In just a few short hours, I'll click the final "pre-awake, last day of the school year " photo.....EVER. All three of my children have been routinely subjected to pre-dawn flashes of light as they slumber, just prior to the sounding of morning alarms and/or wake-up calls. These photos have occurred most consistently on the mornings of birthdays, Christmas, and the first and last days of each school year. Needless to say, we have amassed quite a collection of nocturnal photos! While my children, at times "pretended" to be annoyed by a mom with a penchant toward capturing their "Kodak Moments"... they LOVE it. My heart was recently blessed when my oldest shared that she has started the same photo practices with my grandson.
Undoubtedly, I'm not the first to photo-document most every event (and many "non-events") in the lives of my children...but this tradition wasn't one that either my husband or I were exposed to prior to implementing it with our own family. It sounds a bit corny...but looking back over the years - it's fun to see the changing faces, the changing morning backdrops (from Firetrucks, to 101 Dalmations, to Sports themes, solids, plaids, and the final requested "more manly" bedding) The girls have ranged from Minnie Mouse and Tweety Bird to more sophisticated toile prints (and many in between!) The impending final photo in this 'series' has led to contemplation about the value of photographs.
We've all heard that a picture is worth a 1000 words... I firmly believe 1000 words is a conservative estimate. Quite truthfully, the subject matter of your photos likely reveals a lot more than one might initially consider - priorities and preferences become apparent. Your "favorites" are as public as your "viewing audience." While it's true that "all children are different and therefore must be treated differently" - that's no excuse for blatant favoritism. I will go to great lengths to ensure my children and grandchildren will all be made to feel loved and valued. It's ridiculously irresponsible and hurtful to have 100s of photos of one or more child on display - compared to 0-3 of others. "Different children/Different treatment" implies a different methods of communicating, interacting, etc. In no way, is devaluing one or more child acceptable. They'd all like to see the snapshots of themselves at grandma/grandpas, etc. ...to know that they were well thought of, loved, and cherished - a meaningful member of the family. Differences in personalities and circumstances don't negate value...poor behavior shouldn't warrant preferential treatment, these practices lead to serious dysfunction-based on tons of personal experience. (A matter near to my heart for as long as can be recalled.) Seriously, some would do well to reread the story of Joseph and his brothers. There are plenty of biblical warnings about playing favorites with children. Consider snapshots carefully.... just because no one brings an issue to your attention, don't assume a lack of harm.
Portraits are typically "planned"....and are oftentimes given as gifts to family members or enclosed with annual Christmas cards. Over the years, we have predetermined acceptable "color schemes", clothing styles, patterns, backdrops, etc. We've done this: in professional studios, on the beach, in our living room, backyard, parks, etc. The intent is always to put the very best image (pun intended) in front of the people we know. This is certainly not to discount the value of family portraits - I'm a huge fan. However, when I peruse the thousands of pictures we've taken of our family of five - "portraits" don't elicit emotional responses quite like candid snapshots do.
Yesterday, we were blessed to welcome my son back to the US after a seven month deployment to Afghanistan. Our immediate family had a total of six cameras covering his long-anticipated homecoming. We were not alone. There were many just like us - huddled together in anticipation of the buses' arrival, eagerly waiting/listening/watching for the first sign of the young men we have loved as a son, brother, fiancée, husband or father. Most of the multitude were family in every sense of the word - having done "life" together for as long as could be remembered. However, there was a population of "photo opp seekers". (More than just a few.)
It has become increasingly apparent that this seemingly superficial demographic thrives on showing up at major milestones of those they want to be "credited" or "associated" with. (My experience dates back decades - and has only been reinforced and amplified as I've seen it play out a second generation.)
People with this shallow, self-serving motivation may have captured some of the same images as those of us who have been family for the long haul - but that's not what ultimately matters. Unless you've been an active, involved, positive influencer in a growing child's life - you're not likely to have experienced, and thus retained, the precious "day to day" images. Those moments instrumental in the shaping of a child to an adult - not the resulting ceremonies and celebrations.
The family snapshots we hold very dear contain just about anything imaginable.."daddy pulling teeth", photos of homework sessions, parallel parking, makeovers, folding laundry, preparing family dinners together (menu to cleanup), building a pergola, mowing the lawn, hanging out in the house with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, cousins, etc. The day we bought the boat, the day we sold the boat, the first ride on the boat, the last ride on the boat, swimming lessons, Brownie meetings, school field trips, trips to McDonald's. Soccer practice, tennis practice, barbie cars, wagons, chore days, fireworks, movie nights in the den, going to the doctor for checkups. These are days when there wasn't a "party" or a banner adorned with congratulatory affirmations - they were just moments from our family's "life". Each day mattered - whether we knowingly blew it as parents, or felt as though we masterfully navigated a difficult situation. We all grew in the process.
Unlike the foxholes many of us have been in for years, waging a fierce parental battle for character, integrity, responsibility, etc. - the Graduations and Homecomings are "easy". Celebrations are fun, joy-filled moments where all should collectively honor and celebrate those who have demonstrated outstanding character, excellence, perseverance, heroism, achievement, etc. (Similarly, celebrating and supporting marriages, births, etc.) Showing up at an event of this nature is: (as with Geico) "so easy a Caveman (or woman) can do it!"
On the subject of celebrating our children's achievements....a bunny trail: while we may have been integral in the development of the person they are today - they have been born with a free will. The milestones and acknowledgments celebrated are theirs - and theirs alone. Sometimes, we as parents tend to "accept credit" for our adult children's positive outcomes. (I've been guilty of this)
Just as we shouldn't accept credit for the positive outcomes - we must resist owning their poor decisions. (guilty of this one too!) We raise our children into adults, "launching arrows into the world - not boomerangs" (Dennis Rainey). When they leave the nest, taking on adult roles - they are solely accountable for their decisions. Like the rest of us...they will reap as they have sown. (Resist the urge to get in God's way by rescuing them, thus enabling destructive patterns - another hard concept.)
For a few years, naiveté led to my thinking that the teens/early 20s were to be the EASIEST from a parental perspective. How wrong my thinking was on that! We have pictorial histories of each child - and as they continue on their individual journeys - DH and I will love, encourage, pray for and yes...we'll probably goof up and give "unsolicited advice" - it's a journey that we're all on. It is, however, much fun and tremendously encouraging to look back at the three little lives God temporarily entrusted to us - to see where our parenting began and to know that as imperfect parents, HE alone has filled in some of our gaps and blessed our family immensely. I look forward to continued snapshots....best when they aren't "posing" for the camera - but are actively doing life.
My "baby" is graduating tonight! I look forward to celebrating and honoring her - not just because she is graduating from high school, but for doing so with integrity, with excellence, and while exhibiting Godly character - being a light in a dark world.
Congratulations Britt! "Well done".
More to come on this general topic. Right now, it's time to ensure camera batteries are charged and ready for the final "last day of school, morning snapshot!"
Congrats to Britt and her proud parents!
ReplyDeleteAs our children grow their decisions and experiences become more difficult. Although the mother of a screaming 2 year old thinks there can be nothing more difficult. In actuality, the "Parenting" of adult children (actually coaching) becomes more and more difficult. Those days with 2 year olds were really a breeze although it did not seem so at the time.