Mary or Martha?

So, we all know who the reigning "Queen of Hospitality" is these days - the infamous Martha Stewart.  Not having been invited to her home, it's impossible to fully assess her ability to make her guests feel at ease. Based on what has been presented, my guess is she's quite the hostess.   I'm completely envious of her ability to create an inviting dinner table, a myriad of floral designs, crafts, and culinary delights that are... at a minimum - appealing to the eye.


As someone who thoroughly enjoys entertaining, I sometimes covet "Martha's aesthetic abilities". The last few years though, I've begun to carefully consider another "Martha" when it comes to matters of hosting guests in my home.   Like today's "Martha", her like-named counterpart many, many years ago was very interested in preparing the perfect spread - so much so that she neglected her guest.  She was highly irritated with her sister who wasn't helping with meal preparations.  Her sister, "Mary" was on to something though - with her priorities in order, she sat at the feet of their special guest, enjoying irreplaceable and incomparable fellowship.


How often do we do the very same thing today?  We place tremendous expectations on ourselves when it comes to hosting an event in our home.  Some even engage in an unspoken competition with friends in an attempt to outdo peers in matters of decor and culinary prowess.   Some hostesses go to great expense to put on a delightful, color coordinated, PRESENTATION.... but all the while, miss the point of hospitality.  Some are just merely "entertaining."


"Hospitality" defined:  the relationship between a guest and a host, or the act or practice of being hospitable. that is, the reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers. "Hospitality" can also mean generously providing care and kindness to whoever is in need. (Wikipedia)


Not that I have anything against color coordinated tableware, neatly pressed cloth napkins, floating candles and floral arrangements -  they are simply irrelevant to the hospitable treatment of others we welcome into our homes.  Don't get me wrong, these are all facets of hosting that bring me great joy. It's apparent though, that in some cases, the better option is to order takeout, bring out sturdy paper plates, pour a glass of wine and join guests on the deck "al fresca".  Which would you prefer - "Casual dinner on the deck" with a happy, relaxed hostess or being neglected, made to feel uncomfortable, intrusive and "in the way."  Who really cares if veggies are symmetrically cut and artistically displayed if there is no relationship building, interaction, conversation or laughter?   If your table is beautifully set, but your guests leave your home feeling they were an impediment to a beautiful display, then maybe it's time to rethink your hospitality strategy. 


My closest friends, my dear husband,  and all three children would know I'm being hypocritical if I didn't acknowledge my struggle for perfection in this arena.  All too often, they have each had their early morning slumber interrupted by my "clanging" of pots and pans.  (More often to my off-key singing while cooking/preparing.  Apparently, my voice is louder with ipod earphones in!)  Oh well....  


The point is - the most important components  of any event in our home - are the people involved, the ones visiting AND the five who call this place home.  My heart's desire is that the person(s) being honored (birthday, graduation, homecoming, etc.) and the guests who are part of the festivities leave here feeling like they mattered.  They were noticed, appreciated, loved and welcomed.  


In recent years, my "personal rule" has been to have all cleaning/decorating/setup completed in time for a bubble bath and a cocktail before the doorbell rings... that way, guests are less likely to encounter a frazzled hostess, with misplaced priorities.  Now, they're more likely to encounter a hostess who is barely dried from the bubble bath!  (and maybe the artichoke dip is still in the oven another 5 minutes...."who really cares"!)


This past weekend - Britt, and my mother-in-law, Sue and I attended a shower for my dear future daughter-in-law, at the home of "Mrs. Sweet".  Admittedly, "Mrs. Sweet" married the perfect man - because she now lives up to her married name in a very real and tangible way. She is a "modern day Mary" - making it a point to look into the eyes, and warmly welcome each of her honored guests.  She communicated love to each person in her home.  


The theme for the shower was "joy" - and our gracious hostess and her lovely daughter talked of the joy we have accessible to us - regardless of circumstances,  anchored to the hope we have in Christ.   We all left "Mrs. Sweet's home" on Saturday,  feeling like honored guests - in a truly Christ-centered home.  I cannot tell you how much the afternoon meant to me, as a guest and as Mom of the groom.  


My husband, daughter and I were extended a special invitation this past November. We had the distinct pleasure of accompanying our dearest friends in the world, to San Francisco for their "Family Thanksgiving."  It was to be the first that our son was away from home, deployed to Afghanistan.  The thought of being home without he and our eldest daughter (her 2nd time away)  was a bit too much.  We graciously and excitedly accepted the invitation to California. It was a Thanksgiving we'll always remember - one of our favorite and most meaningful holidays EVER!   Our host and hostess, Tom and Pat, were the epitome of hospitable - making everyone feel at home, taking the time to invest in each person, by caring and attentiveness. There were roughly 40 people gathered around the extended "L Shape" table which consumed their dining room entirely and jutted into their formal living room.  It was wall-to-wall table, friends and family, food and lots of meaningful chatter, seasoned with copious amounts of laughter (especially, with Aunt Suz and Joey around!)   The love displayed to family and friends was astonishing - I want to make people who come to our home feel that same way.  So, Tom and Pat are also "Modern Day Marys" (although, Tom would probably not want that referenced publicly.)  


A couple of times, my glance caught them beaming with joy  as they were embracing a particular moment.  Thanksgiving wasn't about pilgrims and Indians, Plymouth Rock or football, or even turkey and dressing.  It was about celebrating and enjoying God's provision:  A closely knit family, many years of marriage (60), a home they have called theirs for 40 or more years, health and longevity, and lots of merriment throughout their years.   


Aren't they the cutest couple?  Isn't the joy of having nearly 40 people in their dining room obvious? 

(*Before your next big event, read the story of Mary and Martha in the Book of Luke...it'll make you think.) Truthfully, I want to be a Mary - with a minor in Martha-ing. What about you?