"Life"

It was a warm, gorgeous spring day – the kind that made teenage girls open the sunroof, turn the volume up and let the wind freely style their hair.  Vibrant color burst throughout the landscape in front of the office building.  Once inside and on the third floor, the waiting area was perfectly decorated – warm and inviting.  It was what you’d expect in an affluent Atlanta office, even at our young ages.  We were greeted by an attractive, pleasant woman and given paperwork to complete.   There was nothing strange, threatening or controversial up to this point.  Surely, the movies made this process seem worse than reality.  Surely.

We were soon called back to a tiny room, not “clinical” in appearance, but a continuation of the lovely waiting room décor.   My friend changed into the standard exam garb, and was made “comfortable” on the exam table.  A sedative was administered before the doctor and nurse both left the room for a short while.  With just the two of us present, I asked my sweet friend if she was okay – and again asked her if she still felt this was the solution she was struggling to find in the midst of her personal storm.  She verbalized complete assurance in that moment.  Being a loyal friend, there for both physical and emotional support, I did not challenge her decision. 

The doctor and nurse returned.  They told me where to sit so to best fulfill my duty as loyal comrade and hand holder.    A short explanation of the next few minutes was given as my then groggy friend nodded in dazed agreement.  Moments later, I witnessed one of the most horrific and saddest events of my entire life.  My eyes were full of tears that day, and as a result – several days since.

The indescribable sounds, smells and sights resulting from choices made twenty-five years ago are still clearly perceptible in my mind at this moment.  Then, it seemed I was dutifully and loyally serving my friend.  Now, I regret that my attempts to help her find other life-giving alternatives were weak.   A young life was cut tragically short that day.  The baby’s mother, my dear friend suffered unbearable guilt, depression and self-destructive behavior for more than a decade.  My viewpoint was forever changed.

~     ~     ~

Four years after that pivotal day, my then-husband and I found out that a baby was on the way.  There has never been a more profound change within me as a woman – than when those words fell upon my ears, and subsequently experienced the sensation of a growing, vibrant life within my abdomen.  Nothing could prepare me for the sense of awesome responsibility, nor the amazing unconditional love that I quickly felt.  Nothing, nothing, nothing – has taught me more about God’s love for His children, than becoming a first-time mom.  

You know the story – the baby born to me is the only child ever carried.  For medical reasons since discovered, the fact I was ever pregnant at all is pretty miraculous.  I’m grateful beyond measure that God had two other children in mind for me – children born to another, but loved beyond what certain doubters can comprehend.  

~     ~     ~

In retrospect, at the age of 18 - I would’ve fallen into the “pro-choice” demographic.  However, that spring day, against the backdrop of new life outside – my mind and my heart were forever changed in the darkness that was in the exam room.  With years, I’ve grown more passionate about this issue.  Today, I in no way support voluntary termination of any pregnancy.  (This is my personal stance - not that of any particular group, religious or political affiliation.)

Surely, my social circle over the years is probably not much different than yours.  I’ve been blown away by the number of people who, like my young friend, made the same decision and like my friend, found themselves in a prison of agony and isolation – fearful of telling others because of the shame they felt.  These women came from relatively conservative backgrounds; none are prostitutes, exotic dancers, etc.   They are Baptist, Jewish, Methodist, Agnostic and Catholic.   We met in high school, college, the corporate world and even at church. 

They share consistent themes: deep regret over naïve/short-sighted choices; daydreams about the child they didn’t get to know; guilt leading to depression - especially around anticipated birthdays and milestones.  The stories known to me are all very similar with one exception.  A couple in their 30s asked my OPINION on this matter because a pregnancy came at an “inconvenient” time.  Despite my “opinion” and in spite of the two children already birthed– they ended a life.  (That situation is still especially hard for me to comprehend, and I honestly don’t know how they are handling it a few years later.)  

Our culture is more than a bit, irrational.  We hear arguments that “Jane Doe” isn’t old enough; mature enough; capable enough; educated enough, etc. to RAISE a child.  However, these same descriptors make “Jane” unlikely to understand the long term consequences of the alternate decision.  “Jane” at 19 doesn’t have an understanding of the many women, desperately longing to be moms. She likely won’t, until she is older and has friends facing infertility.  “Jane “ isn’t mature enough to foresee the guilt she will experience for years to come – including quiet moments between her and a baby she gives birth to when she’s in her late twenties or thirties, or confessing this season of life to a future spouse.   “Jane” probably doesn’t understand that she is able to give an incredible blessing to a desiring couple, an outcome she can later experience joy over, rather than sorrow. 

~     ~     ~

I’m no expert on this (or any) topic, but have walked through the aftermath of abortion with friends and their situations were affirmed by others who’ve openly shared their journeys.  Thankfully, healing is possible.  Forgiveness must happen – ironically, it’s often hardest to forgive ourselves.  I’m a huge proponent of counseling – whether through church, an EAP, etc.  In fact, counseling is underutilized in my “sphere of influence”.  (I think we’d all benefit from some time in “the chair”) 

Every one of us has a story.  Whether yours is similar to the one described above, or your personal “plot” is radically different - pursue victory.  As long as we are breathing, we have the ability to change and the capacity to positively impact others.  Perhaps by sharing your experience, with honest perspective – you can steer another individual away from detriment. God can use ANYTHING to His glory. 

"My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing to You,
And my soul, which You have redeemed.
My tongue also shall talk of Your righteousness all the day long." Psalm 71:23

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth bas a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness..." Romans 3:23-25


   

¹³ For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  (Psalm 139:13-15)