No Longer Bound....The Sixth of August 2012

What a drastic change from yesterday….  Difficult news fell on my ears.  A longtime “family friend” lost his 27 year old son last week. In fact, I was told by a third party that the death was labeled suicide.  Immediately, my mood fell to shock and sadness.  The word “suicide” made it even harder to absorb. (Before I say more, let it be known I later learned this was not suicide.)

While I had been enjoying DC with my precious son last week, a sweet family here at home felt the sting of death beneath their roof.  While we were watching my son march in his first NCO parade by the National Marine Memorial, this dear family was saying goodbye to their precious son.  Roughly 450 people gathered in honor, respect and support of a family faced with losing their middle child.  His was a life that was vibrant, and more than ever - full of promise, peace with God, and peace with family and friends. This good looking guy always had a smile on his face and was quite charming.   (I’m pretty confident that at least one of my daughters had a crush on him in recent years. )

This dad is sincerely one of the nicest guys we’ve ever encountered – always friendly, encouraging, very humble….and being a former Military Man himself, he’s extremely supportive of our Marine Son.  We’ve frequented his restaurant at least once a week for breakfast (and more often twice or more), since my son was in elementary school.   He literally saw my kids grow up.  In recent years, he’s supported the ministry of FBC in various ways – although, he has never been on our campus.  He’s truly a gem – and his wife is a sweet, demure compliment to her husband and to their three boys.

To this day, I remember the first time I saw my dad really, really cry – and will never forget it.  Having seen my husband in tears, my son in tears and male friends who have wept openly in my presence, I honestly believe it’s one of the hardest things to witness.  Men, conditioned to be “strong” are often reluctant to let the emotions take over.  As a sentimental woman, I sob regularly. Commercials make me cry.  Homeless people on the sidewalk elicit tears.  Animals lying stiff on the side of the road make me weep.  I can’t help it – it’s really how God wired me.  In contrast, and while my tears are genuine - there is something powerful and inspiring,  about the tears of a grown man.  

This evening, I pulled into the driveway not knowing what to expect.  I saw the silhouette of the Dad sitting in the driver’s seat of his truck.  Exiting my car and collecting the floral arrangement and cards, I started walking toward the family home.  He opened the door and stepped out of his truck after detecting movement in the rearview mirror.  As he sobbed, and clenched his heart - I couldn’t control the tears gushing down my face. This always jovial guy, stood weeping – and profoundly hurting.  An inadequate, basket case with tear stained cheeks and a vase of white flowers stood before him…what on Earth could I say to him or to his Bride, to ease their pain?  NOTHING. 

~~~~~

With this news looming overhead today, it’s admittedly been a bit harder to feel “grateful” …My burden for this couple and their remaining children is heavy. To me and my husband, outsiders of sorts – it’s heartbreaking.  I can’t begin to fathom the loss and the pain they are experiencing in the deepest recesses of their being. 

As God promises, there are already details in the midst of tragedy, to which this family is clinging to for comfort, peace and yes – I suppose even a morsel of gratitude. (How can any of us complain about trivial things when we see families experiencing true heartache?) 

Without disclosing the personal details…

• First, this was not an intentional act….Their son was happier and more optimistic about the future than ever.  There were multiple indicators of his plans for the coming days, months and years -  including an active social life, volunteer commitments and familial intentions  
• A year ago, their son was in a difficult place spiritually and emotionally… but he experienced a personal revival in the last several months – a different man on the 27^th of July, than a year ago
• Twelve months ago, the family wouldn’t have been able to face his loss with the hope they have now…
• The dad indicated he and his bride are closer than ever…and their love is greater than before
• They witnessed positives and strengths in both of their remaining sons…made obvious in these difficult circumstances
• The dad indicated he and his sweet wife have been warmly embraced by countless friends and family in the days that have followed the beginning of “their nightmare”
• The chapel at the funeral home was filled beyond capacity with caring supporters - so much so there had to be an "overflow"

These are just a few points shared in brief conversation…. While they are cause for thanks - I’m surmising, causes for gratitude must fade in and out of focus….but am prayerful for the family, that with  time comes increased comfort, peace and long lingering grateful hearts.

 Personally, from the outside looking in….

I’m grateful…

• For the closeness of their family of origin (not all are so fortunate)
• For the love and support of the local community
• For the growing intimacy with each other and the Lord (I pray the trajectory never changes)
• For the  special memories made over twenty-seven years…. (better to have had those years than not)
• For the promise of a future reunion…. (one day….for all eternity)
• For the fact their middle son is no longer bound to the pain, heartbreak and temptations of this world…. (an opportunity available to each of us)
• And that the moment of his unanticipated final breath – he was bound for the presence of Jesus for all eternity… (a promise we can all take to heart….literally)

Through tears, my heart is yet grateful - on this solemn sixth day of August.