"Blood"

Tragedy marked the beginning of the summer I turned 15.  I was walking along the road, following all Pedestrian laws.  Out of nowhere – a car struck me from behind and catapulted me 150 feet. My body landed against a tree, dangerously near death. Injuries occurred literally from head to toe.  The worst wounds involved my head, right arm and back.  Traumatic blood loss led to shock and the expectation that this would be my last day on earth.  At the hospital, my family said their goodbyes.  Obviously, that didn’t turn out to be my last day on Earth – but it came close and serves as an ever present reminder that we don’t know when our last day will come. 

After surviving those first critical hours, attention was directed to the mangled mess that was my body.  My head was sliced wide open necessitating a partial crew-cut.  My right eye was bloody and swollen.  Horrid lacerations and significant bruising existed all over. X-rays revealed a broken back, and my parents were told I’d never walk again.  My knees and ankles were injured – in fact there was no area of my body that completely escaped harm.  The most grotesque disfigurement of all was to my right arm. 

The collision between the car and my body commenced an airborne thrashing compounded by a street sign, a giant wooden cable spool and finally, a tree. My arm was twisted and crushed in unimaginable ways.  The bone between the shoulder and elbow was shattered.  Jagged pieces penetrated the skin in a zigzagged pattern, practically amputating just above the elbow. My arm was a bloody mess – and the initial plan was simply to complete the process of amputation.  Gratefully, another doctor was called in and he began a process that took years, multiple casts, hours of surgery and an incredible amount of physical therapy.  (Gratefully, I say – because I still have a right arm and 95% + range of motion.)

Surgery lasted over 5 hours.  Since damage was extensive and much of the original humerus remained at the accident scene, bone from my right hip was grafted into the arm and encased by 4” of titanium. The recovery was long – but the doctor assured me that it was IMPOSSIBLE for the right humerus to be broken again – IMPOSSIBLE. The ultimate and irreversible healing of my ugly, mangled arm amazingly parallels another irreversible healing in me. 

Like my arm, I was once a huge mess - mangled, and badly wounded through years of abuse and rejection.  That time in life was further complicated by consequences to my poor choices.   There was a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with the things of this world, but nothing ever satisfied – and those failed attempts left me increasingly despondent.  There were times that I simply wanted to die – to leave this world.  That embarrasses me now, because I am so grateful for each day….even the difficult ones.

Not growing up in the church, I was exposed to Jesus through various friends and extended family.  The summer I turned 12, I accepted Jesus as my Savior.  Like my right arm would later serve to illustrate – the promise of an eternity in Heaven could not be broken.  My salvation was sealed at the moment of that decision.   However, it wasn’t until years later that I was able to know the joy and peace that comes from fully surrendering one’s life to Jesus Christ.   While I knew beyond any doubt that I was a Christian, the concept of daily dying to self and living for Him remained foreign. Unfortunately too, the ways of the world still proved enticing. 

My walk with Jesus had been on my terms – when convenient.  In my early 20s and pregnant with a daughter – I came face to face with my need for His guidance and protection more than ever.  Being fearful of repeating destructive patterns, and having no idea what a Godly mother looked like – I pressed into Him like never before.  Jesus heard my heartfelt, though not eloquent prayers.  Those prayers were and continue to be answered in ways bigger and better than I could have imagined.  Finally, I “got it” – my relationship with Jesus Christ wasn’t ONLY about a future in Heaven.  My relationship with my Lord and Savior is a daily surrender.

Years after the accident, I discovered a medical arm band from the hospital – with my name, dates, etc. – and the words:  Blood Recipient.  Somehow, I’d missed the fact that a random person’s blood donation had spared my life. Because of that selfless gift, I was given additional time on Earth, more opportunity to “get things right” and further occasion to share the love of Jesus with others. This serves as another AMAZING illustration: As the life-giving liquid that courses through our veins, blood symbolizes life.  In the Bible, the blood of Jesus serves as a symbol not of His death, but of His life poured out for us. 

Consider this:  I’ll never know the identity of the person whose blood donation saved my life.  However, I know the name of the One whose blood has reconciled me to God and has sealed my future in Heaven forever.  His name is Jesus.  He walks with me.  He comforts and protects me.  He hears and answers my prayers.  He leads me and is the model for how I am to love others.  He knows me intimately and He wants me to know Him the same way.

It’s humbling that a total stranger gave me the gift of his/her blood.  However, it is AMAZING and awe-inspiring that Jesus, son of God shed His blood for me.  He knows EVERYTHING about me – and it’s not all pretty, yet He loves me.  There is power in His blood.  In His blood I found healing; eradication of my sin; forgiveness and hope for all eternity. The blood of Jesus has the power to change the inner man… I am living proof.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

 

~  ~  ~

It’s not by chance that you are learning my story.  There is no such thing as coincidence or luck. Have you received a divine blood transfusion?  Are YOU ready?

“Morality may keep you out of jail, but it takes the blood of Jesus Christ to keep you out of Hell.” (Charles Spurgeon)

 

The Fragrance of Cologne

It’s a well-known fact that sensory responses trigger recall.  The most prevalent catalysts for me are smells.  There are a few random, yet distinct scents that remind me of childhood.  In the most peculiar way, the faint hint of cigarette or pipe smoke; or the aroma of fresh baked cookies takes me back to my favorite place as a child - my grandparents’ home in Ohio. In contrast, my Grandparents’ home in North Carolina had an aroma comparable to The Cracker Barrel. The wood stove in the family room marked the air distinctly year-round. Of course, any time I stayed at their house, the smell of coffee, bacon & made-from-scratch biscuits met me at (early) morning. These are all great memories! 

There are also odors that bring to mind less-than-favorable recollections.  For reasons I’ll not elaborate, I simply detest cinnamon.  (How ironic since it’s one of the more popular candle/air freshening scents year-round, but especially at Christmas!) Our noses get little credit, yet they have the amazing capacity to bring to mind people, places and events from our emotional and experiential archives. 

As a teenager - I was an ardent fan of Giorgio. Nowadays - I'm strictly a Vera Wang girl. Hopefully, if anyone has come to associate "Vera" with my physical presence, it will be a positive connection - if at all reminiscent of me in the future.  While commercial fragrances may seem trivial - as Christians, we don the eternally life changing, sweet aroma of Christ. I hope and pray that those who encounter and subsequently remember me - will associate the memory with that of  a follower of Jesus: A memory marked by supernatural peace on display - especially in the midst of storms;   of unconditional  love - for all people; of unusual  generosity; transparent authenticity,  and beauty beyond what human eyes can behold.  I pray it will never be recollections of hypocrisy, hatred or haughtiness - what an unimaginable disgrace to the name of Jesus!

 This summer, I have been given the opportunity to act as a "Perfumer" – dispensing the "sweet aroma of Christ" in Cologne, Germany.  How fitting the name of this city!  Our team is one of six, called  to influence the "fragrance" of this city through street evangelism, discipleship, church planting and by supporting the ministry efforts of missionary families already on the ground.

 

Cologne, not unlike the US, has been marred by the stench of greed, lust and hatred.  Vastly different though - Cologne has a Christian population of less than 1%, with a growing Islamic population.  The people of Cologne are in dire need of a new fragrance....one that will linger pleasantly, drawing others toward truth, freedom and eternal salvation.

This will be my second mission trip overseas and I could not be more excited! Often, I hear from family and friends that they don't "get" the need for overseas travel when there are so many physical, financial and spiritual needs right here at home. If you are of like mind - I can see how you might think similarly, especially, if unfamiliar with the implications of Acts 1:8:

 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Fellowship takes Biblical mandates very seriously.  We are a church extensively involved in our local community and with our church family (our Jerusalem).  We are actively engaged in ministering to the Metro and Downtown areas of Atlanta (our Judea) – and throughout the USA (our Samaria.) In recent weeks alone - I've been personally involved in serving   over 1100 of the under-resourced in our local community through "Roswell Day of Hope.” The joyful privilege of ministering to local widows on multiple occasions has been one I’ve come to embrace.  Lastly, on Mother’s Day weekend, for the first time I went behind prison walls to share the hope of Christ with incarcerated women in Georgia’s largest all-female correctional facility.  

Acts 1:8 does not stipulate that each person must travel “to the ends of the earth”.  However, as members of the Body of Christ, we are called to participate in sharing the gospel with the entire world in some way.  You have an opportunity to do so through financial support and most importantly through your prayer coverage.  Please join us in taking the transforming hope of Jesus Christ abroad!  Our team of 6 must quickly raise approximately $18,000 to cover the costs of flights, lodging, food and supplies.  Would you please consider supporting us with a one-time financial gift?  You may contribute financially as the Lord enables you, in one of two ways:

 1.       Via paypal:  http://fellowshiproswell.org/about/generosity/online-giving/   (designate Cologne 6/Tawnda)

2.       Send a check, payable to Fellowship Bible Church,  to:

     

Fellowship Bible Church

ATTN: Cologne 6/Tawnda

480 West Crossville Road

Roswell GA 30075

 

(Fellowship will send an end of year statement for tax purposes)

 If you would like to receive team updates leading up to our July 19^th departure, as well as daily updates during our time in Cologne, please indicate so in the comment section.  (You can submit your email address for team updates to:  t@fellowshiproswell.org)

Thank you for prayerfully considering coming alongside of Team 6 as we embark on this God-Sized adventure!  Your support through prayer, finances or both – is a tremendous blessing and an encouragement!  

Grace and Peace,

Tawnda 

 

 ^“ For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing” (2 Corinthians 2:15)

 “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:2)

Behind the Walls: My Experience in Prison (names and details of inmates changed)

One week ago today, I had the experience of going to prison.  Prison was never high on my list of “must see places” but in recent years – Sunday morning conversations with a sweet couple at church left me feeling otherwise.  For whatever reason, opportunities in the recent past came and went – and I was unavailable.  A few months ago, this same dear couple told me about the chance to meet face to face with Georgia inmates in an all-female facility – the weekend of Mother’s Day.  Almost in an instant, I knew God was saying, “NOW IS THE TIME.”  I completed the necessary paperwork, paid the registration fee and added May 11^th to the calendar. 

The first person with whom I shared a truly meaningful encounter was *Jessica.  When I asked if she wanted to sit down next to me in the pavilion – she looked cynical, and surprised.  I scooted over and patted the bench to my left for her to sit.  She quickly said, “Wow – am I allowed to sit next to you?”  At first, I was a bit uncomfortable thinking she perceived me as snobby (a frequently misapplied label to those of us who lay low and tend to be reserved.)  Everything about this moment was outside of my comfort zone, but we continued to chat.  When I asked for her name, she replied with her last name.  When pressed again, she said, “you want my first name? no one calls me by my first name – not since I got here in January.”   She gave me her name and then followed up with “wow, I’m used to being treated like a sub-human.”  

“Jessica” and I continued to chat at length about her family life, about her children, where she grew up, how she feels like a total worthless reject, and how she perceives her future.  As she filled in life details – I realized we aren’t so different.  We have experienced similar hurts and eerily parallel family struggles, but with far different outcomes.  She talked about recently trying to take her life behind bars -  that pierced my heart and flooded my eyes with tears for the first of many times.  Honestly, I have no idea what she did that led her to prison, but she’s a young mom who is now apart from her children.  This sweet, beautiful young woman shared how she is worth nothing now that she is behind bars and she elaborated on how she perceives God views  her –  suggesting that He has even written her off.  She grew up with a performance based faith and didn’t grasp the gift of salvation through Jesus alone. Gratefully, she prayed at the end of our conversation to receive Jesus as her Lord and Savior, and she signed up for a prison based Bible Study/discipleship group. Jessica didn’t tell me about the crime that led to her incarceration and I didn’t ask.  I could look up her offense online, but I don’t want to know.  The truth of the matter is we are all just one poor decision away from being where “Jessica” is now.  Even more significantly, whatever infraction(s) in her past, the slate has now been wiped clean and she will spend eternity in Heaven. For now, I encouraged her to share her new faith with her son when she gets the next phone call….and beyond.

“Amanda” was another young woman with a profoundly moving story.  She had grown up in an affluent home – always in church, leading worship, with parents in church leadership, and an adult sibling now serving as a pastor.  Scripture isn’t and never was foreign to her. Songs of praise and worship are well emblazoned in her mind.  She even told me about her young child singing some of the same songs for her on “video visits”.  “Amanda” knew all the right answers from the beginning – but as she told me the course she took, she made it clear that she had deviated from what she knew to be “the way” and through exotic dancing, drugs, and other related crimes, she now finds herself behind bars.  She’s another mom separated from her three children who are being raised by other family members. 

As our visit continued, she shared painful experiences from her past – and as in the case of “Jessica” – we have wounds in common.  Furthermore, in talking we discovered a Christian couple that we both know.  This is a couple who, in her words - treated her like a daughter, had been loving and supportive and tried to help her get her act together.  What are the chances of such a meeting taking place we both thought?  Again, tears streaming….down her cheek and mine.  This was most definitely a God-ordained meeting, and far from “chance.”  At her request, I shared with our mutual “friends” that through the Celebrate Recovery program in prison – she had gotten over her hurts and addictions.  She has given her life to the Lord and is a completely new person…while she had the knowledge necessary to walk in freedom before, she lacked a true relationship with Jesus Christ – the ONLY way we can experience eternity in Heaven. 

Ironically, it took “Amanda” being behind bars to experience true and lasting freedom.  As we wrapped up, it was clear that her prison time, a consequence to numerous bad choices, was wildly and powerfully redeemed by God.  He had used the time behind bars as a way to protect her and even her children from the continued downward spiral into crime and victimization.  Through her prison sentence, she is now able to positively impact others behind bars for the Kingdom of God.  She is looking forward to being out in a matter of months – back with her children.  She has a job lined up and she plans to share her story of redemption with others, giving God the glory.  In a strange way, she is grateful for the khaki jumpsuit and constant monitoring….otherwise; her story would have likely ended far more tragically. She has a hope for the future – where hope once was void.  

One week after the fact, I’m still in complete awe over the entire prison experience.    “Jessica” and “Amanda” are just two of the many women whose lives God allowed to intersect with mine.  In talking with all these ladies, I exited the prison gates Saturday evening realizing that those of us on the outside aren’t necessarily so different than those on the inside.  As I had shared a few times throughout the day, it’s also apparent that many of us are imprisoned by bars and razor wire that others can’t see, but we know the reality daily.  We may not be wearing khaki jumpsuits with names and numbers on the breast pocket – but many of us are in bondage to abusive parents, spouses or extended family.  Some of us are imprisoned by bitterness and an unwillingness to forgive.  Others of us are enslaved to pornography, drugs, alcohol, the “American dream”, the need for approval, etc.  Some of us are held captive by long-held secrets.   In short, I got to know several women behind the bars of Georgia’s largest all-women correctional facility that know and experience “true and lasting freedom”   while I have friends, neighbors and family members who are in bondage – but freely roaming.   

To go a step further, before we give our lives to the Lord, we are all in bondage of another kind:  Pride within us – causing us to think we “don’t need a savior”.  We are reluctant to surrender control of our lives to the Holy Spirit….what would be the fun of that???  We are so focused on ourselves, our needs, desires, preferences, comfort, and our delight – that we don’t want to relinquish the power to choose and act on “what feels good”.    Some of us have salvation, yet don’t experience the freedom that is fully available to us through making Jesus the Lord of our lives:  freedom from strongholds, freedom from ourselves….and freedom from eternal Hell are so accessible! (Matthew 1:18-25; Matthew 9-9:13 & 11:28; John 14:5-14 & 16:5-15)

I’ll close with a story about an older inmate seated across the table from me in the common area of her “dorm”.  “Estelle” – weathered and worn from years of drug abuse shared much of her story.  She started out by telling me that she needed drugs in order to do anything, in fact: “to have sex, to watch a movie, to cook a meal – anything she did started with using her drug of choice.”   She went on to tell me about her husband, who is also incarcerated.  She told me about her children and grandchildren…and she shared her plans once she is released.  Having been in prison for quite some time, she has missed out on many comforts that most of us take for granted.  She has missed out on sleeping next to her husband nightly and she has missed the grandchildren’s games, awards ceremonies and birthdays.   She says to me, “Honey, God is sooooooo Good!”   She continued, “There are days that I wake up here and I DO NOT want to get out of bed and face the day, but I have learned to pray before letting my feet hit the floor.  I ask God for guidance and direction …and every day HE guides me and leads me.  Jesus walks with me.  God is sooooo good!  I have HIV and I could be dead – I feel really good.  There is an end to this sentence in sight and I will be with my family again.  He has given me great friends in here (pointing to the lady to my left) and He is with me.  My sentence could have been worse than it was…. And you know what?  There isn’t a thing on my rap sheet that I’m not guilty of.  I deserve WORSE…. While serving time, I have spent so much time in His word, so much time in prayer.  He is with me like never before!”

After hearing “Estelle” go on about the goodness of God, I shook my head in agreement.  Now, “Estelle” you know what I heard you say? You said that before you were locked up, you used drugs to start your day, to start every task, even to watch a movie – now I hear you say, that before you get up in the morning, you start it all with Him!  She smiled that big smile again and said, “God is sooooo good to me.”  I responded by telling her that some people would think it’s quite odd that an elderly woman can sit in prison and praise God for His goodness….but I totally get it.  (Side note: This woman, in spite of everything - had the most joyful and magnetic smile - so properly punctuating her praise!)

Last summer I went to Trinidad expecting God to use me to minister to the hearts of ladies there, instead I came back feeling that God had used all of them to touch MY heart and life.  Admittedly, prison has been the same way.  “God is sooooo good!”   The next opportunity to go to prison with Bill Glass Ministries is this fall….Rest assured, I’ll be going back!

To Him be the glory.

 

t

Taking a Heart like His to Trinidad

It’s been an incredible honor to partner with several dear friends and family members who have been called to the overseas mission field.  Most exciting has been seeing my children involved in missions.   All along, I’ve comfortably joined them from home with prayer and financial support.

While my children, friends and other family members have long been involved in overseas missions – I have supported and served in numerous community outreaches to children at risk, the homeless, veterans, unwed mothers, and more.  All these years, I never sensed God calling me abroad to serve others.  The local mission field is plentiful.

 Several years ago, our youth pastor invited me to join a team to Ecuador – one that my youngest daughter was a part of.  Being a borderline “helicopter” mom – very protective of my little ones, my flesh desperately wanted to go.  It was my nature to watch closely over my baby girl – and with her so far from home, it seemed obvious that I should/would accept the invitation.  However, never before and never since, have I heard so clearly that God was telling me “no”.  Through disappointed tears – I declined the invitation. 

We don’t always know or understand the “why” of His ways.  This time however, He gave me the gift of knowing and understanding how my presence would have prohibited healing, growth and life transformation in the hearts of my daughter, her team – and those they encountered.  He also grew my faith and dependence in the process. After the team returned from their trip (which ended up being to Brazil – due to civil unrest in Ecuador), these facts became apparent.  

That was the closest I’ve come to an overseas mission – until now.  FBC’s Women’s Ministry Director invited our staff ladies to join her in producing a women’s conference for the ladies of Trinidad.  It was after sensing a “resounding yes, this is your time to go” that I enthusiastically responded.    Since that time, she has been diagnosed with cancer and is unable to leave the country.  The trip’s future was questionable for awhile, but we know God wants it to happen. We trust that great things are yet to be done in the nation of Trinidad.  

Sadly, Trinidadian women are subject to rampant abuses – physical, sexual and psychological.  It’s estimated that 1 in 3 women under the age of 35 have been victimized by gender based violence.  Our understanding is that in addition to the mistreatments mentioned, there is a high rate of incest.  The women who will come to the conference in June – will in many cases, bring their daughters with them.  Home is not always a safe environment to leave a young girl with her male relatives.  It’s a sad reality that most of us here in the states cannot begin to fathom.

Our 8 member team of ladies is going to Trinidad at the end of June.  We’ll share the life transforming hope and healing found in Jesus.   The theme of the conference is “A Heart like His.”  Each day will provide opportunities for learning the truth of His Heart for all of us.  The ladies will have a chance to reflect on their own hearts, their need for healing and practical takeaways for the days, months and years that follow.  Our team will also engage with the Trini ladies through personal testimonies, prayer, breakout sessions, crafts, dancing and more.

We must quickly raise approximately $10,000.00 in order to secure necessary flights, ground transportation, equipment, food, supplies and so forth.   Additionally, with the socio-economic climate in Trinidad, there is a need for us to provide scholarships for many who will attend.   While financial support is absolutely critical, the support we need most is prayer.  Would you please consider partnering with our team in both areas?  We would all be grateful if you would come alongside of us.  Please indicate your desire for updates and I’ll add you to our email distribution. 

If you are able to contribute financially – in any amount, please give now to the Trinidad team via paypal at: https://www.paypal.com/us

Send the funds to 770-309-5444 – there is no fee  if you make the payment under the personal tab and designate “gift”.  You will receive a contribution statement at the end of the year for tax purposes if you provide your mailing address. 

Please prayerfully consider supporting our ministry to the women of Trinidad – with any dollar amount – but most definitely with prayer!

Many blessings!

Tawnda

PS – if you prefer to mail a check, please make it payable to Fellowship Bible Church – and mail to:

Tawnda Holley

Fellowship Bible Church

480 West Crossville Road

Roswell GA 30075

Marinade

My husband is an absolute genius when it comes to grilling.  The “Green Egg” was perhaps the best gift my children and I have ever given him.  It’s great not only because he enjoys cooking on the Egg, but we all enjoy the fruits of his labor!  When he is marinating steaks for our weekly Sunday dinner, I love to open the refrigerator – the aroma of garlic, Worcestershire, soy sauce, red wine and lemon waft out of the marinade bowl and into the kitchen.  My mouth waters at the thought!  Through his years of mastering the art of grilling – I’ve learned a little about marinades.  First and foremost – the longer the meat is immersed in the marinade – the better the flavor is locked in, penetrating every savory bite.

It may seem like a stretch, but we humans can be compared to a thick, juicy ribeye.  Think about it, no matter where you are – or who you’re with, you’re being "seasoned" by external factors: people, media, literature, etc.  Yours may be an environment that yields a positive overall “flavor”,  then again the opposite may be true.   

At the age of 17, on the first day of Psych 101, I heard my professor, Dr. Noble share a seemingly meaningless platitude.  He said, “The two things that will influence you most in life are the books you read and the people you associate with.”  At the time – I just thought it was another of countless “cute phrases” often spouted by adults.  However – this particular gem has never left my thoughts. 

 I shared this insight with all three of my children as they entered the highly critical teen years – more than once.  From a mom’s perspective - it was glaringly obvious that hanging out with a group of “hellians” led to negative behaviors, attitudes and consequences.  Conversely, spending time with Godly friends – and studying God's word and other  “good” literature vs. garbage – most often led to exemplary behaviors, outlooks and reward. 

It’s much easier to see “cause and effect” in our children’s lives – but if we do a bit of self-examination as adults – I believe the same holds true.  We aren’t exempt from negative influences around us the minute we turn 18, 25 or even 40.  Saturating ourselves with persons who hold radically opposing beliefs, values and ideals – is a slippery slope (especially for “followers” and “pleasers”.)  It’s easy to begin rationalizing others’ behavior and often only a matter of time before the same negative behaviors and actions become our own.  Our pastor has quoted another individual as saying “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”  PURE GENIUS! (and with similar meaning to Dr. Noble’s quote.)

Bottom line, we are immersing ourselves in a “marinade” of sorts – daily.  The longer we are soaking in it – the more intensely it will season every aspect of our lives.  We ought to be as intentional as we’d desire our children to be when it comes to evaluating our friends, and other external influences – including the literature. 

Surroundings are influencing each of us - like it or not.  We just have to ask ourselves if we like the way our lives are being flavored...and then be intentional about necessary adjustments.  

If we look around at our friends - do we desire to have a future much like we see theirs?

 T

*Note:  This, in no way,  indicates we shouldn’t rub shoulders with persons who’ve gone astray.  We are called to be a light in a dark world…you can’t really be a light to others if you’re only spending time in a “well lit” area.  We should be the Hands and Feet of Jesus to ALL people….

"Spring Cleaning"

As said before, I should never cease to be amazed by the wondrous and unexpected ways the Lord sometimes speaks to my heart.  In fact, just this past week - He's actually been opening my eyes to some areas requiring modification...and He's been speaking to me in my "OCD"!

My innate tendency is to "clean and organize".  Granted, there are days when, if you looked in my closets, cabinets or office - you'd be surprised to hear that.  I crave order and get excited about organization tools and tricks.  However, given the busyness of life, priorities and seemingly waning energy - my home may sometimes be found in a state of disarray - rest assured, if that's the case, you'll find me in the same condition. 

One of my greatest organizational triumphs in recent months was consolidating 375 dvds into one large binder.  The DVDs are catalogued in a corresponding spreadsheet, along with film ratings, genre, cast/content notes and the page number on which the movie may be found. With all humility, I must admit - it's fairly genius! :)  When the family wants to watch a specific movie - it's exciting to know the precise location - and to avoid a multi-room search. 

Beyond my "wiring" - this gorgeous Atlanta weather has inspired a couple of big organization/simplification endeavors.  The frustrating part is that you deal with a temporary "bigger-than-before-MESS" midway through the process. In this week's endeavors, my closest friends - both at home and at the office, have been shredders and scanners.  Scanning is AMAZING - and is helping to rid life of piles of unnecessary paper.  It's one of the greatest technological advances from the perspective of an organization freak!

In the progression of decluttering files and desk drawers - I came across two interesting and revealing folders.  One was a "CYA" folder containing documents from more than a decade ago.  Another was a "Just in case something bigger comes of this" folder - containing emails, letters, and my own handwritten, detailed notes documenting grievances with a couple of family members...and with a supposed friend. My thinking was that I may need "proof" to back up legal arguments some day, or to prove someone wrong in their hasty and non-discerning judgments and assessments.  Maybe my sweet husband is on to something when he tells me "you've always got to be right."  

First and foremost, I have forgiven all the people involved and never want to embody a bitter spirit toward them or anyone.  There is no desire for revenge - no wish for vigilante justice, no wish for harm of any kind to come their way. Bottom line, we are all accountable for our actions and attitudes - managing our own is a "full time job"...we can't realistically expect to direct the behaviors of others!   

Forgiveness doesn't assume restoration of relationship but it definitely frees the injured party...it took me a long time to "get that".  It's interesting though, while not dwelling on past infractions - things happen that can pull back a scab you didn't know existed, leading to serious self examination and sometimes the whole process of forgiveness again.  That's what happened today....

While flipping through the contents of multiple files,  some of the harsh words and reminders of past actions, came into view. Beforehand, those recollections were far from mind...and definitely, far from my heart.  Holding on to the "evidence" only served as an impromptu reminder and a catalyst to tears streaming down my face...tears that didn't exist moments prior.  

The Holy Spirit convicted me of my own "judgment", and my need to be "right" in the eyes of man.  Those documents only served as a painful reminder to me.  The offenders didn't even know the data existed.  Surely, Satan would prefer that those folders, toxic only to myself, remain in my drawer for his future merriment. They are now confetti.  Even though the transgressions spoken of were not at all on my mind before this afternoon, after shredding them - I somehow felt "lighter."  Spring Cleaning feels good - on so many levels!



As the 2011 "Spring Cleaning" continues in my home and at the office... it will continue in my personal walk with Him, as well.  What other thoughts and patterns do I need to purge?  What else needs to be removed from my life and "given away" in order to make room for peace and for true, lasting beauty? 

Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; (Luke 6:35-37)

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"The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change."

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey."

"We do not forgive because we are supposed to; we forgive when we are ready to be healed."

"Waiting for someone to repent before we forgive is to surrender our future to the person who wronged us."

"When we forgive, we walk in stride with the forgiving God."
                                      
                        (taken from "The Art of Forgiving" by Lewis B. Smedes)