Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, Male & Female, & in Black & White (12 of 29)

There is a myth that guys and girls cannot be friends - in some cases, that may be true.  However, I have ALWAYS had a core group of guy friends.  Typically, they are easier going and seem to possess a bit more emotional stability than "many" females. My male compadres tend to be as averse to drama as I…which is a HUGE BONUS.  Fortunately, there are a handful of great guys I can honestly say I love as a brother. Because of their presence in my life, a steady sweet protective spirit, and an air of authenticity (and fun) enriches my life. 

One “brother” has been around over 2 ½ decades…and is one of my longest lasting, most meaningful friendships. Over the last 2 ½ decades, he has changed tires; rescued me when my mustang was stuck on ice; moved me and my daughter from one apartment to another, and so forth. More than anything, he’s been there for me on days I couldn’t stop crying…and yes, he’s been there on days I’ve struggled with dating dilemmas - decades ago, and now again as I find myself navigating single life.    

The oldest digital pic I could find...There are many "prints"
in boxes that I really need to scan...some priceless ones! 

Between us, we’ve weathered 3 marriages, several wounds, loss, disappointments, and lots of “life stuff” – the good and the bad.   D is a friend that I can talk about absolutely ANYTHING with …and believe me, we do cover it all. Having experienced several unique parallel struggles, we are clothed in similar scars – both emotional and physical. (We are quite literally “titanium friends” …having matching scars on our right arms!)

We can and do - debate any topic.  There is agreement on most big issues, but not on all. He does challenge my thinking at times... which is a good thing.  A friendship of this caliber allows freedom to be transparent without judgment.  

Nowadays, a huge plus is his ability to speak openly as I navigate single life… and ugh – slightly dip the proverbial toe in to the  “dating world” (the very thing I said I’d never do again...and I’m not completely convinced it’s for me.) D’s insights into the complex male psyche are priceless and he seems to know a bit about the female psyche as well… it’s scary, at times.

Because of our history – up until now, he has known – (or in one case, he met) every guy I’ve ever dated.  I can honestly not say that of any other friend or family member. Years ago, we lived in the same apartment complex and ran in the same circles.  Those were fun times... and it probably never dawned on me that this guy would still be in my life 25 years later.  Thankfully, he is. (funny side note: the first time I met my ex was actually because of D.... I've jokingly given him a hard time about it… all in fun, of course.  It’s really just another thread woven in the tapestry of a long friendship.)

Lunches and dinner "updates" are usually full of  laughter, and on occasion, tears. (Often, my tears end and laughter ensues because he has the ability to lighten the mood.) Regardless of the conversation, I always leave with a smile on my face, a giant bear hug, and increasing gratitude for this guy.  He tells it like it is… without being offensive or condemning.  I need that in my life.  We all do!

 

So, for today’s entry in the Gratitude Journal: 

I’m beyond grateful for this enduring friendship, and for the fact that he texted to see if I was available for lunch.  Lunch turned in to a movie and of course, throughout the few hours we hung out, there was much meaningful dialogue with my forever friend. What a gift he is to me.

Yes, guys and girls can be friends…and treasured friends at that.

PS – “D” doesn’t like having anyone make a big deal about him, so if you happen to read this …and you actually know him, then “shhhhhh” don’t say a word!

"O'Christmas Tree, O'Christmas Tree - a strange and beautiful reminder art Thee!"



A Reminder of Christmas in DC last year    
 with my 6'3' "baby boy"

I cry easily – as I told a friend last week, “it’s a curse.”  Full of grace, she insisted that I’ve been blessed with “rich emotions.”  Unpacking Christmas decorations last week brought on             waterworks aka “rich emotions” in a tremendous way.  On more than one occasion, it was audible, ugly sobbing.  Memories of Christmases past (good and bad) flooded my mind.  Recollections of family members long gone, and the knowledge that this Christmas is going to be very different than any other, sunk in deeply. Furthermore, with my baby girl getting married next fall, there is yet another layer of sentimentality surrounding this Christmas.

I decorate multiple trees  – a different theme on each.  The tree in the sunroom is the least appealing aesthetically, with its eclectic array of mismatched ornaments.  However, in ways that truly matter, its beauty far exceeds the others and reaches down into my “rich emotions” in ways that surprise even me. 

Following are a few observations about this particular Christmas tree (and correlating reminders to this crazy thing called “life.”)

San Fran - 2009 -
Thanksgiving with the Zs!

I’m sitting in the sunroom, feet propped on a wicker table, laptop and iced tea in reach.  As I study the subject of this post – I notice several “souvenirs.”  From here I can easily see a Hawaiian Santa from Maui, a Golden Gate Bridge medallion from Thanksgiving in San Fran a few years ago, a lobster ornament from Boston, a handmade bauble from Germany, a number of White House ornaments from Christmas in DC,  one from Israel and I know there’s an Eiffel Tower from Paris barely out of view, maybe next to the “Blue Suede Shoes” from Nashville. These and others are sweet reminders of moments and places I’ve enjoyed – blessings in the midst of the greater drama-filled adventure.  For too long, I used to feel strangely guilty if I enjoyed something.  That’s clearly distorted thinking and thankfully, I’m over it.  Life is fleeting – so no matter what troubles abound, I try to maintain an attitude of contentment, gratitude and enjoyment.  Visible reminders help. 




Handmade  with a special message
 from a longtime cherished friend, Kathryn.

A gift from Rach's small group leader -
 a sweetheart & servant spirit!

There are items from 
friends who accompanied me along the journey for a season – some longer than others.  What a gift it is to think back to people I’ve known over the years.  So many of them invested in me – and in my family.  Some made the journey more enjoyable, more colorful, more interesting and rich. 

 The ornaments  coming to mind now, are reminders of treasured friends.  I’ve such an appreciation for “real people” (not the pretentious ones who appear perfect on Facebook; nor those who adopt a victim mentality laced with an attitude of entitlement; and especially not those given to lofty, self-righteousness, acting as judge and jury.)  We are all messed-up … I have a special fondness for the ones who aren't compelled to pretend otherwise.

a gift from Karen L.

LOVE THIS: Britt's popsicle cross with
"JESOS" loves me... so precious a reality,
and so precious a misspelled word.

 Speaking of imperfections:  Upon close examination of a few trinkets hanging on the tree, fractures and flaws would be visible.  Over the years, several have fallen, or dropped.  In some cases, they were pieced back together with glue.  Others are carefully propped between neighboring branches or ornaments.  They are flawed, but as much a part of the tree as the ornaments without defects. Like the imperfect people we all are, they’re still of value – in fact, they have an interesting history and even add a bit of character and interest to the outcome.  I love that as flawed people, God still adores us…He uses us, and He accomplishes great things in and through our lives – in spite of “us.”   

 

another sweet reminder of
Rachael's youth...

A handful of ornaments adorn the boughs of this 12’ tree – that I wouldn’t necessarily “choose”, but they are mine to keep.  Some were given to me, though for various reasons, I’d never select them.  There are also ornaments tucked inconspicuously throughout – that are “mine” but wouldn’t be had I exercised better discernment.  They are a consequence to a momentary lapse of judgment.  (An ebay purchase of “vintage ornaments” gone wrong.)  Similarly, in life, we are dealt challenges we’d never choose to navigate.  Often, unexpected beauty results from those.  Also, as with a foolish ebay purchase, when we act without discernment – the consequences are ours to bear… but they are with us. Sometimes, in retrospect, you realize the consequences were a gift – not an easy gift to unwrap, but valuable in the long run.

 

Love this Hallmark ornament
from the year Britt was born.
(the chain is broken - so it's
propped and not discarded!).

Amid the hodgepodge, are several of my favorite, very cherished ornaments, “First Christmas Together”, “Baby’s First Christmas”,  “First Year in our New Home”, etc.  These ornaments celebrated and marked new beginnings over the last two decades.   New beginnings, in most cases, are exciting and full of hope and promise – even if the “unknown” appears overwhelming.  Sometimes, a necessary course correction takes you on a completely different and unexpected route where the questions and uncertainties far surpass the numbing comfort of the mundane.   Historically, after traversing a new path, seldom would I have turned back if the option were even available.  Every new beginning is an end to something else.  Scary.  Exciting. Unknown. Life is truly an adventure of epic proportion.



 A cornucopia of sports themed ornaments hangs from the branches.  Several baseball ornaments remind me of the years of sitting on bleachers, perpetual “team mom” duties, and the very best friends! (Friendships that would far outlast Tyler’s baseball career.)  We have soccer and tennis ornaments – bringing to mind lots of time in the car together as we’d drive from one part of metro Atlanta to the next, carefully navigating game and practice schedules much like an air traffic controller (me with absolutely no sense of direction, but always singing at the top of my lungs – with great little backup singers.)

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Without question, my very favorite ornaments are the ones made by the tiny hands of Rachael, Tyler and Britt. The assorted snowmen, angels, crosses, reindeer, etc. remind me of a season of life I enjoyed immensely.  It was several years of sweet innocence, slurred “Rs”, hugs and homework, one on one time with each, bedtime stories, words like “mazageen” and the phrase “I lushz you mommy.”   It was a season of first day of school cupcakes, baking cookies, trips to the park, to the pool, to the pediatrician’s office.  It was a season of chore lists, beanie babies, swimming lessons, tamagotchis, ballet, target classes, Anastasia, Gertrude, sports, coloring, nightmares, losing teeth, firsts of all kinds -  x3.   It was the only time of life I could get by with buying matching outfits for my babies at Easter and Christmas.  It was a time in which so many prayers were answered.  I loved being a mom to little ones. It was my favorite role – ever! I’m forever grateful for those memories… 

 
 
There are other ornaments not represented in this post, but the gist is this.  It takes many decorations to complete the sunroom tree.  In this case: broken, beautiful, ugly, fun, sentimental, undesirable, and some reminiscent of great blessings.  There are bittersweet reminders of friends and family no longer around.  Many are fragile; some are falling apart after many years of wear and tear (where DOES the gold macaroni go in the off season?)  Some ornaments are quirky, others are classic and will never go out of style.  Several are as unique and wonderfully rare as the many beautiful and broken friends that gave them to me over the years. 

Look closely, between Priscilla the Pig & Snoopy the
Red Baron, you'll see Bella the Calico  (always near.)

The sunroom ornaments individually wouldn’t be spectacular to most.  However, when they are all hanging on their respective branches from mid-November until December 26^th, together they make a beautiful visual.  Even more spectacular is at the end of the day, when night comes and darkness is all around, at the appointed time – the lights come on.  Fractured, propped, unattractive ornaments are still there, but they are eclipsed by the light that illuminates the tree from floor to ceiling.

Similarly, the light of Christ shines, washing out flaws and inadequacies.  The “mess” is still there, but the Light of Christ shines so much greater, diminishing our flaws and making us more beautiful to a watching world.  The Light of Christ brings  order to chaos, beauty from ashes, hope to the hopeless, and makes a mess into a masterpiece at the appointed time. 

 


I heard a line in sermon a few months ago that has stayed with me:  "our lives are a record of God’s repeated provision."  As I wrap this post up, I can tell you that as silly as it may seem, the tree 4 feet away is much the same to me right now.

 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should show forth the praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

(1 Peter 2:9)

"Turbulence"

For a few years now, I've been dealing with a deeply personal, frightening "storm" in my own life.  One that has rocked my world and causes me to feel like I'm heading for a crash landing.  Not good.  Lately, it's felt like the storm will not subside - I feel like Dorothy in the midst of a tornado, spiraling uncontrollably and questioning where or when I'll experience landfall.  Scary.  Out of control.  Real.  Private. Personal. When people ask how they may pray for me, lately I've just shared "an unspoken request."  This last week, I devoted a considerable amount of time praying, seeking direction, wanting to do what is right and desperately desiring to learn the lessons God has for me in the midst of all this "life turbulence".

Last night's flight proved interesting on many levels.  Meteorologists made national predictions that yesterday's storm system would be one of the most intensive of the spring.  Not surprising, flights were cancelled into and out of Atlanta and our scheduled departure (last flight out of Detroit) was "iffy" at best.  We made it to the airport early, and were able to get on an earlier, alternate flight on standby.  Even that flight was delayed because of "paperwork" and weather in both Detroit and Atlanta.  Being standby, my family was separated, taking whatever seats remained after confirmed passengers boarded. It was a turbulent flight - and typically, turbulent flights and I don't do well together.  But this flight was different.

Sitting next to me was a young lady, probably 18 years old or so.  She was quiet and sat reading for awhile.  There came a point when she tapped my arm and said, "Excuse me, I know this may sound strange to you,  but God has given me a word for you.  It seems you have been hurting for awhile now and He wants you to know you're not alone and that when you weep, He weeps.  He cares deeply for you and for what is causing you pain."   Then she asked if she could pray for me - of course, I welcomed her prayer.  Wow.  

Although, some would (and did) doubt  - I have full confidence that God spoke to me, through her.  She couldn't have known my pain, she knew nothing about me.  She didn't know my "religious affiliation" yet this young girl was obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit.  Wow.

A bit later I noticed she was writing - I assumed journaling.  But, then she ripped 2 pages from her small notebook and handed them to me. "You are dearly loved by God.  He sees the desires of your heart.  He laughs when you laugh, cries when you cry, and when judgement or harsh words are spoken into your life, He weeps.  He will help and heal your pain.  He greatly desires to heal your heart."  Again, WOW.  These words were the perfect salve for my gaping wound.

My sweet, young friend, "Kristin" also reached out to another person - saying much as she said to me, "God has given me a Word for you." - This other gentleman put up his hand like a traffic cop issuing a "Stop command" and said, "I appreciate your concern, but no thanks."    What did he miss I wonder?  Isn't that a picture of how we as fallen individuals will respond to God's promptings, "no thanks God - I'll come to you when I decide it's necessary."    What do we miss in those moments?

I consider my random seating assignment last night - anything but random.  It was just where I needed to be!  Thank you God for your Word, for your promises, and  for the obedient young lady sitting next to me.

T

PS - Overcome with emotion, tears streamed down my face.  Keep in mind, this was a rough flight, we were in turbulence and while the oxygen masks never descended - it was the worst turbulence I've ever experienced in the air.  As the tears streamed, someone near me assumed the tears were related to my fear - because he said, "Don't worry - I can see the ground.  We're gonna be okay."    Me: I'm choosing to believe that was a little bonus word from God.  : )