Simple Pleasures: Plain & Simple (in black & white, & imperfect flesh tones) 11 of 29

John Mayer sings “Your body is a Wonderland.”  It’s a great song…but if I knew nothing more than the title and catchy chorus…I could say it applies to my body.”  (Bummer, clearly not the case!)

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland

The reality is, my body could cause an onlooker to “wonder.”  I’m a 5’9, 140 lb living, and breathing bulletin board covered in “mementos" from the journey I've been traveling since birth..”

From the very top of my head, to the very tip of my right toe, assorted scars illustrate various chapters of my ongoing biography.  A near fatal accident, 4 early stage cancers, blatant stupidity, and other life experiences have resulted in quite a collection of imperfections on an already imperfect body.  Yep, it's a wonder... 

There was a time when I did everything possible to cover visible scars… especially, the more pronounced ones.  There were summers that sleeveless tops were not an option because I didn’t want anyone to see the horrific scarring on my upper right arm.  When I had thyroid surgery a few years ago, I bought several scarves and turtlenecks in anticipation of the “mutilation” I’d have to conceal.  Perhaps that was a season of vanity…. (Just think, TP… you didn’t even know me then!)  Now I proudly wear sleeveless tops and love that I have a dear friend with an identical scar in the precise same location.  (We're titanium friends... literally!)

(note the corresponding description/link to each # below)

Probably more significant than some of my physical scars are the ones that no one sees.  There are a multitude of emotional scars below the surface.  In earlier adult years I saw myself as strong, independent and yes – as a survivor.  Somewhere later though, “I” got lost and those positive self-assessments were replaced with self-deprecating thoughts and doubts.  Thankfully, with time and proper guidance – we grow into a better version of our younger selves. (I think I’m grasping the familiar quote “youth is wasted on the young.”)  Priorities change, perspectives mature and we become more comfortable in our own flawed skin and aging bodies.  This is not a stretch at all – the scars on my body and below my skin,  are souvenirs from challenges and injuries overcome… and I’m profoundly grateful for what each represents. 

3 years ago, in tears…I said to my therapist, “I’m an enabler… I’ve enabled too many people in my life...and they’ve all hurt me in some way.”   His attitude changed, and his voice got more stern than “comforting.” Looking directly at me, he said… “STOP!  YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!  I know what you’ve been through.  You’ve always done what was necessary for survival.  You’re still here….yes, you need to recover, yes - you need time to heal, but YOU ARE STILL HERE.”

Those words were not a healing salve; they were electrifying shocks from an AED that revived a dying heart and crushed spirit. Dr. P’s words, and many sessions of working through a bunch of CRAP were all crucial to moving forward, and healing. 

I’ve survived a lot.  (Seriously, my life has a strange “Lifetime Movie” vibe.) Scars are another example of redemption. Nothing that we journey through – regardless of how, or why… is wasted, unless we waste it. I’m thankful for every blemish.  Each prompts recollection of an unrequested, painful, yet ultimately, cherished experience.  Each tells a bit of the story of how “I” became the “Me” that exists today.  

Lastly, each imperfection serves as a reminder of a responsibility to others - drawn from the well of experience that has been only mine to partake.  Lessons learned - must be shared.  Encouragement received – must be passed on to others.  (Encouragement coming from someone who has navigated similar trials is a great comfort to a suffering friend…I’ve been on both ends of the equation.)

Don’t waste scars...redeem them.

Here's an overview of my "Wonderland Memo Board."  

Physical Souvenir	Origin	Read more of the story here:
1.    Boomerang shaped Scar on top of      head. Barely visible nowadays.	Hit by a car at the age of 15 – the giant gash on my head was from a road sign that my head clipped as I was catapulted through the air…	http://tawnda.blogspot.com/2010/06/broken-bones-scars-and-ugly-blue-pintos.html more on the accident that almost ended my life…but ultimately brought many physical changes
2.    On my neck – barely visible	Total Thyroidectomy (pre-cancerous tumor)	http://tawnda.blogspot.com/search?q=ode+to+thyroidina (wow – I forgot how corny that was… must’ve been the Percocet.)
3.    Right Humerus – Metal Plate	Same pedestrian accident as #1	http://tawnda.blogspot.com/search?q=blood Another perspective on the same accident…years later
4.     Early detected breast cancer	3 different occurrences over 5 years	------------
5.     Early detected breast cancer	No chemo/radiation necessary	------------
6.     Early detected breast cancer	3 lumpectomies w/extensive margins removed due to atypical hyperplasia	------------
7.     Emergency C-Section	My favorite scar of all…  -> ->  ->  ->  ->	http://tawnda.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-difference-nineteen-years-make.html
8.     Left Wrist – Quarter size/shaped	Also from the pedestrian accident	This scar used to be far more evident and I literally wore a watch for the sole purpose of covering it… now it only shows up vividly if I’m in the sun…
9.     Right pelvic bone///bone graft	Same pedestrian accident as #1	------------
10.     Right Big Toe/Pins (bunion!)	Delayed injury from years of ballet	Metal parts in right arm & right foot/Bionic Woman!
11.     Left arch – (this is the souvenir of youth & stupidity)	Stepped on broken glass on dance floor	Too much liquid courage as a barely 18  year old college student at O’Malley’s in Athens with friends… (It was bleeding so much I thought someone spilled a red slushy on my sandals… not fun.)

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in grey... & Red, White & Blue (9 of 29)

  It's one of those funny Georgia weather days again.  Knowing how to dress the months of November through March each year is a little like Roulette. Granted, I reach for the shorts and flipflops any time it even looks remotely warm and sunny BUT...

TODAY is most definitely a thick sweater and rain boots kind of day... it's SNOWING!  

The little girl awakens within me and excitedly watches for the magical white powder as it drifts from grey skies.

The view from my dining room...  one  of my
favorite places to observe the outdoors - year round.  

Seeing Old Glory waving in the wind, little girl in me quickly transitions back to the patriotic grown woman - proud to be an American and very proud to be the Mom of a United States Marine.

My thoughts instantly go to a much snowier place, to Washington DC 

where my baby boy currently lives and serves this great country.

Funny how some rabbit trails are reminders of a multitude of blessings... 

Grateful smiles abound on this beautifully grey-skied February day...

This is one of my favorite pictures from Tyler's time at 8th & I in Washington, DC.
He is in the very front , with the blood stripe on his pants and carrying a sword.  That's my baby boy.
The absolute best son anyone could ask for....

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White (8 of 29)

I gave myself a pass of sorts...

Down with a cold, and an overly medicated brain....and no one to answer to but myself.

Today's simple pleasure for which I'm grateful is...

Just being me.... and being free to be me, warm pjs, a fire, 2 kitties, and lots of sleep...

Life with a cold.... well, it's still a good day! (and quite restful)

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White...& calico (7 of 29)

My atypical Super Bowl setup/& weekend infirmary
(my 4 legged nurse in napping on the job)

Super Bowl Sunday… being the avid football fan (not), Super Bowl has always meant a cornucopia of delectable gastronomic delights, festive beverages, and fun with friends.  Granted, I’m typically the one in front of the tv for the commercials… and definitely for the halftime show.  (You can find me refilling my beverage during game time.)

                                                                                                                                     

Still, the weekend cold that knocked me “out of the game” so to speak caused me to cancel Super Bowl plans with friends and stay home to further recuperate.  It was the right play to make… No need in exacerbating my cold or risking the health of good friends. It was a necessary "time out." 

Lying here watching the game (commercials)… it’s as if my 2 four-legged "housemates"  know I’m not feeling great.  They are both extra cuddly today.  Bella is even laying her head on my foot as I'm writing these thoughts. 

They make being alone…far less lonely, especially on days like today.  They are slightly spoiled…but “why not?”  Having doted on my 3 human children all their lives, I needed another place to invest my maternal energies. Granted, many if not most of my friends are “dog people.”  Whenever they come around, they typically agree that in many ways my 2 beautiful calicos are more like their canine counterparts than expected.  Unlike many cats, they are both very social…very playful and they are both extremely cuddly...and oftentimes HILARIOUS!

 

Lily at 6 weeks... in Kimmie's lap
(she's always had beautiful eyes - although they turned green
and are incredibly intense)

 

 Living alone for the first time in my life, it’s comforting to have Lily & Bella around.  When I get home, they meet me at the top of the stairs.  (They've learned to identify the sound of the garage door opening as a signal of my arrival.)  When I leave, they often jump up on the window sill to watch me back out of the driveway.  If I'm in the bath tub, Bella is sitting on the side of the tub.  If I'm getting ready for bed, they both jump to the foot of the bed and take their places.  They are great roommates, make little mess, and are fairly low maintenance. 

Miss Lily these days...with those gorgeous eyes!

There have probably never been two more cherished pets to walk the earth.  (God forbid the thought - they’ve never actually “walked the Earth”.)  The only times they’ve breathed outside air is while in a carrier in route to and from the vet.  They are almost 5 years old…and I am hopeful they will be with me for at least another 15 or more years. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Tiny Bella at 6 weeks - of course by the food bowl
(she now weighs in at 15 lbs.)

Today’s treasure for which I’m most grateful?  Lily and Bella.  Sisters since birth…and much loved by me, their adoptive mom since they were 6 weeks old.  (Incidentally, loving them as I do - has actually helped me to be an animal lover of all kinds... yes, I even have friends with dogs that are quite enjoyable to be around!)  

Bella sleeps more easily on her back than I do...
(ALL THE TIME!)

Lily sleeps with her eyes covered...often

My calico girls at 6 weeks - TINY ... and I had no idea how much I'd come to love them!

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White...and in bright blue (6 of 29)

Saturdays are typically packed with fun social activities…but given this nasty cold, not this one.  This has been a day spent in intermittent slumber, watching countless movies, lots of meds, vitamins, and with a steady aroma of eucalyptus, rosemary and peppermint in the air.  (The good news? I was often able to actually smell those wonderful scents!)

At some point during the day, I wrapped up in a warm blanket and sat on my deck for a bit to breathe some fresh air.  My deck is one of the features that drew me to this house.  The deck makes me forget that I live in the busy city of Roswell with my neighborhood entrance on an 8 lane road.  Sitting here it feels as though I’m living in a remote area of Georgia. 

Fortunately, for me (and my neighbors), the deck is very private with a row of evergreens separating me from the row of houses behind.  With my deck flanked by these beautiful trees, lying in the sun is not so intimidating… and sitting outside in my robe with a cup of coffee or tea is quite comfortable, even in the Georgia winter. 

Not only do the trees create a visual barrier, but a noise buffer as well.  Because of where my house is positioned in the neighborhood and the benefits from the Evergreens, I can sit quietly – often enjoying nature’s choreography.  (Countless birds sing and dance all around.)  This private little respite facilitates some serious thinking, sketching, reading, and writing all the while causing me to forget that I live in the burbs.  It’s a tranquil setting – and in the (almost) year I’ve lived here, I don’t know that there has been a single day when I’ve not sat outside for a bit.  Nature speaks to me in ways it didn’t before…it’s calming yet simultaneously, nature also refreshes my soul and ignites my mind.

No filter - a breathtaking, untouched sky

On this particular February day, while getting fresh air, I was struck by the vibrant blue sky.  It was gorgeous.  The “blue” reminded me of September 11^th.  The recollection of the crystal clear, blue sky that morning before all Hell literally broke loose - has never left me.  In the strangest of ways, I’m glad.  Too easily we forget the watershed moments in our life’s story…. 9/11 was significant to every American. (This could be another entire post on a different day.)

For now, in this moment - I’m grateful for the reminder of that fateful day… for the lives lost in the attacks were not lost in vain.  Countless first responders sacrificed their lives for the benefit of others… and those men and women shall not be forgotten.  My own children were profoundly impacted by the events of that day – with one direct result being my son’s current career in the USMC.  

Why would we want to forget the way our country came together in the days that followed that historic Tuesday morning?  With all the mudslinging currently taking place leading up to the election, it’s good to remember that Democrats and Republicans united for a greater good.  We were literally "United States".  I pray it won’t take another 9/11 to get everyone united once again.

No filter - just a bright blue, untouched sky....and the
trees that gracefully provide a visual barrier between
 me and neighbors on the street behind my house....

Back to the here and now after my mind wandered a bit - the clear blue, beautiful skies are a reminder to never take a moment for granted…as in the case of September 11th, we never know what the next breath holds.  We don’t know who will be next to us, sharing life with us, making us laugh or making us cry.  Embrace the journey, moment by moment, whatever comes. 

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White (5 of 29)

A bad cold has kept me down since Friday night (maybe why I failed to post gratitude for a "simple pleasure" Friday prior to bed!)  Before succumbing completely to this cough, it was an evening out with a few fabulously fun girls…enjoying interesting conversation, laughs and one of my all-time favorite things - moving my body to the sounds of great music …out on the dance floor.  (That may have pushed me over the edge, but it was fun at the time!)

My heart is grateful for these girls and a local place to go and be comfortable, "known" and among friends. There aren’t many places nearby where dancing is an option.  So… for the 5^th of February, I’m simply beyond thankful for my local “Cheers” (aka, Guston’s), and beyond warmed by the resulting significant relationships, countless meaningful conversations,  copious amounts of laughter, and calories deliciously consumed.  With a lifelong passion for dance, rooted in a youth filled ballet and jazz - the calories enjoyably burned, and endorphins elevated on the dance floor are a huge bonus!  (Much more fun than the gym!)

Life is good.  Every day is truly a gift ... to be enjoyed fully.  Carpe Diem!

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White...and today, in color (4 of 29)

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After an in depth conversation with Colleen last night, I was inspired to write about a completely different topic.  However, thanks to FaceBook, I now know today is "Friends Day."  Therefore, an audible was called and a montage beautiful, smiling faces has been created to show profound gratitude for the incredible friends in my life.  This last year has been a roller coaster ride, but because of the faces displayed (and a few I don't have photos of)... this year has been filled with an abundance of friendship, love, and laughter.  

There is much I could say about each cherished person, but for now... the smiles shall speak for themselves.  Assuredly, whether known since grammar school - or only since this past year...in some way - they/you have made my life better.  (I'm guessing a few may not realize their significance... but I'll work on that!)

My heart has been warmed simply by sifting through pictures from this last year...  So undeserving am I to hold dearly so many incredible FRIENDS. 




"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."

Helen Keller

(NOTE: there are 3 songs that play in the background... the FB auto-generated  "Friends video" for me came nowhere close to measuring the wide range of people who have touched me in some way... this montage will require a glass of wine (or a cup of hot tea)...  If you're my friend - know how deeply grateful I am to have you on this crazy life journey.

Simple Pleasures... Plain & Simple, in Black & White (3 of 29)

So, “This guy”….

(So much for my vanity...)

·      *  Has the dubious honor of covering all my grey roots monthly… (aiding me with my “vanity”)

· Has personally journeyed through amazing adversity, making me respect him greatly...

.
· Can make me laugh hysterically…and on occasion, tear up…

· Looks eerily similar to George Michael in the 80s …(especially in person)

· Recommends the best TV shows, movies, etc. (An excellent entertainment reference!)

· Has great taste in music  – something we both enjoy

· Recently taught me the little that I know about Star Wars (along with a little help from Monte)

· Can carry on meaningful dialogue about ANY (and I mean ANY) topic one could think of!

· Allows for difference of opinions and hears what others have to say without “pre-judging”

·  Is incredibly bright - and acutely up to speed on legislative matters (inspiring me as well!)

·  Is extremely hospitable – you can’t help but feel at ease when you walk in to his home

· Is remarkably comfortable in his own skin, living out his convictions without apology (authenticity is a value I hold dear and look for in others – Peter is one of the most real people I know!)

· Encouraging… he’s known much of the drama I’ve endured in recent years, and was a consistent safe, non-judgmental source of encouragement

· A lover of animals… feline and canine alike

· Is one of the most charitable, sacrificial people I’ve ever met –  giving of his resources (especially his time) whether benefiting children, adults, the disenfranchised, the LGBT community, Civil Rights, the Homeless, Animals, etc.  He stands up against sex trafficking, racism, animal abuse, and prejudice.  If more people gave of themselves in the way he does – this world could only be a better place.

· Is the only person (and I mean ONLY) that I fully trust to take care of my hair!

·Gives great hugs every time I see him!

It took no time at all for me to come up with these descriptions… if I were to sit and really think for an extended time, this list would easily double. But you get the idea.

 For years, I looked at hair appointments as an opportunity to sit quietly, and just relax.  It wasn’t a time I wanted to engage in meaningless surface chat with the attending stylist.  However, the first time I met Peter at the salon near my “then office”, we hit it off.  I’m pretty sure the catalyst for our friendship was a Katy Perry discussion.  Go figure.  Since then, every time I have the good fortune of visiting him at work, I know greys will be successfully covered and that meaningful conversation will transpire. Typically, I walk away having learned something - or at a minimum, will have something to add to my "watch list."

One last example of the kind of guy he is:    In late November, I had told him I was “fighting” sadness and  wanted to skip over my favorite holiday of the year.  It was the first Christmas being officially divorced, first in my new house, first ever living alone and the first in 24 years without my baby girl with me that morning.  (She’s a grown woman – working as a nurse, so it’s understandable…but still hard.) 

Knowing that Christmas was going to be “unusual and potentially lonely", he invited me to join he and Monte in their home - along with extended family and friends to celebrate Christmas.  It was unlike any Christmas in my past, but that was expected. What I didn't anticipate was how special it would be to celebrate that morning with their family, and how Christmas of 2015 will forever be fondly recalled. 

Earlier today, as I sat in his chair with my oh-so-stylish black cape, no make-up, and fashion-forward foils – it was clear to me, that the silver lining of the day is Peter.  What an unforeseen gift this friendship is.  He’ll forever be treasured –  and loved much like a brother.   

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White (2 of 29 ...it's a leap year)

This will be brief… I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to string together a coherent thought.  Ironically, though… it’s fitting that my eyes are heavy.  As I changed the linens on my bed this morning, I thought about how wonderful it is to crawl between the cool crisp sheets at night… especially when freshly laundered.  The scent of the fabric softener is evident as I lie here.  This precise spot is one of my absolute favorite places in the entire universe.  Never has a bed been more comfortable, peaceful, relaxing… and sleep inducing – than the one I’m lying in at this very moment. 

 

My bed:  just one of MANY catalysts for gratitude and smiles today… but given my imminent need for sleep – it’s the perfect one to highlight.

Goodnight… don’t let the bed bugs bite. 

Notice the movement at the bottom left corner... 

Okay... Bella is in position now.  She is as big a fan of my comfy bed
as me.  Not to mention, where I go, she goes...my bed is her bed.
 I suppose her name should've been "Ruth."

(Lily has now joined us.)

lights out. goodnight. 

February's Simple Pleasures... in Black & White, Plain & Simple (2.1.16)

Often, anticipation of significant life events, major milestones and accompanying celebrations get in the way of seeing the little gifts that come our way.  Several years ago I studied “gratitude and contentment” in depth and my eyes were opened!  It’s easy to become lackadaisical with time. Better outlooks and healthy routines have a way of subtly disappearing if not for intention and accountability. (Which is why the gym crowds from January are mostly gone now!)

Having kept a number of “gratitude journals” over recent years, I've known the personal benefit firsthand.  A handful of friends also caught on and implemented this same practice.  Ironically, here I sit, on the first of February 2016 – out of practice. 

“February” is derived from the Latin “Februarius”- which was a festival for Roman citizens. It was essentially a month of ritualistic purification baths.    (I had no idea until today, but find this an interesting piece of trivia!)  In a sense, I'm going to celebrate "Februarius" - choosing to once again take a whole month to focus on life’s simple pleasures, the little gifts that abound daily – the silver linings  often overlooked in the pursuit of something grander.  As with the Roman festival for which this month is named, I'll view this as a mental/attitude preparation for the coming months.  Having gone through many changes last year, and while “wondering rather than worrying”… I’ve neglected at times to live in the moment. 

From past “gratitude-centric” seasons, I know that overall – life felt better in spite of challenges. My outlook seemed more positive and there was an increased awareness of the hidden blessings in the sometimes mundane. This month my objective will be capturing one small, non-grandiose cause for thanks per day.  (No matter what is going on in your own life, there are momentary gifts…I encourage my friends to do the same.  In fact, the more challenging your season of life,  the more beneficial this exercise will be.)

So… the next 27 days may only have a black & white photo and a caption – but I’ll have at a minimum, captured something that makes me smile. It may be foolish to some - but significant in my mind. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You gotta love Georgia weather.  On Christmas night, I was wearing shorts and a tank top.  Last week we had snow on the ground (briefly.) Friends and family across the country get a kick out of Atlanta’s Snow days – but for this Georgia girl, snow days are a novelty! The days of powdery white accumulation are few and far between.  Who wouldn’t mind being snowed in a few days next week! It's fabulous - especially, if you've got the right people around you!  (Although, I've yet to determine what my GA counterparts do with all the bread and milk ... bigger priorities should be wine and cheese - it's Biblical.  Jesus's first miracle on Earth was turning water in to wine, not milking a cow.)     

I enjoy those rare snow  days... however this week we have temperatures in the high 60s. So, back to the here and now...

For today, February 1^st, my favorite simple pleasure was walking out of my house in my years-long favorite, comfy outfit:  shorts, a sweatshirt and flip flops.  

  

It felt great to run errands in my khaki shorts, Harvard sweatshirt and flip flops!
To me, this wardrobe combination has always implied "simple, comfortable, care-free and low maintenance!(I took the low maintenance thing to new levels with no make-up and a wet head...a hint of summer!)