Valentine’s Day annoys the crap out of me. It must have been a brilliant marketing
strategy by someone in the Greeting card/Gift industry… capitalizing on superficial
romantic love, and encouraging insincerity among couples. In fact, this must have been such a lucrative
business move that “Administrative Professionals Day”, “Boss’s Day”, “Pastor
Appreciation MONTH” eventually followed. Valentine’s is the absolute worst though. Hear me out; this is not at all because I find myself single. “Hallmark Holidays” were equally loathed when I was married …for the most part.
When the children were little, it was great fun helping them
decorate “shoeboxes" for school parties and aiding in selecting just the right Disney/Power
Ranger/ Barbie/ /Pokemon, etc. sentiment from the assorted packs for
each of their classmates. At the time,
it didn’t seem like a bad precedence was being established which would lead to
inflated romantic expectations later. (still doesn’t.) Those were fun years!
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| my babies... miss this age so much sometimes. |
Once my cherubs made it to the tween years, whether my
then-husband was traveling or not, I began a new tradition with them. On
Valentines Evening, we would have a very formal dinner, usually with Shrimp Scampi as the main course. (Chocolate covered strawberries were a "must"... and still often are!) There were many reasons for celebrating as a family. It
was a special time gathered as a family, we celebrated familial love, and as a bonus, it was another opportunity to help my little ones become accustomed to
dining on fine china and employing proper etiquette! They actually seemed to enjoy these times as well.
As the years progressed, and my little ones approached
dating – intentional (still enjoyable) discussions were
held around the table about their future spouses. We talked seriously about relationships and
expectations. We discussed Gary
Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” It
was fun to talk about each of their own "wiring" and it was fun to see if they could pick up on others'. So, those years, Valentines Day was special…on yet a different level.
Fast forward a bit, my children became adults… no longer was
there a family Valentine’s Dinner. I had an increasing soft spot for widows though, maybe because
both of my grandmothers had been widowed, perhaps because I “adopted” another
grandma at church who was a widow herself.
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| Suzanne...aka "Gram" - my adopted grandma. |
My heart’s prompting turned to action. Several years ago, I obtained “approval” and
a budget for a Valentine's Banquet in Honor of All Widows. At the time, I rallied
several staff friends to serve food, refill beverages, play background music,
take formal portraits, usher, host, set the tables with fine china, etc. It was a huge team effort and I’m so grateful
to have been part of that team for so long.
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| Several of the servers/ushers that made the Banquets special! |
On the first of several Banquet days, I watched closely as every detail unfolded. Well-dressed ladies were escorted to their tables by one of
many gentlemen, wearing white button downs and red bow ties. The sounds of classical piano and viola
softly welcomed them as they found the place that had been lovingly and
beautifully set just for them. Gifts for each of the ladies were put in their hands as they left. In the gift bags were several carefully chosen items, including a very quickly framed
formal photo – of them, to take home. The photographer took photos upon their arrival and while lunch was being served, "runners" were EXPEDIENTLY getting photos developed and in to the appropriate frames. There was a lot of preparation going in to these events, but so, so worth it!
Side note: I’ve learned that this demographic (keep in mind - all widows are not elderly) is too often overlooked by the camera lens. Having framed professional photos to take home
seemed a good idea, but the impact was priceless...
The responses from
that inaugural Valentine's event literally blew me away.
Each thank you note was a treasure.
One sweet lady called after receiving the invitation. She was sobbing – in
the 20+ years that she had been without her husband, not one person had acknowledged her on Valentines in any way. The actual banquet hadn't occurred yet - so just to have been invited
touched her heart.
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| "Gram" & Sally... 2 faces I miss dearly! |
So, it’s true – I’m not a fan of “manufactured” or forced romantic
gestures on this Hallmark Holiday, however, the phone call(s), grateful words, hugs and smiles on the faces of these women – made Valentine’s
Day truly meaningful that first year and each that followed.
Having left my position several months ago, I sit here wondering
what the Banquet was like this year. On
one hand, my heart is a little heavy because I wasn’t part of something that felt
like “my baby.” On the other hand, knowing years later, the widows from FBC are still being honored and loved on by the
team I left behind, fills my heart.
A pastor/friend encouraged me recently. He pointed out that a big part of my legacy at the place I invested so much of my adult life - is the annual Valentine's Banquet. I hadn’t thought about it,
but suppose it’s true. The thought pleases me.
My Valentine’s Date this year is quiet, introspective,
writes a lot while sitting at a table – and is not at all social today. My date has learned to not just be comfortable
dining alone, but finds it rather enjoyable at times. My
“date” is simply grateful for the
memories of Valentine’s Days past…. those very special meaningful times... not the "Hallmark stuff."
These reflections are so much more meaningful than a card, candy, or jewelry prompted by a calendar. (Any other day of the year - BRING IT ON.) For now, it's time to dig into some Extra hot Buffalo tenders ... how "romantic" right? Actually, it's pretty perfect.
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| 1/2 & 1/2 tea & copious amounts of water to wash down the perfectly un-dainty, non-formal, solitary dinner: Buffalo Tenders, celery, & lots of blue cheese,! PERFECTION. |
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| me, myself, and my date. |
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