Exhausted and Grateful on Wednesday, the 8th of August

With the events of yesterday on top of the emotional news received on Monday - I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.  But...How can I be the one to complain?  I simply cannot and will not embrace an attitude of negativity or complaint.  The level of hurt that exists within my own heart over recent days demands nothing less than a decision to convert pain into compassion and action for the ones most affected with sudden loss.  The family of a  27 year old man with presumed decades before him; and the family and close friends of a 71 year old man, active and healthy with no signs of slowing down. 

Days and weeks like this serve as reminders  to embrace the mornings we do open our eyes and to give thanks for the countless blessings that we too often take for granted. 

As I wind down this day - exhausted, my heart is grateful for the days the Lord has given me...and for whatever days remain.  There were a few times when He clearly kept me around for reasons yet known - but for reasons I pray will be fulfilled through obedience and increased intimacy with Him.

My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for William's willingness to go to Wisconsin and "be there" for Aunt Brenda, for difficult tasks, conversations, decisions, and a lot of driving.  They both have to be physically exhausted beyond what my body feels at present, again - no room for me to complain, but I'm reminded to pray for supernatural energy, peace and mercies along the way.

Lastly, and while it may sound insignificant.  I'm very grateful for my home - a respite and place of peace and comfortable familiarity.  At the risk of sounding trite - our bed is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in (the mattress is over eight years old - and I don't care what those mattress commercials say about the "8 year rule"!) 

Life brings days like these - days where we'd opt to rewind and change direction and outcomes if given that ability. That opportunity will never be ours. No matter what happens, no matter what disappointments befall us; without regard to our own plans and expectations - our days are limited and we don't have the foresight to know the time and day of our final breath. These weeks should be viewed as wake up calls, still an opportunity of sorts for a "fresh start".  We have the ability to be fully engaged and aware; reminded of our own mortality; the need for well documented and communicated final plans; our need to forgive and be forgiven; to make amends; and to live genreously and without regrets.  It's an invitation to start each day anew, with intentions of praise and obedience to the One who holds it all, Owns it all, and controls the calendar days remaining and the clock ticking on our Earthly existence.  There is no time to waste.  This profound reminder is in itself, a gift.  It's a re-realization pregnant with implication and cannot be ignored. 

With the challenges of the last few days, the greatest joy and contentment largely come in the form of intangible blessings like love of family and friends, time and opportunity.  Still, the little things right now are appreciated more greatly too.  Goodnight from a tired and grateful heart.