A Tragedy on Tuesday, August 7th

“Tawnda, its Aunt Brenda... I'm in Wisconsin with Chuck and he just fell off a bicycle.  He's unconscious. The paramedics are working on him and an ambulance is on the way. Please pray. Please get everyone you can to pray. I'll call you later.” (This was the moment today I knew something was terribly wrong, yet still remaining optimistic of a positive outcome.)

 moments later: an almost identical voice mail from Aunt Brenda.

 moments later: A voice mail from my Dad asking if I had talked to Aunt Brenda (his baby sister.). He had received a call from her cell phone but she wasn't on the line. He could hear emergency personnel in the background and was able to catch her providing my name and contact information to the deputy on the scene. He was understandably concerned that she was injured somehow - not knowing the circumstances of the call.

Immediately, having missed all three calls back to back, I dialed my Aunt’s number and there was no answer on her end.  As she had requested, I quickly sent out a prayer request to the church staff and our elder board, providing the limited information available.  Using my office line, I dialed Dad on “speaker” leaving both hands free to dial Aunt Brenda and to search online for available resources in the area she was calling from.  After another unsuccessful attempt to make contact, with my dad listening - I replayed the two voice mails from Aunt Brenda so he would know all that had been shared. 

From that point on, the timeline is muddled. I know at one point she expressed a continued plea for prayer.  She was still at the accident scene and paramedics were working on her friend in the back of the ambulance. Shortly thereafter, through heartbreak and tears, she said that Chuck, her longtime friend and a man she almost married at one point - was gone. If immediate memory is correct, this was the most helpless moment of my lifetime to date.   

The beginning of a longtime precious relationship. 
(I'm the smaller one)

To understand the enormity of the situation, one needs to understand that Aunt Brenda is not the “average” aunt.  She and I have long had a special bond.  Growing up, I was often compared to her by numerous relatives, even by my grandmother – an expert on both subjects! In adulthood, while there have been unique paths and traits, our similarities and common interests have continued to be numerous.  Family and friends long observed our likeness in appearance (which is an encouragement – she still acts and looks years younger than her actual age)  In fact, many have said, I look more like her daughter than a niece, some  even said "sister".  I embrace those assessments as great compliments.  She is the baby sister of my Dad – and they have always been close.  I was my Dad’s first child…and we too, were always very close.   

 
Over the years, family drama and unhealthy dynamics reared uncontrollably, and as a result – communication between much of the family ceased.  The situation goes back for decades and is too complicated and too convoluted to articulate in a few short words.  Dysfunction in the family is much like the weeds that seem to flourish in seasons of drought.  Kudzu, Poison Ivy, Dandelions and wild onions prosper when left to run their course, unhindered.  In the case of the vine varietals, they billow over stone walls and fences, almost appearing intended there.  Meanwhile, those undesirables rob nutrients from the roots of planned, desired flora. The powder blue hydrangeas, bubblegum pink roses and once thriving azaleas wither with leaves turning yellow.  The weeds, insidious by nature – begin to dominate and the beauty of the landscape is subsequently diminished.   

This horticultural illustration seems an almost perfect comparison to  a family plagued with issues long ignored.  As weeds thrive and beauty in our garden fades; so does the weed of dysfunction long ignored and uncorrected yield a harvest of life-sucking, beauty robbing, bitter saplings with self-serving root systems. 

This metaphor may seem like a stretch to some, but in our family with all kinds of “flora” – and more than it's share of "weeds",  My Aunt B stands high above the landscape, resilient, stronger than she looks and beautiful.  Bear with me as I connect the thoughts:

According to the UGA Horticulture Department: Southern magnolia, Magnolia grandiflora, is an aristocratic tree. It grows well throughout Georgia, is widely adaptable to a variety of soils and has few pest problems. With glossy evergreen foliage and large white fragrant blossoms, it truly is one of the most beautiful and durable native trees for our Southern landscapes.

(fragant: as in 2 Corinthians 2:15 "For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing")

Other resources specify that they are heat, sun and shade resistant. Magnolias can withstand significant pest infestation and they tolerate disease better than most.  I shared a few thoughts awhile back about a little magnolia that grew in our backyard.  It amazed me initially by mere survival – and more significantly, its increased ability to thrive in a less than desirable environment, probably similar to many of us!)    
http://tawnda.blogspot.com/#!/2011/05/backyard-applications-to-life-2-steel.html)

A more recent photo of us...
I'm no longer the smaller one.

Aunt Brenda is likened to the strength, beauty and reslience of the Magnolia.  Not just ornamental beauty, but like the Magnolia, she serves as a barrier against outsiders and a shade from the sun, an earthly refuge of sorts.  In her vocation as a Christian Counselor, she comforts others, shields and helps mend their family relationships, fractured self images, marriages and fragile hearts.  As a follower of Jesus, no doubt she prays for her counselees as well as those in her sphere of influence.  Aunt Brenda has often prayed for and consoled me through challenges that would shock the masses. There has been no shortage of pain and heartache….as is the case with most everyone I know.  But, there has been no shortage of comfort and prayer along this journey – and much of that has come through my very, very special aunt.  We are close.  I am greatly blessed to have her in my life.  

More than anything this evening, I wanted to be near her so I could provide a fraction of the comfort and companionship she has lavished on her niece. It’s so heartbreaking not to have that option tonight.  I hear her crying and immediately, I cry too.  The sound of her despair  is a weighty burden. 

After numerous short phone updates with Aunt B, with my Dad and with WGH – we have a plan.  After factoring in logistical capability, sense of direction, travel prowess and sheer availability, coupled with an impending visit from Bryce – we decided it’s best for my husband to hop on the next available flight.  

So, as I conclude this entry, we are preparing for bed with a 3:30am morning alarm set.  There are legitimate, undeniable reasons for grief, heartache, great concern, and a sense of helplessness.  A life was lost today, without any warning and in the midst of an anticipated vacation.  In the loss of human life – the ones left behind bear the loss.  Without faith, and without a future hope, I don’t know how some cope.  To my knowledge, all involved have that future hope.  Time will eventually ease the pain and surely in the future, decades of joy-filled memories will provide loving comfort and bring a smile to the faces of those who remain. A promise of a future reunion will make those cherished memories even sweeter.

My heart is conflicted – I want to go and be with Aunt Brenda, to hug her tight and to let her cry on my shoulder for as long as she needs.  However, when emotion is removed from the decisionmaking process, there is no question that WGH is definitely the better suited helper this time.  (There are many logistics that I have no idea how to navigate; Chuck's personal belongings, his hotel room, his car, a lengthy drive to his home in Chicago, a meeting with his family and another drive from Chicago on to Columbus, Ohio) 

 At this point, and even in the midst of tragedy… I'm reminded of many causes for gratitude:

• For my Aunt – and the closeness we share.
• For her friend Chuck, that his death was quick and without suffering; that he was in the midst of riding a bike in a beautiful park in Northern Wisconsin with a longtime dear friend… one that he turned back to check on with a smile not long before.
• For the memories created over a forty year friendship - and the comfort they will bring
• For "Kathleen" - a random lady who came upon the scene and has remained with Aunt Brenda throughout this ordeal, helping her to locate the car.  Since Chuck was driving, Aunt Brenda had no recollection of its whereabouts. 
• For the kindness of the police department in "Fish Creek, Wisconsin" - I am grateful for the kindness and generosity they have shown to her in this crisis.
• For the numerous friends who immediately prayed today - within minutes.  My guess is those prayers were at least somehow answered in the form of Kathleen and the "Fish Creek Sheriff's office"
• For the phone calls with my Dad today….although, it was a tragic situation that led to multiple conversations – it’s a gift to hear his voice on the phone.
• Today has been a blazoned reminder of the value of family, friends and time.  None are guaranteed, but still some some family, friends and time remain at this point along life's journey.  I’m indebted to the Creator for each.