Ample Causes for Gratitude....12th thru 14th

Sunday, August 12^th

 A meaningful moment today occurred during the break between first and second hours – a couple of friends prayed with and for me….and specifically for Aunt B and the tragic circumstances that befell her a few days ago.  (It’s a genuine gift to be surrounded by people who care.)

Tonight was my favorite night of the Olympics…. The Closing Ceremonies...a return to normal programming.  (On top of that, I enjoyed the 80s flashbacks!)

This was a quiet day, with church….reading….writing…..resting….and William cooking (as is customary for Sundays.)    It’s an easy day to say, “I’ve no complaints”  – but on the most difficult of days, will my response be the same?  (A Work in Progress….as always)  I’m grateful for every moment of this day – may that be my heart on the days when the phone rings or the doorbell chimes – with difficult news on the other side.  May this be my attitude and response when my body aches; angry words fall on these sensitive ears; heartbreak comes and when well-intended plans go amok?  May I always say, “It is well.” 

Monday, August 13^th

With today and tomorrow wildly unexpectedly free in absence of Bryce and of office hours – I intend to maximize these moments with “must do” items for the month of August.  Thank you for the window of unobstructed opportunity to achieve these items which will free my mind and relieve pressure, later this month! 

Off to the Emissions inspection station and tag office I went – 2012 inspections and tag renewals are now complete for all cars in our household….and not “last minute”.  My oil has been changed, and tires rotated.  In the midst of errands – were rare weekday moments of relaxation, phone calls with family and a few frivolous chapters of a Nicholas Sparks novel.  Little joys, and necessary accomplishments.  Thank you for this time…I’m reminded too, of the incredible opportunity I had when the children were small for the days like these…not typical  in today’s world .  It was a privilege to stay home with my babies – to keep them out of daycare, and to easily and freely complete necessary tasks for our family.   Today I was reminded of how much I enjoyed the role of stay-at-home Mom.  That was a significant gift.

Tuesday, August 14^th

A few more chapters of “A Safe Haven” were enjoyed while waiting to be called to the renewal counter at the DMV.  I actually had expectations of finishing the book; starting another and journaling several pages on my own, given the horror stories of late.  The heightened documentation requirements which went into effect on July 1^st have spawned a series of local news stories, and countless personal testimonies – all negative.  Gratefully, my experience went smoothly and timely.  Having all of my documentation in order – I was in and out of the local office in less than an hour.  It’s all about preparation!   Another errand completed – and it will be five years before this one hits my annual “to do list”.  Phew!  It feels great to get those things off the list and out of my mind!

Another cause for gratitude today?  I had a significant balance remaining in my FSA.  After the last few years of health issues – going through the pre-tax dollars in record time, I had a remarkable surplus remaining this year.  Understanding that any funds remaining in the account as of August 31^st would be forfeited, I was able to purchase 4 new pairs of prescription glasses.  It was fabulous to pick out fun “spare glasses” but the bigger cause for praise is a healthier year – one without cat scans, biopsies, MRIs and surgery.  Bigtime gratitude on this point!  (And I can’t wait to pick up my new red progressive lenses….way more fashionable than my current black ones!) 

Days 9, 10 and 11 of August....Still Grateful!

Today, Thursday August 9^th…

The day started a little glum as I was SOOO looking forward to having our little “grandblessing” with us for the next few days.  Not only was I eagerly anticipating his arrival this morning, but a medical appointment, a meeting, and 2 vacation days were “reconfigured” in his honor.  His arrival today was also one of many factors that went in to the decision NOT to join WGH in Wisconsin to aid Aunt B.

Feelings of sadness, followed by frustration brought to mind a discussion I had with a loved one whose propensity is toward “the cantankerous”.  With that recollection, came conviction. Oftentimes it seems, when we complain it’s because we feel that “our” rights; preferences; schedules, plans, etc. have been infringed upon. 

Rather than taking the victim stance, I’m looking forward to knocking out a few “must-do-in-August” tasks.  I’m certainly not insinuating we should freely run over other people in anticipation of a “by” – the Golden Rule still applies.  But, what’s done is done.  Complaining doesn’t change outcomes.    That silver lining, those hidden blessings are there….we just keep our eyes open to them! J

On another note, William is on his way home tonight…. Can’t wait to see him and thank him again for the way he has stepped up.  He’s amazing – and my eyes don’t even have to be open in order to see the incredible blessing he is to me and to our entire family! It’s crystal clear!  

Today, Friday August 10^th…

So, when I woke up this morning…. WGH was lying next to me.  (Thank you God, for safe travels – and all those delays were probably part of the whole “safety plan”!) 

We are in for a much needed night at home…. Lowkey, catching up and rest for all!  Thank you…and Goodnight!

Today, Saturday August 11^th ….

The first thing that comes to mind when this day rolls around each year is my grandmother.  Without looking at last year’s “August Reasons for Gratitude” I’m confident she was high on the list - this day, one year ago.  As time without her here on Earth increases, so does the realization of her tremendous impact.   When I think of Bryce (and the ones to come) she is the model I long to emulate.  Nannie lived 500 miles from me, in Kettering, Ohio – yet, our relationship was much closer than any “grandmother –granddaughter pairing”  I’ve known.    She was the epitome of the traditional grandma, mixed with abundant   laughter; faith; perseverance; wisdom that many likely disregarded and generosity that too many probably manipulated.   

Whenever I wear navy today, a gentle smile spreads across my face.  It’s almost an “unannounced tribute”.  She wore navy often.  She would likely be flattered and giggle - as she did in the face of many silly “inside jokes”. 

The most horrific thing she did to my knowledge was getting me hooked on one of her “stories”:  Days of our Lives.  It was back in the day when Bo and Hope were engaged and I was immediately sucked in!   It’s funny to me that she ever followed that show.  Somehow, I suspect she’d be glad that I kicked that habit many years ago.  (Although, if I ever “land” on an episode while channel surfing today, it’s apparent that some of the same characters from the 80s are stuck in the most eccentric plots imaginable!)  I’m guessing, she’d have kicked that guilty pleasure by now herself! 

She baked cookies, decorated her quaint little home for Christmas in a manner that is still fresh in memory.  She giggled a lot; was a great listener and an amazing encourager.  Nannie made phone calls, wrote letters, and sent little care-packages from time to time. She prayed a lot. She was the local “Avon lady”.  As a little girl who adored “girly” things, I always thought it was ultra-cool to have a grandmother in the “cosmetics industry.”  (She kept me supplied with teeny, pale lipstick samples that were about the length of my fingernail.)  Of course, I had all the collectible animal decanters too.  (It’s one of those things that few would understand now – unless, they had a similarly chic “Avon Lady” grandma!)

 Nannie was an incredible all-around woman; a loving, devoted and persevering wife; a model grandmother (apart from that little “Days of our Lives” indiscretion); and one of the most influential people in my life.  In contrast, she gave me my first Bible – a large Children’s Bible that I’d love to have today.  Even if I never lay my hands on the pages again, the impact and the memory can’t be undone.

I miss her as much today as I did the day she left us.  However, I’m grateful for the closeness shared.  The fact that I still miss her – is cause for thanks.  I hope that 20 years after I’m gone, there will be a few that miss me.  Hopefully, I will have made a fraction of her impact on my babies …and on theirs.

Thank you, God – for allowing Mary Eunice Young to bring my dad and his three siblings into this world. That step was crucial in her becoming the absolute best grandma one could have.  She was a special, strong, but yet tender woman.  How privileged I was to have had her for 20 plus years….and her prayers and memories with me still.     

Exhausted and Grateful on Wednesday, the 8th of August

With the events of yesterday on top of the emotional news received on Monday - I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.  But...How can I be the one to complain?  I simply cannot and will not embrace an attitude of negativity or complaint.  The level of hurt that exists within my own heart over recent days demands nothing less than a decision to convert pain into compassion and action for the ones most affected with sudden loss.  The family of a  27 year old man with presumed decades before him; and the family and close friends of a 71 year old man, active and healthy with no signs of slowing down. 

Days and weeks like this serve as reminders  to embrace the mornings we do open our eyes and to give thanks for the countless blessings that we too often take for granted. 

As I wind down this day - exhausted, my heart is grateful for the days the Lord has given me...and for whatever days remain.  There were a few times when He clearly kept me around for reasons yet known - but for reasons I pray will be fulfilled through obedience and increased intimacy with Him.

My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for William's willingness to go to Wisconsin and "be there" for Aunt Brenda, for difficult tasks, conversations, decisions, and a lot of driving.  They both have to be physically exhausted beyond what my body feels at present, again - no room for me to complain, but I'm reminded to pray for supernatural energy, peace and mercies along the way.

Lastly, and while it may sound insignificant.  I'm very grateful for my home - a respite and place of peace and comfortable familiarity.  At the risk of sounding trite - our bed is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in (the mattress is over eight years old - and I don't care what those mattress commercials say about the "8 year rule"!) 

Life brings days like these - days where we'd opt to rewind and change direction and outcomes if given that ability. That opportunity will never be ours. No matter what happens, no matter what disappointments befall us; without regard to our own plans and expectations - our days are limited and we don't have the foresight to know the time and day of our final breath. These weeks should be viewed as wake up calls, still an opportunity of sorts for a "fresh start".  We have the ability to be fully engaged and aware; reminded of our own mortality; the need for well documented and communicated final plans; our need to forgive and be forgiven; to make amends; and to live genreously and without regrets.  It's an invitation to start each day anew, with intentions of praise and obedience to the One who holds it all, Owns it all, and controls the calendar days remaining and the clock ticking on our Earthly existence.  There is no time to waste.  This profound reminder is in itself, a gift.  It's a re-realization pregnant with implication and cannot be ignored. 

With the challenges of the last few days, the greatest joy and contentment largely come in the form of intangible blessings like love of family and friends, time and opportunity.  Still, the little things right now are appreciated more greatly too.  Goodnight from a tired and grateful heart.

A Tragedy on Tuesday, August 7th

“Tawnda, its Aunt Brenda... I'm in Wisconsin with Chuck and he just fell off a bicycle.  He's unconscious. The paramedics are working on him and an ambulance is on the way. Please pray. Please get everyone you can to pray. I'll call you later.” (This was the moment today I knew something was terribly wrong, yet still remaining optimistic of a positive outcome.)

 moments later: an almost identical voice mail from Aunt Brenda.

 moments later: A voice mail from my Dad asking if I had talked to Aunt Brenda (his baby sister.). He had received a call from her cell phone but she wasn't on the line. He could hear emergency personnel in the background and was able to catch her providing my name and contact information to the deputy on the scene. He was understandably concerned that she was injured somehow - not knowing the circumstances of the call.

Immediately, having missed all three calls back to back, I dialed my Aunt’s number and there was no answer on her end.  As she had requested, I quickly sent out a prayer request to the church staff and our elder board, providing the limited information available.  Using my office line, I dialed Dad on “speaker” leaving both hands free to dial Aunt Brenda and to search online for available resources in the area she was calling from.  After another unsuccessful attempt to make contact, with my dad listening - I replayed the two voice mails from Aunt Brenda so he would know all that had been shared. 

From that point on, the timeline is muddled. I know at one point she expressed a continued plea for prayer.  She was still at the accident scene and paramedics were working on her friend in the back of the ambulance. Shortly thereafter, through heartbreak and tears, she said that Chuck, her longtime friend and a man she almost married at one point - was gone. If immediate memory is correct, this was the most helpless moment of my lifetime to date.   

The beginning of a longtime precious relationship. 
(I'm the smaller one)

To understand the enormity of the situation, one needs to understand that Aunt Brenda is not the “average” aunt.  She and I have long had a special bond.  Growing up, I was often compared to her by numerous relatives, even by my grandmother – an expert on both subjects! In adulthood, while there have been unique paths and traits, our similarities and common interests have continued to be numerous.  Family and friends long observed our likeness in appearance (which is an encouragement – she still acts and looks years younger than her actual age)  In fact, many have said, I look more like her daughter than a niece, some  even said "sister".  I embrace those assessments as great compliments.  She is the baby sister of my Dad – and they have always been close.  I was my Dad’s first child…and we too, were always very close.   

 
Over the years, family drama and unhealthy dynamics reared uncontrollably, and as a result – communication between much of the family ceased.  The situation goes back for decades and is too complicated and too convoluted to articulate in a few short words.  Dysfunction in the family is much like the weeds that seem to flourish in seasons of drought.  Kudzu, Poison Ivy, Dandelions and wild onions prosper when left to run their course, unhindered.  In the case of the vine varietals, they billow over stone walls and fences, almost appearing intended there.  Meanwhile, those undesirables rob nutrients from the roots of planned, desired flora. The powder blue hydrangeas, bubblegum pink roses and once thriving azaleas wither with leaves turning yellow.  The weeds, insidious by nature – begin to dominate and the beauty of the landscape is subsequently diminished.   

This horticultural illustration seems an almost perfect comparison to  a family plagued with issues long ignored.  As weeds thrive and beauty in our garden fades; so does the weed of dysfunction long ignored and uncorrected yield a harvest of life-sucking, beauty robbing, bitter saplings with self-serving root systems. 

This metaphor may seem like a stretch to some, but in our family with all kinds of “flora” – and more than it's share of "weeds",  My Aunt B stands high above the landscape, resilient, stronger than she looks and beautiful.  Bear with me as I connect the thoughts:

According to the UGA Horticulture Department: Southern magnolia, Magnolia grandiflora, is an aristocratic tree. It grows well throughout Georgia, is widely adaptable to a variety of soils and has few pest problems. With glossy evergreen foliage and large white fragrant blossoms, it truly is one of the most beautiful and durable native trees for our Southern landscapes.

(fragant: as in 2 Corinthians 2:15 "For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing")

Other resources specify that they are heat, sun and shade resistant. Magnolias can withstand significant pest infestation and they tolerate disease better than most.  I shared a few thoughts awhile back about a little magnolia that grew in our backyard.  It amazed me initially by mere survival – and more significantly, its increased ability to thrive in a less than desirable environment, probably similar to many of us!)    
http://tawnda.blogspot.com/#!/2011/05/backyard-applications-to-life-2-steel.html)

A more recent photo of us...
I'm no longer the smaller one.

Aunt Brenda is likened to the strength, beauty and reslience of the Magnolia.  Not just ornamental beauty, but like the Magnolia, she serves as a barrier against outsiders and a shade from the sun, an earthly refuge of sorts.  In her vocation as a Christian Counselor, she comforts others, shields and helps mend their family relationships, fractured self images, marriages and fragile hearts.  As a follower of Jesus, no doubt she prays for her counselees as well as those in her sphere of influence.  Aunt Brenda has often prayed for and consoled me through challenges that would shock the masses. There has been no shortage of pain and heartache….as is the case with most everyone I know.  But, there has been no shortage of comfort and prayer along this journey – and much of that has come through my very, very special aunt.  We are close.  I am greatly blessed to have her in my life.  

More than anything this evening, I wanted to be near her so I could provide a fraction of the comfort and companionship she has lavished on her niece. It’s so heartbreaking not to have that option tonight.  I hear her crying and immediately, I cry too.  The sound of her despair  is a weighty burden. 

After numerous short phone updates with Aunt B, with my Dad and with WGH – we have a plan.  After factoring in logistical capability, sense of direction, travel prowess and sheer availability, coupled with an impending visit from Bryce – we decided it’s best for my husband to hop on the next available flight.  

So, as I conclude this entry, we are preparing for bed with a 3:30am morning alarm set.  There are legitimate, undeniable reasons for grief, heartache, great concern, and a sense of helplessness.  A life was lost today, without any warning and in the midst of an anticipated vacation.  In the loss of human life – the ones left behind bear the loss.  Without faith, and without a future hope, I don’t know how some cope.  To my knowledge, all involved have that future hope.  Time will eventually ease the pain and surely in the future, decades of joy-filled memories will provide loving comfort and bring a smile to the faces of those who remain. A promise of a future reunion will make those cherished memories even sweeter.

My heart is conflicted – I want to go and be with Aunt Brenda, to hug her tight and to let her cry on my shoulder for as long as she needs.  However, when emotion is removed from the decisionmaking process, there is no question that WGH is definitely the better suited helper this time.  (There are many logistics that I have no idea how to navigate; Chuck's personal belongings, his hotel room, his car, a lengthy drive to his home in Chicago, a meeting with his family and another drive from Chicago on to Columbus, Ohio) 

 At this point, and even in the midst of tragedy… I'm reminded of many causes for gratitude:

• For my Aunt – and the closeness we share.
• For her friend Chuck, that his death was quick and without suffering; that he was in the midst of riding a bike in a beautiful park in Northern Wisconsin with a longtime dear friend… one that he turned back to check on with a smile not long before.
• For the memories created over a forty year friendship - and the comfort they will bring
• For "Kathleen" - a random lady who came upon the scene and has remained with Aunt Brenda throughout this ordeal, helping her to locate the car.  Since Chuck was driving, Aunt Brenda had no recollection of its whereabouts. 
• For the kindness of the police department in "Fish Creek, Wisconsin" - I am grateful for the kindness and generosity they have shown to her in this crisis.
• For the numerous friends who immediately prayed today - within minutes.  My guess is those prayers were at least somehow answered in the form of Kathleen and the "Fish Creek Sheriff's office"
• For the phone calls with my Dad today….although, it was a tragic situation that led to multiple conversations – it’s a gift to hear his voice on the phone.
• Today has been a blazoned reminder of the value of family, friends and time.  None are guaranteed, but still some some family, friends and time remain at this point along life's journey.  I’m indebted to the Creator for each.

No Longer Bound....The Sixth of August 2012

What a drastic change from yesterday….  Difficult news fell on my ears.  A longtime “family friend” lost his 27 year old son last week. In fact, I was told by a third party that the death was labeled suicide.  Immediately, my mood fell to shock and sadness.  The word “suicide” made it even harder to absorb. (Before I say more, let it be known I later learned this was not suicide.)

While I had been enjoying DC with my precious son last week, a sweet family here at home felt the sting of death beneath their roof.  While we were watching my son march in his first NCO parade by the National Marine Memorial, this dear family was saying goodbye to their precious son.  Roughly 450 people gathered in honor, respect and support of a family faced with losing their middle child.  His was a life that was vibrant, and more than ever - full of promise, peace with God, and peace with family and friends. This good looking guy always had a smile on his face and was quite charming.   (I’m pretty confident that at least one of my daughters had a crush on him in recent years. )

This dad is sincerely one of the nicest guys we’ve ever encountered – always friendly, encouraging, very humble….and being a former Military Man himself, he’s extremely supportive of our Marine Son.  We’ve frequented his restaurant at least once a week for breakfast (and more often twice or more), since my son was in elementary school.   He literally saw my kids grow up.  In recent years, he’s supported the ministry of FBC in various ways – although, he has never been on our campus.  He’s truly a gem – and his wife is a sweet, demure compliment to her husband and to their three boys.

To this day, I remember the first time I saw my dad really, really cry – and will never forget it.  Having seen my husband in tears, my son in tears and male friends who have wept openly in my presence, I honestly believe it’s one of the hardest things to witness.  Men, conditioned to be “strong” are often reluctant to let the emotions take over.  As a sentimental woman, I sob regularly. Commercials make me cry.  Homeless people on the sidewalk elicit tears.  Animals lying stiff on the side of the road make me weep.  I can’t help it – it’s really how God wired me.  In contrast, and while my tears are genuine - there is something powerful and inspiring,  about the tears of a grown man.  

This evening, I pulled into the driveway not knowing what to expect.  I saw the silhouette of the Dad sitting in the driver’s seat of his truck.  Exiting my car and collecting the floral arrangement and cards, I started walking toward the family home.  He opened the door and stepped out of his truck after detecting movement in the rearview mirror.  As he sobbed, and clenched his heart - I couldn’t control the tears gushing down my face. This always jovial guy, stood weeping – and profoundly hurting.  An inadequate, basket case with tear stained cheeks and a vase of white flowers stood before him…what on Earth could I say to him or to his Bride, to ease their pain?  NOTHING. 

~~~~~

With this news looming overhead today, it’s admittedly been a bit harder to feel “grateful” …My burden for this couple and their remaining children is heavy. To me and my husband, outsiders of sorts – it’s heartbreaking.  I can’t begin to fathom the loss and the pain they are experiencing in the deepest recesses of their being. 

As God promises, there are already details in the midst of tragedy, to which this family is clinging to for comfort, peace and yes – I suppose even a morsel of gratitude. (How can any of us complain about trivial things when we see families experiencing true heartache?) 

Without disclosing the personal details…

• First, this was not an intentional act….Their son was happier and more optimistic about the future than ever.  There were multiple indicators of his plans for the coming days, months and years -  including an active social life, volunteer commitments and familial intentions  
• A year ago, their son was in a difficult place spiritually and emotionally… but he experienced a personal revival in the last several months – a different man on the 27^th of July, than a year ago
• Twelve months ago, the family wouldn’t have been able to face his loss with the hope they have now…
• The dad indicated he and his bride are closer than ever…and their love is greater than before
• They witnessed positives and strengths in both of their remaining sons…made obvious in these difficult circumstances
• The dad indicated he and his sweet wife have been warmly embraced by countless friends and family in the days that have followed the beginning of “their nightmare”
• The chapel at the funeral home was filled beyond capacity with caring supporters - so much so there had to be an "overflow"

These are just a few points shared in brief conversation…. While they are cause for thanks - I’m surmising, causes for gratitude must fade in and out of focus….but am prayerful for the family, that with  time comes increased comfort, peace and long lingering grateful hearts.

 Personally, from the outside looking in….

I’m grateful…

• For the closeness of their family of origin (not all are so fortunate)
• For the love and support of the local community
• For the growing intimacy with each other and the Lord (I pray the trajectory never changes)
• For the  special memories made over twenty-seven years…. (better to have had those years than not)
• For the promise of a future reunion…. (one day….for all eternity)
• For the fact their middle son is no longer bound to the pain, heartbreak and temptations of this world…. (an opportunity available to each of us)
• And that the moment of his unanticipated final breath – he was bound for the presence of Jesus for all eternity… (a promise we can all take to heart….literally)

Through tears, my heart is yet grateful - on this solemn sixth day of August.

Family, Friends and Bedtime Matters (the 5th)

My cup runneth over…..  I’m still on a reflective “high”.  With WGH orchestrating a memorable anniversary celebration atop Stone Mountain last night;  and with all of his help in preparation for the shower today, I’m reminded of the incredible gift he is to me.  We’ve been married seventeen years.  On August 4, 1995 we joined two families and became one.  I had already fallen in love with my two “new children” and he with his one new addition during the time we dated.  

  

I don’t think either of us knew another soul who had embarked on the adventure of “life in a blender”. No doubt, we were both completely blindsided….there were times when honestly, I thought it was far too difficult and way more of a challenge than “what I had signed up for.” Fortunately, those extreme moments were infrequent, and in retrospect - they were very "self centered". When you bring two imperfect people together, there will be difficult times no doubt. When you bring two imperfect people together, along with full custody of three children from two previous marriages; add in a little “crazy” and a lot of “psycho” on the side – you’re in for an interesting journey together! 

We made it though - and are stronger than ever having weathered the storms!

 I have three beautiful children who call me mom.  He has three beautiful children who call him Dad.  We are also now known as "Mimi & Pop" to one beautiful little blue-eyed blonde blessing!  We have not focused on the different bloodlines, but on the hearts and character of each person in our family.  We made a  decision not to use the words “step” in regard to any of our children because there is a stigma of lesser significance.  We love them all.  Each is a unique and precious gift.  Our family is simply further proof that biology is the least important aspect of parenting.  Let’s face it – most anyone can do what’s necessary to create another human life.  Few, it seems – understand what to do in the years that follow!  Fewer still, embrace that role with integrity, purpose, responsibility and prayer.  It’s a shame really – I know of multiple “birth mothers” who have nothing to do with their biological children….and worse, some who have only acted destructively to their  innocent offspring.  (Same can be said of some bio dads too…)  God has blessed us greatly, He has shown favor on us, giving us a deep love for each other, and a lifetime of memories that elicit smiles from ear to ear. Most who know us don’t even realize the bloodlines that exist at first.  We are a family – not defined by birth certificates, but by authentic love and relationships.  

Back from the bunny trail…. 

“Yesterday, this was my FB status”: 

This has been one of those days (weekends, actually)  when reasons for gratitude are too many to name, ironically the kind of day that makes it hard to focus on just one blessing.  These are the times we need to remember when the days come that drop us to our knees and wet our cheeks with tears.  

Days like today, will come again.  Days on our knees with wet cheeks will also come again... no matter the circumstances,  - we should strive to remain grateful! 

 

Friends & Lovers & Laboring over Lingerie (the 4th!)

Well, today is another of those days where I allowed "myself" to get frustrated because schedules and events fail to adhere to "my" plans.  (Hmph - thought I'd gotten over that little hurdle!  One step forward, two steps back it seems.)   Add to the disrupted schedule, a lenghty errand and shopping list, mix in a little "false guilt" and one has the makings of a particularly crappy day.  HOWEVER, I'm working on the whole attitude.... choosing the battles..... and trying really hard not to "sweat the small stuff".  (If you, my friend - were privvy to my personality inventory, you'd understand how big of an overhaul this really, really is!)  

Against this backdrop of self-centered burden, a rainbow in the sky literally appeared.  At the end of that rainbow was a selfless young woman, eager to help (and eager to get me out of the house and on to those errands!)   Deciding it was good to get out and knock a few lines off the idol of productivity, I accepted the blue-eyed, porcelain-skinned angel's kind offer.) 

Off to the shops I went, drawing lines through the list. 

Adding previously undocumented goals as they were attained. (For those I feel bliss?)

After the all-over-East-Cobb spree had drawn to an end, I pulled into the garage 

and entered the kitchen, my friend. 

What to my wandering eyes did appear, but a clean main floor, and the Sunday shower decor. 

There, in the dining room were my white table linens,

with red elevations,

and iron dress form maidens. 

The beverage station was all set, the powder room polished and ready.  I knew in an instant, I'd been loved, again humbled ...

everything was done, twas only I who needed to steady. 

Upon entering the den I did see, what my darling husband had

completed for me....

a rod on the mantle for the shower on Sunday ....

with black lace and satin ribbon ....

for  new lingerie on display. 

You should put this on pinterest he jested....

(but I'm really gonna do -  just what he suggested!) 

Our days are too short and are often too few, to focus on what and what not electively to do! 

Again, I was reminded to open my eyes ...

 to love and to the blessings all around -

     because so easily I'm mastered by lists and goals, such foolish things to be bound!

~~~~~~~~~~

So, thanks for bearing with me through that little rhyme! 

 (Seriously, not sure what came over me - but the words will remain!) 

~~~~~~~~~~

After getting home on Saturday evening, it was time for me to get ready for a very special date.  Mind you, I had told dear hubby that on this occasion, the 17th anniversary of our wedding vows, I wanted to do something inexpensive,  out-of-the-box, and memorable.  We go out to dinner frequently, so a reservation at a nice restaurant doesn't stand out as much as one would hope.  I'm all about saving money these days....and more about simplicity and "just being" than ever before.  (In spite of the earlier Self-imposed pressure.)

So, Dear Hubby listened and he told me to be ready by 6pm.  Instead of a nice black dress, or semi-formal gown...he suggested shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers.  Hmmm.... I was intrigued.  We buckled our seatbelts and took a right out of the neighborhood with me trying to determine that mysterious destination.  At some point, I decided we were either going to my in-laws house or to Stone Mountain.  (Not that I don't love my in-laws immensely, I'm grateful we went to the latter!)

 

We pulled into the park, paid the $10 fee and drove to the base of the famous mountain.  I switched from Sperry's to Chaco's and followed my man up the granite front, realizing how out of shape I've become!  We climbed to the top and then he opened his bag.  While I was huffing and puffing along the way, he had carried a full picnic, Ipod and speakers, a bottle of wine and one of my favorites - chocolate covered strawberries!  We enjoyed one of the most memorable anniversaries ever and one that will surely never be forgotten.  We even saw "fireworks."  (Seriously, we saw them from the top of the mountain, an interesting perspective - and one that catches you off guard since you can't see the laser show below.

I am so blessed!  Today I'm reminded again of so many reasons I have to be grateful... grateful for my friends and family.... and for "simple things."  





August 3 - Blessings Past and Present

This evening reminded me of how grateful I am for our old neighborhood.  That gratitude is compounded by an appreciation for having lived there during our children’s earlier years.  We were surrounded by homes filled with children of similar ages.  Ours was a quiet, small subdivision, with no criminal activity, little traffic and an interesting combination of  90’s family life with an “old school nostalgia”.  

Our kids would play on one of two dead-end streets and could be quickly summoned from the front porch when time to come in.  There were “known” homes in which they could play freely and they were equally free to bring those same "known" friends home. 

Some parents, including me, would join the kids for a game of four-square or kick ball.  If not “in the game” we would often congregate on front porches or decks keeping an eye on the neighborhood children while catching up with each other. Sometimes we'd just walk the neighborhood and talk.  The first day of school was always special - after bus stop photos, all the Moms would enjoy brunch.  Those seemingly small events and non-eventful days are now a tapestry of cherished memories. 

One neighbor answered my first panic-filled phone call when my then 4 year old had a fever of 105.3.  Kathryn quickly ran over to my house and helped me immerse my baby in a cold bath bringing the fever down and comforting me in the process. She's still among my close friends today.  Another neighbor invited me to a Women’s Ministry Event at which I fell in love with Fellowship Bible Church.  From that point on, FBC has been an integral part of our family’s life.  (A colossal understatement!)  There’s the friend that called one day to let me know of an indiscretion on the part of one of my children – it was great to have neighborhood reinforcements!  There was and is the friend who shocked us all with the announcement of an impending divorce.   Leaning on past experience with family courts, and an empathy that comes from similar experience, I was able to walk that journey alongside her.  Our children are all grown now – but many former neighbors are still among my fabulous friends. 

Tonight, Britt and I attended a “Mother – Daughter Champagne Soiree” in the old neighborhood. It was a night filled with laughter and with meaningful conversation.  Not to mention, sitting there surrounded by some of the same girls who used to babysit my kids is pretty cool.  They’ve grown into amazing young women and devoted mothers to their own little cherubs.  There in the midst of the group was my own little one – largely influenced by many in the room, and now an amazing young woman. 

I’m thankful for the memories made, the friendships established and the years spent in Garrard’s Crossing.  We moved from there because we outgrew the house, but nine years later, we’ve not outgrown the neighborhood nor the wonderful friends who remain.

Thank you Kath for coordinating this fabulous evening! 

Best Known as Suzanne...but...

Today, Thursday August 2^nd was a demanding day of catch up, with a backlog still awaiting attention tomorrow.  In the midst of the “urgent”, I looked forward to dinner with my very sweet and uniquely special friend, Suzanne.   

Dinner was in honor of her 78^th birthday (due to her active social life, we are still celebrating a week later!)  Few people make me laugh as much.  Fewer still have prayed with and for me more than her.  Suzanne has been a consistent source of laughter, and mischief for about fifteen years.  Simultaneously, a wellspring of Godly wisdom, artfully designed -handwritten notes and scriptural encouragement appropriately timed for every imaginable situation.  She is also a walking billboard for the long sought after "fountain of youth".... because of her, I know that faith and laughter will keep you looking younger than any product you can purchase!

She has long referred to me as her “granddaughter” and I long ago adopted her as a third grandma.   She watched my children grow up and they and my husband all adore her!  We are blessed to include her in our family celebrations – with our favorite being Christmas morning.  (She often comes over in her PJs for brunch, family time and a marathon Monopoly session!)

She’s not just a “friend”…but an integral part of life and a blessing on each of us.  As we talked tonight, I was reminded of the providential hand of God.  In this season of life – I have limited contact with members of my original family.  When Suzanne and I met – she had just lost her much loved husband and her Mom, within a week’s time.  Both lived with her, so Suzanne’s home went from population 3 to 1 within just a few days.  Soon afterward, she settled in to a position at FBC.  A bit later, I joined the staff as a part timer.  From the first week there, she took me under her wing.  There’s no doubt, God knew we needed each other. 

No, I don’t bring the wisdom and vast life experience to the relationship that she does - but I can clean out her refrigerator and and spice cabinet in no time flat!  (No one should have expired mustard in their fridge – EVER.)  So, that’s a little gift to her… I help her out when she’s incapacitated which isn’t often.   I make her laugh sometimes – as often as I can.  But I hug her every time I see her and will always love her dearly....

How blessed I am to have this marvelous woman in my life!  Thank you God, for “Gram”.  She has brought much joy and wisdom and I’m forever grateful you caused our paths to intersect!  (Happy Birthday "G"!)

Gratitude in August

Last year, a book on contentment prompted me to focus each day of August on an “attitude of gratitude.”  In retrospect, that was divine inspiration. There was no hint as August began, that I’d hear “probable thyroid cancer”;  endure numerous biopsies,  or that I’d be facing major surgery the third week of the month.  Enduring testing, surgery  and recovery was much easier because through it all – I really looked for the positive in every situation, every circumstance.   God blessed that monthlong initiative with a level of peace and contentment that is radically different than my "default anxiety" mode. 

Since last year's month-long focus, I’ve encouraged friends of mine to do the same. Contradictory, it may seem -  the hardest days make finding the hidden gifts easiest.  I’m convinced that regardless of what one is going through – focusing on the blessings, great and small is a helpful way of maintaining a Godly perspective, in storms and in the peaceful times times too.

Today, August 1^st, 2012 - there is no suggestion of a medical upheaval.  There is no hint of impending relationship doom with anyone close to me.  In fact, right now all three children seem to be in a great place.  My husband continues to remain employed in spite of a dismal economy. Spiritually, I’m on a “high” from my recent mission trip to Trinidad.   God did many amazing things through that journey.  I cannot, nor do I desire, to forget, lose sight of, or grow numb to their significance.    

Right now, I’m on a “hilltop” – having just returned a few hours ago from one of the best family trips ever.  It was a time full of laughter, encouragement, happy tears, maternal pride, and finally, military and patriotic significance.  (Topped with copious amounts of scrumptious food and slumber – and still more laughter!)  The past several days were an extraordinarily meaningful time with my much loved son, one of my daughters – and my hubby.   

Today begins the second annual 31 day focus on gratitude.  The urge to review August 2011 journal entries and blog posts is being denied for now.  However, when September comes – I look forward to comparing my thoughts from this month, to August 2011.   It will be interesting to see those blessings great and small that occur on both “lists.” 

We’ve just come through a very challenging season of life. Only God knows what lies in our immediate future.  Whatever comes, I WILL give thanks.  Whatever happens – the potential reality is far direr.  God is Great all the time.  His Awesomeness is not contingent on phone calls from police, family drama, biopsies, a frightening diagnosis, prodigal children, pink slips, office drama, struggling marriages, struggling children, or friends or bodies who fail us. 

 So, Here we go:  (and feel free to join me!  Add at least one "gift"  great or small for each day -  no matter what kind of personal Hell you may be experiencing at present!) 

Day 1 – August 1, 2012:  I’m feeling extreme gratitude for the great quality time we just spent with Tyler.  Hours of touring DC area with my newly acclimated son (DC looks different to me now since he lives there!), the Barracks, we enjoyed great dialogue along the way.  My heart was encouraged to see him happier than he’s been in years and to see him succeeding at his current role in the USMC.  It was a joy to see how others in his relatively new environment have embraced him and respect him.  We heard numerous compliments of his great attitude, hard work, dedication and skill. 

He so needed this season of life – and as a Mom of a grown man who will always, in my heart - be “my baby boy” - I’m beyond grateful! 

That's my baby in the front....I could not be more proud of him!  (Not just
when he's in a Military Uniform either!) He's been a great source of joy for
as long as I've had the incredible blessing of being his mom. 

His character and his heart have always been golden.