"What Brown Did for Me"

There are three favorite spots in our home for reading, writing and thinking.  One of those is our living room.  It’s easiest to allow my mind the freedom to reflect and sometimes wander while comfortably reclining on the Waverly Rose covered, overstuffed furniture – against the backdrop of artichoke stained walls.  This is a very feminine room…quiet and tranquil.  Any time I enter the living room for personal study, two very sweet calico kittens follow.  They seem to complete the atmosphere as they snuggle on the ottoman next to my feet.   Friday evening was the perfect time for me to relax in the living room for a bit.

It was the conclusion to another full week – not unlike most, a week of meetings, appointments and even a couple of fun outings with friends.  He had traveled and much had been going on,  WGH and I wanted nothing more than to stay home and just chill out.  (Now that I’ve come to appreciate the act of “resting”, those low-key, pajama clad nights at home are my favorite!)  Friday evening I settled into the living room as WGH continued working in his upstairs office.  Once his day was through – he joined me, seated across the room, facing me as we talked about the happenings of recent days. 

After a few minutes of conversing, our doorbell rang – and WGH opened the door to find our UPS man.  It was a late evening delivery of a UPS Express Envelope.  WGH sat back down across from me with the parcel in hand and I asked the usual questions:  “what is it?”   “who is it from?”   His response was “why do I think I’m not going to like what’s in this envelope?”   It’s an understandable sentiment – the company he has been employed by for four years is in Chapter 11.  The company is cutting expenses, and when companies cut expenses – they tend to cut workforce.  Ugh.

As he stared at the envelope with the vague Sender info, my mind catapulted in several directions: “

•  Hmmm…  Friday evenings are notoriously famous for pink slips. 
• Maybe I should grab it from him and hide it until Monday so we can still enjoy a restful weekend?
• Okay, I know that we’ve maintained a certain peace about this whole “job security” thing …but admittedly, on the verge of opening this letter, that peace quickly left me.”
•  I took a deep breath as he opened what was certain to change the course of our night, this weekend – and the coming weeks and months. 
• In a pathetic attempt at humor, I suggested that maybe it was a membership into the “jelly of the month club”. 
• I stared and waited for what seemed like forever as he pulled the tab and removed a regular sized envelope.  GULP.  “Here we go.” 

After a long pause, he revealed the contents of the letter.  Our weekend was not in danger after all – and the next few days at least, would go as we had planned.  After getting my heart rate up for the   big reveal, we went to the gym before settling into a fireside movie.  While on the treadmill, I kept thinking about how easy it is to “say” you have peace about something – but how disciplined one must actually be to fully experience and enjoy that peace.  I was disappointed in myself for allowing my mind to venture to the worst case scenario – rather than peacefully trusting and accepting what was to come next. 

A couple of questions came to mind while reviewing the UPS delivery on the treadmill: 

1. My heart rate was actually higher sitting in the living room 30 minutes before getting to the gym – why did I allow myself to get so anxious – and so quickly?
2. How many times have I wanted to delay “opening” what was handed to me out of fear or the inability to control a situation?  Am I more short-sighted now than before?
3. Have I missed something wonderful at times because I “refused delivery”?

Of course, I was also reminded of many times that something was brought to the doorstep of my life that I really didn’t want, but had to accept it anyway.  Some of those very situations have been the greatest blessings of all.  You hear stories like this all the time – you break a bone (not what you wanted), but a lifesaving diagnosis resulted; You get a blister and stop for a band-aid making you late for work (not desirable) – then miss being killed when a plane purposefully flies into your building; Your spouse leaves you for another person (never desirable) – but you ultimately marry your best friend and find out what it means to be truly loved.  Everyone has stories like this – there are several in my own life, and in the lives of close family and friends.  Had my worst fears become reality – life wouldn’t have stopped and somehow the situation would’ve been redeemed. 

We still enjoyed a relaxing weekend, complete with a vivid reminder that God is always at work, teaching and shaping us in ways and for reasons beyond us.  He often does it with a sense of humor. 

That UPS letter that caused my heart to momentarily race?  It was a new AMEX card. 


 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  (Phil 4:6-7)

  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  (Jer 29:11)