Behind the Walls: My Experience in Prison (names and details of inmates changed)

One week ago today, I had the experience of going to prison.  Prison was never high on my list of “must see places” but in recent years – Sunday morning conversations with a sweet couple at church left me feeling otherwise.  For whatever reason, opportunities in the recent past came and went – and I was unavailable.  A few months ago, this same dear couple told me about the chance to meet face to face with Georgia inmates in an all-female facility – the weekend of Mother’s Day.  Almost in an instant, I knew God was saying, “NOW IS THE TIME.”  I completed the necessary paperwork, paid the registration fee and added May 11^th to the calendar. 

The first person with whom I shared a truly meaningful encounter was *Jessica.  When I asked if she wanted to sit down next to me in the pavilion – she looked cynical, and surprised.  I scooted over and patted the bench to my left for her to sit.  She quickly said, “Wow – am I allowed to sit next to you?”  At first, I was a bit uncomfortable thinking she perceived me as snobby (a frequently misapplied label to those of us who lay low and tend to be reserved.)  Everything about this moment was outside of my comfort zone, but we continued to chat.  When I asked for her name, she replied with her last name.  When pressed again, she said, “you want my first name? no one calls me by my first name – not since I got here in January.”   She gave me her name and then followed up with “wow, I’m used to being treated like a sub-human.”  

“Jessica” and I continued to chat at length about her family life, about her children, where she grew up, how she feels like a total worthless reject, and how she perceives her future.  As she filled in life details – I realized we aren’t so different.  We have experienced similar hurts and eerily parallel family struggles, but with far different outcomes.  She talked about recently trying to take her life behind bars -  that pierced my heart and flooded my eyes with tears for the first of many times.  Honestly, I have no idea what she did that led her to prison, but she’s a young mom who is now apart from her children.  This sweet, beautiful young woman shared how she is worth nothing now that she is behind bars and she elaborated on how she perceives God views  her –  suggesting that He has even written her off.  She grew up with a performance based faith and didn’t grasp the gift of salvation through Jesus alone. Gratefully, she prayed at the end of our conversation to receive Jesus as her Lord and Savior, and she signed up for a prison based Bible Study/discipleship group. Jessica didn’t tell me about the crime that led to her incarceration and I didn’t ask.  I could look up her offense online, but I don’t want to know.  The truth of the matter is we are all just one poor decision away from being where “Jessica” is now.  Even more significantly, whatever infraction(s) in her past, the slate has now been wiped clean and she will spend eternity in Heaven. For now, I encouraged her to share her new faith with her son when she gets the next phone call….and beyond.

“Amanda” was another young woman with a profoundly moving story.  She had grown up in an affluent home – always in church, leading worship, with parents in church leadership, and an adult sibling now serving as a pastor.  Scripture isn’t and never was foreign to her. Songs of praise and worship are well emblazoned in her mind.  She even told me about her young child singing some of the same songs for her on “video visits”.  “Amanda” knew all the right answers from the beginning – but as she told me the course she took, she made it clear that she had deviated from what she knew to be “the way” and through exotic dancing, drugs, and other related crimes, she now finds herself behind bars.  She’s another mom separated from her three children who are being raised by other family members. 

As our visit continued, she shared painful experiences from her past – and as in the case of “Jessica” – we have wounds in common.  Furthermore, in talking we discovered a Christian couple that we both know.  This is a couple who, in her words - treated her like a daughter, had been loving and supportive and tried to help her get her act together.  What are the chances of such a meeting taking place we both thought?  Again, tears streaming….down her cheek and mine.  This was most definitely a God-ordained meeting, and far from “chance.”  At her request, I shared with our mutual “friends” that through the Celebrate Recovery program in prison – she had gotten over her hurts and addictions.  She has given her life to the Lord and is a completely new person…while she had the knowledge necessary to walk in freedom before, she lacked a true relationship with Jesus Christ – the ONLY way we can experience eternity in Heaven. 

Ironically, it took “Amanda” being behind bars to experience true and lasting freedom.  As we wrapped up, it was clear that her prison time, a consequence to numerous bad choices, was wildly and powerfully redeemed by God.  He had used the time behind bars as a way to protect her and even her children from the continued downward spiral into crime and victimization.  Through her prison sentence, she is now able to positively impact others behind bars for the Kingdom of God.  She is looking forward to being out in a matter of months – back with her children.  She has a job lined up and she plans to share her story of redemption with others, giving God the glory.  In a strange way, she is grateful for the khaki jumpsuit and constant monitoring….otherwise; her story would have likely ended far more tragically. She has a hope for the future – where hope once was void.  

One week after the fact, I’m still in complete awe over the entire prison experience.    “Jessica” and “Amanda” are just two of the many women whose lives God allowed to intersect with mine.  In talking with all these ladies, I exited the prison gates Saturday evening realizing that those of us on the outside aren’t necessarily so different than those on the inside.  As I had shared a few times throughout the day, it’s also apparent that many of us are imprisoned by bars and razor wire that others can’t see, but we know the reality daily.  We may not be wearing khaki jumpsuits with names and numbers on the breast pocket – but many of us are in bondage to abusive parents, spouses or extended family.  Some of us are imprisoned by bitterness and an unwillingness to forgive.  Others of us are enslaved to pornography, drugs, alcohol, the “American dream”, the need for approval, etc.  Some of us are held captive by long-held secrets.   In short, I got to know several women behind the bars of Georgia’s largest all-women correctional facility that know and experience “true and lasting freedom”   while I have friends, neighbors and family members who are in bondage – but freely roaming.   

To go a step further, before we give our lives to the Lord, we are all in bondage of another kind:  Pride within us – causing us to think we “don’t need a savior”.  We are reluctant to surrender control of our lives to the Holy Spirit….what would be the fun of that???  We are so focused on ourselves, our needs, desires, preferences, comfort, and our delight – that we don’t want to relinquish the power to choose and act on “what feels good”.    Some of us have salvation, yet don’t experience the freedom that is fully available to us through making Jesus the Lord of our lives:  freedom from strongholds, freedom from ourselves….and freedom from eternal Hell are so accessible! (Matthew 1:18-25; Matthew 9-9:13 & 11:28; John 14:5-14 & 16:5-15)

I’ll close with a story about an older inmate seated across the table from me in the common area of her “dorm”.  “Estelle” – weathered and worn from years of drug abuse shared much of her story.  She started out by telling me that she needed drugs in order to do anything, in fact: “to have sex, to watch a movie, to cook a meal – anything she did started with using her drug of choice.”   She went on to tell me about her husband, who is also incarcerated.  She told me about her children and grandchildren…and she shared her plans once she is released.  Having been in prison for quite some time, she has missed out on many comforts that most of us take for granted.  She has missed out on sleeping next to her husband nightly and she has missed the grandchildren’s games, awards ceremonies and birthdays.   She says to me, “Honey, God is sooooooo Good!”   She continued, “There are days that I wake up here and I DO NOT want to get out of bed and face the day, but I have learned to pray before letting my feet hit the floor.  I ask God for guidance and direction …and every day HE guides me and leads me.  Jesus walks with me.  God is sooooo good!  I have HIV and I could be dead – I feel really good.  There is an end to this sentence in sight and I will be with my family again.  He has given me great friends in here (pointing to the lady to my left) and He is with me.  My sentence could have been worse than it was…. And you know what?  There isn’t a thing on my rap sheet that I’m not guilty of.  I deserve WORSE…. While serving time, I have spent so much time in His word, so much time in prayer.  He is with me like never before!”

After hearing “Estelle” go on about the goodness of God, I shook my head in agreement.  Now, “Estelle” you know what I heard you say? You said that before you were locked up, you used drugs to start your day, to start every task, even to watch a movie – now I hear you say, that before you get up in the morning, you start it all with Him!  She smiled that big smile again and said, “God is sooooo good to me.”  I responded by telling her that some people would think it’s quite odd that an elderly woman can sit in prison and praise God for His goodness….but I totally get it.  (Side note: This woman, in spite of everything - had the most joyful and magnetic smile - so properly punctuating her praise!)

Last summer I went to Trinidad expecting God to use me to minister to the hearts of ladies there, instead I came back feeling that God had used all of them to touch MY heart and life.  Admittedly, prison has been the same way.  “God is sooooo good!”   The next opportunity to go to prison with Bill Glass Ministries is this fall….Rest assured, I’ll be going back!

To Him be the glory.

 

t

On Your 23rd Birthday..... "Notice"

When you were a little tyke, with white blonde hair and the same magnetic smile you wear today,
I took notice.  
It wasn't hard to see that the little boy who came into my life so unexpectedly was an incredible gift from God.  Memories of those first days when you called me “mommy” – well,  my heart took notice of the innocent life before me.  Months later when Dad and I married – we noticed that God showed favor on our family in the many events that brought us all together….but at the same time I couldn’t help but notice that He had made it so easy to be your mom.
When you started kindergarten with your sweet smile and loving disposition – the teachers noticed  that you were an asset to their classroom.  Later on, when a few learning struggles came to light – your teachers consistently noticed  that you TRIED….you TRIED….and YOU TRIED so hard to succeed.  They longed for your academic success not for themselves – but for the sweet little boy they took notice of, with the white blonde hair, a sweet innocent smile and an infectious laugh… and “R’s that sounded like sweet little W’s”. 

When you became the worlds’ most informed and adept stat keeper of all things sports, WE ALL NOTICED!  You were the most passionate fan of Javy “the- H-is-silent” Lopez (inside family joke) and I must confess, for that I thank you!  Do you realize that it’s all because of YOU that we have the best friends in the world???  Have you ever taken time to notice that without your little league career, we’d have never met the Zs?  I’ve noticed.  They are an extension of our own family…..and  I’ve noticed it’s because of YOU, the longtime #5 (before becoming the longtime #17).  You’ve heard the expression, “The Lord works in Mysterious Ways?”  - well, the expression becomes less “expression” and more reality the longer we live and stop to “take notice”  of how HE – the author and perfector of our Faith works in the minute little details,  causing everything to come together beautifully - as only the Creator of the Universe can do.  I’ve noticed this….increasingly and often because of lessons taught in and through YOU and the paths you have courageously chosen.

Our immediate family took frequent notice of a favorite recurring memory of you as a little guy; but our friends may not realize that YOU from an early age were the catalyst for peace and harmony in the “mini-van days”.   With dad on business trips, the 4 of us could be found driving up and down East Cobb roads from practice to practice to practice (with 3 athletes, and me – the one and only driver!)  Whatever the day had been, it typically culminated with one of your sisters wanting to change the radio station.  Their desire was always lovingly countered by my one and only son, lovingly saying, “Girls, Mom works very hard to take care of us when Dad is on the road… let’s let her listen to HER favorite music.”  (That recollection brings an automatic smile….and explains why you all know the lyrics to many, many 80s tunes!)

So, you have always been “others-oriented”: Selfless, humble, forgiving and servant-minded.  Maybe you haven’t noticed until this moment, but these are traits that Christ personified and exemplified.  Maybe it’s time you really take notice:  So much comes to you inherently – I can’t help but think it’s an extra measure of grace.  Look at it as “extra equipping” for something special in this lifetime.  (Don’t think I’m delusional – Christ would not use traditional USMC “vocabulary.” ) 

Most begin the adventure of living with humility and a forgiving nature being the hardest attitudes to embrace.  You however?   I’ve noticed – there’s no spirit of bitterness. When others  have ripped you apart verbally; physically or in writing….you’ve found it in yourself to be tender and forgiving when standing  face-to-face in the presence of an adversary.  When others have alienated and manipulated  you for a lifetime – you still found yourself in a stance of forgiveness - but one with reasonable, and appropriate boundaries.  (I wish I had been more like YOU in this regard.)  Unfortunately, I experienced the same hurts over and over because boundaries were established late. Worse than my own pain was the dysfunction and pain I allowed to pervade my own sweet family, because in my weakness - I never said “ENOUGH.”   

As you face the future, consider your gifts.  How very fitting is your “life verse.”  Think of it daily as you see your tattooed shoulder blade…  Remember where you’ve been and never forget the many circumstances from which God has delivered you...not JUST the combat zone, but relationships, family wounds, and circumstances under which some would have relented.  He has a plan for your life and He has given you a courageous heart…one that doesn’t back down because of peer or societal pressure; one that allows you to love and live with unyielding laughter and joy.  

In your 23 years of living – you’ve experienced trials and triumphs that many of us “civilians” will never know nor completely grasp.  Yet – you must notice and feel an incredible level of responsibility to carry on in a manner worthy of honor and in tribute to friends and comrades lost.  You have led some on the battlefield and you’ve led others in moments of desperation-fueled prayer.  Now, in this great country’s capital – you are in a position of great honor, one that reveres the lives of our fallen;  a position that pays homage to our country’s history;  and a position that brings reverence, encouragement and  hope for the future of this great nation. You are a 23 year old veteran of the United States Marine Corps.  Honey - your leaders, your trainers, peers and subordinates:  I promise you that THEY HAVE NOTICED some of the same traits on display in your life now – that have been apparent since at least age 4.

 

You, my son – are indeed TRULY special.  Dad and I definitely took notice from your earliest years.  Your sisters noticed. Teachers, coaches, friends, bus drivers, George the FedEx guy, random friends you’d acquire on family vacations and of course,  extended family – most could not help but notice.  It wasn’t that “Dress Blues” earned  in 2008 completed you and made you noteworthy… dress blues, to most of us just seem a natural cloak for one such as yourself, worthy of respect and honor.

Make wise choices my son.  Take notice of how you have been loved until now…. And rest assured, you will be loved forever, and I’m confident– far more greatly than you've ever truly realized.  Open your eyes fully - and "take notice."

Joshua 1:9 - Joshua 1:9

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

 Happy Birthday, My sweet Baby Boy... No mother could love a son more than you are loved! 

Self(ie) Absorbed

The latest phenomenon to catch my attention is “The Selfie”.  Like “nails on a chalkboard” are the selfies that fill my newsfeed. When repeat offenders enthusiastically share their self-captured images through social media, and after the ensuing spine-chill subsides, certain thoughts come to mind:

·         Is she/he so consumed with “self” that they’ve alienated themselves away from peers that may have otherwise taken a photo for them? (BONUS:  the perpetual-selfie-taker could rest their overused and always-extended-at-an-upper-angle arm!)

·         Has this person ALWAYS had the desire to be the center of attention?  (In some cases, it’s known to be a resounding “YES!”)

·         Let’s be honest, girls especially will take and retake their own photo until they get “just the right look”….I suspect if we peeked at the photo stream on their i-phones, we’d find an overwhelming number of selfies that didn’t make the cut, yet boldly scream “It’s all about me!”

·         Do these persons not have a greater calling in life than self-promotion?

·         They need a job…something to fill their time.  Do they have any responsibilities? Pets? Children? (Not to be used as further selfie-rationalization) but to take care of, invest in, hey – and maybe even to “instagram.”

·         How does she not have carpal tunnel syndrome? (It does, however, explain the defined triceps…)

·         As focused on “self” as she seems, I suspect she: complains a lot; overuses phrases such as, “that’s not fair” and “what about me???”  Worst of all: this person probably has a whopping sense of entitlement. No wonder she has no one to take her photo!

·         Hmmm… Logic would indicate that the self-enamored have difficulty maintaining relationships of any kind and fail to take any ownership for relationship downfalls. (Self-absorbed people never feel like others “do enough” for them.  Seldom, if ever, would they consider showing gratitude for what is “done.”)   

Some may argue that the dubious “art” indicates a lack of self-confidence.  Perhaps this is true in some.  However, in the moments I’m least confident – I’d rather HIDE from cameras; NOT pose for, take, filter, manipulate and review 35 images of MYSELF,  looking for “just the right one” to post on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. 

Do you think I’m talking to YOU?  Don’t grab your phone and start deleting those self-images, just yet.   There are times when – IMHO, an occasional self-portrait is acceptable and in some cases – WARRANTED:

·         You’ve got a new haircut, hair color, glasses, piercings, tattoo, etc. and no one is home to take a photo? Go for it! (Just not regularly!)

·         You’re standing in front of Mann’s Chinese Theater and Tom Hanks, Jon Bon Jovi, Channing Tatum, etc. walks up.  If you just happen to have your cell phone, TAKE A SELFIE with the star of your choice (I’d totally do that!)

·         You’re dressed as an Elf for a ministry outreach, and there is no one at home to take your photo (I did this one – still somewhat reluctant.)

·         You’re at the North Pole – all alone.  On a mountaintop – all alone. You caught a shark while kayaking off the coast – all alone.  Sure, go ahead…smile and click.

Surely, there must be other acceptable occasions – they just aren’t coming to mind right now. 

Humans tend to be drawn to other humans who actually show interest in them.  Conversely, those same humans tend to be repelled by those who operate from never-ending self-absorption. 

If most pictures YOU post are of YOU…or YOU and a child, or YOU and a dog, or YOU and a tree, YOU in the driver’s seat (concerning on many levels), or YOU and a friend… and of course, taken by YOU then you might want to consider the message you’re sending to your online followers, family and any remaining “friends.” You’re marketing yourself.  Some might wonder what you’re peddling. Worse yet, some might assume.    

So, to all the narcissists populating newsfeeds with an abundance of “self-portraiture”, please consider your motivations.  Focus on others through the “viewfinder of your camera phone”…ultimately, you may want to branch out and focus on others through the “viewfinder of your life.”     

Say “Cheese”.

 

 

 

Dead end?

http://instagr.am/p/VW9mlWuJ0m/



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Postmortem Exam: August through December

With day-long pajamas, hot tea in hand, two snuggly kitties and a break from technology, the last several hours were largely spent reviewing my most recently completed journal.  This is not my "typical" third Friday of the month exercise, but it was both necessary and worthwhile.

The objective:  Discovery of overarching and/or recurring themes, ideas, etc.  in recent months. 

The question:  How will I leverage this post-mortem analysis in the days and months to come?  (How will I live, love, think and worship differently?)

The Lord blessed this "review" by pointing out areas that clearly need development.  He also revealed paths necessary to get nearer the ultimate destination of Holiness.  There were a few  areas where growth occurred….with plenty room for more! (Clearly, He was pointing and revealing things throughout the last 4 months of 2012 – but today was a sweet time of “hearing and seeing” more deeply - and I'm amazed at how much I forgot occurred in recent months!)

For kicks – these are the most frequently recurring words in four months of musings (no incriminating specifics listed about any individual although several people played a vital role in these months - positively and otherwise):

Words I like to see repeated...	...Ones I don’t...	and the Neutral ones...
Prayer – God’s Will – Bible – Submit – Jesus -  Identity – Values – Faith – Obedience – Truth – Trust – Abiding – Forgiveness – Righteousness – Glory - Worship	“Forgive Me for….”  “Idols” “Wasting (opportunities/time)”	Health – Money – Time- Schedule – Culture – Research - Simplicity
Home  -  Music – Organize – Quiet – Family Time – Friends – Food – Order – Parenting – Priorities -	“To Do” lists (far too many) – “Finish _” - “Catch up” – Redo -	Health – Money – Time- Schedule – Culture – Research - Simplicity
Rest – Relaxed – “low-key”	Overbooked – Stress(ed)	Health – Money – Time- Schedule – Culture – Research - Simplicity
Encourage(d) – write – Gratitude – Intentionality – Humility – Freedoms - Patriotism – art – widows - beauty – beautiful – sacrifice – service -	“Sick” – “no energy” -          “not feeling well” – tired - sacrifice (yes, like/don’t like sacrifice!)	Health – Money – Time- Schedule – Culture – Research - Simplicity

 

Following are: phrases, quotes, sermon and study points, and thoughts that stood out above the rest (based on illustrative clues in the form of stars; arrows; parenthesis; and exclamatory notes to self):

“You can beautify the gospel by how you live”

 “Mission – we are born to do SOMETHING.”

“Salt and Light” – our function is to be an influence (matt 5:14-16)

“Dependence on God is everything”

“Biblical Christianity isn’t a list of do’s and don’ts”

Brokenness = a Permanent sense of God-Neediness

The little Foxes Eat the Vines (Song of Sol 2:15) - sometimes it's not cancer or  profound loss that takes us off track, but a myriad of "somewhat seemingly minor" issues that wrecks us for a season.

“The deeper I go, the greater He uses me – I am my own lid.”  (Dr. Crawford Loritts)

“We waste time doing things we “kinda can do” and see incremental improvement.  Stop fooling around with what you “want to do” and do what God has called you to and equipped you for.”     (Dr. Crawford Loritts - that was a great staff meeting!)

Holy Attraction = Repentance; gratitude; sacrifice; service

“As we read and study the Word of God, we must at the same time be pursuing God of the Word.” (cannot recall where I read or heard this)

"Reflecting on God’s grace is the antithesis of: pride, anxiety and indifference." (Dr. Tim Keller)

 Reflect on God’s grace until He is MY JOY.

Jesus must become my overmastering passion. 

Glory: God’s person and presence (nothing shall compete with or shroud it.) 

My life is not about me – when I write out the stories of “my life” – I am not the main character, but a secondary one.  My life story is about God.  He orchestrated each step, event, placement, trial and gift.  Only He as the author knows if I am mid-plot, or if today will be the last page of the final chapter.  He is the author - and this story of me is really all about Him. 

Jesus is Real.  Jesus is sufficient. 

Jesus came to Redeem us; Forgive us; Give us Purpose; Give us Peace

* * *

 

Our heart obedience to God’s Word will produce (ps 119) : (FBC Sermon – CWL – 10.28.12)

 

   Wellbeing (1-2)

Protection from sin (9-11)

Comfort and strength (25)

Correction and Discipline (67)

 

Direction and Insight (105)

 

*  *  *

"God’s plans are ink – all others are pencil.”

“It truly is a paradox that laying aside the pursuit of fulfillment eventually produces fulfillment.  To gain my life, I must lose it.  To really live, I must die to self and let Jesus be Jesus in me.  When I do this, my whole life becomes an expression of adoration.  When living is worship, what fills my heart begins to show up on my lips.  Adoring God is not a ritual to perform, but a product of a life given to Him.” (Eddie Rasnake.)

* * *

 

“Christianity is the only hope for this broken world because there’s no other way for the Broken to get the nails they need to rebuild. 

That’s what this week needs most:  More than meeting schedules and productivity, this week will need a Savior and prayer.  God’s not asking me to produce – He’s asking me to pray.  God’s not asking me to climb ladders – He’s asking me to Kneel and let go.

His grace will be more than just sufficient – His grace is guaranteed to actually SAVE.  Time, me, the week, all redeemed and miracles happen.

God only allows pain if He’s calling something new to be born.”  (Ann Voskamp – 09.28.12 – A Holy Experience)

 

* * *  

At the end of it all, I just want to hear a voice from Heaven saying, “This is MY Daughter; whom I love and with her I am well pleased.”  (Matt 3:17)

 

 

Well, that's it for now - I've plenty to marinate in.   He said a great deal!  Maybe I'll choose several "points' on which to go deeper.   Maybe I'll fashion a personal mission statement for 2013 (even though we are 18 days in!)  I just cannot "do nothing" if I desire to hear the words of Matthew 3:17. 



 

 

A Final 2012 Reminder from my Gynecologist

(Perfectly safe reading for the testosterone-laden)

May of 1988 – that was the first appointment with Dr. George Long.  Dreading the whole embarrassing process and the long heard-of discomforts, it was undeniably time for the very important “inaugural visit.”  Dr. Long was and always has been a charming, sensitive professional – making that first visit and countless others borderline enjoyable.   One could almost forget about the medically necessary un-pleasantries.  

Thinking back over the doctor/patient relationship, it’s obvious that this fabulous physician was instrumental in many of the “big watershed moments” of my journey thus far.  He was first to diagnose thyroid issues; discovered 3 early stage cancers; and best of all – on December 27^th 1990, he told me that I was going to be a mommy!  He was beyond patient with the myriad of questions and concerns.  He was ever encouraging and comforting as a miscarriage was suspected (but thankfully not confirmed!)  Dr. George calmly communicated the need for an emergency C-section, ultimately delivering my 8lb 1.3oz bundle of joy without complication.  Loving this little life and so greatly anticipating her arrival from the very beginning of pregnancy – I couldn’t have hoped for a more consummate professional.  (A friend  conveyed the same loyalty to the doctor who delivered her babies – so it seems I’m not alone.)  The entire pregnancy and delivery experience really escalated my confidence in him as a physician.

“Dr. George” is the ONLY gynecologist I’ve ever seen.   Because of his integrity, compassion and flawless care -  he earned my trust, respect and countless referrals over the last 24.5 years.  Of course, I’ve often said that Dr. George’s  distantly approaching retirement would be a significant obstacle when the time came.  I could NEVER imagine another gyno. 

 A few days ago I mentioned to WGH that being delinquent for my annual visit; I needed to call for an appointment with Dr. George before December 31^st.  (It was a fleeting thought and I neglected to make the call.)  Strangely, yesterday afternoon, there was a message from his office:  “You need to come in and pick up your medical records in the next two days as our office is closing unexpectedly.”    Living in the lawsuit-happy culture that we do – my immediate assumption was the catalyst for closing, was likely a medical malpractice case. 

Hearing the peculiar message AFTER business hours – I resorted to a quick online search. Several links popped up, resulting in sad shock - Dr. George died at 56 from a heart attack. Tears filled my eyes upon the realization that this wonderful doctor is now gone - dying one week after memorializing his father – who was also his longtime partner in the practice.   Knowing that he is married with children (younger than mine)….and knowing the office staff has long been much like a family, I was heartbroken.   The doctor/patient relationship – while important, pales in contrast to the wife, sons and “office family” that are grieving the absence of an incredibly exuberant, all-around great guy! 

So, the search for a new OBGYN will soon commence for all of Dr. Long’s patients.  The online tributes reveal that many women share my sentiments.   But, newly widowed Mrs. Long and their children will experience Christmas without a husband and father.  They will usher in 2013 in a completely unexpected manner.  Without any forewarning, they are without their protector, provider, best friend and spiritual leader.   Always evident in conversation – and throughout the office, Dr. George was not just a consummate professional, but a Godly, devoted family man.

When death occurs, I tend to wonder what the last 24 hours were like for the family.  If they could recapture those precious hours – what would they do differently?  What would they say to each other?  You’ve got to think that trite matters would be overlooked and an emphasis on finishing well would be apparent.  Clearly, I’ve no clue what transpired within the walls of their home – but I pray that the same calming demeanor patients relied on and appreciated, was magnified to and from the family he cherished. 

In 24.5 years, Dr. George shared countless bits of wisdom and insight.  Perhaps the final takeaway is this: How would I have spent the last 24 hours if this turned out to be my final moment?   How would foreknowledge of our death or someone else’s change perspective? Would trivial things be appropriately laid aside?  Would couples hold each other tighter and embrace a little longer?  If we had an idea that we were soon to be absent of our physical bodies, would we love more completely and unashamedly, forgive quickly and readily? Would we laugh more? Complain less? Would we embrace still, quiet moments with our Creator or squander dwindling hours?  As parents, what would we want our last words to our children to be?

 Most importantly, would we draw close to Christ and leave no doubts about our future in Heaven?  Would we do more to make certain our family and friends would be with us for eternity?  These aren’t new or first time thoughts, but Dr. Long’s sudden passing has certainly caused me to reflect on these questions. 

Minutes past are gone forever – we don’t get them back.  Opportunities missed don’t always present again.  We don’t know when our last breath will leave our lungs…but it will happen to every one of us, and it could be at any second.  Why risk or waste a moment?  A word?  A decision?  An opportunity?

 

"yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."  (James 4:14)

 

 

 

 

 

Captain Ben's Boat

 

William and I have been fortunate when it comes to traveling.  Hopefully, opportunities for roaming adventure will only increase.  Together, we’ve been to hundreds of places.  Our journeys have included  visits to historical places; beautiful, bustling cities; respites in quaint, remote parts in the middle of nowhere; and many mesmerizing beaches.  We’ve witnessed breathtaking creation from the shoreline of the East Coast to the West and beyond.  In Cape Cod, we were awestruck by whales breeching from far below the surface.  In Maui, we sailed alongside giant sea turtles and rode bikes down a volcano.  We snorkeled in St. Thomas and in Molokini as sharks and an eel circled nearby.    (Not scenery I opted for – but encountered nonetheless!)  To see any of these sights is to be reminded of the innovative and awesome power of our Creator. 

Of course, images we see daily should serve as reminders, but familiarity becomes an anesthesia.  We are too often numb and we miss out on moments of worshipful living.  We are struck by the tiny hands and face of a newborn, but if one truly looks into the weathered hands or face of an 80 year old,    something equally fascinating will be seen.  So, day to day encounters with family members, our pets, gardens, weather and the increasingly complex nuances of the human body are an in-your-face aide-mémoire.  IF we open the eyes of our heart to see wholly, we are a tiny part of a very elaborate creation, one that reveals the Majesty of God.

With the vast range of “Creation Reminders” William and I have shared, none have come close to evoking the intense, white-knuckle fear that gripped us both on an unsuspecting October morning in Destin, FL.  It wasn’t in the form of “Creation” the way we normally think of.  It proved, however, to be a powerful testimony to the sovereignty of our God – on many levels.

It was our first trip to the Gulf as a couple.  My man expressed a desire to go deep sea fishing - there was not an iota of interest on my part.  However, on a Thursday afternoon, we walked around the Destin marina and scoped out the different “fishing tours” available for the weekend.  Not recalling the specifics, William probably opted for “Captain Ben’s Boat” because of price, timing and passenger availability.  Being a team player, I joined him  for the 8 or 10 hour ocean journey as a “rider” – no stinky bait, no rods and reels.  I was promised time to read and leisurely sunbathe as he cast his line into the Gulf waters in hopes of landing a trophy fish.

It was an early morning embarkation from the Destin Harbor.  As everyone gathered, we quickly figured out that I was a minority – the only female on the passenger manifest of around 80 people.  No biggie – I would keep to myself, basking in the glorious sun (which I would NEVER recommend now!)  Captain Ben reviewed the rules and said a heartfelt prayer before everyone stepped aboard.  At the time,  I wasn’t accustomed to being around a lot of “public praying” and the last place it was expected was in a marina with a bunch of fishermen.  (The irony!)

I found this photo of Captain Ben & his boat
via Google....He's standing where my fisherman was!

My handsome fisherman took his position at the center of the bow.  There was a built up area several feet behind him, positioning me for reading and cheering him on as he reeled in his catches.  As we began the journey, I had no forewarning of William’s propensity for motion sickness.  It came as a surprise when we had barely left the Destin Pass, that he was green with nausea.  Actually, it went a step or two further….I watched in shock as he hurled breakfast on the elderly gentlemen to his left.  Fortunately, that gentleman was wearing a large yellow poncho.  With the events that followed, I’m confident he never knew what or who had hit him – literally.

We quickly decided to go up the stairs to the “deck” area where it was wide open and my sick fisherman could recover.  He laid down on a bench and I kneeled by him in support.  Unbeknownst to either of us, we were entering a squall.  (I had no IDEA what a squall was until this day!)  As we sat there the 2 story “party boat” started rocking intensely and the winds noticeably picked up.  There was a large generator/compressor or something a few feet away, toward the center of the upper deck – it looked like a large white freezer.  High winds lifted the metal lid from the unit, over the bow of the boat and into the water.  We both realized that had we stood up a second earlier, decapitation or being knocked overboard could have been our demise.    

We struggled down the narrow stairs to the main area.  All the fisherman were struggling to stand and all fighting against the wind to get inside the relatively small galley.   The smallness was amplified because most every man aboard was now hurling their breakfast – EVERYWHERE.  The man in the yellow poncho was among those having difficulty stomaching the rough seas.   There were two small bathrooms, with the doors open. Multiple guys were jockeying for a receptacle  whether a shared sink , toilet or trash can. As squeamish as I am, it’s amazing that I didn’t succumb, or at least faint.  (I’m getting nauseated now just thinking about it!) 

Not being an expert on nautical life,   my words may fall short in describing the tumultuous seas that day.  The boat, while “2 story” felt tiny in the high waves.  My guess is an aerial shot  of our vessel would have looked something between the tiny SS Minnow and the Andrea Gail (Perfect Storm.)  While maybe those more familiar with the ways of the sea may not have felt as threatened, we both thought we were going to die.  The gigantic waves, the rocking boat with parts flapping and flying off , 98% of the passengers vomiting and falling all over the place, and water crashing over the sides of our boat left me feeling helpless and very scared.  We would never see our children again I thought!  This was it.

While the timeline is fuzzy in my mind after so many years, there was finally a  moment where things stopped.  The clanging of doors and flaps ceased.  The male groanings stopped (mostly).  The boat steadied and people calmed.  We were no longer were thrashing against the power of the waves…...We were going to make it after all! 

At a time in our lives when we were just dabbling in our faith – not real intentional at all, this day served as a wake-up call.  Even now, when the details of  our “deep sea adventure” come to mind, there are obvious application points.  

• We aren’t sure why we chose “that boat”…. Perhaps it was all by design.  Maybe we endured that particular storm together to serve as a reminder when “future storms” invade.  Many storms have since challenged us, and still many more will surely come. 
• While I wasn’t “walking with the Lord” as a Child of God should have been ,  I was hanging out on the periphery.   Captain Ben’s openness to sharing his faith, especially in a pretty “atypical” environment really caught my attention.  His boldness captured my attention and has never left my memory.  I’m grateful for the example he was for me almost 20 years ago.  Captain Ben was a modern day “fisher of men”.
• As a mom, I’d be beside myself if my children ever left the “shore” without letting us know where they would be.  We did not let a single family member know where we were that day.  IF, we had not returned to our families, how long would it take for them to know we were missing?  Today, I think about friends and families who are engaged in the “storms of their lives” – some are quick to communicate their anguish and seek accountability, prayer and encouragement.  Others, remain to themselves until it’s almost too late.   We need to know “where” our loved ones are in their journey.  If they are approaching stormy circumstances, we ought to be close by tossing life preservers and prayer in their direction.
• Like the guy standing next to my handsome, seasick fisherman…. You  might get a little messy if you’re accompanying someone through a storm.  Life is messy.  Deal with it. 
• When the two of us were on the upper deck of the boat, we could’ve easily died had we stood up a moment too soon.  Perhaps this is just to remind me that wherever we are in the storms of life, we should be kneeling.
• The 8 (or 10?) hour deep sea journey was cut short.  After the squall loosened its reckless grip on our boat, we turned around and headed back to the marina.  I don’t think a single person complained about the fishing trip being cut short – but many were likely thrilled to see dry land (and clean clothes!)  It’s amazing how our perspective changes when we’ve been in stormy waters…. We learn to appreciate the “little things”.
• Of course, the old adage applies:  don’t forget to stop and smell  the Roses….and following a day like that one, we did just that!  After the trying day at sea, my fisherman wanted anything for dinner with the EXCEPTION of seafood!  We found a quaint little Italian restaurant with a delicious aroma of garlic, called “Roses.”  The food was outstanding – even on recovering, weak stomachs.  It was at that restaurant on that particular day, that we discovered a mutual affinity for Merlot.  (1 Timothy 5:23). 
• Last, and certainly not least – Captain Ben’s Boat was named Emmanuel “God with us.”  How perfect an illustration.  How amazing was the gift of this storm….it certainly didn’t feel it at the time, but in retrospect, I KNOW the real reason we “chose” that particular boat.

 ³⁷ And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. ³⁸ But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” ³⁹ And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. ⁴⁰ He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” ⁴¹ And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”  Mark 4:37-41