Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White...and today, in color (4 of 29)

Make a free slideshow design

After an in depth conversation with Colleen last night, I was inspired to write about a completely different topic.  However, thanks to FaceBook, I now know today is "Friends Day."  Therefore, an audible was called and a montage beautiful, smiling faces has been created to show profound gratitude for the incredible friends in my life.  This last year has been a roller coaster ride, but because of the faces displayed (and a few I don't have photos of)... this year has been filled with an abundance of friendship, love, and laughter.  

There is much I could say about each cherished person, but for now... the smiles shall speak for themselves.  Assuredly, whether known since grammar school - or only since this past year...in some way - they/you have made my life better.  (I'm guessing a few may not realize their significance... but I'll work on that!)

My heart has been warmed simply by sifting through pictures from this last year...  So undeserving am I to hold dearly so many incredible FRIENDS. 




"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."

Helen Keller

(NOTE: there are 3 songs that play in the background... the FB auto-generated  "Friends video" for me came nowhere close to measuring the wide range of people who have touched me in some way... this montage will require a glass of wine (or a cup of hot tea)...  If you're my friend - know how deeply grateful I am to have you on this crazy life journey.

Simple Pleasures... Plain & Simple, in Black & White (3 of 29)

So, “This guy”….

(So much for my vanity...)

·      *  Has the dubious honor of covering all my grey roots monthly… (aiding me with my “vanity”)

· Has personally journeyed through amazing adversity, making me respect him greatly...

.
· Can make me laugh hysterically…and on occasion, tear up…

· Looks eerily similar to George Michael in the 80s …(especially in person)

· Recommends the best TV shows, movies, etc. (An excellent entertainment reference!)

· Has great taste in music  – something we both enjoy

· Recently taught me the little that I know about Star Wars (along with a little help from Monte)

· Can carry on meaningful dialogue about ANY (and I mean ANY) topic one could think of!

· Allows for difference of opinions and hears what others have to say without “pre-judging”

·  Is incredibly bright - and acutely up to speed on legislative matters (inspiring me as well!)

·  Is extremely hospitable – you can’t help but feel at ease when you walk in to his home

· Is remarkably comfortable in his own skin, living out his convictions without apology (authenticity is a value I hold dear and look for in others – Peter is one of the most real people I know!)

· Encouraging… he’s known much of the drama I’ve endured in recent years, and was a consistent safe, non-judgmental source of encouragement

· A lover of animals… feline and canine alike

· Is one of the most charitable, sacrificial people I’ve ever met –  giving of his resources (especially his time) whether benefiting children, adults, the disenfranchised, the LGBT community, Civil Rights, the Homeless, Animals, etc.  He stands up against sex trafficking, racism, animal abuse, and prejudice.  If more people gave of themselves in the way he does – this world could only be a better place.

· Is the only person (and I mean ONLY) that I fully trust to take care of my hair!

·Gives great hugs every time I see him!

It took no time at all for me to come up with these descriptions… if I were to sit and really think for an extended time, this list would easily double. But you get the idea.

 For years, I looked at hair appointments as an opportunity to sit quietly, and just relax.  It wasn’t a time I wanted to engage in meaningless surface chat with the attending stylist.  However, the first time I met Peter at the salon near my “then office”, we hit it off.  I’m pretty sure the catalyst for our friendship was a Katy Perry discussion.  Go figure.  Since then, every time I have the good fortune of visiting him at work, I know greys will be successfully covered and that meaningful conversation will transpire. Typically, I walk away having learned something - or at a minimum, will have something to add to my "watch list."

One last example of the kind of guy he is:    In late November, I had told him I was “fighting” sadness and  wanted to skip over my favorite holiday of the year.  It was the first Christmas being officially divorced, first in my new house, first ever living alone and the first in 24 years without my baby girl with me that morning.  (She’s a grown woman – working as a nurse, so it’s understandable…but still hard.) 

Knowing that Christmas was going to be “unusual and potentially lonely", he invited me to join he and Monte in their home - along with extended family and friends to celebrate Christmas.  It was unlike any Christmas in my past, but that was expected. What I didn't anticipate was how special it would be to celebrate that morning with their family, and how Christmas of 2015 will forever be fondly recalled. 

Earlier today, as I sat in his chair with my oh-so-stylish black cape, no make-up, and fashion-forward foils – it was clear to me, that the silver lining of the day is Peter.  What an unforeseen gift this friendship is.  He’ll forever be treasured –  and loved much like a brother.   

Simple Pleasures… Plain & Simple, in Black & White (2 of 29 ...it's a leap year)

This will be brief… I can hardly keep my eyes open long enough to string together a coherent thought.  Ironically, though… it’s fitting that my eyes are heavy.  As I changed the linens on my bed this morning, I thought about how wonderful it is to crawl between the cool crisp sheets at night… especially when freshly laundered.  The scent of the fabric softener is evident as I lie here.  This precise spot is one of my absolute favorite places in the entire universe.  Never has a bed been more comfortable, peaceful, relaxing… and sleep inducing – than the one I’m lying in at this very moment. 

 

My bed:  just one of MANY catalysts for gratitude and smiles today… but given my imminent need for sleep – it’s the perfect one to highlight.

Goodnight… don’t let the bed bugs bite. 

Notice the movement at the bottom left corner... 

Okay... Bella is in position now.  She is as big a fan of my comfy bed
as me.  Not to mention, where I go, she goes...my bed is her bed.
 I suppose her name should've been "Ruth."

(Lily has now joined us.)

lights out. goodnight. 

February's Simple Pleasures... in Black & White, Plain & Simple (2.1.16)

Often, anticipation of significant life events, major milestones and accompanying celebrations get in the way of seeing the little gifts that come our way.  Several years ago I studied “gratitude and contentment” in depth and my eyes were opened!  It’s easy to become lackadaisical with time. Better outlooks and healthy routines have a way of subtly disappearing if not for intention and accountability. (Which is why the gym crowds from January are mostly gone now!)

Having kept a number of “gratitude journals” over recent years, I've known the personal benefit firsthand.  A handful of friends also caught on and implemented this same practice.  Ironically, here I sit, on the first of February 2016 – out of practice. 

“February” is derived from the Latin “Februarius”- which was a festival for Roman citizens. It was essentially a month of ritualistic purification baths.    (I had no idea until today, but find this an interesting piece of trivia!)  In a sense, I'm going to celebrate "Februarius" - choosing to once again take a whole month to focus on life’s simple pleasures, the little gifts that abound daily – the silver linings  often overlooked in the pursuit of something grander.  As with the Roman festival for which this month is named, I'll view this as a mental/attitude preparation for the coming months.  Having gone through many changes last year, and while “wondering rather than worrying”… I’ve neglected at times to live in the moment. 

From past “gratitude-centric” seasons, I know that overall – life felt better in spite of challenges. My outlook seemed more positive and there was an increased awareness of the hidden blessings in the sometimes mundane. This month my objective will be capturing one small, non-grandiose cause for thanks per day.  (No matter what is going on in your own life, there are momentary gifts…I encourage my friends to do the same.  In fact, the more challenging your season of life,  the more beneficial this exercise will be.)

So… the next 27 days may only have a black & white photo and a caption – but I’ll have at a minimum, captured something that makes me smile. It may be foolish to some - but significant in my mind. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You gotta love Georgia weather.  On Christmas night, I was wearing shorts and a tank top.  Last week we had snow on the ground (briefly.) Friends and family across the country get a kick out of Atlanta’s Snow days – but for this Georgia girl, snow days are a novelty! The days of powdery white accumulation are few and far between.  Who wouldn’t mind being snowed in a few days next week! It's fabulous - especially, if you've got the right people around you!  (Although, I've yet to determine what my GA counterparts do with all the bread and milk ... bigger priorities should be wine and cheese - it's Biblical.  Jesus's first miracle on Earth was turning water in to wine, not milking a cow.)     

I enjoy those rare snow  days... however this week we have temperatures in the high 60s. So, back to the here and now...

For today, February 1^st, my favorite simple pleasure was walking out of my house in my years-long favorite, comfy outfit:  shorts, a sweatshirt and flip flops.  

  

It felt great to run errands in my khaki shorts, Harvard sweatshirt and flip flops!
To me, this wardrobe combination has always implied "simple, comfortable, care-free and low maintenance!(I took the low maintenance thing to new levels with no make-up and a wet head...a hint of summer!)  

Being (a) Wonder Woman

The fine line between worry and WONDER makes all the difference in how we approach life's unknowns. Identical stressful situations, difficult or hopeless relationships and blatant disappointments will impact us differently depending on the grid through which they’re viewed. We can choose to “worry” – making ourselves and those around us crazy.  A posture of “worry” benefits no one.  The unnecessary angst contributes to otherwise avoidable psychosomatic physical ailments, sleepless nights, and alienation - worsening outlook and making dark times further bleak. (Having been a professional worrier for many years, this is firsthand knowledge.) 

Conversely, “wonder” is looking at the same seemingly impossible situations through a lens of faith, and anticipation coupled with gratitude.  This is the grid I choose to see challenges  through these days… and it took me a ridiculous long time, and many “impossible situations” and correlating sleepless nights to get here. Somehow, things have a way of working out.

The last few years, and especially throughout the roller coaster ride that was 2015  – I became a “wonder woman” and I refuse to become a prolific worry wart again. Refuting the whole “Polly Anna” thing – we can’t just sit idly with a moronic smile, waiting for someone to resolve the issues before us, but if there are actions within our power that we can take, then by all means, we have the responsibility to own and follow through.  (The entitlement mindset is pervasive in our culture – and it’s not just prolific among millennials. Sadly, too many adults prior to and after my generation still rely on and expect others to “solve their problems, and fill whatever voids exist.” Get over it!)

Disclaimer: I can slide into a mode of “worry and angst” if I don’t guard my heart and mind, making a conscience choice to the contrary.  This choice is something that comes easier than before, but is definitely not something I’ve perfected – nor will I ever. If I (or anyone) proclaim to have mastered this eternally optimistic mindset, it would only indicate denial… IMHO.

So, how did 2015 further catapult me in to being a "wonder woman"? 

Embracing "wonder" in 2015, meant it was
 finally time to get the official costume
 of my lifelong favorite super hero.
 I wore it October 31st...
 and had the best Halloween ever!!!

In January, I wondered the following:

“How long is this perpetual separation and ultimate divorce going to drag out?” It had already been far too long. Living alone in a house far too big for one person and full of painful memories was somewhat a relief, but not complete freedom from a season that should’ve concluded years ago.  (Worrying wouldn’t have changed the timing. Ultimately, everything was finalized and a long and painful chapter, finally closed for good.)

The evening my house was finally listed in January, I wondered:  “How many weeks or months will this be my reality?” (having the house in constant “show condition” and being concerned someone would let my 2 feline babies out accidentally… okay, that may have bordered on “worry”!)  The house was shown 10 times in 1 day – and that’s all it took.  Buyers wanted to take occupancy 3 weeks later…. Which led to the next opportunity to wonder rather than worry.

“Would I actually be able to find a suitable  home, available for me in 3 weeks, and beyond that… would I be able to qualify for a mortgage on my own, with my meager church salary?” This was a monumental  test.  The mortgage process – and expedient turnaround, honestly moved me to tears more than once.  Yet, I would eventually get back to “trusting” in something greater than myself.  There were frequent obstacles, but each was overcome.  The house for me became obvious quickly, and while I was concerned about the many requests from the mortgage company – all conditions were met and 3 weeks later, I had the keys to my very own house.  For the first time in my life, I was living alone – in a home no other family member had occupied, and the first that was solely in my name. Worry didn’t/wouldn’t have changed anything.  In fact, sitting at closing – the attorney said to me, “Wow – start to finish, we got this loan approved and funded in 3 weeks… this never happens!”  (That made me feel pretty good – and was such a huge relief , marking a new beginning.... OF EVERYTHING!)

February 17^th was the closing date, and due to a snow storm in the Carolinas – my move in date was pushed to the next day. That night I cried again – some happy tears, some not - I was exhausted from the process and everything I owned was unexpectedly sitting on a moving truck for an extra night. So, I did the only logical thing to do. I went to dinner at Outback and enjoyed a Ribeye with all the sides, and a Cabernet.  Rather than staying in a hotel room, I went back to the old house and slept in a sleeping bag on the floor in a newly empty room.  That was just under a year ago, but I recall the details and flurried emotions so vividly.  Worrying did not change a thing.... wondering just opened me up to receive and best appreciate and enjoy the gifts before me.

On the morning of the 18^th, close friends were standing with me in the driveway as the moving truck pulled in and the unloading process commenced.  Home.  I was home.It felt amazing (and still does!) My home has become more of a respite and place of peace than I imagined.  

March-July, I came to terms with the fact that I was no longer called to serve full time in ministry.  Having been on staff at my home church for 18 years, that seemed like another big loss, but it was undeniably time to go.  Wrestling with the decision, and having obtained wise counsel on the matter, I submitted my resignation and then was told my last day would be August 31^st.  I began to again “wonder”:  “what would life be like not seeing some of my favorite people daily as I had long been accustomed to?”  “Where would I go after that?  What would I do next?  (I knew another ministry position was not in my immediate future…but I wasn’t sure where I’d go.) 

August 31^st came…and I cried that entire day as I said goodbye to many I long regarded as “adopted family.” Still not knowing what direction my career would take, I cashed in a portion of my retirement and have been living on that since.  My financial advisor suggested that I go back to work immediately and strive to pay off the mortgage as quickly as possible.  Theoretically, that’s only logical.  However, events of  the last few years wore me out physically and emotionally.  Having been a mom most of my adult life, and employed in some capacity since the age of 15 -  for the first time  I’ve enjoyed a self-imposed sabbatical.  This is a decision that I’ll not regret.  The time off has afforded the bandwidth  to reconnect with old friends, deepen existing relationships, and foster new ones.  Above all, and while it sounds selfish  it’s been necessary for me to get off the “crazy hamster wheel” and take care of “me” for a change … This is preparation for the next season.  I have slept like a college kid – and I’ve gotten in touch with “me” again without the distractions of a job, and divorce drama, and hardest for me to accept – without being a hands on mom to my babies.  (That’s another post for another day!)

September: The “wonder” opportunities were most abundant with regard to organized religion.  I saw too much, knew too much firsthand of matters I wish remained in the dark.  It became harder for me to be in church on Sundays,  especially, when some  took it up on themselves to judge me for having initiated divorce.  Because I kept particulars private for so long – conclusions were quickly made, and hurtful words were said far too often.  This was not the norm, because those who actually knew limited details were overwhelmingly supportive.  The behavior of a select few brought back to mind all the hypocrisy I associated with the church as a teenager.  I also realized that it was hard for me to worship, and to hear a message from the pulpit under these circumstances.  The sad reality that only I can own is that the motivation for continuing to show up each week was my own pride.  (Not wanting anyone to perceive my leaving staff as anyone’s choice but my own.)   A good friend and former pastor, counseled me through this season of “wondering” and we both agreed that it would be good for me to take a step back and get to a more neutral place.  Attending on Sundays was not helping my “righteous standing” in the eyes of God or of hypocrites…but it was damaging to my personal journey of faith.  Having been “a church lady” for so long, I wondered what life would look like, but I’ve been reminded that my faith is my own – and no one else’s to critique or manage.  Some of the most intimate encounters I’ve had with the Creator of the Universe have taken place on my deck, or on long walks, or while driving through the mountains.   I’ll not  have “man” tell me how to live my life, what I can and can’t say, and above all – I’ll not be told who I should or shouldn’t be friends with.  (This is far from Biblical!)

Experts often say that the most growth occurs in the first 3 years of life.  For me, a close second has to be 2015, a year in which the only 2 constants were my bra size and my shoe size! (ahem… clearing up any other rumors!)   

There is so much I’ve learned about:

·         …life alone (it’s been a vacation of sorts, challenging and revealing at times, fun, mostly relaxing and far less lonely than being one of two in an unhealthy relationship)

·        … implementing a moratorium on men (dumb idea…kinda)

..    ... friendships, organic - some last a lifetime, and some for a season... but all are tremendous gifts. (Thankfully, many well-grounded friends have helped me to wonder rather than worry over these past few years.) 

·        … being an empty nester (that’s been quite the adjustment… and the one I’m having the most difficulty with.)

Looks like a topic or 2 for a future download.  For now, this champion sleeper is going to bed!  (I won’t worry about how long it will take for slumber to fall upon me; in fact, I won’t even have time to “wonder”!)

Another Bonus to being a "Wonder Woman"? 

(The coolest ever -  red, platform boots!) 

Guess who's coming to dinner???

Before hitting “publish” I’ve decided to add this “preliminary note”:  To those friends with imperfect criminal background checks -  you are in no way being condemned in the “dinner scenario” below…to be completely forthcoming, none of my "ex-con friends" are guilty of the crimes referenced.  If you know me well at all – you know I’m pretty real, sometimes perceived as too honest, sometimes a bit controversial (I no longer care), and you know that if we are friends – I’ve got your back. I’m compassionate, feel deeply, cry easily, and am a loving loyal friend.   You also know that if you turn on me, hurting me or anyone else I love – I can and will forgive you, but there’s not much room these days for toxic or hurtful relationships… life is too short and I've spent far too much of it enmeshed in unhealthy relationships of all kinds.) 

We can break bread, share a bottle of wine, and enjoy healthy debate, appreciating each other’s perspectives and finding laughter and optimally, increased compassion in the process.  Mindsets on “hot topics” may change after appropriate, friendly discourse. Then again, mindsets may remain unaltered.  Differing positions shouldn't automatically lead to loss of respect and affinity.  How boring life would be if we were all clones.  (Yet another blogpost for another day.)  _____________________________________________________________________

2015 has been a year full of controversial headlines, and I’ve gotten caught in the crossfire expressing and defending personal convictions and sometimes taking a stand for friends on highly debated matters like the Confederate Flag, Same Sex Marriage, gun rights, and yes - my recent up close adventure with matters surrounding divorce.  Why stop now? Some of my favorite people on Earth are speaking loudly - from both sides of the fence.  Truthfully, I'm surprised by some - but wonder if the situation is looked at through a more personal grid, would there still be such an argument? 

Following are a few background points that largely shape my thinking… on these and most matters:

I am: 

...first and foremost - an imperfect human.  I don't "like" being wrong - but admittedly, it happens. (There - I said it, my children SHOULD be thrilled!)

… a Christian, a mother of three adult children that I had the immeasurable privilege and responsibility of raising;  one of my three is a United States Marine – twice deployed, and currently serving in DC.  

….a patriot – I love this country and count it a great blessing that of all the places I could’ve been born – I was born here.  My life has not been an easy one, but some of my worst days pale in comparison to the best days seen by people in other regions of the world.

I am:

...fortunate to personally have known a few Muslims as “friends.” Two summers ago I met a dear young lady  in Germany, who is by far the kindest soul I met in Europe – she happened to be a Muslim.  That didn’t stop us from enjoying  meals, Turkish tea, laughs, and great meaningful conversation.  We’ve stayed in touch –  and she would be a welcome guest in my home today. Before her, a gentleman working on a construction project at my house just happened to also be Muslim.  He moved from contractor to friend when he and his wife accepted my invitation to attend church and we got to know each other personally. He was a gentle giant, and over time, opened his heart to the teachings of the Bible.  Finally, one of the most significant people in my life as a teenager was Dr. Hasan – a surgeon key to my still amazingly miraculous recovery from a horrific accident. He was definitely one of the most compassionate, likable, humorous - and of course, competent doctors I've been cared for.  After a many years-long doctor/patient relationship, I have nothing but respect and gratitude for this man.  My life is absolutely better today because he was a crucial co-leader of my medical team – and a great encourager throughout the long road to recovery. (He also let me pick the radio station in the operating room on days I was having outpatient procedures….BONUS!)  So, yes – a couple of Muslim friends have intersected and impacted this crazy life journey for the better. This is my firsthand experience. 

…of the belief that all Muslims are definitely NOT evil, and the few I’ve known personally are completely the opposite.  However, we are waking up daily to the sad reality that horrific, malevolent extremists, often broadly and misleadingly identified as “Muslims” - are actively targeting and terrorizing people around the globe .  (“Muslim” does not equal terrorist/Muslims belonging to ISIS? indeed a threat.)

…NOT of the belief that all Christians are generally good, I’ll go ahead and throw that out there. My perspective is balanced - and it's been weathered by many trials, and years in full time ministry. There are some Christians i know that would NOT be welcome in my home. It’s also a fact that we were all born with a sinful nature, and that the very reason we need a redeemer is that not one of us is capable of living out a perfect life…  Some would like you to believe otherwise.  So, I don’t blindly ascribe loyalty or trust to those who profess my same faith, and in the same manner, I will not assign blame to an entire religion.  (Another blog post for another day – maybe a month’s worth.)

So, who might be invited to dinner? Muslim friends are welcome in my home.  My Christian, Jewish, Hindu and Atheist friends are welcome... as are my straight, gay, bisexual, rich, poor, military, civilian, law enforcement, firefighter, ex-cons, pastors, tattoo artists, bartenders,  bikers, Northern, Southern, 3 piece suit or camo wearing,  drinking, and non-drinking, black, white, Indian, FRIENDS.  If I call you friend, it means I know you - AND you are trusted in my home...in spite of cultural or religious "differences of opinion."  Not only would it be comfortable, it would be enjoyable to have you gathered around my table for a meal and conversation. If you’re at my table, you’re not a perceived threat to my children, pets, home – or me.  As a protective mom of three kids, and to the best of my ability, I worked hard to maintain a home environment that was a place of peace, and stability for my children.  For you to be at the dining room table, you would have essentially been "vetted" over time.  What kind of mom would I be if I invited a group over with heavily rumored ties to violent gangs?  (Could be true/Could not be true?)  Do I flippantly dismiss  those statements not doing any research of my own?  Do I extend invitations knowing that there was no way for me to properly ascertain the character of the person i'm considering?  Do I disregard common sense measures because of a short window of time between the invitation and actual dinner party?

What if I invited a group of recently released pedophiles to dinner and game night "in the spirit of Christian hospitality" -  having total access to my kids, my home and me - being foolishly vulnerable and without possessing real knowledge of them or their individual circumstances, heart change, or history of “incident free living”? What if I welcomed them in to my house as an act of hospitable good will, made them comfortable, fed them, clothed them and gave them the keys to my house?  What if I then smiled and waved to my barely known house guests as I kissed my kids goodbye and walked out the front door for a weekend trip?  The house guests may be sincerely grateful for an easy “second chance” – thankful that I blindly trusted them with those I love most, the innocent children that God entrusted to my care.  Conversely, I could walk out my door after welcoming this group “in God’s name” – and one or more may turn on me and my family bringing unspeakable harm.  That blame would lie largely on me for not being my kids' protector. As a parent, my loyalty is first to my own family.  I’m all about humanitarian effort, but not at a risk of  harm or loss to those in my loving charge.   

My question is this:  “How can we blindly let refugees infiltrate our borders – NOT KNOWING if they are a threat?  Clearly, not all refugees are evil – and I hate that there are innocent people being negatively profiled by the reputation and published planned attacks of some of their not-so-innocent family members, and social connections.

As a Christian/American/Mom, I firmly believe “family” is our first priority and our most significant mission field… Many are speaking of our country’s Christian foundation as justification for irresponsibly ushering potential danger into our borders. The funny thing is, I can’t think of anyone I actually know –  that would willingly put the family they love and are responsible for at potential great risk. We ought to be providing security for our own families first and foremost. To infiltrate our homes with unnecessary, potentially great threat does not seem prudent…. Would our president blindly welcome a group of refugees into the White House to hang out at dinner and spend time alone with his girls as he retreats to another wing?  OF COURSE NOT!   Would you invite a group of 10-20 strangers in to your home, to basically share life with you and your family with no limitations, and full access to all that is yours? Probably not.  What if you had heard repeatedly of threats against your family by this same group of people?  Would you give them a wal-mart gift card, feed them, strengthen  and equip them to carry out their evil mission?  

At the risk of sounding harsh and uncaring, I've always been a very protective "mama bear" - and would  not let anyone come into MY HOME, giving them keys, security codes, and all access to my house and family, without first knowing who they truly are and what motivates them to be here.   This seems all too simple.  (But as I indicated, I'm capable of being wrong and therefore welcome healthy dialogue.)   

In my humble opinion, our government  seems like an irresponsible parent - more concerned with winning a popularity contest with people "outside of the family," than stepping up to the role of leader and protector of our great nation. 

I'm really perplexed.  Am I missing something? Why are we still having this conversation?

t. 

If you’ve not read what Ben Carson had to say on the matter, check this out:

http://time.com/4116014/paris-attacks-ben-carson/?xid=time_socialflow_facebook

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Tim 5:8 ESV)

"O'Christmas Tree, O'Christmas Tree - a strange and beautiful reminder art Thee!"



A Reminder of Christmas in DC last year    
 with my 6'3' "baby boy"

I cry easily – as I told a friend last week, “it’s a curse.”  Full of grace, she insisted that I’ve been blessed with “rich emotions.”  Unpacking Christmas decorations last week brought on             waterworks aka “rich emotions” in a tremendous way.  On more than one occasion, it was audible, ugly sobbing.  Memories of Christmases past (good and bad) flooded my mind.  Recollections of family members long gone, and the knowledge that this Christmas is going to be very different than any other, sunk in deeply. Furthermore, with my baby girl getting married next fall, there is yet another layer of sentimentality surrounding this Christmas.

I decorate multiple trees  – a different theme on each.  The tree in the sunroom is the least appealing aesthetically, with its eclectic array of mismatched ornaments.  However, in ways that truly matter, its beauty far exceeds the others and reaches down into my “rich emotions” in ways that surprise even me. 

Following are a few observations about this particular Christmas tree (and correlating reminders to this crazy thing called “life.”)

San Fran - 2009 -
Thanksgiving with the Zs!

I’m sitting in the sunroom, feet propped on a wicker table, laptop and iced tea in reach.  As I study the subject of this post – I notice several “souvenirs.”  From here I can easily see a Hawaiian Santa from Maui, a Golden Gate Bridge medallion from Thanksgiving in San Fran a few years ago, a lobster ornament from Boston, a handmade bauble from Germany, a number of White House ornaments from Christmas in DC,  one from Israel and I know there’s an Eiffel Tower from Paris barely out of view, maybe next to the “Blue Suede Shoes” from Nashville. These and others are sweet reminders of moments and places I’ve enjoyed – blessings in the midst of the greater drama-filled adventure.  For too long, I used to feel strangely guilty if I enjoyed something.  That’s clearly distorted thinking and thankfully, I’m over it.  Life is fleeting – so no matter what troubles abound, I try to maintain an attitude of contentment, gratitude and enjoyment.  Visible reminders help. 




Handmade  with a special message
 from a longtime cherished friend, Kathryn.

A gift from Rach's small group leader -
 a sweetheart & servant spirit!

There are items from 
friends who accompanied me along the journey for a season – some longer than others.  What a gift it is to think back to people I’ve known over the years.  So many of them invested in me – and in my family.  Some made the journey more enjoyable, more colorful, more interesting and rich. 

 The ornaments  coming to mind now, are reminders of treasured friends.  I’ve such an appreciation for “real people” (not the pretentious ones who appear perfect on Facebook; nor those who adopt a victim mentality laced with an attitude of entitlement; and especially not those given to lofty, self-righteousness, acting as judge and jury.)  We are all messed-up … I have a special fondness for the ones who aren't compelled to pretend otherwise.

a gift from Karen L.

LOVE THIS: Britt's popsicle cross with
"JESOS" loves me... so precious a reality,
and so precious a misspelled word.

 Speaking of imperfections:  Upon close examination of a few trinkets hanging on the tree, fractures and flaws would be visible.  Over the years, several have fallen, or dropped.  In some cases, they were pieced back together with glue.  Others are carefully propped between neighboring branches or ornaments.  They are flawed, but as much a part of the tree as the ornaments without defects. Like the imperfect people we all are, they’re still of value – in fact, they have an interesting history and even add a bit of character and interest to the outcome.  I love that as flawed people, God still adores us…He uses us, and He accomplishes great things in and through our lives – in spite of “us.”   

 

another sweet reminder of
Rachael's youth...

A handful of ornaments adorn the boughs of this 12’ tree – that I wouldn’t necessarily “choose”, but they are mine to keep.  Some were given to me, though for various reasons, I’d never select them.  There are also ornaments tucked inconspicuously throughout – that are “mine” but wouldn’t be had I exercised better discernment.  They are a consequence to a momentary lapse of judgment.  (An ebay purchase of “vintage ornaments” gone wrong.)  Similarly, in life, we are dealt challenges we’d never choose to navigate.  Often, unexpected beauty results from those.  Also, as with a foolish ebay purchase, when we act without discernment – the consequences are ours to bear… but they are with us. Sometimes, in retrospect, you realize the consequences were a gift – not an easy gift to unwrap, but valuable in the long run.

 

Love this Hallmark ornament
from the year Britt was born.
(the chain is broken - so it's
propped and not discarded!).

Amid the hodgepodge, are several of my favorite, very cherished ornaments, “First Christmas Together”, “Baby’s First Christmas”,  “First Year in our New Home”, etc.  These ornaments celebrated and marked new beginnings over the last two decades.   New beginnings, in most cases, are exciting and full of hope and promise – even if the “unknown” appears overwhelming.  Sometimes, a necessary course correction takes you on a completely different and unexpected route where the questions and uncertainties far surpass the numbing comfort of the mundane.   Historically, after traversing a new path, seldom would I have turned back if the option were even available.  Every new beginning is an end to something else.  Scary.  Exciting. Unknown. Life is truly an adventure of epic proportion.



 A cornucopia of sports themed ornaments hangs from the branches.  Several baseball ornaments remind me of the years of sitting on bleachers, perpetual “team mom” duties, and the very best friends! (Friendships that would far outlast Tyler’s baseball career.)  We have soccer and tennis ornaments – bringing to mind lots of time in the car together as we’d drive from one part of metro Atlanta to the next, carefully navigating game and practice schedules much like an air traffic controller (me with absolutely no sense of direction, but always singing at the top of my lungs – with great little backup singers.)

Add caption

Without question, my very favorite ornaments are the ones made by the tiny hands of Rachael, Tyler and Britt. The assorted snowmen, angels, crosses, reindeer, etc. remind me of a season of life I enjoyed immensely.  It was several years of sweet innocence, slurred “Rs”, hugs and homework, one on one time with each, bedtime stories, words like “mazageen” and the phrase “I lushz you mommy.”   It was a season of first day of school cupcakes, baking cookies, trips to the park, to the pool, to the pediatrician’s office.  It was a season of chore lists, beanie babies, swimming lessons, tamagotchis, ballet, target classes, Anastasia, Gertrude, sports, coloring, nightmares, losing teeth, firsts of all kinds -  x3.   It was the only time of life I could get by with buying matching outfits for my babies at Easter and Christmas.  It was a time in which so many prayers were answered.  I loved being a mom to little ones. It was my favorite role – ever! I’m forever grateful for those memories… 

 
 
There are other ornaments not represented in this post, but the gist is this.  It takes many decorations to complete the sunroom tree.  In this case: broken, beautiful, ugly, fun, sentimental, undesirable, and some reminiscent of great blessings.  There are bittersweet reminders of friends and family no longer around.  Many are fragile; some are falling apart after many years of wear and tear (where DOES the gold macaroni go in the off season?)  Some ornaments are quirky, others are classic and will never go out of style.  Several are as unique and wonderfully rare as the many beautiful and broken friends that gave them to me over the years. 

Look closely, between Priscilla the Pig & Snoopy the
Red Baron, you'll see Bella the Calico  (always near.)

The sunroom ornaments individually wouldn’t be spectacular to most.  However, when they are all hanging on their respective branches from mid-November until December 26^th, together they make a beautiful visual.  Even more spectacular is at the end of the day, when night comes and darkness is all around, at the appointed time – the lights come on.  Fractured, propped, unattractive ornaments are still there, but they are eclipsed by the light that illuminates the tree from floor to ceiling.

Similarly, the light of Christ shines, washing out flaws and inadequacies.  The “mess” is still there, but the Light of Christ shines so much greater, diminishing our flaws and making us more beautiful to a watching world.  The Light of Christ brings  order to chaos, beauty from ashes, hope to the hopeless, and makes a mess into a masterpiece at the appointed time. 

 


I heard a line in sermon a few months ago that has stayed with me:  "our lives are a record of God’s repeated provision."  As I wrap this post up, I can tell you that as silly as it may seem, the tree 4 feet away is much the same to me right now.

 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should show forth the praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light

(1 Peter 2:9)