No Longer Bound....The Sixth of August 2012

What a drastic change from yesterday….  Difficult news fell on my ears.  A longtime “family friend” lost his 27 year old son last week. In fact, I was told by a third party that the death was labeled suicide.  Immediately, my mood fell to shock and sadness.  The word “suicide” made it even harder to absorb. (Before I say more, let it be known I later learned this was not suicide.)

While I had been enjoying DC with my precious son last week, a sweet family here at home felt the sting of death beneath their roof.  While we were watching my son march in his first NCO parade by the National Marine Memorial, this dear family was saying goodbye to their precious son.  Roughly 450 people gathered in honor, respect and support of a family faced with losing their middle child.  His was a life that was vibrant, and more than ever - full of promise, peace with God, and peace with family and friends. This good looking guy always had a smile on his face and was quite charming.   (I’m pretty confident that at least one of my daughters had a crush on him in recent years. )

This dad is sincerely one of the nicest guys we’ve ever encountered – always friendly, encouraging, very humble….and being a former Military Man himself, he’s extremely supportive of our Marine Son.  We’ve frequented his restaurant at least once a week for breakfast (and more often twice or more), since my son was in elementary school.   He literally saw my kids grow up.  In recent years, he’s supported the ministry of FBC in various ways – although, he has never been on our campus.  He’s truly a gem – and his wife is a sweet, demure compliment to her husband and to their three boys.

To this day, I remember the first time I saw my dad really, really cry – and will never forget it.  Having seen my husband in tears, my son in tears and male friends who have wept openly in my presence, I honestly believe it’s one of the hardest things to witness.  Men, conditioned to be “strong” are often reluctant to let the emotions take over.  As a sentimental woman, I sob regularly. Commercials make me cry.  Homeless people on the sidewalk elicit tears.  Animals lying stiff on the side of the road make me weep.  I can’t help it – it’s really how God wired me.  In contrast, and while my tears are genuine - there is something powerful and inspiring,  about the tears of a grown man.  

This evening, I pulled into the driveway not knowing what to expect.  I saw the silhouette of the Dad sitting in the driver’s seat of his truck.  Exiting my car and collecting the floral arrangement and cards, I started walking toward the family home.  He opened the door and stepped out of his truck after detecting movement in the rearview mirror.  As he sobbed, and clenched his heart - I couldn’t control the tears gushing down my face. This always jovial guy, stood weeping – and profoundly hurting.  An inadequate, basket case with tear stained cheeks and a vase of white flowers stood before him…what on Earth could I say to him or to his Bride, to ease their pain?  NOTHING. 

~~~~~

With this news looming overhead today, it’s admittedly been a bit harder to feel “grateful” …My burden for this couple and their remaining children is heavy. To me and my husband, outsiders of sorts – it’s heartbreaking.  I can’t begin to fathom the loss and the pain they are experiencing in the deepest recesses of their being. 

As God promises, there are already details in the midst of tragedy, to which this family is clinging to for comfort, peace and yes – I suppose even a morsel of gratitude. (How can any of us complain about trivial things when we see families experiencing true heartache?) 

Without disclosing the personal details…

• First, this was not an intentional act….Their son was happier and more optimistic about the future than ever.  There were multiple indicators of his plans for the coming days, months and years -  including an active social life, volunteer commitments and familial intentions  
• A year ago, their son was in a difficult place spiritually and emotionally… but he experienced a personal revival in the last several months – a different man on the 27^th of July, than a year ago
• Twelve months ago, the family wouldn’t have been able to face his loss with the hope they have now…
• The dad indicated he and his bride are closer than ever…and their love is greater than before
• They witnessed positives and strengths in both of their remaining sons…made obvious in these difficult circumstances
• The dad indicated he and his sweet wife have been warmly embraced by countless friends and family in the days that have followed the beginning of “their nightmare”
• The chapel at the funeral home was filled beyond capacity with caring supporters - so much so there had to be an "overflow"

These are just a few points shared in brief conversation…. While they are cause for thanks - I’m surmising, causes for gratitude must fade in and out of focus….but am prayerful for the family, that with  time comes increased comfort, peace and long lingering grateful hearts.

 Personally, from the outside looking in….

I’m grateful…

• For the closeness of their family of origin (not all are so fortunate)
• For the love and support of the local community
• For the growing intimacy with each other and the Lord (I pray the trajectory never changes)
• For the  special memories made over twenty-seven years…. (better to have had those years than not)
• For the promise of a future reunion…. (one day….for all eternity)
• For the fact their middle son is no longer bound to the pain, heartbreak and temptations of this world…. (an opportunity available to each of us)
• And that the moment of his unanticipated final breath – he was bound for the presence of Jesus for all eternity… (a promise we can all take to heart….literally)

Through tears, my heart is yet grateful - on this solemn sixth day of August.

Family, Friends and Bedtime Matters (the 5th)

My cup runneth over…..  I’m still on a reflective “high”.  With WGH orchestrating a memorable anniversary celebration atop Stone Mountain last night;  and with all of his help in preparation for the shower today, I’m reminded of the incredible gift he is to me.  We’ve been married seventeen years.  On August 4, 1995 we joined two families and became one.  I had already fallen in love with my two “new children” and he with his one new addition during the time we dated.  

  

I don’t think either of us knew another soul who had embarked on the adventure of “life in a blender”. No doubt, we were both completely blindsided….there were times when honestly, I thought it was far too difficult and way more of a challenge than “what I had signed up for.” Fortunately, those extreme moments were infrequent, and in retrospect - they were very "self centered". When you bring two imperfect people together, there will be difficult times no doubt. When you bring two imperfect people together, along with full custody of three children from two previous marriages; add in a little “crazy” and a lot of “psycho” on the side – you’re in for an interesting journey together! 

We made it though - and are stronger than ever having weathered the storms!

 I have three beautiful children who call me mom.  He has three beautiful children who call him Dad.  We are also now known as "Mimi & Pop" to one beautiful little blue-eyed blonde blessing!  We have not focused on the different bloodlines, but on the hearts and character of each person in our family.  We made a  decision not to use the words “step” in regard to any of our children because there is a stigma of lesser significance.  We love them all.  Each is a unique and precious gift.  Our family is simply further proof that biology is the least important aspect of parenting.  Let’s face it – most anyone can do what’s necessary to create another human life.  Few, it seems – understand what to do in the years that follow!  Fewer still, embrace that role with integrity, purpose, responsibility and prayer.  It’s a shame really – I know of multiple “birth mothers” who have nothing to do with their biological children….and worse, some who have only acted destructively to their  innocent offspring.  (Same can be said of some bio dads too…)  God has blessed us greatly, He has shown favor on us, giving us a deep love for each other, and a lifetime of memories that elicit smiles from ear to ear. Most who know us don’t even realize the bloodlines that exist at first.  We are a family – not defined by birth certificates, but by authentic love and relationships.  

Back from the bunny trail…. 

“Yesterday, this was my FB status”: 

This has been one of those days (weekends, actually)  when reasons for gratitude are too many to name, ironically the kind of day that makes it hard to focus on just one blessing.  These are the times we need to remember when the days come that drop us to our knees and wet our cheeks with tears.  

Days like today, will come again.  Days on our knees with wet cheeks will also come again... no matter the circumstances,  - we should strive to remain grateful! 

 

Friends & Lovers & Laboring over Lingerie (the 4th!)

Well, today is another of those days where I allowed "myself" to get frustrated because schedules and events fail to adhere to "my" plans.  (Hmph - thought I'd gotten over that little hurdle!  One step forward, two steps back it seems.)   Add to the disrupted schedule, a lenghty errand and shopping list, mix in a little "false guilt" and one has the makings of a particularly crappy day.  HOWEVER, I'm working on the whole attitude.... choosing the battles..... and trying really hard not to "sweat the small stuff".  (If you, my friend - were privvy to my personality inventory, you'd understand how big of an overhaul this really, really is!)  

Against this backdrop of self-centered burden, a rainbow in the sky literally appeared.  At the end of that rainbow was a selfless young woman, eager to help (and eager to get me out of the house and on to those errands!)   Deciding it was good to get out and knock a few lines off the idol of productivity, I accepted the blue-eyed, porcelain-skinned angel's kind offer.) 

Off to the shops I went, drawing lines through the list. 

Adding previously undocumented goals as they were attained. (For those I feel bliss?)

After the all-over-East-Cobb spree had drawn to an end, I pulled into the garage 

and entered the kitchen, my friend. 

What to my wandering eyes did appear, but a clean main floor, and the Sunday shower decor. 

There, in the dining room were my white table linens,

with red elevations,

and iron dress form maidens. 

The beverage station was all set, the powder room polished and ready.  I knew in an instant, I'd been loved, again humbled ...

everything was done, twas only I who needed to steady. 

Upon entering the den I did see, what my darling husband had

completed for me....

a rod on the mantle for the shower on Sunday ....

with black lace and satin ribbon ....

for  new lingerie on display. 

You should put this on pinterest he jested....

(but I'm really gonna do -  just what he suggested!) 

Our days are too short and are often too few, to focus on what and what not electively to do! 

Again, I was reminded to open my eyes ...

 to love and to the blessings all around -

     because so easily I'm mastered by lists and goals, such foolish things to be bound!

~~~~~~~~~~

So, thanks for bearing with me through that little rhyme! 

 (Seriously, not sure what came over me - but the words will remain!) 

~~~~~~~~~~

After getting home on Saturday evening, it was time for me to get ready for a very special date.  Mind you, I had told dear hubby that on this occasion, the 17th anniversary of our wedding vows, I wanted to do something inexpensive,  out-of-the-box, and memorable.  We go out to dinner frequently, so a reservation at a nice restaurant doesn't stand out as much as one would hope.  I'm all about saving money these days....and more about simplicity and "just being" than ever before.  (In spite of the earlier Self-imposed pressure.)

So, Dear Hubby listened and he told me to be ready by 6pm.  Instead of a nice black dress, or semi-formal gown...he suggested shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers.  Hmmm.... I was intrigued.  We buckled our seatbelts and took a right out of the neighborhood with me trying to determine that mysterious destination.  At some point, I decided we were either going to my in-laws house or to Stone Mountain.  (Not that I don't love my in-laws immensely, I'm grateful we went to the latter!)

 

We pulled into the park, paid the $10 fee and drove to the base of the famous mountain.  I switched from Sperry's to Chaco's and followed my man up the granite front, realizing how out of shape I've become!  We climbed to the top and then he opened his bag.  While I was huffing and puffing along the way, he had carried a full picnic, Ipod and speakers, a bottle of wine and one of my favorites - chocolate covered strawberries!  We enjoyed one of the most memorable anniversaries ever and one that will surely never be forgotten.  We even saw "fireworks."  (Seriously, we saw them from the top of the mountain, an interesting perspective - and one that catches you off guard since you can't see the laser show below.

I am so blessed!  Today I'm reminded again of so many reasons I have to be grateful... grateful for my friends and family.... and for "simple things."  





August 3 - Blessings Past and Present

This evening reminded me of how grateful I am for our old neighborhood.  That gratitude is compounded by an appreciation for having lived there during our children’s earlier years.  We were surrounded by homes filled with children of similar ages.  Ours was a quiet, small subdivision, with no criminal activity, little traffic and an interesting combination of  90’s family life with an “old school nostalgia”.  

Our kids would play on one of two dead-end streets and could be quickly summoned from the front porch when time to come in.  There were “known” homes in which they could play freely and they were equally free to bring those same "known" friends home. 

Some parents, including me, would join the kids for a game of four-square or kick ball.  If not “in the game” we would often congregate on front porches or decks keeping an eye on the neighborhood children while catching up with each other. Sometimes we'd just walk the neighborhood and talk.  The first day of school was always special - after bus stop photos, all the Moms would enjoy brunch.  Those seemingly small events and non-eventful days are now a tapestry of cherished memories. 

One neighbor answered my first panic-filled phone call when my then 4 year old had a fever of 105.3.  Kathryn quickly ran over to my house and helped me immerse my baby in a cold bath bringing the fever down and comforting me in the process. She's still among my close friends today.  Another neighbor invited me to a Women’s Ministry Event at which I fell in love with Fellowship Bible Church.  From that point on, FBC has been an integral part of our family’s life.  (A colossal understatement!)  There’s the friend that called one day to let me know of an indiscretion on the part of one of my children – it was great to have neighborhood reinforcements!  There was and is the friend who shocked us all with the announcement of an impending divorce.   Leaning on past experience with family courts, and an empathy that comes from similar experience, I was able to walk that journey alongside her.  Our children are all grown now – but many former neighbors are still among my fabulous friends. 

Tonight, Britt and I attended a “Mother – Daughter Champagne Soiree” in the old neighborhood. It was a night filled with laughter and with meaningful conversation.  Not to mention, sitting there surrounded by some of the same girls who used to babysit my kids is pretty cool.  They’ve grown into amazing young women and devoted mothers to their own little cherubs.  There in the midst of the group was my own little one – largely influenced by many in the room, and now an amazing young woman. 

I’m thankful for the memories made, the friendships established and the years spent in Garrard’s Crossing.  We moved from there because we outgrew the house, but nine years later, we’ve not outgrown the neighborhood nor the wonderful friends who remain.

Thank you Kath for coordinating this fabulous evening! 

Best Known as Suzanne...but...

Today, Thursday August 2^nd was a demanding day of catch up, with a backlog still awaiting attention tomorrow.  In the midst of the “urgent”, I looked forward to dinner with my very sweet and uniquely special friend, Suzanne.   

Dinner was in honor of her 78^th birthday (due to her active social life, we are still celebrating a week later!)  Few people make me laugh as much.  Fewer still have prayed with and for me more than her.  Suzanne has been a consistent source of laughter, and mischief for about fifteen years.  Simultaneously, a wellspring of Godly wisdom, artfully designed -handwritten notes and scriptural encouragement appropriately timed for every imaginable situation.  She is also a walking billboard for the long sought after "fountain of youth".... because of her, I know that faith and laughter will keep you looking younger than any product you can purchase!

She has long referred to me as her “granddaughter” and I long ago adopted her as a third grandma.   She watched my children grow up and they and my husband all adore her!  We are blessed to include her in our family celebrations – with our favorite being Christmas morning.  (She often comes over in her PJs for brunch, family time and a marathon Monopoly session!)

She’s not just a “friend”…but an integral part of life and a blessing on each of us.  As we talked tonight, I was reminded of the providential hand of God.  In this season of life – I have limited contact with members of my original family.  When Suzanne and I met – she had just lost her much loved husband and her Mom, within a week’s time.  Both lived with her, so Suzanne’s home went from population 3 to 1 within just a few days.  Soon afterward, she settled in to a position at FBC.  A bit later, I joined the staff as a part timer.  From the first week there, she took me under her wing.  There’s no doubt, God knew we needed each other. 

No, I don’t bring the wisdom and vast life experience to the relationship that she does - but I can clean out her refrigerator and and spice cabinet in no time flat!  (No one should have expired mustard in their fridge – EVER.)  So, that’s a little gift to her… I help her out when she’s incapacitated which isn’t often.   I make her laugh sometimes – as often as I can.  But I hug her every time I see her and will always love her dearly....

How blessed I am to have this marvelous woman in my life!  Thank you God, for “Gram”.  She has brought much joy and wisdom and I’m forever grateful you caused our paths to intersect!  (Happy Birthday "G"!)

Gratitude in August

Last year, a book on contentment prompted me to focus each day of August on an “attitude of gratitude.”  In retrospect, that was divine inspiration. There was no hint as August began, that I’d hear “probable thyroid cancer”;  endure numerous biopsies,  or that I’d be facing major surgery the third week of the month.  Enduring testing, surgery  and recovery was much easier because through it all – I really looked for the positive in every situation, every circumstance.   God blessed that monthlong initiative with a level of peace and contentment that is radically different than my "default anxiety" mode. 

Since last year's month-long focus, I’ve encouraged friends of mine to do the same. Contradictory, it may seem -  the hardest days make finding the hidden gifts easiest.  I’m convinced that regardless of what one is going through – focusing on the blessings, great and small is a helpful way of maintaining a Godly perspective, in storms and in the peaceful times times too.

Today, August 1^st, 2012 - there is no suggestion of a medical upheaval.  There is no hint of impending relationship doom with anyone close to me.  In fact, right now all three children seem to be in a great place.  My husband continues to remain employed in spite of a dismal economy. Spiritually, I’m on a “high” from my recent mission trip to Trinidad.   God did many amazing things through that journey.  I cannot, nor do I desire, to forget, lose sight of, or grow numb to their significance.    

Right now, I’m on a “hilltop” – having just returned a few hours ago from one of the best family trips ever.  It was a time full of laughter, encouragement, happy tears, maternal pride, and finally, military and patriotic significance.  (Topped with copious amounts of scrumptious food and slumber – and still more laughter!)  The past several days were an extraordinarily meaningful time with my much loved son, one of my daughters – and my hubby.   

Today begins the second annual 31 day focus on gratitude.  The urge to review August 2011 journal entries and blog posts is being denied for now.  However, when September comes – I look forward to comparing my thoughts from this month, to August 2011.   It will be interesting to see those blessings great and small that occur on both “lists.” 

We’ve just come through a very challenging season of life. Only God knows what lies in our immediate future.  Whatever comes, I WILL give thanks.  Whatever happens – the potential reality is far direr.  God is Great all the time.  His Awesomeness is not contingent on phone calls from police, family drama, biopsies, a frightening diagnosis, prodigal children, pink slips, office drama, struggling marriages, struggling children, or friends or bodies who fail us. 

 So, Here we go:  (and feel free to join me!  Add at least one "gift"  great or small for each day -  no matter what kind of personal Hell you may be experiencing at present!) 

Day 1 – August 1, 2012:  I’m feeling extreme gratitude for the great quality time we just spent with Tyler.  Hours of touring DC area with my newly acclimated son (DC looks different to me now since he lives there!), the Barracks, we enjoyed great dialogue along the way.  My heart was encouraged to see him happier than he’s been in years and to see him succeeding at his current role in the USMC.  It was a joy to see how others in his relatively new environment have embraced him and respect him.  We heard numerous compliments of his great attitude, hard work, dedication and skill. 

He so needed this season of life – and as a Mom of a grown man who will always, in my heart - be “my baby boy” - I’m beyond grateful! 

That's my baby in the front....I could not be more proud of him!  (Not just
when he's in a Military Uniform either!) He's been a great source of joy for
as long as I've had the incredible blessing of being his mom. 

His character and his heart have always been golden.

Inez's Hands

Do you ever sense that sometimes God puts someone in your path, if even for a short time for the purpose of leaving a lasting mark?  While in Trinidad, He brought a few significant persons to my life – and made it clear that our life stories were to overlap, even if only for a few days. Here's a little bit about just one of those special ladies.


On Friday afternoon, our team arrived at Victory Heights
Bible Camp for the Ladies Conference. We quickly started assembling 175 gift bags for the women we would soon meet. While we were filling bags and finalizing the registration process, a few women from KCBC joined us. As I was hurriedly stuffing 5 bags at a time in order to meet the cutoff time, a woman dressed in periwinkle started serving “the Americans” by doing the same. She didn’t fill the bags as quickly. Her mind wasn’t fixed on a deadline. Instead, her attention and her servant’s heart were focused on those of us around her.  This picture to the right is a great reminder of priorities - Inez was calm, peaceful, willing and helpful - to a group of American ladies she'd never met til moments before.  Look at my face - I'm not proud of this picture.  It's a reminder though - I was stressed/hot/concerned about our luggage not having arrived in time for us to be "dressed" and presentable before the women arrived.  This was one of many times in the beginning of our Trinidad Adventure, that God convicted me of a need for "my plans, my comfort, my preferences, my order, systems - etc.  My, Mine, ME!   Our clothes arrrived well after registration began.  You know what else?  It was fine!  (The ladies who got there and saw us in our shorts and tee shirts may have thought we were just slack, or maybe just really, really laid back at first! Still - no biggie!)    

Later that evening, the 8 member American team sat down for dinner with the women God brought to the top of that mountain.  I sat at a table, comprised mainly of my teammates and maybe two Trinidadian ladies.  One of them was Inez.  At the time, it didn’t occur to me that she was the same woman standing shoulder to shoulder with me a few hours earlier.  Now, I alluded in a prior post to being a profoundly picky eater.  When I saw the food, I decided the peanut butter and honey crackers in my bag would better satisfy my hunger.  Anticipating those crackers allowed me to observe the local women. Everyone was talking away – no different than would be the case here at home.   I watched Inez enjoy her dinner – with the use of her hands. Around the room, laughter filled the air, hugs were eagerly shared with friends and the locals continued to eat the gooey and unidentifiable fare with their fingers.  It was at this moment I learned that it’s not customary for many to eat with utensils.  (Granted, our hostesses always graciously pulled out a tray of flatware for the ease and comfort of my Western sisters and me.)   Inez may have thought I was a bit freakish as I continued to observe her enjoying this peculiar looking meal.  What I didn’t expect is that God was surely placing her in my immediate surroundings time and time again – for reasons He saw fit.  (Are you at all like me?  Sometimes, I fail to pick up on those divine appointments and require a more obvious “hit over the head.” )

Saturday, a few hours of free time was built into our conference agenda.  Several fun opportunities were available for the ladies: making bracelets; creating greeting cards; Zumba; a manicure station and more.  Without hesitation, I knew my place was making greeting cards with the women and children.  I enjoy scrapbooking  -  so, fashioning cards from pretty paper, stickers and scrapbook adornments was right up my alley!  As free time commenced, I enjoyed chatting with numerous ladies (and sweet little girls) as we made cards.  Some of the younger visitors even had me help them write special messages to a friend or relative.  There I was – back in my comfort zone again.  Should I have been the least bit surprised when someone from our team called across the room and asked me to join the manicure table? 

So, I walked over to an empty chair at the end of the manicure table in preparation to do the nails of the person next in line.  This was another divine appointment.  Inez took her seat with a smile on her face.  She chose her color and I took her hands.  As I painted the pale pink polish on her nails, we talked.  “Ahh….this is why I’m here.”    (In fact, she was the only person who’s nails were painted by me.)

Inez shared her life story.  She shared of heartbreaks that had befallen her through a series of events in which most would feel crushed, depleted and alone.   She rested those same hands that enabled her to enjoy the local cuisine - in mine.  Inez, with her resilient, grateful servant’s heart and her willing servant hands shared an incredible testimony.  My greatest struggle was painting her nails through random tears, and not getting polish all over her pretty brown skin!  I have described this to friends as one of the most Holy experiences of my life.  It may sound corny to some, but it was truly a God moment. 

Saturday evening brought “formal night”, a message from the Word, a testimony and a talent show.   Sunday morning began with a devotional,  then another message, and a  team member’s testimony.  These sessions were followed by cardboard testimonies from many of our new friends, including Inez.  There my friend with cotton candy colored nails, held up her cardboard with the words “Accepted by Jesus and got the love of a Family that God Gave to me.  Never alone again.”   

Throughout those remaining sessions and events, whenever I saw Inez, I looked at her hands and asked how her polish was holding up.  She always held up her hands with a smile and would say something complimentary.  When I looked at her weathered hands and polished nails all I could do was smile – not because of a stellar manicure by any means, but because of what her hands would always signify in my heart and mind.   God used her in ways I cannot fully put to words.

On Monday night, the day after the conference concluded, our team was given the opportunity of sitting in at the Trinidad Bible Institute.  I opted to sit in a class led by Pastor Sam.  Of course, I had no clue that Inez would be sitting in that same classroom.  From across several rows of seats, with those hands of hers – she waved excitedly with a huge smile on her beautiful face.  If I didn’t stay any longer than that moment – the class would’ve been a blessing of God sized proportion.

In closing, before this experience, I wouldn’t have volunteered to paint another woman’s nails – EVER.  I now know that I’ll not pass up the opportunity.  Most of all, I hope that on a return visit to Caroni Village, my resilient, strong, and beautiful friend will let me hold her hands again, while I paint her nails and hear how God has continued to comfort, mold and use her. (Maybe I’ll even do her toes to allow for more of the story.) 

In closing, Inez gave me her mailing address since she’s not online.  In a few days, she’ll receive a printed copy of this post, along with several pictures.  I would be remiss not to tell her that she, along with her hands – were literal instruments in the Hands of God that weekend.  That failure to communicate and encourage my new friend -  along with forgetting the lessons learned and miracles witnessed would be the worst things this amateur manicurist could do.  It's amazing how  God can  quickly give you a love for another human being - but He does....and He did. 

"Sista T." 

Eat, Pray, Love

As I sit here reviewing brief, choppy videos and the hundreds of photos from Trinidad –I continue to process all that the Lord has done and all that He has shown me in recent weeks and months. My greatest fear at present is reverting back to the “me” who existed prior to this amazing God-Sized Adventure. Eight of us boarded a plane in Atlanta in the early hours of Thursday, June 28th. All but two of us, myself included – had been on prior overseas Mission trips. Two of the girls on our team had even been to Trinidad and knew the culture, and even several of the people we would soon intersect with.

I had often joked that my first mission trip experience would be to a spa in Maui – not to a third world country. However, God was leading me to “go” to Trinidad over a year ago. Rather than simply feeling “released” to an international mission field – there was a definitive "push" to that specific destination. This was indeed His plan.

As my close friends know – I admittedly have a few quirks.  Bugs; lizards; spiders;  ants and dead animals of any kind are not my thing.  Germs are also not my thing – one cannot have too much hand sanitizer!  I don’t eat meat with bones in it (no chicken wings – only boneless tenders, etc.) and fish is not part of my diet.  Lastly, I am a HOME BODY – the days that my car doesn’t leave the garage are some of my favorites! This experience has made me acutely aware of “MY’ self-oriented preferences, cravings for personal comfort and penchant for “safe routines”. (Shame on me.)    In no way am I professing a new diet of bone-in chicken and shark; unclean hands; and regular, wild, out-of-the box exploits. But, when God calls me again to something new and out of my comfort zone… I will say yes without trepidation! 

Trust me – there is so much to elaborate on. The lessons and the blessings were bountiful and great! In an attempt to hold on to the many ways my eyes have been opened, I jotted down more than fifty “little lessons/insights” ensuing from Trinidad. Some are monumental….some are humorous. Many are gentle reminders of truths known but imperceptibly forgotten. (And many overlap and will be combined!) As reflection progresses to words on a page - I’ll share the great things the Lord has done!

~ ~ ~

This initial retrospect of our time in Trinidad is titled, “Eat Pray Love” not because of the novel by the same name,  or the Julia Roberts movie, but for a few obvious reasons:

One: Eat

Food/eating was such a big deal to me before we even left home. I was overly concerned about going hungry! That was me again elevating “my” preferences and comfort above God’s ability to meet every need (need, not luxury.) As one who often tells others not to worry about provision because “His Eye is on the Sparrow”, I failed to heed my own encouragement. It’s a profound and simple truth. It’s literally tattooed on my shoulder – and I lost sight of this promise. How trite that such focus was wasted on what to put in my mouth, when focus should have been the heart. (Trust me – I never came close to going hungry, and any meals skipped on the island, have been well compensated for!)

Two: (Pray)

Prayer was such a huge part of this journey, individually and corporately; before and during our time with the fabulous folks of Caroni Village and from all over the island. We had our church staff, elders, friends and families from home praying while we were “on the ground”. We also were being covered in prayer by the women who were attending the event, and we didn’t know it until we met them. In fact, it’s only in the last few days that the young woman who was praying for me sent a note indicating she was my Trini Prayer Warrior. That note was another encouragement because not only was she praying, but when she was worshipping on Saturday night, I was blown away by her angelic voice and her obvious passion for the Lord. To think, all along – before we met face to face, she knew my name and had been praying for ME? 

Not surprisingly, with all the praying taking place, Jesus was with our team in such real and tangible ways – He was showing off! The heightened awareness of His provision, His protection, and His sovereignty has been keeping me awake the last few nights. Beginning with months of planning - to the return home, the entire experience and the many faces cycle through my mind like a broken but beautiful record. (It’s time to write it down!)

Three: (Love)

Easy – the theme of our conference was “A Heart Like His”, anchored in John 3:16. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” Beyond this profound life changing truth – love was experienced between the members of our team (more on that later), our gracious hosts (more on that later too) – and we were loved on by the women and children at the conference in ways none of us could have anticipated (much, much more on that later as well!)

Sunday evening at Kelly Bible Church, following the conclusion of the women’s conference – we were given the opportunity to share a “retreat testimony” from the pulpit. When it was my turn, started with something like, “We have been planning a ladies conference for the women of Trinidad. We were prepared to come here and minister to you – to share God’s word, worship together and offer you hope, healing and encouragement through Jesus. What we didn’t expect, is that we would be the ones ministered to. There is so much beauty in these women, so much wisdom and so much love – we were the ones most blessed.”  I don't remember what came next....

That’s it. I experienced the love of God in a new and richer way than ever before. I also experienced love in an unanticipated way – to and from people I never imagined connecting with, in a land far from the comfort of home. 


Love has filled my heart to overflowing. 

"Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death." (Philippians 1:20)

 

Glimpses of Trinidad

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Back at the Missionaries' Home

Just a brief update! We are all completely physically exhausted - yet filled to overflowing of the heart and spirit.

We, along with our retreat supplies & personal luggage have made it safely back to "Rev & Shanno's" house and this is home base for the remainder of our time here.

I will go into more detail later - but have witnessed the amazing hand of God in a new and powerful way! We serve and are CHERISHED by a mighty God! He has continued to show great favor and has used eight imperfect people to show His Love, Hope & Promises to women in need of spiritual refreshment and to some deeply entrenched in unthinkable heartache.

Many of us acknowledge we are far out of our comfort zone - I'm definitely one of them! He has blessed our obedience and "amended our plans" in the best way possible!

I am in love with the ladies here and know we will meet again!

As for our team /most are napping, one of us started laundry, one is watching tv & one is on the treadmill! (I'll let you guess who's who!)

We will attend Kelly Community Church tonight at which time we will share our hearts with the congregation.

We've literally been going non-stop since arriving. We are looking forward to a sabbath tomorrow. (Moraccas Beach for a few hours...not sure what else.)

Our hosts are picking up pizza tonight before church! (cannot wait!!!)

Pray for a good night of rest!

More later - blessings to all!



The truck with all supplies safely back before the storms hit!




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Location:Southern Main Rd,,Trinidad and Tobago