  Exciting. Unknown. Life is truly an adventure of epic proportion.



 A cornucopia of sports themed ornaments hangs from the branches.  Several baseball ornaments remind me of the years of sitting on bleachers, perpetual “team mom” duties, and the very best friends! (Friendships that would far outlast Tyler’s baseball career.)  We have soccer and tennis ornaments – bringing to mind lots of time in the car together as we’d drive from one part of metro Atlanta to the next, carefully navigating game and practice schedules much like an air traffic controller (me with absolutely no sense of direction, but always singing at the top of my lungs – with great little backup singers.)

Add caption

Without question, my very favorite ornaments are the ones made by the tiny hands of Rachael, Tyler and Britt. The assorted snowmen, angels, crosses, reindeer, etc. remind me of a season of life I enjoyed immensely.  It was several years of sweet innocence, slurred “Rs”, hugs and homework, one on one time with each, bedtime stories, words like “mazageen” and the phrase “I lushz you mommy.”   It was a season of first day of school cupcakes, baking cookies, trips to the park, to the pool, to the pediatrician’s office.  It was a season of chore lists, beanie babies, swimming lessons, tamagotchis, ballet, target classes, Anastasia, Gertrude, sports, coloring, nightmares, losing teeth, firsts of all kinds -  x3.   It was the only time of life I could get by with buying matching outfits for my babies at Easter and Christmas.  It was a time in which so many prayers were answered.  I loved being a mom to little ones. It was my favorite role – ever! I’m forever grateful for those memories… 

 
 
There are other ornaments not represented in this post, but the gist is this.  It takes many decorations to complete the sunroom tree.  In this case: broken, beautiful, ugly, fun, sentimental, undesirable, and some reminiscent of great blessings.  There are bittersweet reminders of friends and family no longer around.  Many are fragile; some are falling apart after many years of wear and tear (where DOES the gold macaroni go in the off season?)  Some ornaments are quirky, others are classic and will never go out of style.  Several are as unique and wonderfully rare as the many beautiful and broken friends that gave them to me over the years. 

Look closely, between Priscilla the Pig & Snoopy the
Red Baron, you'll see Bella the Calico  (always near.)

The sunroom ornaments individually wouldn’t be spectacular to most.  However, when they are all hanging on their respective branches from mid-November until December 26^th, together they make a beautiful visual.  Even more spectacular is at the end of the day, when night comes and darkness is all around, at the appointed time – the lights come on.  Fractured, propped, unattractive ornaments are still there, but they are eclipsed by the light that illuminates the tree from floor to ceiling.

Similarly, the light of Christ shines, washing out flaws and inadequacies.  The “mess” is still there, but the Light of Christ shines so much greater, diminishing our flaws and making us more beautiful to a watching world.  The Light of Christ brings  order to chaos, beauty from ashes, hope to the hopeless, and makes a mess into a masterpiece at the appointed time. 

 


I heard a line in sermon a few months ago that has stayed with me:  "our lives are a record of God’s repeated provision."  As I wrap this post up, I can tell you that as silly as it may seem, the tree 4 feet away is much the same to me right now.

 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should show forth the praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

(1 Peter 2:9)